辛普森一家
The Simpsons S32E20
Part 1
May 18, 2021, 9:28 a.m.
辛普森一家
奇迹之屋
四星级 佩恩 特勒
禁止使用别人的魔杖
八号♥爱情药水
奇迹公爵
欢迎光临 很高兴见到你们
Welcome. Good to see you.
如果你们是来用厕所的
If you're here to use the bathroom,
问问隔壁的汉堡王
Try the Burger King next door.
事实上 我们想买♥♥点东西
Actually, we'd like to buy something.
妙极了 我卖♥♥很多东西
Wunderbar. I offer many things.
令人惊骇的把戏
Astounding tricks,
混淆视听的幻术
Confounding illusions.
我还修爱疯手♥机♥
I also fix iphones.
听说过史蒂夫·乔布斯吗
You've heard of Steve Jobs?
这是我的崽 "无·乔布斯"
This is my kid, "no jobs."
-老爹 -自从我把他妈变没了
- Dad! - He's been angry
他一直都挺气的
Since I made his mother disappear
技巧是冷漠的态度和沾花惹草
With my cold attitude and the philandering.
注意了老爷子
Achtung, gramps.
我要给我老妹的生日买♥♥套魔术
I want to buy a magic set for my sister's birthday
她就喜欢这种很逊的东西
'cause that's the kind of lame-o thing she'd like.
魔术一点都不逊
Magic is not "lame-o."
我来变个魔术 能让安格拉·默克尔说
Let me show you a trick that made Angela Merkel say,
"你是有史以来最糟糕的优步司机"
"you are the worst uber driver ever."
这条内♥裤♥曾被
This underwear was once worn
大象之王巴巴尔穿过
By Babar, king of the elephants.
大象内♥裤♥在侯默身上就是紧身三角裤
Elephant underwear is tighty-whities on Homer.
什么 我越拉扯
What the...? The more I pull,
就变得越紧
The tighter it gets.
唯一的解决办法 加大拉扯
The only solution? Pull more.
你俩能别吵吗
Will you two ever stop?
能吗
Ever?
这就是你寻寻觅觅的未来吗
Ah! is it the future you seek?
请款款步入这层珠帘
Well, then, move through this beaded curtain
走过我买♥♥的却没用过的科瑞格咖啡机
And past the keurig coffee maker I bought but never use.
我们来看看塔罗牌怎么说
Let us see what the tarot cards have to say.
塔罗牌根本不管用
Eh. Tarot cards don't work.
是吗 总统女士
Don't they, madam president?
联邦州的女王
我们再来看看侯默和巴仔会如何
Now let us see what happens to Homer and Bart.
他怎么知道我们的名字
How does he know our names?
你们星巴克杯子上有
They are on your starbucks coffee cups.
醉汉 联邦州的女王 狡猾的狐狸
好消息 侯默
Good news, Homer.
在未来
In the future,
你不再喝酒
you stop drinking.
老师的宠物
男孩会变成一个好人
And the boy becomes a fine person.
啥 不
What? No!
扭转预测
Reversum predictum!
这是欧亚甘草 吃点吧
It's licorice. Have some.
现在我拿出更多卡牌
Now I turn more cards and...
老天 这太难了 太惨了
Oh, dear. This is rough. Very bad.
怎么了 怎么了
What? What?
好几年的麻烦事
There will be years of trouble
将发生在马姬和丽莎之间
Between Marge and Lisa.
清洁女王 白眼翻上天
三♥级♥强风
麻烦开始于你决定
The trouble begins when you decide
去哪里上大学
Where you will go to college.
什么 你为什么这么说 怎么了
What? Why are you saying that? What's wrong?
我上等候名单了 间隔年了
Do I get wait-listed? Gap year?
不会是康奈尔大学吧
Cornell?!
先这么说吧 你十七岁的时候
Let's just say things have changed
事情发生了变化
When you are 17.
太阳晒屁♥股♥咯
Rise and shine!
老妈 得了
Ugh, mom, please.
我要睡觉
I was asleep.
今天你将知道自己
Today's the day you're gonna find out
会去哪所大学
What colleges you get into.
谁关心啊 他们都失去了光芒
Who cares? They all lost their glitter
当网飞收♥购♥耶鲁大学的时候
when Netflix bought Yale.
你将会是辛普森家族里
Well, you will be the first Simpson
第一位从大学毕业的 巴仔放弃了
to ever finish college now that Bart's given up.
我为什么要去上大学
Why should I go to college?
我现在成为了水果忍♥者的大♥师♥
I've become a master of Fruit Ninja.
水果爆♥炸♥
四果连杀
西瓜扫荡
芒果杀手
香蕉炸♥弹♥
金橘飞溅
水果沙拉好了
水果沙拉好了
Salad complete.
酷毙了
Booyah.
她来了
There she is.
我们家族最后仅存的希望
Our family's last and only remaining hope.
你是想给我施加点压力吗 爷爷
Putting on a little pressure there, Grampa?
你一直是我们家族最有价值的人
It's just that you're the only worthwhile Simpson since... ever.
我指望你能找到
I'm counting on you to find the cure
所有能杀死我的东西的解药
for everything that's gonna kill me.
没有给你添加压力
No pressure.
等一会 遮错眼睛了
Wait a minute. This is on the wrong eye.
好多了
Ooh, much better.
春田镇高级中学
现在课程
事实比重51%
丽莎 我有个问题
Lisa, I have a question.
求你了 不要提大学这个词
Please, don't mention the word "college."
不提它 不可能的
College? No way.
这是一次惊喜的舞会邀约
This is a surprise promposal.
你猜我请了谁代表自己来问你的
Guess who I hired to ask you on my behalf.
我的爸爸
My dad.
美国演员和主持人
模仿塞思·麦克法兰还有法兰克·辛纳屈
Imitating Seth Macfarlane, imitating Frank Sinatra.
*带他去舞会*
*Take him to the prom*
*让他一直跳舞*
*And let him dance forevermore*
*如果你拒绝他*
*If you turn him down*
*他会蜷缩在地板上*
*He will curl up on the floor*
*换句话说*
*In other words*
*我们绝望了*
*We're desperate*
我们真的会这样
We really are.
*只要同意就够了*
*A pity "yes" will do*
而且只能你开车因为他不会
And you'll have to drive 'cause he can't.
我看得出来你动心了 丽莎
I can see you're tempted, lis.
没有什么比毕业之后
There's nothing cooler than a guy who's graduated
回来参加年轻人舞会更酷的事情了
coming back for a younger kid's prom.
在我不小心同意之前赶紧走
Get out of here before I accidentally say "okay."
我听到了同意这个词吗
Did I hear an "okay"?
孩子 怎么了
Aw, hey, kid. What's the matter?
你的一生我永远无法理解
Your whole life, for reasons I'll never understand,
你一直想去上大学
You've been looking forward to college.
今天你如愿了
Today, you get in.
现在的情况和我小的时候不一样了
Things have changed since I was a kid.
上大学要花很多钱 有什么好处吗
College costs a fortune, and does it really do any good?
你只能得到一张上面印有你名字的纸
All you get is a piece of paper with your name on it.
而且是用拉丁文写的
And it's written in Latin,
所以能读懂它的人
so the only people who can actually read it
只有死去的罗马人和天主教牧师
are dead Romans and Catholic priests.
据我所知 他们都不会为我提供工作岗位
And last I checked, none of them are handing out jobs.
那你为什么学习如此刻苦失去了所有乐趣
Then why did you study so hard and miss all the fun?
引力转盘
青年舞会
*旧日时光*
*Old days*
*曾经回忆的美好时光*
*Good times I remember*
*快乐日子*
*Fun days*
*充满简单的快乐*
*Filled with simple pleasure*
我现在不知道 我认为这些年来
I don't know now. I think of all those years
我除了埋头苦学
where instead of being behind a book,
应该去踢球
I could've played kickball.
有好多没有跳过的绳
So many jump ropes un-jumped.
辛普森一家
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