辛普森一家
The Simpsons S30E22
Part 3
Feb. 1, 2020, 7:54 p.m.
from under the sink, and I filmed it
因为我知道没人会相信我说的
because I knew no one would believe me.
这就是辛普森家的每个人
So that's everyone in the Simpson family,
除了丽莎 当然了 肯定不是丽莎
except for Lisa, of course. It couldn't be her, right?
大错特错 让我们看看
Nah. Well, let's look at the...
我服了
Oh, for God's sake.
我问丽莎钱被偷的时候她在哪
I asked Lisa where she was when the money was stolen
结果她说她在 "浪呀 快活呀"
and she said, "Chillin'. You know, maxin' and relaxin'."
这种话只有非常酷的人才能说得出
Now these are the words of a very cool person,
而丽莎·辛普森根本一点也不酷
but Lisa Simpson is not even a little cool.
那么 问题来了
So... huh.
春田镇小学 2年级班级
四级生日报
主编 丽莎·辛普森
乐队
法语课 辩论队
拜托
Oh, come on.
没人 划线 没人会相信这钱是丽莎偷的
No one, I repeat no one, would believe Lisa could do it.
可是她一直想要一个新的萨克斯风
But she's also a girl who wants a new saxophone.
我这只是随口一说
I'm just saying.
图特王乐器店
旅馆
新款大号♥ 欢迎试吹
这些年 丽莎一直来我这儿买♥♥
I've been Lisa's supplier for years.
簧片啊 擦布啊 阀键润滑油
Reeds, wipes, valve grease.
她究竟会不会为了个新萨克斯风犯罪呢
Would she commit a crime over a new sax?
这好比问戴夫·布鲁贝克是否作九八拍的曲子
Did Dave Brubeck compose in 9/8 time?
答案是有哦 我们一起数数看
He did. We'll count it out together.
来 你吹下试试
Go ahead, give it a spin.
那是市面上最好的上低音萨克斯风了
Oh, it's the best bari sax on the market,
吹起爵士乐来音色悦耳 还是黑镍管身
a Smoothphone Jazzhonker in black nickel.
但我不会为了它去偷窃的
But I wouldn't steal for it.
广♥告♥之后为您揭晓 丽莎作案的真♥相♥
When we come back, Lisa did it.
-不是我偷的 -丽莎 你该睡觉了
-No, I didn't. -Lisa, it's your bedtime.
我得走了 妈妈要读哈利波特四给我听
I got to go. My mom's reading me Harry Potter book four.
就是塞德里克·迪戈里死了的那部吗
Oh, yeah, the one where Cedric Diggory dies?
-你个剧透狗 -你个小偷
-You suck. -You did it!
你才是小偷 白♥痴♥
No, you did it, jerk.
停停 试吹时间到
Okay, Okay. Time's up.
簧片归我了
The reed's mine.
无簧片 不贪婪
You can't spell greed without reed.
不信请看
Check it out.
贪婪
簧片
我们当初怎么就答应拍这部纪录片了
Why did we agree to do this documentary?
因为这年头一线的明星
Because all our biggest stars today
都是从犯罪纪录片走出来的
come from true crime documentaries:
《纽约灾星》 《制♥造♥杀人犯》
The Jinx, Making a Murderer,
还有《今日秀》里的马特·劳尔
and Matt Lauer on the Today Show.
事实证明 丽莎并没有买♥♥下那个新萨克斯风
It turns out Lisa did not buy the new saxophone.
买♥♥家另有其人
Someone else did.
我一直想吹上低音萨克斯风来着
I've always wanted to play bari sax,
都是我爸坚持要我吹次中音萨克斯风
but my father insisted on tenor.
我爸不准我碰的东西
进来吧
In you go.
-你觉得这个怎么样 -你还是那么没出息
-What do you think of this? -You're still a disappointment.
可是如果丽莎是清白的
But if Lisa was innocent,
她为什么那么抗拒透露自己
why was she so reluctant to explain her whereabouts
案发时间的行踪呢
at the time of the crime?
你闭嘴 我来告诉你她当时去哪儿了
Shut up about my Lisa! I can tell you where she was.
-她当时在 -停停停停
-She was... -Uh, bup, bup, bup, bup!
妈 妈 别
Mom! Mom! No! Err!
显然 学校里有一些女生
Apparently, some of the girls at school were...
钱是我偷的行了吧 全剧终
Let's just say I stole the money, okay? End of documentary.
快拿这片子去参选独♥立♥精神奖吧
See you at the Independent Spirit Awards.
我带她去学跳房♥子了
I took her to her hopscotch tutor.
我的声名即将毁于一旦
I was hanging on by a thread,
现在全世界的人都会嘲笑我
and now the whole world will joke about
是世上唯一一个需要请人教跳房♥子的女生
how I am the only girl who ever needed a hopscotch tutor.
丽莎 你跟着我跳
Lisa, just repeat after me.
单脚 双脚 单 单 双 单
One foot, two foot, one foot, one foot, two foot, one foot,
双脚 单脚
two foot, one foot...
太傻了 这游戏到底谁发明的
So stupid. Who invented this game?
是苏格兰人发明了跳房♥子和苏格兰胶带
The Scotch invented hopscotch and Scotch tape!
-那苏格兰威士忌呢 -从来没听说过
-What about scotch whiskey? -Never heard of it.
听见没 我说了 我们都是清白的
See, I told you, all innocent.
你们这帮无良媒体别再多管闲事了
So maybe now you vultures can leave us be.
抱歉占用了你们这么长时间
We've taken up enough of your time.
我们走吧
Let's go, guys.
你们在干嘛 我们家人都是清白的
What are you doing? My family's in the clear.
你马上向我妻子道歉
I want you to apologize to my wife!
道歉 我们
Apologize? Us?
你会道歉的 知道为什么吗
Oh, you will, and you know why?
因为我是你们网络电视的唯一观众
I am the last person that watches network television,
连广♥告♥我都看
including the commercials.
我道歉
I apologize.
你要保证你道歉这一幕
Now promise that this scene
不会被剪掉
will not be removed in editing.
这我保证不了 这你得找剪辑师
I can't promise that, only the editor can.
-我找到他了 -我要向
-I got him. -I'm gonna report you
美国电影编辑协会举报你
to the American Cinema Editors.
那只是个荣誉协会罢了
It's just an honorary society.
你给我收回这句话
You take that back!
《日界线 春田镇》
总算松了一口气 所以到底是谁偷的呢
Whew. What a relief. So who did do it?
明显是巴特 哪次不是巴特
It was obviously Bart. It's always Bart.
我可没错 只能怪老爸把我教烂了
Hey, nothing is my fault 'cause Dad raised me so rotten.
我也没错 只能怪我爸把我教烂了
Well, nothing is my fault 'cause my dad raised me so rotten.
这可不能怪我
Don't blame me.
当年为躲你我和你妈夺门而逃 结果她赢了
It was a race out the door and your mother won.
-是吗 -肯定是巴特偷的
-Oh, yeah? -It was Bart!
我要让大家知道你有多不负责
Goes to show how irresponsible you are!
住口吧 你们都没错
Shut up, all you innocent people.
真希望我从没对你负过责
I wish I was never responsible for you.
够了 住口
Stop it, stop it!
你们在拆散这个家
You're tearing this family apart.
不准再把沙发叫做♥爱♥心专座了
And stop calling the sofa a love seat!
我一点也不喜欢这叫法
I barely like it!
辛普森抢劫大案至今未破
The great Simpson Robbery remains unsolved.
正义可能永远不会到来
Justice may never be served,
但至少在今天结束之时 我们能开心地
but at the end of the day, what matters is that we enjoyed
观看那些发生在别人身上的
watching bad things happen to human beings
袋鼠肉
倒霉事
who aren't us.
救命啊 妈妈
Ah! Help, Mother.
你尽力不沉沦于你数不清的失败之中
You try not to dwell on your innumerable failures.
因此你紧盯海面 努力作出
Instead, you stare out to sea and try to look like
像在思考深度问题的样子
you're thinking deep thoughts.
就像这样
Just like this.
没错
Yeah.
你得到你想要的了吗
You got what you need?
我得到了痒痒的感觉 我得挠挠
'Cause I got an itch, I got to scratch it.
现在我们来庆祝吧
Now let's celebrate.
我们拍完了一部
We got through a documentary looking better
比开拍前感觉好看的纪录片
than before it started.
自巨人安德烈之后再没人做到过
Nobody's done that since André the Giant.
侯默·辛普森 你这样会留下水印圈
Homer Simpson, you'll leave a ring.
看 实耐宝的防掉杯垫
Ta-da! A snap-on coaster.
我机智吧
Nifty, huh?
这 你从哪来拿来的这东西
What the...? Where'd you get this thing?
我发明的
I invented it.
你做了多少这类东西
How many of these things did you have made?
一千个 我准备做这个生意
A thousand. I wanted to start a business.
一千个 这不是很贵吗
A thousand, huh? That must've been expensive.
我也是这么想的 但一个只要65美分
That's what I thought, but it was only 65 cents apiece.
那总共就是650美元
So 650 bucks total?
你的乘法什么时候这么好了
When did you get so good at your timeses?
辛普森一家
The Simpsons
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