生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S10E05

Part 2 Oct. 7, 2019, 9:57 a.m.

and headed for the storm cellar.
莱纳德也会冲着我呼吸
Leonard breathes on me, too.
这没什么
It's not a big deal.
她总是抱怨同事不好
She's always complaining about people at work.
莱纳德也是这样
Well, so does Leonard.
虽然很烦人但也不像世界末日那样严重啊
It's kind of annoying, but it's not the end of the world.
你知道吗我洗完澡出来
Do you know that when I get out of the shower,
她对我上下打量好像人家只是一坨小鲜肉
she eyes me up and down like I'm a piece of meat?
莱纳德也这样
You know, so does Leonard.
就不能有一天我早上洗漱时
Can't I just get ready in the morning
他不举起他的傻♥逼♥拇指吗
without him giving me his goofy thumbs-up?
我懂
I know.
有时候我真希望她欣赏的是我的头脑
Sometimes I would just like to be appreciated for my mind.
同意握爪
Agreed! Thank you!
好舒服
That feels great.
是吧从你耳朵变出一个硬币来
Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear
并不是这双手唯一会的魔法
isn't the only magic these hands can do.
话说你脚趾间的是什么呀
In fact, wh-what's this between your toes?!
你能消停两分钟
Can you please stop
别再从我身上变钱出来吗
making money come out of me for two minutes?
是前门吗
Was that the front door?
听起来是的
It sounded like it.
我的天有人进屋了
Oh, my God. Someone's in the house.
锁门锁门
Lock the door, lock the door!
我们应该报♥警♥
We should call the police. Uh...
我的手♥机♥在楼下
I left my phone downstairs.
见鬼我也一样
Damn, so did I.
等等我的iPad在这里我们怎么办
Wait, I have my iPad! What are we gonna do?
给警♥察♥发邮件吗
E-mail 911?
说这种话没用
That's not helpful!
你知道我在压力下都靠幽默缓解
You know I rely on humor in times of stress.
等你要开始幽默了再告诉我因为刚才不好笑
Let me know when you start, because that wasn't funny!
是热水浴缸的声音吗
Is that the hot tub?
谁会用咱家的热水浴缸
Who would use our hot tub?
比起你想的答案既令人安心
Well, the answer is both more and less disturbing
也让人更恶心
than you think.
是谁
Who is it?
斯图尔特
Stuart.
他听到我提及咱们要出门
He heard me talking about us going away.
看来他决定不请自来了
I guess he decided to invite himself over?
我们要跟他说点什么吗
Should we say something to him?
也许说这个如何
Maybe. How 'bout,
"你看起来像块煮熟的鸡胸肉"
"Hey, you look like a boiled chicken breast"?
我是说问他 "你在这里做什么"
I meant like, "What are you doing here?"
不要那样伤不到他的心
Nah, that's not gonna hurt his feelings.
为什么他这么难相处
Why is nothing easy with him?
关于谢尔顿有一点你要知道
Look, here's the thing you need to understand about Sheldon:
他烂透了
he's the worst.
我宁愿想成是难以相处
I prefer to think of it as high-maintenance.
我宁愿想自己身高有1米78
I prefer to think of myself as five-ten,
但我所有的裤子依然得裁短
but I still need to get all my pants hemmed.
我想我早该知道会有如此下场
I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into.
别难为自己
Don't beat yourself up.
你以前没和任何人同居过
You've never lived with anyone before.
-没错 -你的第一个同居对象
- That's true. - And you're starting out
就是谢尔顿·库珀
with Sheldon Cooper.
这就像第一次养宠物就养的是...
That's like getting your first pet and having it be--
我不知道
I don't know...
什么宠物能毁掉你的人生
What's a kind of pet that ruins your life?
你这话没有安慰作用
You're not making me feel better.
佩妮和我刚开始同居时
Look, even when Penny and I started living together,
也是有学习过程的
there was a-a learning curve.
但我向你保证会越来越好的
But I promise you, it does get easier.
他在浴室里放了个标牌上面写着
He put a sign up in the bathroom that says,
"肥皂上没有艾米头发的天数"
"Number of days without Amy's hair on the soap."
对
Yeah.
我的记录是六天
My record was six.
你是不是也觉得看着他
Is it me, or is there something fun
漂在那里挺有意思的
about watching him just float there?
也许这就是人们养鱼的原因
Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.
谁打开了门廊的灯
Who just turned the porch lights on?
还有其他人吗
Is someone else here?
他们肯定忘了关热水浴缸
They must have left the tub on.
幸好我来了
Good thing I stopped by.
你在这里做什么
What are you doing here?!
你又在这里做什么
What are you doing here?!
也许霍华德和伯纳黛特说了我可以来
Maybe Howard and Bernadette said I could be here!
他们说了吗
Did they?
回答问题你在这里做什么
Answer the question! What are you doing here?!
我今晚没事做
I had nothing else to do tonight.
过去几个月
The last couple of months,
我知道他们不在家时便会来这里
I come here when I know they're not home.
什么
What?!
有次我在灌木丛被他们听到
They heard me in the bushes once,
但他们以为是浣熊
but they thought it was a raccoon.
我就跟你说浣熊不会说"噢哦"
I told you raccoons don't say "Uh-oh."
有一晚莱纳德的鼻息声太大
You know, one night, Leonard's nose whistled so loud,
我发誓就像睡在火车轨上一样
I swear it was like sleeping on a train track.
-你有注意到一直是降A调吗 -是吗
- Have you noticed it's always an A-flat? - Is it?
就像他的鼻窦炎就在车里一样
It's like his sinuses are right here in the car.
如果我们只是漫无目的地瞎晃悠
If we're just going to drive around aimlessly,
至少你可以送我去吃冰淇淋吧
the least you could do is take me for ice cream.
好我带你去吃冰淇淋
Yeah, I'll take you for ice cream.
瞧为什么艾米不能这么听话呢
Well, see, why can't Amy be that subservient?
才交♥媾♥了一次心态就变得像女权主义者了
She has coitus one time, suddenly she's Gloria Steinem.
总之我想冰淇淋店应该是
Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor
结交其他女生的好地方
will be a good place to meet other women.
拜托你极不情愿地
Oh, please, you're barely interested
和一个女人发生肉体关系
in a physical relationship with one person.
你为什么还要给其他女人带去困惑和失望呢
Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others?
和艾米的关系唤醒了我内在的性野兽
Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within.
现在我看到街上的漂亮姑娘我就会
When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think,
像其他男人一样想着"哎哟美女"
"Hubba hubba" like any other guy.
你用说这话的嘴亲你的妈妈吗
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
完全没问题
'Cause it's fine.
给你
Here you go.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们要干杯吗
Shall we toast?
敬霍华德和伯纳黛特
To Howard and Bernadette,
还有他们从未要我交还的钥匙
and the house key they never asked me to return.
你说你拿回来了
You said you got it back.
很明显我说谎了
Well, clearly, I lied.
你的公♥寓♥怎么样
So how's your apartment?
不怎么样没电了
Not great. The electricity's out.
你为什么不找人修呢
So why don't you get it fixed?
我打了电♥话♥ 他们说 "先交电费"
I called, and they're like, "Pay your bill!"
如果你需要地方住可以随时去我家
Of you ever need somewhere to crash, there's always my place.
不我不想打扰你
Oh, no. I don't want to be an inconvenience.
你有那些女性朋友
You've got all your lady friends, and...
事实上我现在单身了
Actually, I'm single now.
什么
What?!
这是什么时候的事
When did that happen?
没事这是选择的结果
It's okay. It's by choice.
她们的选择所以不好
Well, their choice, and it's not okay.
抱歉我不知道
Oh. Sorry. I didn't know.
没人知道我觉得太丢人所以谁都没说
Nobody does. I was embarrassed so I didn't say anything.
他为什么没告诉我们
Why wouldn't he tell us?
我们是差劲的朋友吗
Are we bad friends?
他泡着咱家的热水浴缸喝着咱家的酒
He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
他活该当单身狗
Yeah, he deserves to be alone.
所以你现在重回泡妞阵营了