生活大爆炸
The Big Bang Theory S05E01
Part 1
Feb. 16, 2020, 9:30 a.m.
"天才理论传" 前情提要
Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
我哥 他非常迷恋Bernadette
My brother-- he's got a big crush on Bernadette.
你要回印度?
You're moving back to India?
什么情况?
What's going on?
不是你们看到的那样
It's-It's not what it looks like.
我们看到的哪样?
What does it look like?
现在
and now
不是你们看到的那样
It's not what it looks like.
不是你们看到的那样
It's not what it looks like.
你在叨叨什么?
What are you grinding about?
Penny今早的脑筋急转弯
Penny's brain teaser this morning.
她和Koothrappali从你房♥间出来
She and Koothrappali emerge from your bedroom.
衣冠不整 而Raj仅披着床单
She is disheveled,and Raj is dressed only in a sheet.
唯一的线索是"不是你们看到的那样"
The sole clue: "It's not what it looks like."
别纠结了 Sheldon
Just let it go,Sheldon.
我能的话就好了 但我不能 所以不行
If I could,I would,but I can't,so I shan't.
根据Penny的习性 很显然他们上♥床♥了
Now,knowing Penny,the obvious answer is,they engaged in coitus.
但... 因为"不是看起来的那样" 那情况可以排除
But... since that's what it looked like,we can rule that out.
我们仔细考虑下吧(戴上冥想帽)
Let's put on our thinking cap,shall we?
Raj来自印度 一个热带国家
Raj is from India,a tropical country.
卫生状况很差
Third World hygiene.
寄生虫传染病很流行 比如说蛲虫病
Parasitic infections are common,such as pinworms.
诊断蛲虫病的步骤是 等到病人睡着
The procedure for diagnosing pinworms is to wait until the subject is asleep,
看有没有虫子 从肛♥门♥里爬出来呼吸
and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air.
对 就是那样
Yes,just like that.
Penny有可能是在观察Raj的肛♥门♥ 有没有寄生虫
Penny could have been inspecting Raj's anal region for parasites.
哦 天哪
Oh,boy.
这才是真正的朋友
That's a true blue friend.
他们上♥床♥了 福尔摩斯
They slept together,Sherlock.
不 你没仔细听
No,you weren't listening.
她说"不是你们看到的那样"
She said it's not what it looks like.
她在说谎
She lied.
那我戴着这个岂不是很傻
Don't I look silly sitting here wearing this?
Leonard 看到你的一个好朋友 和你曾经深爱的女孩
Leonard,is it awkward for you knowing that one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse
在你躺着休息的地方交♥配♥ 你是不是很尴尬?
with a woman you used to love in the very place you lay your head?
不 我当然没事
No,I'm fine with it.
听起来像挖苦 但我不在乎 因为我有个提议 漆弹比赛
That sounds like sarcasm,but I'm going to disregard it,because I have an agenda-- paintball.
本周末是系际漆弹锦标赛
Specifically,the interdepartmental tournament this weekend.
为了更好的团队协作
In order to function better as a fighting unit,
我们应该设定一套指挥制度
I thought we should establish a chain of command.
毋庸置疑 我比你们都高阶
Now,it goes without saying that I would outrank the three of you,
但问题是 高多少?
but the question remains,by how much?
我可不会当四星将军
Now,I don't see me as some four-star general,
在总部坐办公室 和国防部长打打高尔夫
back at HQ riding a desk and playing golf with the Secretary of Defense.
但我也不能是Cooper中士
But I also can't be Sergeant Cooper,
那样的话你们会认为 我只是个路人甲而已
because that might lead you to think of me as just a regular Joe.
我可能得想一会儿 你们继续
This might take some thought.As you were.
你疯了吧?
What the hell is wrong with you?
是啊 你怎么能那么做?
Yeah,how could you do that?
- 跟你有什么关系? - 我支持他
- What is it to you? - I got his back.
是啊 你就是嫉妒 在Leonard之后 Penny选择了我
Yeah,right.You're just jealous because it turns out I'm Penny's number two choice after Leonard.
嘿 如果我没有和Bernadette订婚 很可能就是我
Hey,if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette,that totally could have been me.
算了吧 Sheldon都比你有机会 他还可能没有生殖器
Please.Sheldon would have been before you,and he might not even have genitals!
你在乎个啥?
Why do you care so much?
你在和我妹妹交往 Penny和我相爱了
You're dating my sister,and Penny and I are in love.
什么?
What?!
先生们 我插一句 我决定我的军衔是上尉
Gentlemen,if I may interject,I've decided my rank will be captain.
如果它配得上Kirk(星际迷航) 脆脆(麦片)和袋鼠(儿童剧)的话
If it's good enough for Kirk,Crunch and Kangaroo,
那也配得上我
it's good enough for me.
(这几个人的头衔 都是Captain)
***
你没有和Penny相爱
You're not in love with Penny.
我有
Yes,I am.
迦摩天神已经把爱之花箭射向我们了
The god Kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love.
谁?
Who?
他是印度版的丘比特 但比他好多了 他骑着巨大的鹦鹉
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,but way better,because he rides a giant parrot.
Raj 省省吧
Raj,come on.
哪个女孩冲你笑 你都能爱上
You fall in love with any girl who smiles at you.
一个月前 你还给他未婚妻写了首诗呢
A month ago,you were writing poems about his fianc.
不好意思 啥诗?
I'm sorry.What?!
扯淡 他在扯淡
Rubbish.He's talking rubbish.
"Bernadette 请来给我吹♥箫♥吧"
"Oh,Bernadette,please play my clarinet."
那可能是写给别人的啊
That could have been about anyone.
再说 你现在也不用担心 我已经和Penny好上了
Besides,you have nothing to worry about,because now I'm the dusky half of Koothrapenny.
郑重声明 我有生殖器
For the record,I do have genitals.
它们没问题 而且看起来还不错
They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.
来了
Well.coming
不错
Yup,that's good.
酒杯就该有把手
Wine glasses should have handles.
精确记录你的摄酒量
Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake.
明智之举 因为你只喝一点 就捅了个大篓子
Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few.
你听说了?
You heard what I did?
我还知道你和谁做了
Well,I heard who you did.
天哪 事情都给我搞砸了
Oh,my God,I screwed up everything.
我伤害了Leonard
I hurt Leonard.
伤害了Raj
I hurt Raj.
我究竟有什么问题?
I mean,what is wrong with me?
我就像被化身博士和淫♥荡♥♥女♥神 同时附体一样
I feel like two totally different people-- Dr.Jekyll and Mrs.Whore.
不要太自责
Don't be so hard on yourself.
你知道凯瑟琳大帝的故事吗?
Do you know the story of Catherine the Great?
不知道
No.
她在17世纪统治着俄♥国♥ 有一天晚上
She ruled Russia in the late 1700s,and one night,
她性♥欲♥大发
when she was feeling particularly randy,
她就用一个复杂的滑轮系统 和一匹马亲密
she used an intricate system of pulleys to have intimate relations with a horse.
不好意思
I'm... I'm sorry.
这和我有什么关系?
What does this have to do with me?
她都跟动物爱爱了 人们依然叫她"大帝"
She engaged in interspecies hanky-panky,and people still call her "Great."
所以你和一印度人上♥床♥ 根本不算什么
I'm sure your reputation can survive you shagging a little Indian boy.
你这个混♥蛋♥!
You jerk face!
你和Howard说什么了?
What did you tell Howard?!
你是不是说我俩有暧昧
Did you say there was something going on between us?
他当真了 完全崩溃了
Because he thinks there is!He's completely freaking out!
欢迎 请进
Please,come in.
你哪根筋搭错了
What the hell is wrong with you?!
好吧 你总是对我不错 我以为你可能喜欢我
Well...You were always so nice to me,I thought maybe you liked me.
我对每个人都不错
I'm nice to everyone!
我错了
I'm sorry.
大错特错
Damn right,you're sorry!
你去跟Howard说清楚 我俩啥关系没有
And you tell Howard there's never been anything between us!
我会的
I will.
- 嗨 Bernadette - 干嘛
- Hey,Bernadette? - What?!
你觉得我追Penny有戏吗
Do you think I have a shot with Penny?
有戏得要死 你这么可爱
Of course you do.You're a cutie pie!
谁被你看上算是走大运了
Any girl would be lucky to have you!
知道不 这事我以前也干过
You know,I've done this before.
我上幼儿园时 本该在课间嫁给Jason Sorensen
In kindergarten,I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess,
但等我们班下课 他已经和Chelsea Himmelfarb订婚了
but by the time my class got out there,he was already engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
怎么办
So what did I do?
我就去攀吊架旁边倒立 让所有男生看我的内♥裤♥
Hung upside down from the monkey bars,let all the boys see my underpants.
你不必自怨自艾
You can't blame yourself.
当脑前额皮质不能让你开心时 滥交能提供你所需的大量多巴胺
When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy,promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine.
在神经生物学上称此为"浪♥女♥效应"
We neurobiologists refer to this as the "skank reflex.
算了 我们出去吧
" You know what?Let's get out of here.
去哪?
Where are we going?
去没人看过我裸体的地方
Somewhere where no one's seen me naked.
那可能得开比较远了
We may have to drive awhile.
她这人挺实诚的 对吧?
Subtlety isn't her strong suit,is it?
我能去你那住几晚不
Can I stay at your place for a few nights?
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The Big Bang Theory
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