家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S03E03

Part 1 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:09 p.m.

Oh, hi, there.
大家好
I've been put in a nursing home.
我被塞进一家疗养院了
Oh, you didn't know that?
啥你还不知道
Who is she talking to?
她跟谁说话呢
I don't know.
不知道
She's losing it. Yesterday, she said
她已经痴呆了昨天她说
she won an Oscar and slept with Warren Beatty.
自己得过奥斯卡还和沃伦·比蒂[演员]上过床
I guess you're wondering how I got here.
你肯定好奇我怎么到这来的吧
Well, it all started a long, long time ago,
在很久很久以前
when the Harlem Globetrotters played
哈林篮球队第一次
their first game in Hinckley, Illinois,
去伊利诺斯州的欣克利城比赛
and after the game, a very sweet, nice woman made her way onto the bus
赛后一位美丽的姑娘溜进了球员大巴
and nine months later, I was born.
过了9个月我就呱呱落地了
And 86 years after that...
又过了86年
a social worker came to check up
一位社工人员来调查
on my great-granddaughter Hope.
我曾曾孙女喜旺的生活情况
At first, she seemed like a nice lady.
一开始她看上还像个好人
I have a cat.
我养了只小猫
Her name is Muffin.
它叫做松饼[又有女性下♥体♥的意思]
Oh, my.
亲娘嘞
But then she stopped worrying about Hope
可她放着喜旺不管
and started worrying about how I was being treated.
反而担心起我的生存状况了
That better not be the last piece of taffy!
千万别是最后一块太妃糖
Maw Maw, no! Stop
奶奶别闹了
The way that you treat this poor old woman is reprehensible.
你们对待这位可怜老太的方式令人发指
I'm taking Barbara June somewhere
我要把芭芭拉·琼送去
where she can get the care that she deserves.
能给她良好照顾的地方
You don't understand. We have to treat her like that.
发生这种事呢大家都不想的
She's crazy!
但她是个疯子呀
Who wouldn't be?
这种情况谁能不疯
You torture her with hot sauce,
你用辣酱折磨她
you tie her up in Saran Wrap and imprison her in her room!
用保鲜膜裹她还把她锁在房♥间里
Hey, it's hard on us, too.
我们也造孽啊
We got to reuse that Saran Wrap.
那保鲜膜我们还得回收利用呢
All our sandwiches taste like talcum powder and mothballs.
搞得三明治吃起来像痱子粉和樟脑球一样
So, she had me taken away to this state-run nursing home.
于是她把我送到了州立疗养院里
And now you're all caught up.
现在你懂了吧
So, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Wall,
那么我失陪一下先墙先生
I promised to explain everything to the water fountain as well.
我答应了饮水机也要和它讲一遍呢
You have to let my grandmother out of here.
把奶奶还给我
This place is depressing, and for some reason,
这地方气氛压抑
you have your Thanksgiving decorations up.
还诡异地过早摆上感恩节装饰了
It's gonna confuse her.
这会让她搞不清状况的
Some of our residents don't make it to their favorite holiday,
有些病人已经活不到他们喜欢的节日了
so we have Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving every three weeks.
所以我们每三周轮流过圣诞节复活节感恩节
Just let me see her.
总之我要见她
I'm sorry, but for her own protection,
抱歉但出于对她的保护
the state prohibits you from seeing Barbara June Thompson.
州政♥府♥禁止你们和芭芭拉·琼·汤普森见面
Oh, yeah?
哟
Well, you can tell the state
那你去告诉州政♥府♥呀
that two years ago we earned enough to pay taxes, so...
两年前我家收入也曾达到过缴税的水平
they work for us.
政♥府♥就是我们的公仆
Hey, buddy.
老兄
Same shirt!
咱们衬衫一样啊
Oh, my God, it's me from the past.
我的天这不是年轻时的我吗
I knew you'd come.
我就知道你会来看我的
Listen to me.
听我说
When you go on that business trip to Bangkok,
你去曼谷出差的时候
wear a condom.
千万记得带套
He seemed cool.
这老头挺有型啊
Hey, just for the record, when you go crazy,
那什么我问一下先如果你疯了
do you want me to put you in a place like this,
你是希望我送你到这种地方来
or do you want to just be a burden to me and the kids?
还是宁愿成为我和孩子们的累赘
No, definitely put me in a place like this.
当然是立马送我来这
And you want me to do the same for you, right?
换成是你你也希望我这么做对吧
Oh! No, I'm not going crazy.
不我可不会变疯子
Oh, no. No one in my family ever has.
我没有这个家族病史
Yeah, you're gonna go crazy.
但你发疯是必然的
She's right, Jimmy--
她说得对吉米
everybody goes bananas in our family: there's Maw Maw,
我们家最后下场都是疯子奶奶如此
there's Crazy Uncle Mike, Crazy Uncle Tim.
疯子麦克叔如此疯子提姆叔如此
Didn't you say you had a... a Crazy Uncle Bobby
你不是说还有个疯子波比叔
who would only travel via Jet Ski?
出门只肯坐水上摩托艇
Took him six months to get to Arizona.
他花了半年才抵达亚利桑那州
Man, this place is on lockdown.
我去这地方戒备太严了
It'd be easier getting into Tim Tebow's pants.
钻提姆·堤博的裤子都比这容易
Maybe this is the best thing for Maw Maw.
也许这样对奶奶更好
And we could make some extra money by turning her old room
我们可以把她卧室改成家庭旅馆
into a bed-and-breakfast.
赚点外快
Hey, we could rent it out to an old person
或者是把房♥间租给
who says and does funny things and acts all kooky,
一个又好笑又疯癫的老家伙
but this time, we won't get attached.
但不管他怎么疯我们都不用管就是
We're not turning her room into anything
谁也不准改造奶奶的房♥间
because it's still her room.
那始终是她的房♥间
We need to figure out a way to sneak her out of here.
我们得想个法子把她偷出来
Well, Mom, they're gonna know it was us who took her.
妈人家一猜就知道是我们偷的
So...
那
we'll hide her.
我们就把她藏起来
Maw Maw deserves to live out her days in her own home,
奶奶就该在自己家安度晚年
surrounded by her loving family,
和她亲爱的家人一起
who is hiding her in the attic.
虽然得把她藏在阁楼里
It certainly worked for Anne Frank. See?
安妮·弗兰克就是这么过来的看
Worked for Sabrina's friend, and it'll work now.
塞布丽娜的朋友都可以奶奶也能行
It's time for this family to sack up.
全家总动员的时刻到来了
We're breaking her out of this hellhole.
我们要把奶奶从水深火热中拯救出来
So far we have figured out
目前我们已经确定好
which random household item will represent each one of us.
哪件家用品代表哪个人了
And I still don't think
我还是不觉得
it's funny that you made me the nutcracker.
你用胡桃夹子代表我这事很好笑
Oh, it's not what you think.
不是你想得那样
It has nothing to do with that creepy vacant stare you do.
又不是讽刺你那空洞又诡异的眼神
We just chose that because you're always
是说你总
breaking Jimmy's balls.
夹破吉米的蛋蛋
There's the stare.
又来了
Jimmy!
吉米
And there's the crunch.
就是这种狠劲
Okay. Does anybody actually have a plan?
够所以说到底想出计划了没有
I do.
我想出来了
I have the perfect plan.
保证万无一失
Sabrina, wearing the J.Lo Grammy dress,
我们让塞布丽娜穿上詹妮弗·洛佩兹的格莱美战袍
will use her feminine wiles to distract the security guard.
色♥诱♥保安
Then I'll stroll in,
然后就我来
dressed as the handsome cable repairman to the stars,
扮成全宇宙最帅电缆工出场
Bulk Masterson.
化名伯克·马斯特森
Once inside, we'll disengage the security cameras,
进门首先就要解除监控设备
which will allow time for Virginia and Jimmy to make their move.
为维吉妮亚和吉米争取行动时间
They'll be dressed as food delivery people
他们将扮成送餐员
to deliver 75 red velvet cupcakes.
派送75个红丝绒纸杯蛋糕
74 of those cupcakes
其中74个蛋糕
will contain knockout drops that I've personally made
含有我自♥制♥的迷♥药♥
from chamomile tea, antihistamines,
成分包括甘菊茶抗组胺剂
and pharmaceutical grade horse tranquilizers.
以及医药级马匹镇静剂
The 75th cupcake is the one Maw Maw will eat.
余下一个蛋糕是给奶奶的
You'll know it by the initials M.M.
上面标了MM以防混淆
If something goes wrong,
如遇突发状况
Jimmy's cart will also be loaded with a tray of pies
吉米的推车上有一盘派
that will have guns baked into them.
里面藏了把枪
Okay. I guess I just love Maw Maw more than you.
只能说你没我那么爱奶奶了
Who are you kidding?
想忽悠谁啊
This is about you getting to lick the bowl
你不过是想蹭那