家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S03E02

Part 3 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:09 p.m.

that we love maw maw unconventionally.
我们是多么无常理地爱着奶奶
I think you meant "Unconditionally,"
你是想说"无条件"吧
Though "Unconventionally" kinda works.
但"不合常理"也说得通
You actually stumbled into saying something kinda clever there.
算歪打正着了
I did that once before.
我以前也说过这样的话
Burt, when did I do that?
伯特我什么时候说过来着
When your uncle died,
你叔叔死的时候
you said we had to go hear his "last will and tentacle".
你说我们要听他的"临终遗愿和触角"了
Then he actually left his pet octopus to your cousin.
然后发现他真把宠物八爪鱼留给你表姐了
That's right. That was crazy.
没错那太牛了
Well, this is all very disturbing.
你祖母反应的情况都很不好
Look, before you go judging us,
在你做出判断之前
You need to know... What do I need to know?
你需要知道... 需要知道什么
That among other things, she tells me
别的不提就说她说
you threaten to hit her with a stick in order
你为了不让她弹钢琴
to get her to stop playing the piano?
竟然吓唬要用棍子打她
Threaten, not hit. Threaten to hit.
吓唬不是真打吓唬要打而已
She says you force her to eat hot sauce.
她说你逼着她吃很烫的酱
No, no, no.
不不不
I put hot sauce on my arms when it looks
我只是在她看起来想咬人的时候
like she's in a biting mood.
在自己手臂上涂上热酱而已
If it ends up in her mouth,
如果她真吃了
that's the price she pays for being nippy.
那就是自作自受嘛
You wrapped her in plastic wrap to try to subdue her!
你为了让她听话竟用塑料膜把她包起来
Let me get this straight.
这么说吧
If you wrap somebody in seaweed,
把人用海藻包起来
it's a spa treatment,
叫做护理
And you wrap somebody in saran wrap, and it's a crime.
用塑料来包那就成犯罪了是吧
Obama!
都怪奥巴马
I have no other choice but to start a formal investigation.
我必须对你们家进行正式调查了
What? Just fill these out,
什么填好这些表
complete the required tasks,
完成上面要求的任务
I'll be back in one week for a second inspection.
我一周后来进行复查
If there is not a major improvement in her treatment,
如果她的待遇没有得到显著改善
we will be forced to put her in a state-run home.
我就只能把她送到养老院去了
Oh, wherever it says "child",
还有上面说到的"儿童"
could you just put "old person"?
你们都当成"老人"就行了
Because I don't feel like going back
我不想再回办公室
to the office for those other forms.
换新的表格了
No, you can't do this.
别这样不科学啊
You have no idea what it's like to deal with her
你完全不懂每天跟她打交道
on a daily basis!
有多抓狂
She's crazier than a face-eating hobo!
她比那个啃脸的流浪汉还疯狂
Hey! Can you keep it down?
你们声音小点行不
Some of us are trying to land a plane in there.
我正要指挥飞机着陆呢
I know everyone is nervous,
我理解大家的紧张情绪
but hopefully, everyone will be on the ground
但我还是希望飞机会在一小时内
in Minneapolis within the hour.
于明尼阿波里斯市着陆
Please come back and listen to this!
求求你回来听听这段吧
If we didn't want them to take maw maw away,
我们如果不想曾奶奶被带走
we had our work cut out for us.
就得完成那些要求
First, we needed to prove we cared about her health.
首先要证明我们关心她的健康
This isn't a Tom Jones concert.
这不是汤姆·琼斯的演唱会
It's a doctor's office!
这是医生办公室
No, no, no, no, no!
别别别
Ah, that's deep! That's really deep!
好深真的好深
She got me deep!
她咬得好深啊
Maw maw, you need to see the doctor for your check-up
奶奶你要医生那做检查
or they're gonna take you away.
不然他们就会把你带走了
Good. I want to go on a vacation.
好啊我正想度假呢
I think she got a tendon.
她好像咬到筋腱了
My pinky's not working right.
我的小指不正常了
Trust me, you do not want to go where they are taking you.
相信我你不会想去他们带你去的地方
Should I get the leash out of the trunk?
我要把车里的绳子拿出来吗
No, they said no leashes.
不行他们说不能用绳子
"Number 87: No restraints of any kind".
"87条不能施以任何形式的限制"
"Do not strap the elderly person in bed.
"禁止将老年人绑在床上"
"Do not--" And we assume this goes without saying--
"禁止"--这就说得很清楚了--
"put the elderly person on a leash."
"用绳子牵着老年人"
Ah... there's a lot of stuff in here.
条条框框会不会太多啊亲
You know, I heard that old folks homes are
我听说现在的养老院
actually really nice nowadays.
其实条件挺不错的
Burt, she took care of me my whole life.
伯特她照顾了我一辈子
I'm not gonna let them take her away.
我不能就让别人把她带走了
I owe it to her.
这是我欠她的
We just got to get her to cooperate.
我只要让她配合就行了
Maw maw, if you don't go in there, they're gonna...
奶奶如果再不进去别人就...
put you in the nuthouse,
会把你送到疯人院去
and shock your brains with electricity.
然后电击你的脑袋
Fine. I'll see the doctor.
好吧我去看医生就是了
But I just know he's gonna tell me I'm pregnant.
但我知道他会告诉我我怀孕了
I'm 480 months late.
我都怀了480个月了
Once maw maw was on board, things got a little easier.
一旦奶奶开始合作事情就要简单些了
But not completely easy.
好吧也没那么简单
Oh, uh, first of all, I didn't ask you to get naked.
首先我没让你脱♥光♥衣服
Secondly, this is the waiting room.
其次这里是候诊室
Normally we have ways of keeping her under control,
我们一般情况还是有办法制住她的
but the state's kinda got our hands tied at the moment.
不过现在政♥府♥不准了
Luckily for us, we knew
幸运的是我们认识
a certified elder-care professional,
一位认证的老年护理专业人士
and she agreed to give us our eight hours
她答应给我们进行八小时的
of mandatory old person training.
义务老年人护理训练
Topics to avoid:
应避免的话题
Topics they enjoy:
喜欢的话题
Excuse me. This might be my mother.
不好意思可能是我妈
Hello?
在吗
Hello...?
在不在哟
Hello?
在不在呀
Hello?
在不在嘛
Hello...?
不在是不是啦
According to the state, we couldn't leave maw maw alone
政♥府♥说我们不能让奶奶白天独自一人
during the day, so I had to take her to work with me.
所以我得带着她去工作
Maw Maw, Liberace's gay!
奶奶列勃拉斯是同性恋
And since the lock wasn't allowed,
由于不让锁门
we had to figure out a new way to keep track of Maw Maw at night.
我们得另想办法追踪曾奶奶晚上的行迹
Somehow we needed to convince her to eat something healthier
还得苦口婆心地劝她别吃泡菜和太妃糖
than pickles and taffy.
吃点健康食品
Come on, Maw Maw.
别这样啊奶奶
If you don't eat this, they're gonna...
要是你不吃这个他们会...
take you to a place where they stick a tube down your throat
带走你然后用管子和打气筒
and feed you with a bicycle pump.
强行给你灌食
It wasn't easy,
这真挺难办的
but we were doing the best we could.
但我们尽力了
I got her.
我去抓她
Hey, Easter Joe.
嗨复活节乔
Hey, scooter-stroller guy.
嗨滑板推车男
He's...
他竟然...
What beautiful petunias, Maw Maw.
你栽的牵牛花真美呀奶奶
Oh, thank you.
谢啦
Joan? What?!
琼什么风把你刮来啦
I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow.
我还以为你明天才来呢
No, the visitation is today.
不视察是今天
That's why I called this morning.
我今早不是打过电♥话♥了
Sorry, we just had such a busy day of
失礼失礼今天一直忙着搞
fun senior activities.
有趣的老年娱乐活动
Come on in.
进来吧
Do you like pie?
要不要来个派
Maw Maw and I made a banana cream pie
我和奶奶做了个香蕉奶油派
with just a touch of laxatives,
里面加了一米米泻药
so the trains run on time.
给老人家通通肠