家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S03E14

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:11 p.m.

Sorry to hear that.
真抱歉
Yeah, but on the upside, uh,
但从好的一面看
now we know that Lucy didn't get all that violent,
现在我们知道露西暴♥力♥凶残的性格
murdery stuff from my gene pool.
也不全是从我这里遗传去的了
Look, Jimmy's wedding is tomorrow,
我说明天就是吉米的婚礼了
so we really need you to find that death certificate.
我们真的很需要找到那张死亡证明
He and Sabrina can't get married without it.
没有那张纸他和塞布丽娜就结不了婚
And they're so in love,
他们两孩子深爱彼此
it would break their hearts.
万一不能结婚可得伤心死了
Probably his more than hers.
当然最主要是吉米伤心
You!
是你们
Well, that's why I couldn't find her death certificate.
这就是为什么我找不到她的死亡证明
Because... Lucy isn't dead.
因为露西她还活着
Are you telling me she survived
你是说这丫头上完了电椅
getting electrocuted and getting hit by a bus?
又被巴士撞都还没死翘翘
Yeah, she's a little fighter.
是的她命可硬着着呢
Gets it from her grandfather.
这点估计遗传自他爷爷
Nazi sympathizer.
他是纳粹主义者
Shot eight times,
中弹8次
still a scratch golfer well into his 90s.
到了90高龄还能打出一手好高尔夫球
That is a really sweet story,
真是温馨动人的小故事
but how the hell did she get here?
可她到底是怎么回到这里来的
Oh, she was barely alive when the hospital called,
医院打电♥话♥来时她基本只剩一口气了
so I-I snuck her back here to die in peace.
所以我把她偷运出来想她魂归故里
And then she just pulled through.
结果她就慢慢好转了
She woke up in her childhood bedroom
她在她童年的房♥间醒来
and thought she was eight years old again.
以为自己只有8岁
Taking a bus to the skull
脑袋被公交车
scrambles up the old noggin a bit.
给撞失忆了
If she thinks she's eight,
如果她以为自己只有8岁
then why'd she just try to kill us?
那为啥她刚才想要杀掉我们
Well, seeing you guys must have triggered something
你们大概就触动了她的哪根神经
in her brain, but as you witnessed,
但你们也看到了
I superglued a very powerful shock collar
我在她脖子上用万能胶黏上了非常强劲的
to her neck.
电击颈圈
I got it from a patient of mine who's a masochist.
我是从我的一个性♥虐♥狂病人那里搞到的
I had to threaten not to kick his ass
我告诉他如果不给我
in order to get it.
就别想让我狠踹他的屁♥股♥
This is crazy. I'm calling the police.
这太离谱了我要打电♥话♥报♥警♥
No, no, no, no. No, no.
别别别千万别
Look, if she goes back into the system,
如果她又被抓进去了
she'll just be out again in a year or two, and...
大概关一两年就又被放出来了
something out there will trigger her.
搞不好哪件事就让她恢复记忆了
Everyone is safer if she's here.
她关在这里对大家都好
With me.
我会看着她
I know the rest of the world
我知道别人都把她看成
just sees her as a serial killer,
是一个连环杀手
but to me, she's still that little girl
但对我来说她还是那个
who used to call a suitcase a... A coo-sace.
把手提箱念成手屁酱的小姑娘
Jimmy still says "Pasketti,"
吉米现在还读错"意利大面条"
so I totally got where Dale was coming from.
所以我完全理解戴尔的想法
It's crazy.
这太荒谬了
I wanted to turn her in.
我要去揭发她
But then she probably wouldn't sign the divorce papers,
但这样的话她大概不会同意签字离婚
and the wedding would be delayed.
这样婚礼就得推迟了
So, we made a deal.
于是我们达成了协议
I picked up a few skills in prison:
我在牢里学到了不少
fighting off rapists with sharp toe nails,
比如用尖利的脚趾甲反抗强♥奸♥犯
making an excellent toilet merlot.
用马桶调制醇厚的梅乐
Spent a lot of time in the computer lab
成天泡在机房♥钻研
where I got very good at graphic design.
让我的作品毫无PS痕迹
So I forged a death certificate, yeah.
所以我伪造了一张死亡证明
Best wedding gift ever.
史上最好的结婚礼物
And, it came with a free bottle of wine.
而且还附带一瓶自♥制♥美酒哦
Now we'll go get the wedding license,
我们这就去领结婚证
and they can wake up tomorrow
这样他们明天一早醒来
and just enjoy their wedding day.
就可以欢欢喜喜参加婚礼了
I went online to see how you guys should wear these.
我上网去查你们该不该穿这个
And apparently, it's called a cummerbund,
原来这玩意叫做男式腰带
not a cumberbun.
而不是女式腰带
Makes me wonder if there are other words
让我不禁好奇这世上还有什么
I've been saying wrong.
都被我念错了
James and Sabrina are having their reception in a gymnasium
吉米和塞布丽娜的婚宴将在体育馆举♥行♥
because they're on a tight budget.
因为他们预算太少
So, to help out, I offered to cater.
所以我主动要求帮他们供应餐点
And to dust off my old DJ turntables from the '80s.
顺便也让我那套80年代的打碟机出来透透气
Ladies!
女士们
Tap aerobics was supposed to be over at 11:30.
有氧操11点30就结束了
It's now 11:31.
现在已经11点31分了
Any fat you haven't tapped off by now
今天你们没甩完的肥肉
can wait until tomorrow.
留待明天继续也不迟
Programs. Get your programs.
节目表请拿好你的节目表
It's the only way to know how much more
只有这个才能让你知道
you've got to sit through.
你还得坐在这里煎熬多久
Reverend Bob, we got Jimmy and Sabrina's marriage license.
牧师我们拿到吉米和塞布丽娜的结婚证了
Marvelous. I've been waiting...
太棒了我一直在等
Wha-wha...?
怎怎么回事
You?
是你
Barbara June Thompson?
芭芭拉·琼·汤普森
I thought you died 50 years ago.
我以为你50年前就死了呢
Oh, yeah, I remember him.
我记得这个人
Oh, I used to fake my death all the time.
我以前经常装死来着
Mostly to get out of stuff.
一般都是为了摆脱某些麻烦
Oh, especially when I was giving voice lessons
特别是在给又肥又笨
to little, chubby, talentless brats
唱歌♥跟海豹嘶鸣差不多的小屁孩
who sang like a seal.
上声乐课时
The animal, not the Grammy winner
我说的是海豹不是海蒂·克鲁姆
with the messed-up face.
那满脸是疤的歌♥手前夫
Anyway, uh, faking a heart attack
总之假装心脏病突发
was a lot less traumatic than telling them
比起直接告诉他们唱得有多烂
how terrible they were.
要好受些
Because of you, I gave up my dream
就因为你我才放弃了
of becoming the next Frankie Valli.
成为下一个弗兰克·瓦利的梦想[著名歌♥手]
You're an evil woman, Barbara June Thompson.
你这个阴险毒妇芭芭拉·琼·汤普森
And I refuse to marry anyone
我拒绝为任何和你有关系的人
who is related to you.
主持婚礼
What? No...
啥别呀
No, no, no, ma'am.
别拦我女士
Oh, no.
我的天
Jimmy and Sabrina cannot find out about any of this.
可不能让吉米和塞布丽娜发现这事
I'll stay here with Maw Maw and work on Reverend Bob.
我和奶奶留在这里做鲍勃牧师的工作
Burt, go stall 'em.
伯特你去拖住他们
By the way, Maw Maw, now I now you faked that heart attack
多嘴一句奶奶我这才意识到你教我西文时
when you were trying to teach me Spanish.
是假装心脏病发作了
Apology accepted.
我接受你的道歉
What's with the sword?
你拿把剑做什么
I take my job as backup best man very seriously.
以表现我要认真当好备胎伴郎
The truth is,
真实情况是
my high school wouldn't let me bring this sword to prom.
当年学校不许我佩剑参加高中毕业舞会
Now I finally get a chance to use it.
现在终于逮着机会了
Small problem.
出了点小问题
Why is he going up there?
他怎么跑前面去了
Is it starting?
婚礼开始了吗
I don't know.
我也不知道
We were too cheap to pay for a rehearsal.
我们没钱所以没彩排
Just go, go.
你去问问
What's happening?
怎么了
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
没没没
Sit down, sit down. This isn't it. This is not it.
都坐下吧还没开始呢
Sit down, sit down.
请坐坐吧