家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S03E10

Part 3 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:11 p.m.

and that's when we're going to celebrate it.
要等到那天才能过节
I don't want her first memories of Christmas to be weird.
我不希望她能记得的首个圣诞就这么怪异
She's going to eat the proper chocolate on the proper day.
她要在指定的日子吃指定的巧克力
What are you doing?
你这是干嘛
I'm gonna get the chocolate hard, break it off my finger,
把巧克力冻上从手指上剥下
and then put pieces of it back in the calendar.
然后一片片放回日历
Jimmy...
吉米
you're being silly.
别犯傻
I'm being silly?
我犯傻
We've got three cases of dog food in the basement
咱家地下室储了三箱狗粮
labeled "Zombie bait."
上面写着"僵尸诱饵"
So what are you saying?
你这是啥意思
You don't think something's gonna happen tomorrow?
你觉得明天不会出事吗
No. No, I don't, Mom.
是的我觉得不会妈妈
The only thing I think is gonna happen
唯一可能发生的
is that you're gonna feel like an idiot
就是你会觉得自己笨透了
for eating 21 through 24.
居然把21到24号♥的巧克力都吃了
Because you're crazy.
因为你疯了
I'm not crazy.
我没疯
Oh, please.
醒醒吧
We all think you're crazy.
我们都觉得你疯了
Even Maw Maw thinks you're crazy.
连曾奶奶都觉得你疯了
Burt, is that true?
伯特这是真的吗
Does everybody think I'm crazy?
大家都觉得我疯了吗
Not I.
不包括我
I think you're spot on with this whole thing.
我觉得你从头到尾都特英明
Really?
真的吗
You think that, huh?
你真这么想
Yes, I do.
对
Okay.
好吧
Wouldn't even worry about Jimmy.
别管吉米
He's not gonna last two weeks against the mutant spider army.
有变异蜘蛛军在他两周都撑不过
Jimmy, give me that.
吉米给我
What's that?
什么东西
Since we're celebrating Christmas early,
既然要提前过圣诞
I thought we should open up all the gifts.
就把所有礼物都拆了吧
Dad hid this in my room.
老爸把这个藏我房♥里
Looks like it has your name on it, Mom!
上面好像写着你的名字呢老妈
Pie-of-the-Month Club?
每月派俱乐部
"I know you're disappointed that the world didn't end,
世界末日没来我知道你很失望
but at least we have pie."
但至少我们还有派
"Love, Burt."
爱你的伯特
Three hours.
仨小时
You couldn't wait three more hours?
再等仨小时你会死啊
And there goes my End of the World Eve Love Fest.
我的末日前夕爱之狂欢就这么被你搅黄了
Ah, I can't believe I was nice enough
真不敢相信我居然好到
to spare you the graphic specifics
没给你具体描述
of what I was gonna do to your mother.
我要对你妈做的事
Live with that image for the rest of your life, big mouth.
让你多嘴祝你一辈子忘不掉那画面
Well, it's ten seconds to midnight, Mom.
还有十秒就12点了妈妈
Maybe we should talk.
或许我们该谈谈
I would hate to be mad at each other
万一啥事都没发生
when absolutely nothing happens.
咱俩闹这么僵多划不来
That's funny, Jimmy.
你真逗吉米
You're a regular Tosh.0.
幽默风趣主持人的料
Three...
三
two...
二
one.
一
Good night.
晚安
No one said it would happen exactly at midnight.
没人说是12点准点发生
We got 24 hours.
还有24小时呢
Morning.
早上好
Ah, another beautiful day, huh?
又是美好一天
Guess the Grim Reaper must've hit the snooze button.
死神准是赖床了
Shut up.
闭嘴
Hey, baby!
亲爱的
I tried your pee water thingy.
我试过这个净水机了
It kind of works.
有点用
Smart purchase.
老婆真会买♥♥
Oh, hi, Mr. And Mrs. Gutierrez.
你们好古铁雷斯夫妇
This is not to you.
这不是写给你们看的
Not for you.
不是的哟
Kim Kardashian hasn't tweeted all day.
金·卡戴珊一整天都没发微博
The government obviously has all the important celebrities
显然政♥府♥让所有名流
hidden in an underground bunker.
都躲进地洞了
Oh, wait, never mind.
等下当我没说
She was just getting a colonic.
她只是去灌肠了
Thanks.
谢谢
Mom! Mom, Mom, Mom!
老妈老妈老妈老妈
Everything's fine.
啥事没有
Guys. Guys! Guys!
各位快来快来
Those marshmallows are not toys, okay?
这些棉花糖不是给你玩的
They're only to be used as possum bait
它们是负鼠诱饵好吗
or for celebrating the victory of the surviving humans
最多也就是做成夹心饼干来庆祝人类
over the mutant aliens with S'mores, okay?
战胜异形劫后余生
Damn it!
该死
So, nothing happened.
什么都没发生
It's not the end of the world.
世界没有毁灭
I can't believe this. This totally sucks.
不敢相信真是糟透了
Look, I know you planned for this to happen and everything,
我知道你为这一天做足了准备
but aren't you the tiniest bit glad the world isn't over?
但世界没有毁灭你就没有一丁点高兴吗
No, I'm not.
没有一点都没有
This was supposed to be my moment, Burt.
我本来可以大展身手的伯特
I was finally going to show Jimmy
我本来可以让吉米知道
that I could be a good mom.
我也能做个好妈妈
Jimmy thinks you're a good mom.
吉米本来就觉得你是好妈妈
Oh, please.
得了吧
Every week he dredges up some parenting disaster from our past.
他每周都要挖掘点咱育儿无方的罪证
How I didn't breastfeed him,
什么我没用母乳喂他啦
how his first steps were down a flight of stairs,
什么他迈出第一步就跌下楼梯啦
how we forget him that time at a Whitesnake concert.
什么在白蛇演唱会扔下他自己回来啦
Oh, come on.
拜托
What nine-year-old gets to say
他一九岁小孩在巡演车上
they spent a week on the Whitesnake tour bus?
跟白蛇乐队共度了一周还有啥不满意的
I just thought that he would look at me as a good mom,
我只是觉得如果四分之三的人类灭亡
if three-quarters of the human population was wiped out
我却做到有备无患
and I was prepared.
就能在他心中成为一个好妈妈
Just for the record,
我得先说好了啊
her pelvis was broken before I got here.
我来之前她骨盆就裂了
You got me dryer sheets.
你送我♥干♥衣机布啊
Get used to it.
适应吧
You're getting them for the next 374 years.
接下来374年都是这礼物
Ai, thank God you're here.
谢天谢地你们在家
Oh, my God. What happened to you?
上帝啊你们怎么啦
Since the world was going to end, we sold everything
由于世界要毁灭了我们变卖♥♥了全部家当
and bought one-way first class tickets to Disney World,
买♥♥了去迪士尼乐园的头等舱单程票
so we could watch the end of civilization from Tomorrowland.
打算在"未来世界"目睹人类文明的终结
We thought it would be ironic.
我们本想讽刺一把的
But then, when nothing happened,
结果啥都没发生
we had no money, and no way to get back.
但我们已身无分文回家无门
And it's hard to get picked up hitchhiking with an alpaca.
带着草泥马搭车都很难
What was that?
这是干嘛
He tried to spit at you, but he's dehydrated.
它想朝你吐口水但它已经脱水了
What are we going to do?
我们该怎么办
Carlos sold his ice cream truck,
卡洛斯把冰淇淋车卖♥♥了
I quit my job, we spent all our money,
我把工作辞了咱的钱都花光了
and all we have to show for it is feet full of blisters
现在咱就剩一脚水泡
and a souvenir mug we've been using as a toilet.
和当马桶用的纪念品杯子了
Jimmy, go get your first-aid kit.
吉米把急救箱拿来
I'll get you guys some water.
我给你们倒水