海绵宝宝（1999）

SpongeBob SquarePants S02E11

Part 3 Jan. 12, 2024, 10:45 a.m.

全都不许动
Everybody stand right where you are
我要你们
I want you to, uh
不行不准笑
No, no, stop giggling
不然我就
or I'll have to
不准笑白♥痴♥
Stop laughing, you fools
需要办什么业务先生
What can I do for you, sir?
我来告诉你要做什么
I'll tell you what you can do
给我你们的
Give me all of your, uh
给我
Give me
给我你们的
give me all of your
给我
Give me
腰带没了
The belt is gone
可我还是觉得痒
but I still feel its tickle
做坏事的冲动都没了
The urge to do bad is gone
我还是开个活期存款账户好了
I guess I'll just open a checking account
开
关
射线恶魔
Man Ray
你别怕海绵宝宝
No need to be alarmed, SpongeBob
你教我的好人课让我洗心革面了
Your teachings have transformed me
并且
Besides
我还有了印着小狗狗的支票
I have checks with little poodles on them
射线恶魔
这个我再也用不着了
I won't be needing this anymore
再见好人朋友
Farewell, fellow do-gooder
再见射线恶魔
Bye, Man Ray
我们成功了
We did it
跟美人鱼战士和企鹅男孩一个样
just like the real Mermaidman and Barnacleboy
我们拯救世界了
We saved the day
是不是不可思议派大星
Isn't it incredible, Patrick?
派大星
Patrick?
派大星你应该知道这个已经关了吧
Patrick, you know that thing's turned off, right?
派大星
Patrick
派大星
Patrick?
松鼠玩笑
蟹堡王
喜剧王
好了请各位就座
Okay, everybody settle down
欢迎光临喜剧王
Welcome to the Komedy Krab
请大家热烈欢迎
Now, please give a warm welcome
我们第一位喜剧演员
to our first comic
存在感低的杜奇威廉姆斯
the indiscernible Doogie Williams
各位观众晚上好
Good evening, folks
直接跳过笑话
I'm going to skip the jokes
开始朝你们扔派
and get right to the part where I throw pies at you
希望我表现能跟他一样好
I hope I do as good as that guy
天啊观众看什么都笑得出来
Man, those people will laugh at anything
别紧张小子
Don't sweat it, kid
我帮你暖场了
I got 'em all warmed up for you
各位鳍声有请海绵宝宝
Put your fins together for SpongeBob SquarePants
加油海绵宝宝
Go get 'em, SpongeBob
女士们水母们
Ladies and jellyfish
大家先前有注意过盐瓶吗
have you ever noticed salt shakers?
就是每天晚上关门都要装满
I mean, you fill them up every night at closing
就是说都上哪去了
and, I mean, where does it all go?
都明白我意思吧
You know what I mean?
还有番茄
And tomatoes--
那些玩意是怎么回事
what's the deal on those things?
因为就是要切成片
Because, I mean you chop them up into slices
可
but
番茄到底是什么蔬菜还是
What are they, vegetables or
水果
fruit?
怎么就能做番茄酱了呢
And what does that make ketchup?
烦死了
Oh, brother
这位太烂了
This guy stinks
讲笑话的
Funny guy
我要开你个玩笑
I got a joke for you
什么东西又臭
What smells rotten
又让人犯困
and puts people to sleep?
毒气
Noxious gas?
错
No
你的表演
Your act
你们有没有注意到
Did you ever notice
那个
how, uh
叉子
forks, uh
叉子吗
Forks?
搞什么
Come on
快啊海绵宝宝
Quick, SpongeBob
找个幽默的东西讲
Make a witty observation
恶心
PU
你们有没有注意到
Did you ever notice
松鼠的牙齿有多大吗
how big squirrels' teeth are?
确实
That's true
就是
I mean
完全都能在上面停飞机了
you could land a plane on those things
还有松鼠毛是怎么回事
And what's up with that squirrel fur?
看来跳蚤也得有家住
I guess fleas need a home, too
松鼠毛
Squirrel fur
还挺臭的
And they smell
不过大家一样也会臭
but hey, you'd stink, too
三个月全埋土里就有一样的效果了
if you spent three months buried in dirt
为什么必须要不止一只的松鼠
Why does it take more than one squirrel
才能换灯泡呢
to change a light bulb?
为什么
Why?
因为松鼠傻得要命
Because they're so darn stupid
也太好笑了吧珊迪
That's a good one, eh, Sandy?
对
Y-yeah
实在是出神入化小子
That was fantastic, boy
观众全都笑翻了
You really knocked them out
改天再办一次笑话之夜
I think I'll do this joke night again
就由你来当主演
with you as the headliner
没想到我会当上主演
I never thought I could be a headliner
不知道是什么东西
Whatever that is
主演就是
The headliner's the one
可以表演过后赚钱加打扫的人
who cleans up after the show
最起码不是让我好自为之
Well, at least I don't have to clean up my act
只讲松鼠玩笑就好小子
Stick with the squirrel jokes, boy
动作快
Now get busy
拖拖拖
Mops, mops, mops
那些玩意怎么回事
What's up with those things?
我说真的
I mean, really
珊迪
Hey, Sandy
你好海绵宝宝
Howdy, SpongeBob
刚刚的表演你喜欢吗
Did you like the show?
其实吧海绵宝宝
Well, a-actually, SpongeBob
不喜欢
no
那些玩笑很伤人你心里也清楚
Those jokes are hurtful and you know it
没什么的珊迪
Come on, Sandy
单纯开个玩笑而已
I was just joking
就是说众所周知
I mean everybody knows
你就是全裤头村最聪明的
you're the smartest one at Bikini Bottom
这我无法反驳
Well, I can't argue with that
我们都会偶尔自嘲一下
We all gotta laugh at ourselves once in a while
我一直都自嘲
I do it all the time
你说得对海绵宝宝
You're right, SpongeBob
我确实有点敏感了
I was being a little too sensitive
不生气了
No hard feelings
便宜货超♥市♥
好的除臭剂
Okay, deodorant
来看看
Let's see
买♥♥滚珠还是买♥♥膏状
Roll-on or stick?
她得两个都买♥♥
I think she should buy both
大家快来看
Look, guys
是那只笨松鼠