家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S03E19

Part 1 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:12 p.m.

Oh, yeah? Well, I checked my phone,
那啥我看了下手♥机♥
and I realized Lochlyn has been playing "Words With Buddies",
发现洛可琳在玩填词游戏
and she's beating my Uncle Dave.
还打破了我叔叔戴夫的记录
It's no surprise-- her cranium measures in the 85th percentile.
但这没什么她大脑测试结果排在前15%呢
I took out a ruler last night,
昨晚我拿尺子量了量
and it turns out that my little Jacqueline's face
发现闺女杰奎琳的脸蛋儿
is perfectly symmetrical.
符合黄金比例
Well, my Allister started doing the cutest thing-- watch this:
我家埃利斯特真是潮到不行你们看
Allister, Allister, do "Gangnam Style"!
埃利斯特埃利斯特跳《江南style》
Come on!
跳呀
Hold on, he'll do it.
等一会他会跳的
Sabrina and I don't usually socialize with other parents at the park,
我和塞布丽娜不常和其他家长在公园打交道
mostly because we've found them annoying.
主要他们神烦到不行
But today we were on a mission.
但今天我们有任务在身
It all started a few weeks ago
事情要从几周前说起
when we decided to plan Hope's birthday party.
我们决定给喜旺办个生日派对
Wait a second, wait a second.
等等等等
The package for the moon bounce, the invitations,
月亮蹦蹦床加邀请函
the goody bags, and the entertainment
再加礼品袋和娱乐节目
is how much, exactly?
一共是多少
Are you kidding me?!
您玩我呢
My wedding didn't cost that much.
哥结婚都没这么费钱
Forget it.
算了
Listen, if you want to plan an affordable party,
你要是不想派对超出预算
you got to stop calling those fancy places that can afford websites,
就别给那些开得起网站
and hit the local bulletin boards.
还打得起广♥告♥的公♥司♥去电♥话♥了
Yeah, laundromats, bowling alleys.
去洗衣店或保龄球馆试试
We used to find your babysitters at the bus station.
我们以前就是在公交站给你找的保姆
How many kids are coming?
有多少小朋友要来
Hope doesn't have any kid friends yet.
喜旺还没交到小朋友呢
Yeah, she's only three.
是啊人才三岁
I don't blame you.
爹不怪你
Finding kid friends before they start school
在小孩上学前就给他们找到玩伴
means you have to talk to the parents.
意味着必须跟他们的家长打交道
And all they want to talk about is their kids.
那群家长三句话离不开自家宝贝
"My son walked at eight months."
"我儿子八个月就会走路了"
"My son knows all his letters."
"我儿子认得他名字里的所有字母"
"My son has a friend."
"我儿子有个朋友"
You never heard us saying all that stuff.
你没听过我们唠叨这些吧
Is that why I didn't have any friends growing up?
这就是我小时候没朋友的原因吗
Because you guys couldn't stand the other parents?
就因为你们受不了别的家长
Don't judge us-- you know you're doing the exact same thing.
少来你们现在不也一样
Oh, my God. We really are.
额滴神呐那确实
At least we had an excuse.
我们还情有可原
We still believed Burt was gonna be a rock star.
我们那时觉得伯特会成为摇滚巨星
We didn't need to embrace the whole parent lifestyle.
所以不用进入家长模式
We were gonna be trashing hotel rooms.
我们要扫荡各大旅馆
Hanging out with Foghat.
跟着弗搁特乐队混[摇滚乐队]
Driving sports cars into pools.
把跑车开进游泳池
Yeah, we had big dreams.
是啊我们曾心怀大志
But you didn't need any friends. You turned out fine.
而且你不需要朋友现在不也过得挺好
Fine? I didn't say you turned out great.
还好我又没说你过得很好
I said you turned out fine.
是过得还好
It's a scale, Jimmy.
这是两个概念吉米
If you didn't have any friends, what'd you do?
如果没有朋友你干什么呢
I had to improvise.
我搞行为艺术
What do you want to do?
你想干啥
I don't know. You can crumple up some paper and throw it in my mouth.
不知道你可以揉一团纸扔进我嘴里
Yeah, I guess we can do that again.
好吧那就再来一次吧
We got to get Hope some friends.
我们得给喜旺找些玩伴
So here we are.
所以我们就来这儿了
My Jacqueline can do that, too!
我家杰奎琳也能跳
Jacqueline!
杰奎琳
Do the Chinese dance!
跳《最炫民族风》
Hey! If your kid likes to dance,
如果你们家小孩爱跳舞
we're having a birthday party for Hope!
就来参加喜旺的生日派对吧
Okay, see you Saturday at 2:00.
周六下午两点见
We did it!
成功了
We are so crushing this party.
我们的派对肯定会很成功
We got food, entertainment,
我们搞定了餐饮娱乐节目
even a moon bounce for almost nothing.
月亮蹦蹦床几乎是白送的
We should be party planners for poor people.
我们应该去做穷♥人♥派对策划师
We'd make a fortune.
肯定会发大财
I still can't believe people just leave
我还是难以相信
their broken pinata pieces in the park after their parties.
人们开完派对就把碎掉的彩陶扔公园了
I know. Hope is gonna love Top-Gun-Chicken-Ass-purple-T-Rex-shortstop.
我懂喜旺会爱这凌云壮志版鸡屁♥股♥恐龙王的
And since I've been here,
自从我来到这里
with the support of my counselors and my group...
在心理医生和团队的支持下
I haven't touched the junk since.
我再也没碰过那话儿
Good for you, TV's Tim Stack.
你真棒电视明星蒂姆·斯达克
We know that masturbation is a tough addiction to beat.
我们知道打飞机特别难戒
Check out TV's Tim Stack.
看看电视明星蒂姆
Talk about a lesson to get kids to stop masturbating.
居然在教孩子们戒掉打飞机
Let's turn our attention now to former chart-topping rock star,
现在我们来看过气摇滚明星
Smokey Floyd.
烟枪老弗
Hey, look at Smokey!
看烟枪老弗
He looks great!
气色不错啊
So, Smokey, can you tell us about the moment you hit rock bottom?
烟枪能谈谈你的低谷时刻吗
Well, dude, it all started when I...
哥们儿这都是因为
promised a fan I'd play a show for him.
我答应了给一个粉丝表演
I went crazy, and the video went viral on the Internet.
我抽风了视频也在网上传疯了
Smokey, "The Doctor of Rock," Frickin' Floyd!
烟枪乃摇滚之王老弗屌♥爆了
Burt, it's you!
伯特是你啊
I-I'm famous.
哥成名了
I'll bet, like, four billion people just saw that!
我敢打赌有四十亿人看到了
You know, I looked at myself in that video, and...
我看着视频里的自己
realized that I'd become a monster.
意识到自己成了怪物
You know, a liver-spotted, turkey-necked monster.
一个满脸老人斑脖子皱巴巴的怪物
So I went down to Mexico and got plastic surgeries.
所以我去墨西哥整了容
You know, they were so-so with the knife,
他们刀工不咋地
but real liberal with the painkillers.
用起止痛药倒是毫不吝啬
Next thing I knew, I'm hooked
我很快就上瘾了
on vikes, perks, oxy, coffee enemas.
嗑维克丁和奥施康定酗酒做咖啡灌肠
I'm told I burned my house down.
听人说我还烧了自己的房♥子
Let's take a look at Smokey's journey over the last 30 days.
我们来回顾下烟枪过去30天的经历
Which way to the stage?
舞台怎么走
Well, you've obviously come a long way,
您一路走来实属不易
and we couldn't be more excited to hear your final pledge of sobriety.
我们真想听听您的清醒宣誓
Well, I-I believe in the adage:
我深信这句格言
"If you love something, set it free." You know?
"爱它就给它自♥由♥"
Uh, which is why I'm setting free pills and alcohol.
所以我也要给药片和酒精自♥由♥
But if they come back to me,
如果它们回来找我
then I'll know they really love me.
我就会明白它们对我是真爱
Until then, I...
在那之前
just want to say I'm sorry
我只想对我伤害的人
to all the people I hurt along the way.
说声抱歉
I wrote all your names down on this list, and...
我把你们的名字都列在名单上了
I'll be coming to apologize to you one by one.
我会挨个登门道歉的
Burt Chance, you're number 33 on my list:
伯特·吉斯你是我名单上的第33号♥
"Robbed a Lawn Guy of the Smokey Floyd experience."
"夺走一个除草小伙和烟枪老弗一起摇滚的机会"
I'd like to stay with you for a week and make up for it.
作为弥补我愿和你呆一星期
Let's rock and roll!
摇滚吧小宇宙
Hey, Barney, thank you again for taking care of the cake.
巴尼谢谢你帮忙搞定蛋糕
Well, don't thank me yet.
先别急着谢我
There was a bit of an e-mail mix-up with the bakery.
我把给蛋糕店的邮件搞混了
I accidentally switched Hope's picture
不小心把喜旺的照片
with the one I use for my online dating profile.
替换成了我在交♥友♥网♥站上的照片
What? Oh.
啥神啊
Hey, everybody on those sites lies.
那种网站上没人说真话好吗
I once thought I was going out with a girl
有次我和个妹子约会