东邻西舍

The Neighborhood S01E10

Part 2 Nov. 27, 2019, 2:14 p.m.

得了吧她不需要
Oh, please. She doesn't need that.
有我就够了九十年代的时候
I got you. See, back in the '90s,
这个地方比现在混乱
when this area was a little rougher,
我当时自创了一套防身术
I developed my own self-defense system.
别
Oh, no.
别别又搞"缇娜拳道"
No, not "Tina kwon do" again.
拜托你原来也很喜欢呀
Please. You loved it.
我们过去经常一起训练
We used to train together all the time.
我们没有一起训练
We did not train together!
我穿着自♥制♥的保护装置
I put on homemade protective gear,
然后你把我打个半死
and you beat the crap out of me.
这叫亲子互动
It was a bonding experience.
我摸索出了一种自我保护的方式
See, I figured out a way to defend myself
只需要用包里的东西就可以
using things that I just had in my purse.
可以教我吗
Will you teach me?
当然要教你
Of course I will.
马蒂整装
Marty, suit up.
别妈我才吃过饭
No, no, Mama. I just ate.
如果你愿意我也可以不用护垫直接演示
Well, if you want, I could demonstrate without the pads.
那好吧
All right, fine.
好对了
Okay. Oh, oh, and, uh,
多垫个枕头我们这次要来真的
wear a extra pillow, 'cause we're going hard.
我非常激动
This is exciting.
我从来没做过这种事情
You know, I've never done anything like this before.
那次抓鹿我是单干
On that deer case, I worked solo.
你肯定很享受
Must've been nice.
哥们儿
Hey, hey, fellas.
卡尔文
Calvin.
有段时间没见了
Ain't seen you down here in a minute.
各位我是卡尔文的朋友戴夫
Hey, guys, I'm Calvin's friend Dave.
没人问你是谁
Didn't nobody ask who you were.
没人在乎
And don't nobody care.
他说得对戴夫
He's right, Dave.
他们真不在乎
They really don't.
伙计们不知道你们有没有听到风声
Look, fellas, I don't know if you heard,
但是马尔科姆前几天在这里被抢了
but Malcolm got mugged down here the other day.
是啊我们看到了
Yeah, we saw it.
-将军 -你们看到了
- Check. - You did?
那是谁干的
W-Well, who did it?
是贾马尔他们
It was Jamaal and them.
你说的是那帮小孩子吗
You mean those little kids over there?
你在开玩笑吗这太丢人了
Are you kidding me? This is embarrassing.
马尔科姆被一帮小孩子打劫了
Malcolm got rolled by a bunch of little kids?
看样子我得过去
Well, it looks like I'm-a have to go over there
教训下那帮小孩子
and teach those little kids a lesson.
我根本不用穿战衣啊
I didn't even have to wear my fighting shirt.
但是卡尔文
O-Okay, well... just, Calvin,
不要做会让你后悔的事情
don't do something you're gonna regret.
说得太晚了戴夫
Eh, it's too late for that, Dave.
我已经把你带来了
I already brought you.
贾马尔
Yo, Jamaal!
不敢相信那些小屁孩那样偷袭我
I can't believe those little kids jumped me like that.
就像在看一群幼狮
It was like watching a bunch of baby lions
拿下了一头牛羚
take down a wildebeest.
那时你在哪呢你不是来支援我的吗
Where were you, anyway? You were supposed to have my back.
我就在那
Well, I was right there.
我让他们拿我的鞋别抢你的
I was offering them my shoes instead of yours.
没人想要你的斯凯奇戴夫
No one wants your Skechers, Dave.
我今天就把话撂在这了这事没完
I'm letting you know something-- this ain't over.
我们得给那些混小子一个教训
We need to teach those little kids a lesson.
因为在这没人敢惹卡尔文·巴特勒
'Cause around here, nobody messes with Calvin Butler.
我踩到了一颗橡子
I stepped on a acorn.
过来
Come-come over here.
我搀着你来
Give me your shoulder, your shoulder.
你搞什么儿子
What the hell, son?
你怎么会让自己
How'd you let yourself get robbed
被一群小屁孩给抢了
by a bunch of little kids?
你怎么只穿了一支鞋
Why do you only got one shoe on?
因为我被一群小屁孩打劫了
Because I got robbed by a bunch of little kids!
但至少我反抗了
But at least I fought back.
结果呢鞋子没了跟我一样
Yeah, and look what it got you-- no shoes, just like me.
看清楚了
Look...
你可能要再数一遍了马尔科姆
you might want to count again, Malcolm.
我还剩了一只
I kept one.
我要去贾马尔家
I'm going over to Jamaal's house
给他父母说说"我的感想"
and I'm giving his parents a piece of my mind.
不不别去爸没用的
Oh, no, no, please don't do that, Pop. That never works out.
-你说什么呢 -五年级篮球赛
- What are you talking about? - Fifth grade basketball.
我上场时间很短
When I wasn't getting enough playing time,
你去给我的教练聊了下"你的感受"
you went and gave my coach "a piece of your mind."
结果我坐了一个赛季的冷板凳
I ended up benched for the whole season.
那是因为玛丽·艾格尼斯修女不是伯乐
Well, that's 'cause Sister Mary Agnes couldn't see talent.
老爸你去找谁谈的时候
Look, Pop, when you go talk to people, it
最后总以吵架收场
somehow always turns into a fight.
儿子
Look, son,
有时男人必须得为家人而战
sometimes a man has to fight for his family.
你不懂这个因为你还没有小孩
See, you wouldn't know that because you don't have kids.
相信我马尔科姆
Trust me, Malcolm...
当个好父母就应该这样
this is what good parenting is.
可能你现在还不明白
Now, you might not see it now,
但我真的很想帮助这个孩子
but I-I'm really trying to help this kid.
事实就摆在眼前
You know, the proof is in the pudding.
我养出了一个
I raised a son
很有头脑的儿子
with a good head on his shoulders.
谢谢你老爹
Hey, thank you, Pop.
我是在说马蒂
I was talking about Marty.
我现在示范一下在这附近怎么保护自己
Okay, so I'm-a show you how we protect ourselves in the hood.
马蒂进来
Marty, get in here!
好了
Okay, so,
我只要上街
whenever I'm in the streets,
都会带着三样自卫必备神器
I always carry three self-defense essentials.
一号♥武器
Weapon number one.
一把梳子
A comb?
这个可能看上去像把梳子
It may look like a comb...
因为这就是一把梳子但是
because it is a comb, but...
如果使用得当
...in the right hands,
捅捅捅捅捅
stab, stab, stab, stab, stab!
看见没
See?
我更安全了同时
I'm safer, and, bonus...
发型清爽
I look fresh.
马蒂你没事吧
Marty, are you okay?
他挺得住的接下来是
Aw, he's fine. Okay, so...
二号♥武器
weapon number two.
调味盐
Seasoning salt?
比胡椒喷雾便宜而且用这个烧鸡真的很香
Cheaper than pepper spray and really good on chicken.
闭上眼睛宝贝
Close your eyes, baby.
洒洒洒洒洒
Shake! Shake, shake, shake, shake!
好辣眼
That burns!
太辣眼了
It burns so bad.
现在轮到三号♥了最致命的武器
Now, third and most lethal weapon.
威士忌酒袋
A whiskey bag?
装满了零钱
Full of spare change.
在外行人看来
Now, to the untrained eye, you know,
我只是个
I'm just an alcoholic
在去硬币之星路上的酒鬼
on my way to the Coinstar.
但对毫无防备的袭击者来说呢
But to the unsuspecting predator?
哗啦哗啦哗啦
Ka-ching! Ka-ching, ka-ching!
你准备好了吗
You ready to try?
准备好了
I think so.
好了妹子就位
Okay, girl. All right.