辛普森一家
The Simpsons S30E16
Part 3
Feb. 1, 2020, 7:53 p.m.
Now, what sports are we gettin' you ready for, Marge?
溜直排轮 打泰拳
Rollerblading? Uh, Muay Thai?
不要这种运动
No, nothing like that.
我只需要达到能照顾一个行动不便
I only have to be in good enough shape
还有217斤重的男人的身体水平就够了
to take care of an immobile 240-pound man.
看来侯默不打算来了
Ah, so Homer isn't coming, eh?
其实我也能在他上班的时候去找他
You know, I could go to him at work.
他工作压力已经够大了
Oh, he's got enough stress at work.
好吧 我们来看看你能做什么运动
All right, well, we'll get you into something.
山地自行车 攀岩抱石
Uh, mountain biking? Free bouldering?
我知道了 马姬 我们可以去风筝冲浪
I got it. Marge, we are going to get you kitesurfing!
风筝冲浪
Kitesurfing?
我可以和侯默一起去
I could do that with Homie.
你猜咋样
You know what?
这次不会再让侯默拖我下水了
I'm not letting Homer drag me down this time.
教练 我想学习风筝冲浪
Yes, I want to learn kitesurfing.
*让我们出发去风筝冲浪*
*Let's go kitesurfing now*
*中年妇女们学习劲头高涨*
*Middle-aged ladies learning how*
*和我一起冲浪向远方*
*Come on Kitesurf-ari with me*
风筝冲浪是一项简单的运动
Kitesurfing's a simple sport.
只需要有风和浪
All you need is the wind and the waves.
还有座钩 单板固定器
And a spreader-bar, bindings,
防撞背心 挂环
impact vest, chicken loop,
驴棒 松鼠夹和停车通行证
donkey stick, squirrel clip, and, of course, parking pass.
毁掉人们在海边的一天
Yeah, ruining people's day at the beach.
我们比热狗里的沙子还讨人厌 路
We are worse than sand in a hot dog, eh, Lou?
你知道市中心有一起双重谋杀案吗
You know there's a double murder downtown?
现在是三重了 你刚毁了我的一天
Well, now it's a triple, 'cause you just killed my day.
保持住风筝的升力 马姬
Keep the kite swooping, Marge.
跟着我胸肌的节奏
Follow the timing of my pecs.
左 右 左 右
Left, right, left, right,
左 左 右
left, left, right...
别看着我的眼睛 马姬
Ah. Don't look me in the eyes, Marge.
我的胸肌在下面呢
My pecs are down here.
这就对了
There you are.
左 右 左 左 右
Left, right, left, left, right...
妈妈在练风筝冲浪
So, Mom is kitesurfing
爸爸在吃三份甜品
while Dad is eating three desserts.
你奶奶和我也有不一样的地方
Oh, your grandma and I had our differences,
但是在她失踪了三十年之后我们就不再吵架了
but we stopped arguing when she disappeared for three decades.
很高兴能只和你一人出来度过一晚
Oh, it's so nice to get an evening out just with you.
要给你准备婴儿座椅吗
Can I get you a baby chair?
不用 你没事
No? You're good?
侯默在对空气讲话
Homer's-a talking to nobody.
猫女士在和猫一起吃饭
The Cat Lady is eating with cats.
拉尔夫在龙虾缸里
Ralph is in-a the lobster tank?
我很贵
I'm expensive.
侯默 你做的很好
Homer, you're doing great.
看看这些人 只吃一半
Look at those guys-- eating half portions,
想要保持身材
trying to stay fit.
他们只会让自己遇到我的兄弟们
They're just setting themselves up to meet my buddies
撕裂的前交叉韧带和紧张的神经
Torn ACL and Pinched Nerve.
而你 你是最聪明的
Now, you, you're smart.
你要做的最费力的事情
The most strenuous thing you're gonna do
就是去他妈的老美星条旗
is fart "The Star Spangled Banner."
这个程度可有点困难
Mm, that's got a difficult range.
有没有更和谐一点的
Is there an easier anthem?
我们要做的最有挑战的事就是要点一份千层面
Hey, the riskiest thing we're gonna do is have lasagna.
我们才吃了一份千层面
We just had lasagna.
再吃一份
Have it again!
没人会阻止你
Nobody's gonna stop you.
我爱你
I love you.
你是谁
Who are you?
肝硬化 你以为呢
Cirrhosis. What's it to ya?
侯默 我要去海边了
Homer, I'm going to the beach.
我准备了两份午餐 你也可以来
I packed lunch for two if you want to come.
海边啊
Oh, the beach.
去啊 晒到中暑
Sure. Let's get sunstroke,
筋腱拉伤
a hyperextended tendon,
然后被飞盘斩首
and wrap it up by getting decapitated by a Frisbee.
坚决不去
Hard pass.
抱歉 马姬 坚决不去
Sorry, Marge. Hard pass.
你已经很久没和我一起运动了
It's been so long since you made a move on me.
其他运动也没有
Or any move.
不如我让无人机给你一个吻
Um, how about if I drone you a kiss?
快点 马姬
Hurry up, Marge.
整个早上风都很大
We're gonna catch big air all morning,
睡一下午 然后再炖一整只羊当早餐
sleep all afternoon, then boil a sheep for breakfast.
我过的还是新西兰时间呢
I'm still on New Zealand time.
来这12年了还是适应不了
Been here 12 years but can't shake it.
去吧 侯默 你是我丈夫
Please, Homer, you're my husband.
有活力的生活
Get up and live.
抱歉 马姬 我要凭直觉行事
Sorry, Marge. I got to go with my gut.
如果你一会不跟过来 那你麻烦可大了
If you don't come after me, there's a big problem.
用无人机不算
The drone doesn't count.
今天下午你能看孩子吗
Can you watch the kids this afternoon?
抱歉 马姬
Sorry, Marge.
我的疝气
Hernia.
我们真是好搭档
We make quite a team.
你在跟谁讲话
Who are you talking to?
我脑子里可没有什么自言自语的声音
Hey, I do not have voices in my head.
是在我裆里
They're in my crotch.
还是叫我姐姐们来看孩子吧
Just call my sisters to watch the kids.
咱们把他丢在树林里
Let's drop him in the woods
看看他能不能找到回来的路
and see if he can find his way back.
我的父母开始渐行渐远了
Our parents are drifting apart.
尽管我自己也不喜欢
And as much as I don't enjoy doing this,
我需要我认识的唯一一对
I need the advice of the only couple we know
喜欢彼此的情侣的意见
that seems to like each other.
我勉强接受你们吧
I'm stuck with you.
情感关系其实很简单
Relationships are simple, really.
比如 如果肖娜的好朋友蒂凡尼来找我
Like, if Shauna's best friend Tiffany comes on to me,
我就和肖娜亲热
I make out with Shauna,
但是就当成在和她朋友亲热
but I pretend it's her friend.
蒂凡尼 太棒了
Tiffany. Oh, yeah.
你们俩 你们俩 专心点
Guys. Guys, guys, guys. Let's focus!
专心
Focus.
拜托告诉我点有用的
Please give me something useful.
行吧 你的父母只需要找到
Okay. Your parents have just got to find
他们俩都喜欢做的事情
something they both like doing.
比如 我喜欢嘲笑弱者
Like, I like laughing at losers.
我负责让弱者出现
And I make losers happen.
共同的兴趣
Common interests!
当然了
Of course.
现在回到ESPN-D3-2频道直播
Back now to live coverage
小十二大学高尔夫联赛
of Little XII college golf on ESPN-D3-2,
你在第三体育部的第二个家
your second home for Division III sports.
爸爸 你能载我们去海滩吗
Dad, can you drive us down to the beach?
我们学校有个项目 研究海龟
I have a school project on... sea turtles.
别听他们的
Don't listen to them.
你能看见我
You can see me?!
都是小宝宝最牛逼
It's always the babies.
这里付费
喂 海龟在哪里
Hey. Where are the turtles?
没有海龟 侯默 这是个骗局
There are no turtles, Homer. It's a trick.
这些孩子想帮你 因为他们爱你
These kids are trying to help you, 'cause they love you.
所以根本没有海龟吗
So there never were turtles?
没有
No turtles!
我开始觉得这里根本没有海龟了
I'm starting to think there were no turtles.
马姬
Marge.
她好美
She looks so beautiful.
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