好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E13
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
Okay, okay.
好吧 好吧
How about I tell you something embarrassing about myself first?
我先告诉你一些我的尴尬事 怎么样?
Like what?
什么事?
Well, let's see.
听我讲
All right, about 15 years ago, I was in Bangkok.
大约15年前 我在曼谷
What? Bangkok.
怎么了? 曼谷(与bang cock同音 译为猛击老二)
It's a real place, you nimrod.
这是一个真实的地名 白♥痴♥
Still funny though.
还是很好笑啊
Anyway, I was in this bar and I met this beautiful woman,
不管怎样 我在酒吧里遇见一个美女
and I was a little drunk and I didn't notice the Adam's apple.
而且我有点醉了 所以没注意她的喉结
But later that night...
但那晚之后...
Well, believe me, I was really embarrassed.
相信我 我当时非常尴尬
Girls don't have Adam's apples.
女孩没有喉结
Oh, dude, you are such a 'mo.
老兄 你实在太笨了
No, no, no, no, we just kissed.
不不不 我们只是接吻而已
Oh, that's even worse1
那就更糟了
All right. I shared. Now you share.
好了 我分享了 现在该你了
You didn't have to share that.
你也不用分享这种故事吧
A fart in the lunch line would've made your point.
就说个 你在吃午饭的时候放了个响屁 就得了呗
I get it. I'm sorry. Now talk.
我知道了 对不起 轮到你了
Okay.
好吧
Well, there's this girl I kinda like and she's gonna be at the party tonight.
我挺喜欢的一个女孩 她会参加今晚的派对
And she... said she wants to hook up with me.
而且她说 她想和我亲热
And you're nervous.
你很紧张
Well, she's gone out with a ninth grader and I think she's done stuff.
她和9年级生一起出去过 我想她有过一些经验吧
Okay, I get it.
好 我明白了
You've got yourself an experienced older woman who knows more than you.
你喜欢一个年纪比你大的 经验丰富的女孩
Everybody knows more than me.
所有人都比我懂的多
You should hear some of the things my friends have done.
你该听听我的朋友们都干过什么
Oh, please. How old are your friends?
行了吧 你的朋友几岁?
Same age as me.
和我一样大
How old are you? Fourteen.
你几岁了? 14岁
Mmm, horrible age.
可怕的年龄
All right, first of all, whenever 14-year-old boys talk about sex, they're lying.
首先 14岁的男孩谈论性时 他们都是在吹牛
But for a guy like you, the truth can be a powerful tool.
但对于你来说 真♥相♥是最强大的工具
What? Powerful tool.
又怎么了? 强大的"工具"
Stay with me, Jake.
别想歪了 杰克
How about a powerful tool in Bangkok?
曼谷的强大"工具"怎么样?
Jake, what I'm trying to tell you here is that the truth can work for you.
杰克 我想告诉你的是 真♥相♥能帮助你
What truth? That I don't know what I'm doing?
什么真♥相♥? 是"我不知道自己在干什么"吗?
Yep, play to your strengths, which in your case is ignorance.
发扬自己的长处 对于你来说就是愚昧无知
Here, I'll show you.
我来给你做示范
You gently cup her face in your hands, look her in the eye and tell her,
你用双手温柔地托住她的脸 深情地凝视她 并告诉她
"I'm new at this and I'm trusting you to be patient with me."
"我没有经验 我相信你会耐心地教我"
You're kidding.
你开玩笑吧
Nope. Girls eat that crap up.
不 女孩都信这套鬼话
And I'll tell you something else--that line will work for you all the way through college.
我还要告诉你 这句台词在你大学期间会一直适用
Or in your case, your second hitch in the Navy.
对于你来说 你第二次参加海军时也适用
Now go get dressed and I'll take you to that party.
现在去换衣服吧 我送你去派对
Thanks, Uncle Charlie.
谢谢你 查理伯伯
No problem, buddy.
不客气 老弟
Still didn't need to hear that Bangkok story.
不过 你也不用讲那段曼谷的故事啊
I'm sorry.
对不起
It's going to give me nightmares.
会让我做恶梦的
Welcome to the club.
欢迎来到我的世界
All right, we're agreed on a Montessori preschool.
好 我们通过了Montessori式的学前教育
But what about child care?
那儿童保育呢?
Oh, well, uh, Judith's mother has already told us we can count on her for baby-sitting.
朱迪丝的母亲告诉我们 她会来照顾孩子
What?
什么?
Oh, nothing, nothing. Lenore's a lovely woman.
没什么 丽诺尔是个可爱的女人
I'm, I'm sure the baby will be fine.
我相信孩子会没事的
Oh, okay, good.
那就好
Yeah. She's probably got a lid on those dons by now.
嗯 她应该已经痊愈了
What demons?
痊愈?
Oh, ah, well, it's no biggie.
哦 没什么大不了的
Um, she just, uh, hit a little rough patch with the prescription pills...
她只是有点吃药上瘾而已...
the intervention, the, the rehab.
强制治疗啦 反复发作啦
There was an intervention?
有过强制治疗?
And rehab. Um, three times.
还复发过 三次呢
Three times?
三次?
Well, so far.
到目前为止
Oh, dear God, what the hell happened?
天呐 到底怎么回事?
Golly, I-I didn't want to be the one to tell you.
天啊 我本来不想告诉你
Alan, please.
艾伦 求你了
All right, um, Lenore was baby-sitting one night,
好吧 有一天晚上丽诺尔在看孩子
and when Judith and I came home,
当朱迪丝和我回家时
we found her face down in a bowl of H agen-Dazs
我们发现她的头栽在哈根达斯的碗里
with a couple of Percocets in her hair.
头发里还有几片镇痛药
You're kidding.
你不是开玩笑吧
Well, that's not the scary part.
这还不是最可怕的地方
Um, we heard some shrieking and, uh,
我们听到一些尖叫声
found baby Jake with his head stuck in a doggie door trying to fend off a raccoon.
发现小杰克的头卡在狗门里 为了躲一只浣熊
A raccoon?
一只浣熊?
Yeah. Yeah.We-we got him all the shots just to be safe,
是 为了确保他的安全 我们给他打了很多针
but he was never the same after that.
但那之后他就好像变了一个人
Judith never told me about this.
朱迪丝从没告诉过我这件事
Well, it's her mother, Herb. What's she gonna say?
那是她的母亲 哈珀 她还能怎么说呢?
But tell you what, sneak up on Jake one night wearing
但我需要告诉你 如果哪天晚上杰克戴着
a Davy Crockett hat and see what happens.
Davy Crockett的帽子 去看看到底什么事
Anyway, if you ever need a-a sitter for little Jolene, you, uh, you call Uncle Alan.
如果你需要一个保姆照看小茱莲妮 你可以找艾伦叔叔
How's it going in here?
你们做得怎么样了?
Oh, honey, good news.
亲爱的 好消息
Alan's offered to baby-sit
艾伦提出要照看孩子
so we don't have to risk calling your mother.
这样我们就不用冒险打电♥话♥给你母亲了
Get out1
滚出去
A raccoon?
一只浣熊?
And you believed him?
你竟然相信他?
Are you insane?
你疯了吗?
How do I look?
我看起来怎么样?
She already likes you, right? Yeah.
她喜欢你 对吧? 对
Then you look great.
那你看起来很棒
Let's go.
咱们走吧
Hello?
你怎么了?
I'm still not real sure about this.
我还是不确定
What's the big deal? I told you how to handle it.
有什么大不了的? 我都教你如何应对了
I know. I just...
我知道 只是...
I just don't want to go.
我不想去
All right... All right.
好吧 好吧
No hurry.
不着急
It's not like they're going to stop makin' girls.
天涯何处无芳草
how about we order that pizza and watch a movie?
咱们要份披萨饼 一起看电影 怎么样?
Cool. I should probably change back into my eating shirt.
好啊 我还是换回我吃东西时的衣服吧
Don't worry. You can't ruin this shirt.
没关系 你不会这件衣服毁了
What the hell is that cologne?
你抹古龙水了?
Air freshener from the toilet.
是厕所的空气清新剂
I figured I was spraying it anyway.
我想喷什么不是喷啊
14 years later
14年后
Oh, hey, Judith. What's up?
你好 朱迪丝 有什么事吗?
Actually, quite a bit.
实际上 是有点事
Is something wrong?
出什么事了?
No, uh, it's just, um, I think it's time you knew the truth.
不 只是...我想是告诉你真♥相♥的时候了
What truth?
什么真♥相♥?
Marlene Melnick is your daughter.
Marlene 梅尔尼克是你的女儿
I knew it. For 14 years I have known it.
我就知道 14年来我一直坚信这一点
Well I told her everything and she wants to live with her real dad.
当我告诉她真♥相♥后 她想和她的生父住在一起
That's great.
太好了
It's OK, honey, come on in.
没关系 亲爱的 过来吧
Hi, daddy.
你好 老爸
Is there anything to eat?
你这儿有什么好吃的吗?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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