辛普森一家
The Simpsons S32E14
Part 3
March 29, 2021, 9:50 a.m.
名叫韦根
in our town by the name of Wiggum.
我对他没意见
Now, I ain't got nothing agin him, mind you.
但如果粉丝们有意见 就这么做
But if you is my fans, here's what I want you to do to him.
好像出事了
Something is going on here.
怪事
Something weird.
克里塔斯万岁
救命 有警♥察♥吗
Okay, help. Police!
需要的时候 警♥察♥永远不在
Never a cop around when you need one.
搓衣板杂♥志♥
竖起三个大拇指
蛮荒日报
克里塔斯横扫口香糖奖
大人物
看看谁买♥♥了新鞋
我得谢谢你 铁子
Well, I want to thank you, my friend.
你改变了我的一生
You changed my life.
我认识你时才从零开始
I was nothing but a zero when I met you,
但现在我的成就十倍于零
but now I'm ten times that.
过来抱一个
Come here, you.
侯默 站起来
Homer, stand up.
我得告诉你 你被炒了
I want you to know that I'm firing you
我要雇个专业人士代替你
And I'm replacing you with a professional.
坐飞机的时候和你旁边的人说话
Aw, nothing ever good happens when you talk
一般都不会有什么好结果
to the person sitting next to you on an airplane.
联合寄生虫艺人经纪公♥司♥
侯默 这位就是打算成为我的新经纪人的兄弟
Homer, this here is a feller who wants to be my new manager.
-你就直接让他当上了 -对 我也很迷惑
- and you're letting him? - yeah, I don't know why.
我也说不上来 他就是很特别
There's just, there's something about him, you know?
克里塔斯 克里塔斯
Cletus, Cletus.
听我的发音
Listen to how I say this.
每个人都认识这个词 但从我嘴里发出的声音
It's something everyone says, but when I say it,
你这辈子都不可能听到一样的
You will never hear it like this as long as you live.
我就是这么与众不同
I make it very special.
你好
How are you?
鸡皮疙瘩掉了一地
Ooh, I just got goose bumps.
再来一次
Say it again.
不要 听好了 我爱你
No. Listen to me. I love you.
我爱上你了 不骗你
I am in love with you. This is real.
只要你签我
Once you sign with me,
以后就算你半夜三更给我打电♥话♥
you can call me up at 3:00 in the morning
我也绝对不会生气
I won't be mad.
我会说 “怎么了 大宝贝 我爱你”
I'll say, "what's wrong, boobie? I love you."
真不敢相信你想和他签约
I can't believe you're thinking of signing with him.
在监狱的时候你彻底改变了我
The way you changed my life when we were in jail?
对你都毫无意义了吗
That means nothing to you?
朋友 不要再提监狱里的事
My friend, what happens in jail stays in jail.
除非这事“越狱”了
Unless it's breaking out of jail.
我只想说 我对你的友谊一直都在
Well, all I have to offer is my friendship
而且要不是我 你现在也不会在这
and the fact that you wouldn't be here if not for me.
就这 笑死人
That's your closer? That's pitiful.
我不爱你
I don't love you.
接下来是我的总结 斯帕科超人
Here's my closer. Spuckman!
达夫超人
Duffman?
现在我是斯帕科超人了
Now I'm spuckman.
斯帕科勒家族私酿美酒
达夫啤酒公♥司♥用一只疯猫替代了我
Because duff replaced me with a hard-partying cat.
他喵的
Me-ow!
克利福德 我们要让你的垃圾酒享誉国际
Clifford, we're gonna market your dreck
品牌名就叫“斯帕科勒家族私酿美酒”
As "spuckler family moonshine," internationally.
我们就说这酒
We'll say it's made by people
是由自愿洗手的农民亲手酿造的
Who actually wash their hands voluntarily,
不是被什么"勤洗手"标识所迫
Not 'cause of some sign.
伙计 我的酒可都是用杜邦化工厂
Hey, man, mine's all brewed from pure mountain water
后面流过的山泉水酿的
from out behind the DuPont factory.
我就当这是个笑话了
I'm going to assume that's a joke.
但现在不是开玩笑时候
But fun's for another time.
我们要让你的啤酒比金宝汤还强
We're gonna make you bigger than Campbell's Soup.
可能干不过番茄汤和鸡肉面罐头 咱们实际点
Not tomato or chicken noodle. That would be impossible.
但我记得他们有一款土豆汤罐头
But there's one of them where they put in potatoes.
我们肯定比那玩意儿强
We'll make you bigger than that.
接下来 我要你从这些好莱坞女明星里挑一个
Now, why don't you pick one of these hollywood actresses
在广♥告♥里演你妻子
To play your wife in the commercial?
随便挑 随便选
Anyone you want. Just pick.
这个不错
Oh, I like this one.
这位你就别考虑了
Oh, she'll never work with you.
选个丑的吧
Pick an ugly one.
那布兰迪怎么办
Well, what about Brandine?
她永远是我的初恋
Aw, she'll always be my first love
和排第二的妹妹
and second cousin.
这是一次很好的会面
Well, this was a very good meeting.
欢迎来到联合寄生物管理公♥司♥
And welcome to UPM.
这是一张白纸 签上名
Here's a blank page sign it.
剩下的我们填
We'll fill in the rest.
拥抱一下
Give me a hug.
不是这样拥抱
No, that's not a hug.
是好莱坞式的拥抱
A Hollywood hug.
把他拉走 把他拉走
Get him off. Get him off!
现在你的照片被贴在我们的名人墙上了
And now your picture goes up on our wall of fame.
伯特和恩尼 他们不是活人吧
Bert and Ernie? I don't even think they're living.
把伯特和恩尼去掉 知道了吗
Hey, I am DB Bert and Ernie, will you?
木偶也会死吗
Do puppets die?
为什么教皇没有周边
Hey, why does the pope have no merchandise?
我们就不能想出一个你放在桌上的小玩意吗
Can't we come up with a little doohickey you put on your desk
当你被选中的时候就会冒出有色烟的那种
that blows a colored smoke when you're picked for something?
他教我的一切都是谎言
Everything he taught me was a lie.
也许吧 但想想你变成了什么
Maybe, but think what you became.
变成了一个更好的老公
A better husband.
一个更好的父亲
A better father.
你仍然可以是这样的好人
You can still be one.
不
Nah.
为什么我的眼睛很疼
Hmm. Why are my eyes burnin'?
我正在做另一批
I'm just whippin' up another batch
家里自酿的酒
of my homemade family brew.
让我长久合作的公♥司♥吉祥物告诉你一切
Let my longtime corporate mascot tell you all about it.
只有爱没有酒驾是无法酿酒的
斯帕科勒家族月光
Spuckler family moonshine.
美国心脏腹地的美妙蒸馏
Lovingly distilled in the heart of America.
斯帕科勒家族月光是在芬兰蒸馏的
Spuckler family moonshine is distilled in Finland.
没有一个美国人在其制♥造♥业受雇用
Not a single american was employed in its manufacture.
你得帮他回到家人身边
You have to help him get back to his family.
算了吧 我受够了那些张牙舞爪 无足轻重的
Forget it. I'm through with those slack-jawed, no-account
标榜美国高光时刻的榜样们
examples of America at its finest.
在你毁了他之前 他还不错
He was a great man until you ruint him.
你还用你的短内♥裤♥
With your promises of short underwear
和专业发型保证
and professional haircuts.
你以为你能扮演上帝
You think you can play god,
毁了我的生活 然后就走开了
wreck my life, and then just walk away?
首先 我没有扮演上帝
First of all, I wasn't playing god.
我在扮演一个原创角色
I was doing an original character.
别担心 我们会搞定的
Don't worry, we'll fix this.
我不知道怎么搞定 但是我们能
I don't know how, but we will.
除非侯默决定完全无视我的意愿
Unless Homer decides to disregard my wishes completely.
别思考了
Don't take time!
好吧
All right.
谢尔比维尔塔
什么意思 我以为我们已经分道扬镳了
What the? Aw, I thought we was quits.
听着 伙计 你毁了自己的生活
Listen, pal, you've ruined your life.
你没看电影 你这是真人在演明星的诞生
You haven't just watched a star is born, you're living it.
不 伙计 《一个明星的诞生》是关于
No, man. A star is born is about
一个淡出舞台然后自杀的明星
a star who fades and then kills hisself.
这更像是
This here is much more like
一个被权力诱惑的好人
a nice guy who's seduced by power,
就像伊利亚·卡赞的《登龙一梦》里面那样
As in Elia Kazan's A Face in the Crowd.
老天 那片子真不错
Dang, that's a good'un.
你怎么会这么懂电影
How do you know so much about movies?
布兰迪和我有一次偷偷躲在
辛普森一家
The Simpsons
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