谢尔顿保守秘密四处搬家
知道了吧 你吃的这个 不算是真的酸奶酪
so you see what you eating is not technically yogurt,
因为里面没有足够的 活的嗜酸培养菌
because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.
只不过是冰牛奶里加了点 角叉胶 增加粘稠度
It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
喔 真有意思哈
Oh,that's very interesting.
它也不真是粉红色 也没有天然浆果粒
It's also not pink and has no berries.
嗯 可这也没有回答我的问题呐
Yeah,but it doesn't really answer my question.
你问的啥问题?
What was your question again?
你要来点儿不?
Do you want some?
对对 不用了
Right. No.
- 我受不了乳糖的 - 对哦
- I'm lactose intolerant. - Right.
- 吃了会放屁的 - 好吧 明白了
- So,gas. - Yeah,got it.
那么... 晚安了
Well... good night.
你这是做什么呢?
What are you doing?
哦 那边有阵风
Oh,there's a draft.
我没觉得有风啊
I didn't feel a draft.
那我们还是去... 你的...
Why don't we just go into,uh,your...
我说 也许我们不该那么着急
Yeah,you know what,maybe we should slow things down a little.
不 我不是说要去你公寓 去急着干嘛干嘛
No,no,I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast.
当然了 我知道
No,I know.
我知道你不是那意思 只是... 这才是咱俩第一次约会
I know what you meant,it's just... this is only our first date.
嗯 好啊 没问题
Yeah,okay,sure,no problem.
那我们就先想想 下次要去哪儿 准备啥时候到那儿
Why don't we just figure out where we're going and when we want to get there,
这样距离除以时间 就知道速度了呗
and then rate of speed equals distance over time.
问题解决
Solve for R.
我们也可以到时候再想嘛
Or we could just wing it.
那没准也行
That might work,too.
- 晚安 莱纳德- 晚安
- Good night,Leonard. - Good night.
他来了 快上屏保!
He's coming-- screensaver!
嘿 莱纳德约会怎么样哇?
Oh,hey,Leonard. How was your date?
要你管
Bite me.
谢尔顿 你怎么能傻坐着 眼睁睁看他们监视我呢?
Sheldon,how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
他们油菜啊 莱纳德
They were clever,Leonard.
他们完全明白 我对你那些破事儿 一点兴趣没有
They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.
你还该谢谢我们呢
You should thank us.
要是后来人想弄明白 你和佩妮的恋情为啥会土崩瓦解
When future generations try to determine why your relationship with Penny crashed and burned,
这玩意儿就是黑匣子呐!
this right here is the black box.
你胡说什么 约会挺好的
What are you talking about? The date went fine.
拜托 她都说了 想要慢慢来
Dude,she said she wants to slow things down.
好吧 她是说了 想要慢慢来
Okay,so she said she wants to slow things down.
意思差不多就是 "今天的晚餐我非常喜欢
It's like saying,"I'm really enjoying this meal.
我得慢慢来 好好回味一下"
I'm going to slow down and savor it."
才怪 她的意思是 "这鱼真难吃死了
No,it's like,"This fish tastes bad,
我得慢慢来 吐光了它"
so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
- 这臭鱼说的就是你! - 我才不是这臭鱼呢
- You being the fish. - I'm not the fish.
真的? 你俩定了下一次约会吗?
Oh,really? Did you make a second date?
这倒没有... 我们说好了 到时候再想
Well,no,we sort of decided to wing it.
得了吧 连我都觉得这太逊了
Oh,even I know that's lame.
行啊 咱就说说你的假设
Okay,all right,let's assume your hypothesis.
我们一起去吃饭 有说有笑 有吻有抱
We went to dinner,we talked,we laughed,we kissed.
这还能错到哪儿去啊?
Where could I have possibly gone wrong?
你好好想想 莱纳德
Think back,Leonard.
再小的事情都能让女人爆发
The littlest things can set women off.
比方说 "嘿 这服务生真辣 我打赌 肯定能让她跟咱回家"
Like,"Hey,the waitress is hot,I bet we could get her to come home with us."
或者 "你妈妈有多重呐?
Or,"How much does your mom weigh?
我想知道我搭上的是啥样的妞儿"
I want to know what I'm getting into."
这种话我才不会说
I didn't say anything like that.
很好 因为这么说不管用
Good,'cause they don't work.
她们也不关心 你是不是盯着她们 呼吸加速
They also don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate.
挺惨的 在我们家 这就像是家族传统
Sadly,that's my home run swing.
我说 一切都挺好的
Look,everything went fine.
连事先准备的一些开场白都没用到呢
I didn't even have to refer to my impromptu conversation starters.
走廊对面那个女孩 就是喜欢我嘛
That woman across the hall is into me.
咱还是看带子吧
Let's go to the tape.
你瞧她临别一吻的时候 那反应
Look at her reaction to the good night kiss.
呼吸平稳 瞳孔没有放大 胸口也没啥起伏
No change in respiration,pupils un-dilated,no flushing of the chest.
这特写镜头拍的真赞
Nice close-up,by the way.
有意思嘿 她的下巴很紧 也没有用舌头
Interesting. Her jaws are clenched: no tongue access.
对于寻偶期的人类来说 这可不是啥好消息
Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.
这怎么就不是好消息了
That's not a bad sign.
得了吧 还不如说你们是两只鬣蜥 只是喉部没有垂肉罢了
Please,you might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.
最糟的就是 这会儿你不在她家 而在这里!
And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there.
我不在她家 因为我也决定慢慢来 这个...
I'm not there because I'm taking things slow,which,
跟你们比起来 都快接近星际速度了
by the way,compared to you guys,approaches warp speed.
快把摄像头给我撤了
And take down that camera.
他心里没牵没挂的时候 真有意思多了
He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
给他点时间吧
Give him time.
你好啊 佩妮
Oh,hi,Penny.
顺便说句 2号机器的热水不足 别深色浅色混着洗
FYI,the hot water is inadequate on machine two,so colors only,
4号机器呢 洗衣程序中 还是会提前放出织物柔顺剂
and four is still releasing the fabric softener too early in the cycle,
所以你那些精致的衣服 还是别用那台了
so I'd avoid using that for your delicates.
谢了
Thanks.
老天爷啊...
Oh,good Lord...
你还不如把衣服拿到河边 搁在石头上猛捶一阵
why don't you just take your clothes down to the river and beat them with a rock?
谢尔顿 我问你个问题行不?
Sheldon,can I ask you a question?
我当然最好你别问 不过也不会阻止你
I would prefer that you not,but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
那... 我就当你同意了...
All right,I heard yes,so...
我想问问你
Okay,here's my question.
莱纳德以前有没有 跟正常的女孩子约会过?
Has Leonard ever dated,you know,a regular girl?
我想你指的 应该不是消化功能正常吧
Well,I assume you're not referring to digestive regularity.
要是那样的话 我想这问题问的不合适
Because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.
我是说 他有没有跟 没那么大学问的女孩子谈过?
No,I meant,has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?
话说几年前 他确实跟一个 学法国文学的女博士有过一段儿
Well,a few years ago,he did go out with a woman who had a PhD in French literature.
这还不算有大学问?
How is that not a brainiac?
理由一 她是法国人
Well,for one thing,she was French.
理由二 她读的是文学
For another,it was literature.
那你觉得...
So...
如果我和莱纳德继续好下去 他会不会有一天觉得我很没劲啊?
do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating,he'll eventually get bored with me?
- 那得看情况 - 什么情况?
- That depends. - On what?
- 你懂量子物理吗? - 不懂
- Do you have a working knowledge of quantum physics? - No.
- 你会说克林贡语(《星际迷航》影片中的外星语)吗? - 不会
- Do you speak Klingon? - No.
- 你会耍牌吗? - 行了 我说...
- You know any card tricks? - Okay,you know what...
我明白了
I get it.
莱纳德和一个服务员兼二流演员 没有共同语言
Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress-slash-actress
而且她还骗他说 上完了社区大学 心里正发慌呢
who felt so insecure that she lied to him about finishing community college.
你为什么撒谎?
Why would you lie about that?
他总是在说这大学怎样 那个研究生院怎么样 我就...
Well,he was going on and on about this college and that grad school,and I...
我不想让他觉得我很傻很衰嘛
I didn't want him to think I was some kind of stupid loser.
你觉得"很傻很衰"的反义词 是"社区大学毕业生"?
You thought the opposite of "stupid loser" was "community college graduate"?
很多成功人士 都是从社区大学毕业的
You know,there are a lot of successful people in this country who are community college graduates.
没错 可你哪个都挨不上边
Yeah,but you are neither.
对 好吧 你得替我保密
Right. Okay,look,this is between you and me.
啥也不要告诉莱纳德
You cannot tell Leonard any of this.
- 你要我保守秘密? - 是的
- You're asking me to keep a secret? - Yeah.
那真对不起了 你应该在说出秘密前 表达出要我保密的意思
Well,I'm sorry,but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret,
我好选择 到底要不要替你保密
so that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the covenant of secret keeping.
你事后再说 这怎么行呢
You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis.
什么?
What?
保守秘密是一项艰巨复杂的任务
Secret keeping is a complicated endeavor.
不但要注意说的话
One has to be concerned not only about what one says,
还得注意面部表情 习惯性反应
but about facial expressions,autonomic reflexes.
我说谎的时候 因为紧张产生的壁虱(tick) 比莱姆关节炎研究设备产生的还多
When I try to deceive,I myself have more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility.
这是笑话啊
It's a joke.
同音词嘛 "tick"是指
It relies on the homonymic relationship between "tick,"
吸血寄生虫(壁虱) 而"tic"是无意识的肌肉痉挛
the bloodsucking arachnid,and "tic," the involuntary muscular contraction.
我自己编的
I made it up myself.
听着 如果莱纳德发现我说谎 我一定羞愧自尽了
Okay,look,if Leonard finds out that I lied,I will absolutely die of embarrassment.
生理学上讲是不可能的
Physiologically impossible.
哦 谢尔顿 拜托
Oh,Sheldon,please.
我是以朋友的名义请求你
Look,I am asking you as a friend.