好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E20
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:12 a.m.
Well, maybe if you validated parking.
你要是能帮我减免停车费 大概情况就不一样了
Or any part of my life.
或者对我的生活稍微多点认可
What do you want, Charlie?
你找我什么事 查理?
Okay, first of all, I want to apologize for
首先我想跟你道歉
not telling you about Chelsea and the engagement.
没跟你提起切尔西 还有我俩订婚的事
I know that was wrong and selfish of me.
我知道我这么做自私又愚蠢
Thank you.
谢谢你
Good, I'm glad we got that out of the way.
好 很高兴这件事解决了
So, I understand you guys are having lunch tomorrow.
我知道你们俩明天中午要一起吃饭
Yes, we are. Is that a problem?
是啊 已经约好了 有什么问题吗?
No, no, no, it's great.
没有没有 再好不过了
I came all the way down here and paid for my own parking
我这么大老远的 自己缴了停车费过来
to tell you it's great.
就是为了告诉你这样很好
All right, let's put our cards on the table.
好吧 我们还是直说了吧
What's your angle?
你想干什么?
Angle? I have no angle.
干什么? 我没想干什么啊
Yeah, and I have no hangover.
是啊 我也没有宿醉
Look, Charlie, if you're really going to marry this woman,
听着 查理 我只是觉得 如果你真的要跟她结婚的话
I want to get started on the right foot with her.
我应该和她把关系处好
I don't want to make the same mistake I made with Alan's wife June.
我不想再重蹈我和 艾伦的前妻朱恩的覆辙
Judith.
朱迪丝
Oh, whatever.
噢 管她叫什么
Heinous woman.
那个母老虎
The fact remains, had I overlooked that
事情已经这样了 但如果当初我能宽容地
and welcomed her into the family,
欢迎她加入我们的家庭的话
she wouldn't have kept me at arm's length all during Jake's formative years
她就不会在杰克性格养成的时候 将我拒之门外了
and I'd have a better relationship with him today.
现在我和他也会有更亲近的关系了
Do you want a better relationship with him?
你真想和他更亲近?
Not the way he is now.
像他现在这样当然不想了
But if I'd gotten to him earlier,
但如果我能早点教育他的话
he wouldn't have the manners of an outhouse rat.
他绝对不会学得跟个野老鼠一样
So, bottom line: you want a good relationship with Chelsea
说白了 你想跟切尔西处好关系
so you can get your hooks into the next generation?
进而把你的魔掌伸向我们的儿女?
Can't I just want to be a loving mother and grandmother?
我就想做个合格的妈妈和奶奶 不可以吗?
Well, I suppose you could, but I've been here 40 years and you never have.
当然可以 只不过我在你身边40年了 你之前从没做过
Evelyn Harper.
伊夫琳 哈珀
Oh, hello, Dr. Yakimora. What's up?
你好 Yakimora医生 有什么事吗?
That is good news. What's the address?
真是个好消息啊 在哪儿呢?
Nice neighborhood. Thanks for the tip.
环境很不错啊 多谢通知
What's the good news?
什么好消息?
Massive coronary in Brentwood.
位于布伦特伍德区交通要道处的房♥子
Six bedrooms, four baths, and a fully equipped gym that
六卧四卫 还带一个设施齐全的健身房♥
that idiot shouldn't have been using.
大概那个倒霉的白♥痴♥都没怎么用过呢
Now, if you'll excuse me, Mommy has to fly faster than the other vultures.
那 如果你没别的事 你老妈我得先下手为强了
You mother took me to the most adorable little restaurant.
你妈带我去了一个超可爱的小餐厅
No kidding.
真的啊
It's called Mon Grenier du Vivre.
那个餐厅叫"Mon Grenier du Vivre"
You know what that means?
你知道是什么意思吗?
Probably "The Spider's Web."
大概是"蜘蛛布下的天罗地网"
Charlie...
查理...
The Devil's Barbecue?
不然叫"恶魔的野餐"?
Be nice.
别这么刻薄
Sorry.
抱歉
Bitch in the Box?
或者"披着羊皮的狼"?
So what did you guys talk about?
那你们都聊了些什么呢?
You know, everything.
我们无话不谈
She's so smart and funny.
她聪明又幽默
She's been through so much. She's a real survivor.
经历了这么多事 她真称得上是生活的强者
Just remember, in order for her to be a survivor, others had to die.
记住这个话 只要她还活着 大家就休想消停
Okay, that's enough. Your mom's a terrific lady.
够了 别再这样说你妈 她是个了不起的女人
And I'm starting to think that any problem you have with her
我开始觉得你俩要是有矛盾的话
is your problem, not hers.
也肯定是你不对 而不会是她
Oh, damn, it's too late.
惨了 太晚了
You're infected with the virus.
你已经完全被病毒感染了
Stop it.
不要这样
I'm sorry, but when you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna have to set you on fire.
抱歉 但等你今晚睡着以后 我得放火把你烧了
Shut up.
闭嘴
Believe me, Charlie, when you meet my mom,
相信我 查理 你要是见了我妈
you'll thank God for Evelyn.
你就能体会伊夫琳的好了
What the hell is your mom, a rabid werewolf that craps hot lava on people?
那你妈会是什么怪物 拉出火山岩攻击人的狂暴狼人?
Never mind about my mother. Let's play.
别再提我妈了 我们来玩吧
I don't know.
还是不要了
What's the matter?
怎么了?
All this talk about mothers, I'm not in the mood.
讲了这么久老妈的话题 我都没兴致了
I bet I could get you in the mood.
我会让你"兴致勃勃"的
Maybe, but it'd be a cheap manipulation.
或许吧 但过程肯定会很草率
All right, but don't come rubbing up against me in the middle of the night.
随便你 不过半夜可别来过来 在我身上蹭来蹭去啊
I won't.
绝对不会
Fine. Good night. Good night.
那好 晚安 晚安
22
22分钟后
Don't even think about it.
想都不要想
Listen, you gotta do me a favor.
听着 你得帮我个忙
That's what I live for.
这就是我生存的意义
Sarcasm is for winners, Alan.
你这种不成器的家伙 可不配说风凉话 艾伦
What can I do for you?
我能帮你做什么?
Chelsea's somehow gotten it into her head that Mom is,
不知怎么的 切尔西竟然觉得老妈是...
you know, human, and you need to set her straight.
觉得她是人类 你得把这种错误的思想给纠正了
Why don't you set her straight?
为什么你不自己来?
I tried, but she doesn't believe me.
我当然试过了 但她都不肯信我
Probably because I turned out okay.
大概是因为我出落得一表人才
She needs to hear about Mom from somebody
她需要某些事业生活不得志的人
whose life is completely wrecked and unsalvageable, i.e., you.
跟她谈谈我们的老妈 就像你
Thanks. And what do you expect me to say?
多谢夸奖 你想让我怎么跟她说?
I don't know.Just tell her about your phobias,
不知道 跟她说说你的恐惧和不安
your obsessions, your failures with work, marriage, and parenthood.
一败涂地的工作 婚姻 还有作为父亲的不称职
She'll connect the dots.
她就会懂了
You know what? I think I'll pass.
知道吗? 我想我还是不要了
Oh, come on. I always back you up
别这样啊 每次你需要我的时候
when you need me.
我可都是义不容辞两肋插刀
When have you ever backed me up?
你什么时候为我两肋插刀了?
Okay, let's just stay focused on my problems.
算了 我们还是专心来谈我的问题
Listen, Charlie, I'm not gonna argue that we didn't have a difficult childhood,
听着 查理 或许你说的对 我们的童年很不顺
but really, who had a good one?
不过你认真想想 谁的童年是美好的?
And isn't it time we forgive and forget?
试着理解和忘却 好吗?
Where's this coming from?
你这些狗屁话是从哪学来的?
No, I'm just saying that maybe our lives would be richer
我只是觉得 如果我们别再对老妈做这些无谓的攻击
if we let go of this pointless resentment toward our mother and,
而是将精力专注在我们各自的生活上
and just moved on with our lives.
说不准我们会更充实 生活也更美好
She got to you, didn't she?
她把你收买♥♥了 是吧?
What are you talking about?
听不懂你在说什么
What did she do? Pay off your car?
你怎么就中招了呢? 她帮你还清了汽车贷款?
Get that dead black tooth fixed?
还是出钱补好了你那颗烂牙?
Oh, listen to yourself. Excuse me. I have to go to work.
随便你怎么说 不好意思 我得去上班了
Hold it. What?
别动 干啥?
Your watch. What about it?
你那表 表怎么了?
It doesn't have Hamburglars on the wristband.
表带上没有汉堡神偷了 (偷汉堡包吃的麦当劳卡♥通♥人物)
So?
那又怎样?
Let me see it. No, it's mine.
我看看 不给看 我的表
Let me see it! Let me see it!
拿过来吧你!
This is a Rolex.
这可是劳力士
You sold me out for a watch.
你为了块表就把我出♥卖♥♥♥了
Hey, I did not sell you out for a watch!
我可没随便为了块表就出♥卖♥♥♥你
I sold you out for a certified Swiss chronometer.
我是为了这块官方认证的 瑞士高级精密表才出♥卖♥♥♥你的
Stainless steel Submariner, waterproof up to 300 mets.
全不锈钢潜水表 300米防水
And look, it winds itself.
更牛的是 还能自动上弦
Put it on your right arm, it'll run forever.
你要戴右手上 永远都不用上弦了 (暗讽艾伦总打手♥枪♥)
Oh, good thinking.
好主意
Oh, hey, look what else I got.
看老妈还给我啥了
Genuine porcelain veneer.
正宗烤瓷的
From an English-speaking dentist.
这回是个说英语的牙医给弄的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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