辛普森一家

The Simpsons S32E22

Part 2 Nov. 9, 2021, 11:21 a.m.

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牙齿美白
抱歉你们能离开这吗
Excuse me, could you move?
我丈夫和我打算坐在这张长椅上
My husband and I would like to sit on this bench
探讨海象是怎么"享受生活"的
and comment on how the elephant seals are "living the life."
这是我们整个婚姻生涯中的唯一笑料
It's the only joke in our entire marriage.
跟我听说到的可不一样哦
Oh, that's not what I hear.
你俩真正的笑料在于
The real joke is that you two
还依然各自分开睡单人床
haven't pushed the ole twin beds together
自从上次选举开始
since before the election.
奥巴马那次
Of Obama.
竞选参议员的时候
To the senate!
你是怎么知道他们没性生活的
How'd you know about their sexless marriage?
勒弗乔伊夫人跟她酒保随口说的
Oh, Mrs. Lovejoy blabbed about it to her bartender,
那酒保告诉了我
who then told me.
等等你们酒保之间
Hey, wait, you bartenders tell each other
会交流客人喝醉后说过的话吗
the stuff we say in drunken confidence?
当然会
Oh, we sure do.
我还知道很多呢
Look what else I know.
你俩以一个人的身份报税
You file your taxes as one person.
你每次度假都会卖♥♥掉你所有的宠物
You sell all your pets each time you go on vacation.
你背着镇上的人
Hey, you're two-timing us
还在另一个镇当镇长
by also being the mayor of another town.
我发誓我心里根本没有景翠镇
I swear, Greenview means nothing to me.
我也爱听劲爆八卦
Hey, I love hot goss as much as the next guy,
但也许你不该泄露
But maybe you shouldn't be spilling
-别人的秘密 -秘密吗
- people's secrets. - Secrets.
你指这些年你不约人出去的原因
You mean like you not asking anyone out on a date in years
是害怕别人看到你的意大利面胳膊吗
because you're ashamed of your wet spaghetti arms?
女人被这双胳膊抱会怎么想呢
What woman could feel held by these?
又或是你一直嘟囔你的百万发明
Or how you keep yammering about your million-dollar invention?
早该申请专利了怂货
File the patent already, you coward.
再瞧瞧我们的巴尼
Or how 'bout barney over here?
总说自己有多爱妈妈
Always going on about how much you love your mother,
这么多年你根本都没去看过她
but you haven't visited her in years.
她以为我还在汽车地带上班
She still thinks I work at autozone.
美国第二大汽车修配连锁品牌
我不能告诉她我因为吸嗨地垫清洁剂被开除
I can't tell her they fired me for huffing floormat cleaner!
老谋子你从有趣醉汉变成了刻薄醉汉
Moe, you've officially gone from fun drunk to mean drunk.
你还说我
You judging me?
你才是那个自称害怕
You're the one who said you're so scared
成为懒汉父亲和丈夫
of being a lousy father and husband
但宁愿躲在酒吧里
that you hide out at the bar
也不去回家努力做个好丈夫好父亲的人
instead of going home and actually tryin'.
你连刻薄醉汉都不如
You're worse than a mean drunk.
你是个诚实醉汉
You're an honest drunk!
不你们才是醉汉
No! You guys are the drunks.
我只是醉了
I am just wasted.
爷走了
Baba-boo.
好吧老谋子
Okay, Moe.
你做了酒保不该做的事
You did what no bartender ever should've done.
但也许也许组织不会发现
But maybe, just maybe, they won't find out.
机密
The confidential.
他们发现了
They found out.
好吧克里斯托夫
All right there, Kristof.
我该忏悔了
Time for me to answer for my sins.
请带路
Lead the way.
该死的克里斯托夫
Frickin' Kristof.
我见到了你的老鼠
Yeah, so, I, uh... I got your rat.
听着我知道我搞砸了但是...
Look, I know I screwed up, but that...
自古以来
Since time immemorial,
酒保就是人类文明的基石
bartenders have been the cornerstone of civilization,
永恒的倾听者公会
an eternal guild of listeners.
那么酒保又能向谁
And so, a paradox
倾诉他们的秘密呢
for to whom could bartenders confide their secrets?
机密俱乐部
Thus was born the confidential,
一个倾听倾听者的秘密组织由此诞生了
a hidden society of those who listen to the listeners.
但这一切将不复存在
But this institution will crumble to dust
如果我们不遵守俱乐部有且仅有的一条规则
if we do not obey its first and only law--
酒保把秘密烂在心底
"A bartender keeps his secrets!"
阿尔忒弥斯我知道我不该喝醉
Look, Artemis, I know I shouldn't have got wasted
然后逼逼了不该逼逼的
and blabbed the unblabbable.
但就这一次我想和我的朋友们喝一杯
It's just, for once, I wanted to have a drink with my friends.
酒保没有朋友
A bartender has no friends!
锡丝拉克先生你的资格到此为止了
Mr. Szyslak, your tab is closed.
交出你的钥匙先生
Surrender your key, sir.
我想这就是规则吧
Well, them's the rules, I guess.
能成为不止我一人还超诡异组织的成员
It was nice being part of a place that was bigger than me
感觉还挺不错的
and also super weird.
什么
Uh-- what the...
对你的惩罚远不止是驱逐
The penalty for your offense is far greater than mere expulsion.
你的朋友你的常客将会被...
Your friends, your regulars are to be...
戒断
cut off.
戒断不不这太可怕了
Cut off?! No. No, that's too horrible.
你不能这样对他们
You can't do that to them!
你才是罪魁祸首
You did this to them.
他们能留到畅饮时刻的钟声
They have until the clock strikes...
敲响之前...
Happy hour.
滴答锡丝拉克先生滴答
Tick, tock, Mr. Szyslak. Tick, tock.
伙计们你们现在很危险你们...
Guys, you're all in danger! you...
抱歉我还从没进过你们的办公室
Oh, sorry. I've never been in your office before.
也还没去过其他人的
Any office, for that matter.
好吧现在我知道你们为什么喝这么多了
Yeesh. Now I get why you all drink so much.
在你昨晚说了那些话后
You've got a lot of nerve coming here,
居然还敢来这里
after what you said last night.
我知道但这事很严重好吗
I know, I know, but this is serious, okay?
一些非常可怕的人
Some very scary people are mad
对我酒后泄密的行为感到生气
for all that drunken blabbing I did,
所以你们就要被... 戒断了
so you're being... cut off!
那又怎样你已经失去我们这群顾客了
So what? You already lost us as customers.
不不你没明白戒断
No, no, you don't get it. Cut off.
剩下的时间不多了
Aah. There isn't much time,
但我还是会保密的
but I'm gonna keep being cagey about it.
等等巴尼去哪儿了
Oh, wait a minute. Where's Barney?
巴尼不在这里工作
Barney doesn't work here.
是吗他看起来像是啊
Really? Seems like he would.
是啊那倒是会引出一些趣事
Yeah, that would lead to some good stories, all right.
赶紧打给他打给他
Hurry, call him. Call him!
好吧
Mm. Fine.
这不是镇上最刻薄的酒鬼吗
Well, if it isn't the meanest drunk in town.
巴尼现在是畅饮时刻
Barn, it's happy hour.
你得马上锁好门窗
You got to lock your doors and windows right away!
在一天中最该享受海风的时刻
During the best time of day for ocean breezes?
-不行 -当心那个衣饰整洁的绅士
- No dice. - Look out for the dapper gentleman!
该死的吸血蝙蝠
Ow! Damn vampire bats!
那是什么鬼东西
What the hell was that?
他被注射了戒酒药剂
He's been injected with antibooze--
一种让他再也不能喝酒的药
A drug that makes it so he can never drink again.
戒酒药剂那才不是真实存在的
Antibooze? That stuff isn't real.
真实存在还会有可怕的副作用
Oh, it's real, and the side effects are horrible,
难以想象
Unthinkable!
首先会感到头痛欲裂
It starts with a skull-splitting headache.
然后你会汗如雨下
Then you got your firehose sweating.
冒犀牛痘
Rhinoceros pox.
最后飓风呕吐
And finally, hurricane vomiting.
他已经戒断了
He's been cut off.
现在他们要来找你们了
And now they're coming for you.
如果他们抓到你们各位就再也不能碰酒了
If they catch ya, you can never touch alcohol again.
不
No!
等等那朗姆酒蛋糕和其他含酒精甜点呢
Wait. What about rum cakes and other boozy desserts?
想都别想
Never again.
不