辛普森一家

The Simpsons S30E15

Part 2 Feb. 1, 2020, 7:53 p.m.

判被告人有罪
I find the defendant guilty.
法官阁下在此受审的不是我
Your Honor, I'm not the one on trial here.
是就是你
Yes, you are.
我说雇个律师他说浪费钱
"Hire a lawyer," I said. "Waste of money," He said.
这就是我花时间当观众的原因
This is what I spend my time in courtroom audiences for.
这里就是我的星巴克
This is my Starbucks.
量刑审判
两周用两周力挽狂澜
Two weeks, two weeks to turn this around.
丽莎我们能不能让这个国家
Lisa, can we get the state
在接下来的两周之内
to change its sentencing guidelines
改变量刑标准呢
in the next two weeks?
立法议程已经很满了
Ah, the legislative calendar is pretty full.
第二周又是复活节休假
And they take off the second week for Easter.
罗马人的复活节到拜占庭的世界这算个屁
Roman Easter! To the Byzantine world, it's nothing!
我们怕是要准备好面对
I'm afraid we have to prepare for the possibility
你进监狱的可能了
that you might go to prison.
艺术与监禁频道为您呈现
The Arts and Incarceration Channel presents...
当软男
干硬仗
你会给新狱友什么建议呢
What advice would you give to a new inmate?
万物皆武器
Everything can be a weapon.
我见过一人被没煮过的意大利面抠了眼睛
I saw a guy get his eye gouged with uncooked spaghetti.
听起来你见过不少事
You sound like you've seen a lot.
我见过也做过很多并不会自豪的事
I've seen things and done things I ain't proud of.
我是个牧师
And I'm the chaplain.
我受不了了马姬
I can't take this, Marge.
也许我能和漫画男达成和解
Maybe I can make peace with Comic Book Guy.
你行吗他可爱生气了
Do you think so? He's an angry man.
他最喜欢的东西和最讨厌的都是星战
His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he hates Star Wars.
我会去跟他谈谈
I'll talk to him.
小心点马姬他是个又懒又肥的笨蛋
Careful, Marge. He's a lazy, overweight slob.
别爱上他啊
Don't fall in love with him.
歇业因为不高兴
营业但还在愤怒
安卓副本和棒球卡商店
漫画男我丈夫感到非常抱歉
Comic Book Guy, my husband is really sorry.
辐射人从未开箱
他是搞砸了但他不该进监狱
Okay, he screwed up. But he doesn't belong in prison.
我可不这样想那辆车对我来说很特别
I beg to differ. That car is very special to me.
我小时候我爸用这车带着我
When I was young, my father took me in it to...
-去买♥♥漫画书 -不是漫画书
- Buy comic books? - No, not comic books.
我的生活里不仅仅只是漫画书好吗
Everything in my life is not comic books, okay?
我们去买♥♥了棒球卡片
We bought baseball cards.
我们会修缮你的车复原漫画书
Look, we'll detail your car and fix your comic book.
我要的不是车我要的是尊严
This is not about my car. It is about me getting respect.
我要用五美元买♥♥下所有《小露露》的书
I want all the Little Lulus five dollars can buy.
干脆点赫特人布洛巴
And make it snappy, Blobba the Hutt.
贾巴在赫特人里算苗条的了
Jabba is actually quite slim! For a Hutt.
交出小露露漫画
Just get the Lulus.
不然我就去隔壁熊工坊家买♥♥
Or I'll take my business to Build-A-Bear.
拿走吧值五美元的《小露露》
Here you go. Five dollars' worth of Little Lulus.
对于你我可不会动摇
As for you, I am not budging.
就像超人孤独堡垒的大门那样坚固
Like the door of Superman's Fortress of Solitude
愚蠢的蓝甲虫居然还想拜访
when the Beatles tried to visit. Pure folly.
那漫画一点也不经典
That comic is noncanonical.
我店里唯一不经典的就只有
The only thing noncanonical in my store is Snoopy
在不适宜的越战广♥告♥中扮成洛克中士的史努比
dressed as Sgt. Rock for an ill-timed Vietnam war ad.
人头数=幸福
我明白了抱歉打扰了
I see. Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you.
出去时别让那个门打到你[也有送客含义]
Yes, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
我认真的门才刷过漆
No, seriously. It's just been painted.
那你真是好心啊
Oh. That's what being nice gets you.
老妈老爸我在网上发现了答案
Mom, Dad, I think I found the answer on the Internet!
丽莎油管上不会出来什么好东西的
Lisa, nothing good ever comes from YouTube.
除了鸭鸭吃西瓜的视频
Except ducks eating watermelon.
真的刑罚减轻视频
No, no. Sentencing mitigation videos.
这些人拍些取巧的视频讨法官同情
People have had their jail terms reduced,
让自己能被轻判
or even gotten off death row
甚至不用被执行死刑
by producing slick video appeals to the judge.
终于有钱人能让制度向自己倾斜了
Finally, a way for rich people to bend the system their way.
伯恩斯先生就曾用
Mr. Burns got off the hook once
吉尔默·德尔·托罗拍摄的视频脱罪
by using a video directed by Guillermo del Toro.
大家好我是电影导演吉尔默·德尔·托罗
Hello, I am, uh, film director Guillermo del Toro.
我小时候就很喜欢怪兽
Uh, when I was a young boy, I fell in love with monsters.
弗兰肯斯坦怪金刚金刚之子
Frankenstein's monster, King Kong, Son of Kong,
吸血鬼诺斯费拉图哥斯拉机械哥斯拉
Nosferatu, Godzilla, Mechagodzilla,
哥斯拉的侄子哥祖奇
Godzilla's nephew Godzooky,
毛毛虫魔斯拉蛾子魔斯拉
Mothra the caterpillar, Mothra the moth,
变形怪体中的变形怪
the Blob from The Blob...
还有哥斯拉的表弟谢尔顿·哥斯拉
and Godzilla's cousin, Sheldon Godzilla.
怪兽商学院
知名度低些但是同样地令人害怕
Lesser known but equally horrifying.
他们是怪兽但他们也会爱
Monsters, yes. But they are capable of love.
让我们来认识下蒙哥马利·伯恩斯
Which brings us to Montgomery Burns.
大家好
Oh, hello.
有人提起我了吗
Did someone mention me?
他从出生时起就被嫌弃
From birth, he was not wanted.
育婴室
然后真正的怪兽出现了
Then came the real monsters:
仅仅因为富有就被校霸们厌恶
the bullies that hated him just because he was wealthy.
不过也可能因为他啰嗦得令人心烦
And maybe he rubbed it in a little.
校长室
但是没有人了解真正的伯恩斯先生
But no one knows the real Mr. Burns.
燕麦
我爱伯恩斯先生
I love Se?or Burns.
你是哪个
Who are you?
他是远古邪神克苏鲁
He combines the ancient evil of Cthulhu
和瘦魔人修长身姿的完美结合
with the trim physique of Slender Man.
《瘦魔人》
超自然恐怖片
乔治亚电影委员会
伯恩斯先生证明了在所谓怪物的胸膛中
Se?or Burns demonstrates that in all so-called monsters
都跳动着一颗鲜活的心感谢收听
beats a heart. Thank you for listening.
同时感谢乔治亚电影委员会
And thank you, Georgia Film Commission,
给我打了八八折
for the 22% discount.
我会在闲人聚集地等着大家
I'll see you wherever free people congregate.
比如耶鲁俱乐部
Like the Yale Club.
也许我对邪恶的定义一直不对
Wow. Maybe I've been all wrong about evil.
德尔·托罗导演再次揭开了黑暗表面
Once again, Mr. Del Toro stripped away the darkness
吉尔莫·德尔·托罗《水形物语》的导演
并找到了隐藏的美丽内核
and found beauty at its core.
就像那个和鱼相亲相爱的电影
Like that fish-snuggling movie.
抱歉
Excuse me.
密苏里牌照 YABF07
也是本集的制♥作♥编号♥
你还说你从没去过密苏里
Ah... you told me you've never been to Missouri.
你是对的亲爱的好莱坞可以解决一切
You're right, honey. Hollywood can solve anything.
除了它自身创造力和多样性不足的问题
Except its own lack of creativity and diversity.
我们要怎么做这玩意儿
Now, how do we make this thing?
我觉得该找一个电视录像制♥作♥人
I think we should use a videographer.
城里刚好有个被剩下的
There's one left in town.
老乔治的婚礼录像店
让这家将死之店来记录你的婚姻坟墓
我会为你的婚礼视频竭尽全力
I will do anything for your wedding video.
彩色还是黑白任你选择
Color, black and white,
还有宝丽来"潮人"胶片机嚓嚓酷毙
or Polaroid Swinger, cha cha cha.
宝丽来"潮人"胶片机
上世纪六七十年代的产品
不过得提醒你我拿相机会手抖
I gotta warn you, my camera hand is shaky
因为我严重缺乏维生素E
because I have a major vitamin E deficiency.
但是问题不大只要你随着抖动频率点头
No problemo. It works fine if you just
就完全看不出来
nod your head like this...
我们也可以自己拍
You know, we could just do it ourselves.
说得对我的事业就是这么消亡的
Yeah. Those are the words that are killing my profession.
老谋子酒馆
现在你对着镜头说我的好话
Now you say nice things about me.
你想让我说啥
So what is it you're looking for?
就是普通的话吗还是其他的人话
Words or something? Uh, human words?
侯默·辛普森很顾家的男人
Okay, uh, Homer Simpson, uh, well, real family man.
经常带他的孩子们来酒馆
Yeah. Always brings his kids into the bar.
他们都是乖孩子不像那些贵族病客人
Not one of them aristocrats who gets all bent out of shape
看到啤酒杯里有只老鼠就暴跳如雷