辛普森一家
The Simpsons S32E20
Part 3
May 18, 2021, 9:28 a.m.
天下没有不糟的工作
All jobs suck.
所以你干活是要拿薪水的
That's why you get paid to do them.
你过完间隔周了
So you had your gap week.
现在要去读大学了 对吧
Now you're finally going to college, right?
不 永不
No. Not ever.
好 我改变不了现实 也接受不了现实
Okay, I can't change this, and I can't accept this.
我能怎么办 到楼下对着洗衣机喊两声
What do I do? Go downstairs and yell into the dryer.
她为什么要这么做
Why is she doing this?!
她为什么不去读大学
Why won't she go to college?!
我们一直都是这么为她打算的
We've been planning this her whole life!
为什么
Why?!
我要这张图和这张图
I'll have that picture and that picture
还有那张图 谢谢
and a diet that picture, if'n you please.
你就不能把名字念出来吗
Can't you read the names?
不能
No, ma'am.
你一副能念出来的样子
You seem to read just fine,
还不是在这里做服务员吗
and you're stuck in this dump.
我不是服务员了
Not anymore.
我知道该做什么了
I know what I'm gonna do.
希望你从按下按钮 端来食物开始
I hope it starts with pressin' the button what brings my food.
不 我不要学习
Nope. I'm not gonna learn.
我要教学
I'm gonna teach!
我要启动一个课后项目
I'm gonna start an after-school program,
专为那些不被重视的孩子
individualized and accessible to children
量身定做
who fall through the cracks.
你打算怎么挣钱
What are you going to do for money?
工人的赔偿金
Workman's comp.
我倒想看你试试
I'd like to see you try.
马上出发
On my way!
商城律师
欢迎来到无限视野学校
Welcome to the Boundless Horizons School,
我会改变你们的生活
Where I'm gonna change your lives
你们会永远给我写信
and you're gonna write letters to me forever
说我是对你们影响最深的人
and you'll say I was your most influential person.
一生的信件
你究竟要怎么教我们
Just exactly how are you gonna teach us?
我会使出全身解数
Well, I'm gonna use every trick there is.
把桌子围成一个圈
I'll put the desks in a circle.
挑你们当中最强硬的一个
I'll take the toughest one of you
让他或她负责让大家守规矩
and put him or her in charge of making everyone behave.
我会用抖音里的舞蹈教莎士比亚
And I'll teach shakespeare using dances from Tiktok.
*出去 出去 可恶之处*
*Out, out, damned spot*
*这就是莎士比亚应该被教的方式*
*This is the way that Shakespeare should be taught*
她烂得令人难以置信 反而使我着迷
Her incredible lameness has me riveted.
终于有人让我觉得老套了
Finally, someone who gets me as a stereotype.
等一下 小姐
Wait one minute, young lady.
你不能就这样开办学校
You cannot just open your own school
过上更好的生活
and start to better random lives.
你必须在这张表上签字
You have to sign this form
并交25美元的城市营业税
and pay a $25 city business tax.
好的
Okay.
请给我找钱
Just give me the change, please.
这就尴尬了
Uh, this is embarrassing.
我数学不好
Um, I'm not great at math.
我来吧
Leave that to me.
克兰西 数学 A
丽莎·辛普森学院
呆子
丽莎·辛普森的课后项目
Lisa simpson's after-school program
取得了巨大的成功
has been a tremendous success.
不像新闻行业
Unlike the news business.
丽莎如今在文盲地带有超过100家连锁店
Lisa now has over 100 franchises here in the illiteracy belt.
现在 鉴于她的高知名度和80%的支持率
And now, given her high profile and 80% approval rating,
丽莎要和现任加利·丘墨士
Lisa's running for state school superintendent
竞选州立学校督学了
against incumbent Gary Chalmers.
在我对手的指挥下
Under my opponent,
考试成绩下降了
test scores have fallen.
毕业率也下降了
Graduation rates have fallen.
我不会站在这里听某些恶心的女人...
I am not going to stand here and listen to some nasty woman...
我只是想说明一点 好吗
I-I'm just trying to make a point, all right?
我不会让一个愚蠢 肮脏 平凡的女人...
I'm not gonna let some stupid, nasty, homely woman...
辛普森
Simpson!
我认输
I concede.
恭喜
Uh, congratulations.
雄心勃勃 但方式不错
深受喜爱的督学丽莎·辛普森
Beloved superintendent of schools, Lisa simpson,
正在竞选州长
is now running for governor!
很快 她就会突破像我这样
Soon she'll move beyond the scope
职业生涯停滞不前的本地主播的报道范围
of a career-stuck local anchorman like me.
这里是肯特·布罗克曼 完毕
This is Kent Brockman signing off.
非80岁白人男性参选总统
丽莎·辛普森 某地州长
Lisa simpson, governor of...
正在竞选总统
is running for president.
她和母亲之间严重破裂的关系
Not even her highly damaged relationship
也无法阻止她了
with her mother can stop her now.
有请内特·西尔弗分♥析♥
Nate Silver analyzes.
好的乔治 丽莎和那些
Well, George, Lisa is doing great
幻想破灭的女儿们相处得很好
with disenchanted daughters.
此外 虎妈 临阵退缩的爸爸
Also tiger moms, checked-out dads
什么都喜欢的祖父母
and grandparents who like everything,
排行居中子女 各个年龄段的书呆子
plus middle children, nerds of all ages
最多的还是萨克斯风演奏者们
and saxophonists above second chair.
如今距大选还有一周 不过
Now, it's a week before the election but--
去他的吧 要我说就是丽莎当选
what the hell-- I'm calling it for Lisa.
我的工作完成了
My work here is done.
美国 祝好运
Good luck, America.
预计获胜者
总统丽莎·辛普森
现在某地正是5点38
It's 5:38 somewhere.
538为一知名民♥意♥调查数据分♥析♥网站
总统丽莎·辛普森
最新消息 丽莎·辛普森已当选
This just in. Lisa Simpson has been elected
第八位没有上过大学的总统
the eighth president who did not go to college,
和乔治·华盛顿 亚伯拉罕·林肯
joining George Washington, Abraham Lincoln
哈里·S·杜鲁门一同位列总统山
And Harry S. Truman.
在你付学生贷款的时候好好想想吧
Think about that when you're paying your student loans.
斯迪法诺普洛斯播报结束
Stephanopoulos out.
我的女儿真当总统了
My daughter really becomes president?
没错 但是你只能从外人口中得知这一消息
Yes. But you have to learn it on the streets.
恭喜你的女儿 马姬
Great news about your daughter, Marge.
她终于要去上大学了吗
She's finally going to college?
不 她当总统了
No. She's president.
你早就知道了 对吧
You knew that, didn't you?
糟糕 我真成了局外人
Oh, crap. I really am out of the loop.
故事的主要是关于丽莎和我的
Look, the heart of the story is Lisa and me.
我们最后和好了吗
Do we finally get along?
还有 在将来
Also, in the future,
他们还会拍多少部《捉鬼敢死队》
how many more Ghostbusters do they make?
四部 那部《捉鬼基友队》棒呆了
Four. The Gay Ghostbusters is fantastic.
我们就不能详细讲讲我当上总统的故事吗
Can't we dwell on the fact that I was president?
你们都专注于你们的未来
So concerned about your futures
没人关心一下我的
but no one cares about mine.
我就不说细节了
I won't get into details,
但最终我的尸体就在店后面的垃圾箱里
but my body winds up in the dumpster behind the store.
你们有谁在乎吗
Do any of you give a damn?
很好
Very well.
现在我们来看最后两张牌
Now we have come to the final two cards.
未来即将揭晓
The future will be revealed.
不过首先 我想宣传一下我这周六
But first, I want to plug my gig this Saturday
在欢乐魔术馆的演出
at the Comedy & Magic Club.
欢乐魔术馆
认真就没意思了
这是魔术
我召了罗德尼·丹泽菲尔德[喜剧演员]的魂魄
I conjure the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield.
[德语]没人尊重我
Ich bekomme keinen respekt.
罗德尼·丹泽菲尔德单口相声中的口头禅
你们等着瞧吧
I'm telling you.
国家女王
辛普森一家
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