家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S03E03

Part 3 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:09 p.m.

when they tried to give her her pills.
她就咬人
So, Burt would have to use a bunch of our hot sauce
所以伯特得用一堆辣酱
to get the job done.
才能完成任务
Aah, ooh, oh, God.
辣死姐了
But the nursing home people actually made it fun.
而养老院的工作人员却让一切变得有趣
And they didn't waste a taco night's worth of hot sauce.
而且又没浪费够吃整晚墨西哥卷饼的辣酱
Neck candy.
脖子里的糖豆豆
And when Maw Maw decided to play
当奶奶决定弹奏
"The Chinese Torture Song..."
义勇军折磨曲的时候
Time to wrap this up.
该把她裹起来了
We had our way of dealing with it.
我们有解决之道
And in doing so, we wasted 20-sandwiches-worth of plastic wrap.
为此我们浪费了够包20个三明治的保鲜膜
But they figured out a way to change the station.
但他们却找到更好的解决方法
Okay, hello, everyone!
大家好
The therapy animals are all being moved
做治疗的宠物都被移回
into the auxiliary room and guess who just got certified?
辅助间了猜猜谁拿到证书啦
Meet Dr. Muffin, Purr-H.D.
参见我们的松饼博士当当人文学博士哟
And my mother said I'd never end up with a doctor.
老妈还说我这辈子都不可能跟博士有一毛钱关系
Jimmy's bringing the van around back.
吉米正把车开到屋后就位
Let's do this.
行动吧
We can't take her, Burt.
我们不能带走她伯特
The staff here is so much better with Maw Maw than I am.
奶奶待在这比在我身边好多了
I think I just lost patience over the years
这些年来我渐渐失去耐心
and started treating her crappy.
简单粗暴地对待她
I owe it to her to let her stay.
我该让她留在这儿
Well, I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing.
我知道这很不好受但你做得对
We'll come visit her every day.
我们会每天都来看她的
Or every week.
或者每个星期
Unless we're tired or busy.
除非实在太累或太忙
We'll try, that's the important thing.
我们会尽力的这才是重点
Keep an eye on your husband, sweetheart.
看好你老公亲爱的
I'm horny and I don't play by the rules.
姐淫♥荡♥得很不守妇道
I'm not wearing any diapers.
人家没有穿尿不湿哦
Did you hear what she just said?
你听见她刚才说的话了吗
I told you we didn't have to wear diapers.
就说我们根本不用穿尿不湿的
Yeah, and I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious.
对我开始有点不舒服了
I'm a crazy old lady.
我是个疯癫的老妇人
Hey, who are you?
你是哪位
You get out of my house.
滚出我家
I appreciate you trying to help, really.
感谢你的帮助真的
But, this isn't going to make me stop missing Maw Maw.
但我对奶奶的思念斩不断理还乱
You really miss her, huh?
你真的很想念她吗
She's only been at the nursing home a week
她只在养老院待了一周
and they take better care of her than we ever have.
他们就能把她照顾好我们望尘莫及
And this is where our guests take their meals.
这里就是我们的宴客间
Feel free to dine with "Al fresco."
跟"户外运动者"吃饭别拘谨噢
Unless that means "Naked."
除非他同时还是裸着的
I'm not exactly sure, I just, uh, copied some stuff
我不太确定我只是从
out of a fancy motel pamphlet.
一个高档酒店的宣传册上抄了点东西
Speaking of which, can I see that indoor toilet
说到这个我可以看一下
you wrote so much about?
你巨幅描写的室内厕所吗
Yeah, right down the hall.
可以就在走廊尽头哟
What's going on?
什么情况
I told you.
我告诉过你
I'm turning Maw Maw's room into a bed and breakfast.
我在把奶奶的房♥间改造成家庭旅馆
The guy needs a place to stay for the holidays.
这家伙需要个假期能待的地儿
And, apparently, he got most of the blood I donated last year,
而且我去年献的血大部分都用在这孩子身上
so we're practically related.
所以严格说来我们是有血缘关系的
What's he paying you with?
他给了你什么好处
This shirt.
一件T恤
Plus, he pinky promised
而且我们拉过勾了
if he ever finds a bag of money
要是他在树林里
in the woods, I get half.
发现了什么宝贝都会和我平分
You sure he wasn't crossing his fingers?
你确定他没耍赖
He did the first time, but I made him do it again.
一开始他是想糊弄我但我又让他重拉了一次
How's the crossword puzzle going?
字谜填的怎么样了
Not good.
不怎么样
I mean, it's just so hard.
太难了
I don't know how the geniuses at TV Guide make these things.
《电视指南》里的那些神人是怎么捣鼓出这玩意儿的
Well, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much.
别难过了
Your TV only gets two channels.
你们家的电视也就俩频道
Hello?
你好
I'm not sure how to say this.
我真不知道如何开口
I have some bad news about your grandmother.
但你们家奶奶的情况不太好
Oh, no.
天啊不是吧
She's gone, isn't she?
她仙逝了是吗
Oh, she's gone all right.
不她精神着呢
She's gone bat-crap crazy.
发疯了一样上蹿下跳
I thought I'd seen everything here.
我以为我在这儿已经够见多识广的了
I lived through the great Senior Syphilis Epidemic of '08,
我都熬过了08年的梅毒大传染
but I never thought I'd see a hostage situation.
但没想到这辈子还有机会见识人♥质♥挟持案
She took people hostage?
奶奶挟持了人♥质♥吗
Worse! she's barricaded herself in the animal therapy lounge.
比这糟多了她把自己反锁在动物疗养室
How many times do I have to mark my territory
跟你们说了多少遍这是我的地盘
for you filthy cats?
你们这群脏猫
This is my side of the room.
这块地是老娘的
What happened?
出什么事了
She seemed so happy the last time we were here.
上次我们来的时候她还很开心的样子
When were you here?
你什么时候来过
I'll ask the questions.
是我该质问你
What got her so upset?
你们怎么把她惹毛的
The residents had just finished their turkey
老人们当时刚刚吃完火鸡
and stuffing smoothies and then, it was time for dessert,
喝完饮料接着甜点就上来了
and then somebody ate the last piece of taffy.
然后有人把最后一颗太妃糖给吃了
What? You never want to take away this woman's taffy.
什么永远不要动奶奶的糖
Not unless you got a handful of circus peanuts.
除非你拿一捧花生跟她换
But we didn't know that.
我们哪知道啊
Whoa, whoa, now you've had enough taffy, Barbara June.
哇哇哇你今天吃得够多了芭芭拉·琼
Let's give the last piece to someone else.
不如把最后一块让给别人吧
Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, Barbara June.
哇哇哇芭芭拉·琼冷静点
Why, why?
为什么为什么这么对我
Why don't we just relax
放轻松
and watch some fish, hmm?
咱们来看看鱼吧
No, don't scare the clown fish.
不要吓着小丑鱼
They're very sensitive.
他们可胆小了
Candy, candy, candy.
糖来了糖来了
I have candy.
我这里有糖
Yum, yum.
很好吃的哦
That's not candy.
这不是糖
That's generic Thorazine.
这是镇静剂
And then she barricaded herself in the animal therapy lounge.
之后就她把自己锁在动物疗养室里了
You!
你
You're the one who stuck me in this hellhole.
就是你把我困在这个鬼地方的
Which cat is yours?
哪一只是你的猫啊
None of them.
没一只是我的
I would never bring my cat here, never.
我才不会把自己猫猫带过来呢从不
Oh, God, please, don't hurt my Muffin!
上帝啊千万不要伤害我的松饼
How could she hurt your...
她怎么伤害你的
My cat, my cat's name is Muffin.
那是我的猫我的猫猫叫松饼
Anything you want to say before I disprove the whole
我马上就要终结猫有九条命这个大谎言
nine lives theory?
你还有什么想说的吗
Oh, God, you people need to do something!
天啊快帮帮我
Get in there and stop her before she hurts my Muffin.
快进去阻止她别让她伤害我家松饼
I'm really gonna need you to just say cat.
我觉得你还是说咪♥咪♥比较好
I don't care what you do to that woman,
我不管你用什么手段对付这个疯婆子
just save my cat.
只要把我的咪♥咪♥救出来就行
I'll be honest with you-- a balance beam accident left me
老实跟你们说吧我以前从平衡木上掉下来过
with a tilted uterus, and Muffin is as close to a child
所以我的子♥宫♥易位了松饼对我来说
as I'll ever have.
就像是我的孩子一样
You heard the lady.
你们都听到了