实习医生格蕾
Grey's Anatomy S16E05
Part 6
Nov. 20, 2019, 2:09 p.m.
那就是我在痛苦中挣扎你却在看笑话
the fact that I'm in pain and you're treating it like a joke.
这不是笑话 而是个突破
This isn't a joke. It's a breakthrough.
你终于允许你自己
You're finally allowing yourself
越过恐惧和羞愧 开始生气了
to move past your fear and the shame and into the anger.
这是个进步
This is progress.
我不能生气
Okay, I can't be angry.
为什么
Why not?
因为我一旦生气就无法停止
Because if I start being angry, I will never stop,
那我就和保罗一样了 没什么区别
and then I'm Paul. I'm no better than him.
那是你不知道健康状态的生气是什么样
That's because you don't know what healthy anger looks like.
不 不 我不做 我今天做不了眼动脱敏
No, no, no. I'm not -- I c-- I can't do EMDR today.
我不要做这个 我知道这能改变人生
I'm not doing it. I know it's...life-changing
或什么洞 但我今天就是做不了这个
or whatever, but just, I can't, not today.
我是卡莉 我今天的主要感受是自豪
Hi, I'm Carly, and my core feeling today is pride
因为我的患者在22天里第一次提出
because my patient asked for what she needed
她想要什么
for the first time in 22 days.
这是在干什么
What's happening?
我在朝墙扔东西
I'm throwing crap at a wall.
要一起吗
Care to join me?
我们都是可以自主的成年人吧
Are we both consenting adults?
对
Yep.
我们朝墙扔东西是没问题吧
Are we okay if we agree to throw things at walls --
不是朝人扔 而是墙
not people -- just the walls?
对
Yep.
就在这 这就是你跟保罗不一样的地方
Right there. That's what makes you not Paul.
因为你在生气时可以控制自己的行为
Because you can feel anger while controlling your behavior.
先扔 再做评价
Throw first, judge later.
好
Okay.
如果我们要结成创伤联盟
Remind me not to pick you first
提醒我不要先选你
if we ever start a trauma league.
给我点时间
Give me a minute.
我现在要打破常规 承认些事情
I'm gonna go off script here and admit something.
我曾是避难所的待命社工
I used to be the on-call social worker for Safe Haven.
有些父母会把孩子丢到消防站
Moms and dads would drop their babies off at fire stations,
我就会接到电♥话♥通知
and I would get the call.
然后不管我开得多快 等我赶到时
And no matter how fast I drove, by the time I got there,
孩子总会被暖和的毯子裹着
that baby would be wrapped in a warm blanket,
被抱在消防员的怀里 被一群人围着
in some firefighter's arms, a crowd around it.
为什么跟我说这个
Why are you telling me this?
你被妈妈抛弃的时候才五天大
You were five days old when your mother abandoned you.
你的大脑也许没有
Your brain may not have a memory
她放开你的记忆 但是你的身体有
of her pulling her hand away from you, but your body does.
在那个餐厅你的身体有了同样的感受
And your body felt the same way in that diner
就像她放开你把你单独留下的那个时候
when she pulled away and left you -- Alone.
所以你才感到如此痛苦
It's why it hurt so much.
你的身体和你婴儿时那次有了同样的感受
Your body feel the same way it did when you were a baby
全部重现
all over again.
但你也被爱包围过
And you were surrounded by love.
现在依然是
Still are.
你要是想回家休息一下就回吧
Now, if you want to go home and take care of yourself,
我来负责就好
I can do this part.
不用 我要自己告诉她
No. I should be the one to tell her.
好吧 需要我的话我就在外边
All right, well, I'll be right out there if you need me.
今天我目睹了你在崩溃边缘挣扎
Today I watched you teeter on that edge,
然后靠自己的力量挣脱 也帮了我
bring yourself back -- by yourself, bring me back --
过程中还救了一条命
and save someone else's life in the process.
我不知道回到原点是什么样
I don't know what "square one" looks like,
但你一点也不像回到原点的样
but there was nothing square one about that.
你又做这种死亡凝视
You're giving me that death look.
我没有死亡凝视
I don't have a death look.
每次我给你留任务
You did whenever I gave you homework,
说你不想听的话时你都这样
told you something you didn't want to hear.
我的脸就长这样
It's just my face.
你一氧化碳中毒
You had carbon monoxide poisoning.
你癫痫发作 因为血糖过低
You had a seizure because your blood sugar bottomed out,
但我们成功让你血糖回升并给你吸氧
but we were able to bring it back up and oxygenate you.
按理说 你明天就能康复出院
And in theory, you should be well enough to go home tomorrow.
按理说
In theory?
你知道我必须请心理科医生过来
You know that I have to call psych now.
我不想这样 但法律规定
I don't want to, but it's the law --
所有自杀倾向者都需要报告
all suicide attempts have to be reported --
自杀倾向
Suicide attempt?
你等等
Hold up.
上一分钟 我刚读了200页
One minute, I was 200 pages
玛格丽特·阿特伍德的新诗
in to the newest Margaret Atwood,
蜷缩在暖气旁
curled up next to my heater,
下一分钟我就躺在医院的太空房♥间
the next I'm in some space chamber in the hospital.
你不是故意这样做的吗
You didn't do this on purpose?
再也不会了
Never again.
你在自己家里
You were in your home.
我又不是在锁了门的车♥库♥里
Well, I wasn't in my garage with a locked door,
留下字条和遗嘱
a note, and a death wish.
如果你想强制限制我 是因为我忘记
If you want to 5150 me for forgetting to
更换一氧化碳探测器的电池 那挺合理
change the batteries in my CO detector, that's fair
因为电池没电已经好几个月了
because that thing's been out for months,
我差点因此死掉
and I-I could've died.
谢谢你没让我死
Thanks for not letting me die.
-呼吸 -我在呼吸
- Breathe. - I'm breathing.
她的化验结果稳定
Her chemistries are stable,
我需要去咨♥询♥内分泌科吗
but should I get an endocrine consult?
卡莉
Carly...
我不能再担任你的医生
I can't be your doctor anymore.
一开始我也不该担任
I never should've been in the first place.
接下来贝利医生会照看你
So Dr. Bailey will take good care of you.
怎么了
What?
界限
Boundaries.
看来你还是学到了东西
Looks like somebody learned something after all.
好吧
Okay.
你回来了
Oh, you're home.
是的 我回来了
Yes, I am home.
你又工作了一整夜吗
You worked all night again?
是的
Yeah, I did.
我吃了早餐 然后回来补觉
I went to breakfast, then, uh, I came back here to lie down.
我应该是睡了一整天
I guess I slept all day.
旅程怎样
How was your trip?
一如既往
Same as it always is.
你看起来很疲惫 理查德
You look tired, Richard.
是的 凯瑟琳
I am, Catherine.
我累坏了
I really am.
再睡会儿吧
Go back to sleep.
杰玛
抱歉 我过分了
杰玛
爱心
我尽快赶来了 出了什么事
I came as fast as I could. What's -- What's going on?
你还好吗
What's -- Is -- Are you okay?
塔克还好吗
Is -- Is Tuck okay?
所以不是紧急状况
Oh, okay, so not an emergency.
那我们可以吃晚餐的时候再说吗
Well -- Well, can we talk about it over dinner?
因为我饿坏了
Because I'm starving,
美茵街上季风餐厅的
and that -- that tandoori chicken
唐杜里烤鸡正在召唤我
at Monsoon on Main is calling my na--
我怀孕了
I'm pregnant!
但是 你
But...you...
你
you...
你说过你正在更年期
y-you said were going through menopause.
事实证明这两者可以同时发生
Turns out a lot can be true at the same time.
很疯狂 对吧
It's crazy, right?
我知道 我们从来没有谈及此事
And I know, we've -- we've never talked about this,
但我一直在想 比起怀塔克的时候
but I've been thinking about how much more prepared
我现在更得心应手
I am now compared to when I had Tuck.
当时我只是个住院医生 我认为自己无所不知
I was just a resident. I thought I knew everything,
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