辛普森一家
The Simpsons S30E23
Part 2
Feb. 1, 2020, 7:54 p.m.
And this is how I find out?
我不知道你俩哪个更傻♥逼♥
I don't know which of you two is dumber.
所以说我还是挺神秘的 对吧
So I'm a bit of a mystery, huh? Huh?
下午放学点
马姬 我听说巴仔拿到了A
Marge, I heard Bart got an "A."
-你怎么做到的 -你能保守秘密吗
- How'd you do it? - Can you keep a secret?
只要不是有关一个人的 我就能
Unless it's about a person, yes.
是水晶
It was crystals.
水晶吗
Crystals, huh?
我可以给柯克用一些
I could use some of those for Kirk.
我想用它们铺床
I want to seed the bed with them,
这样他就没办法爬过来睡我了
so he doesn't crawl over to me.
不用担心 我回家路上去弄点
No worries. I'll pick up more on my way home.
法奥水晶店
最后大减价
所有都在售
冥想CD
糟糕 发生了什么
Oh, no, what happened?
我在关门 我想加入的邪教组织里
I'm closing the store. A cot finally opened up
终于有一间屋子空出来了
in this cult I've been trying to get into.
恭喜你吧
Congratulations, I guess.
我还能买♥♥水晶吗
Can I still buy crystals?
拿去就是了
Just take 'em.
其实 你可以拿走我所有存货
In fact, you can have my entire inventory.
谢谢
Thank you.
现在 进入前往天堂的战车
Now, enter my chariot to Heaven.
你确定吗
Are you sure about this?
当然 作为人类我正在上升到更高层次
Of course! I'm ascending to a higher level of being.
现在 姐♥妹♥们♥
Now, sisters,
让我们用马克笔涂满眼白
let us Sharpie in the whites of our eyes.
"在递交给新主人之前
"Before passing on to a new owner,
"水晶应该被抹去旧的能量
"Crystals should be cleared of their old energy
用水和硫磺混合物就可以做到"
with a combination of water and sulfur."
那不就是从咱们龙头里流出来的吗
Which is just what comes out of our tap!
水晶让柯克得到了新工作
The crystals got Kirk a new job.
有制♥服♥的那种
With a uniform!
没错 我成了球童
That's right, I'm a batboy.
内尔森测试得了A
Nelson got an "A" On his test!
这会直接贴上前院的冰箱门
This is going right up on the refrigerator in the front yard.
马姬 我们要更多水晶
Marge, we need more crystals.
我都不是百分百确定这东西能成功
I'm not even 100% sure these things work.
我真的该卖♥♥给他们吗
Should I really be selling them?
这些可能会让我不再酗酒
You know, these just might make me stop drinking.
我应该卖♥♥
I guess I should.
我要把它们磨成粉吸食
I'm gonna grind 'em up and snort 'em.
老新潮店
马姬 巴特在我班上又拿了优
Marge, another "A" In my class for Bart.
真没想到巴特这样多动的孩子
I'm so impressed that a boy with Bart's jiggly-wigglies
靠这种异教的垃圾能智愈
could be cured by this pagan hogwash.
事实胜于狡辩
You can't argue with facts.
天啊 我们的黑曜石快卖♥♥完了
Oh, dear, we're running low on obsidian.
月亮药水也快没了
Almost out of moon potion.
脑白金也渣都不剩了
And there's no more brain powder.
脑白金我能卖♥♥你一堆
I can sell you brain powder in bulk.
林赛·内格尔
什么都做
脑白金就是用它的脑子做的
Here's whose brain the powder is from.
它是一头牛 一头很聪明的牛
It's a cow, but a very smart one.
你还卖♥♥什么
What else do you sell?
按♥摩♥石 铜手链
Oh, massage stones, copper bracelets,
捕梦网
dream catchers,
捕梦网滤网替网
dream catcher filter replacements.
这张捕了不少梦
This old one is full of dreams.
我什么也没看见
I don't see anything in it.
你看不见吗 你走上人生巅峰的梦想
Don't you see it? Your dream of being a massive success?
看见没 就在这里 看见了吗
You see it? Right there. See it?
就在这里 看见没
Right there. See it?
我好像看见了
I think I am starting to see it.
你确定吗 你真的看见了吗
Are you sure? Do you really?
看到了
I see it!
好的 低调
Yeah, okay, bring it down.
别学奥普拉 学学乔普拉
Less Oprah, more Chopra.
我看到了 我想我可以拓展我的产品线
I see it. I guess I could expand my product line.
然后自己赚钱 丰衣足食
Then I can really start making my own money,
不用再依靠侯默了
not be dependent on Homer.
你刚说"不用再依靠侯默"对吗
Did I hear "Not dependent on Homer"?
耶 我退休了
Boom. Retired.
你还是应该去上班的
You should still go in to work.
我连怎么去的都不记得了
I don't think I even remember how to get there.
你今天还去上班了
You were just there today.
我装的很像 对吧
Feels like that, doesn't it?
我们喃喃家应有尽有
Here at MURMUR, we have everything
母亲有求 我们必应
a holistic mother might need.
仙人掌奶
捕仙瓶
西♥藏♥乐磬
仙人掌奶
Cactus milk.
柳条分娩椅
Wicker birthing chairs.
捕仙瓶
Fairy traps.
西♥藏♥乐磬
Tibetan singing bowls.
你们的蛋白椰子饼用的椰子是放养的吗
Are these macaroons free-range?
是的 我们只采用自然落地的新鲜椰子
Yes. Only made from coconuts that fall from the tree
或者是被猴子骗下来的
or are gently coaxed by woke monkeys.
我很抱歉 马姬
I'm sorry, Marge,
我得勒令你关门
I'm gonna have to shut you down.
因为你没有零售营业执照
You don't have a retail business license.
警长 营业执照我看就没有必要了吧
Well, Chief, do I really need a license
你看那款大♥麻♥身体乳莎拉那么喜欢
to sell that hemp body lotion Sarah likes so much?
而且我还要免费再送你一瓶
And which is free to you?
不要钱 那我也喜欢
Ooh, I like it, too!
不过这么点是打发不了我的
But I'm gonna need more than that.
天啊 玛姬
Oh, Marge!
这招我以前只用在假♥钞♥和香肠上过
I've only done this before with Monopoly money and salami!
钱哪儿去了
Where'd it go?
在这里 亲爱的
It's all right here, baby.
咱们今天赚了1000美元
We made $1,000 today.
扣掉商品成本之后呢
What's that without the cost of goods?
998美元
$998.
我爱你
I love you.
*不美吗*
*Ain't it beautiful*
*这水晶蓝的信仰*
*Crystal blue persuasion*
*快做好准备*
*Better get ready*
冰糖
*找到光源*
*Gonna see the light*
按♥摩♥油
*爱 爱即答案*
*Love, love is the answer*
*仅此而已*
*And that's all right*
*你不如现在放弃吧*
*So don't you give up now*
*如此唾手可得*
*So easy to find*
*审视你的灵魂*
*Just look to your soul*
*审视你的灵魂*
*Look to your soul*
*敞开你的心扉*
*And open your mind*
水晶大教堂
*这水晶蓝的信仰*
*Crystal blue persuasion, mmm.*
看来这堆水晶
So, those crystals
打通了你脑子里的任督二脉
must really be uncloggin' your noggin, huh?
对 有了它们 60+63这样的数学题
Yep. They're making math problems like 60 + 63
简单的就像123
as easy as 1-2-3.
那60+63等于多少
And what is 60 + 63?
是一百二十三
It's 1-2-3!
我会识破你的骗局的
I'll figure out your scam.
抱歉 丽莎
Sorry, Lis,
钵太吵了 我听不清
I can't hear you over the bowl.
你逃不掉的
You won't get away with it!
我要阻止你
I will stop you!
因为这是不
Because this is not...
佛音钵
Singing bowl,
你让人感到平静
辛普森一家
The Simpsons
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