东邻西舍
The Neighborhood
第一季
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东邻西舍
The Neighborhood S01E05
Part 2
Nov. 27, 2019, 2:14 p.m.
Wait. So, what'd you steal?
一个星际迷航的背包
A Star Trek backpack.
见鬼 又觉得很性感了
Oh, damn it. It's sexy again.
等下 你偷的是星际迷航的背包吗 杰玛
Wait. You stole a Star Trek backpack? Gemma,
生生不息 掠夺不止
live long and plunder.
经典台词"生生不息 繁荣昌盛"
其实我想偷辣妹组合那款 但是当时慌了
Actually, I was aiming for the Spice Girls, but I panicked.
我本来想要运动辣妹 结果拿了个史波克
I wanted Sporty, but instead I grabbed Spock.
然后呢
And then what?
然后我就跑了
I ran out.
厉害啊
Damn!
我们杰玛妹子比警♥察♥跑得都快
My girl Gemma outrunning the po po.
没没没 当时没人追我
No, no, no. No one chased me.
什么
What?
我当时非常紧张
Yeah, I was so on edge,
狂吃了四个肉桂卷 让自己冷静下来
I binged, like, four Cinnabons just to calm down.
妹子 你要是黑人的话 现在应该在坐牢
Girl, if you was black, you'd still be sitting in jail
还有二型糖尿病
with type 2 diabetes.
等下 你觉得我能逃掉是因为我是白人
Wait. You think I got away with it because I'm white?
-是啊 肯定是 -是啊 当然
- Yes, definitely. - Yeah. Of course.
我前几天在那个店里
Shoot, I was in the store the other day.
保安跟了我好久
Security followed me so long,
我都以为我真的偷东西了
I thought I did steal something.
-现在还这样吗 -你不是在开玩笑吧
- That still happens? - Are you kidding?
我在百货店时关注我的人
I have more followers in a department store
比我推特上的都多
than I do on Twitter.
这叫种族定性
Yeah, it's profiling, man.
对我们来说依然很平常
It's still an everyday thing for us.
可不是嘛 刚才你就是这样对我的
Yeah, tell me about it. You just did it to me.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
你刚指责我在商店偷东西
You just accused me of shoplifting
说我是小偷
and called me a thief.
我只是在玩游戏
I was playing a game.
不要那么敏感
Stop being so sensitive.
你现在又说我敏感
Oh, so now you're calling me soft?
好了 你们两个
All right, you two.
我们再问个问题吧
Yeah, um, you know what? Let's do another question.
这个不错
Here's a good one.
"你最喜欢的蓝精灵是哪个"
"Who's your favorite Smurf?"
不用了 戴夫
No, you know what, Dave?
我不想和总是不尊重我的人玩
I don't want to play with somebody who keeps disrespecting me.
孩子 坐下 没有人不尊重你
Boy, sit down. Ain't nobody disrespecting you.
老爹 你就有 你总是这样
Yes, you are, Pop. You do it all the time.
也许你要是做过
Well, maybe I wouldn't have to
值得我尊重的事 我就不会这样了
if you did something worthy of my respect.
算了吧 我不想待在这里了
Forget this, man. I'm out of here.
马尔科姆
Malcolm?
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我没想到偷了一个破背包
I didn't mean to start a fight
会让你们不和
just because I stole a stupid backpack.
你偷过背包
You stole a backpack?
重点是 我特别后悔偷了那个背包
The point is, I felt so bad for stealing that backpack,
我发现正确的做法是把包还回去并道歉
I realized the right thing to do was to return it and apologize.
干得漂亮 妈 我为你骄傲
Good job, Mom. I'm proud of you.
谢谢你 宝贝
Thanks, baby.
小家伙 现在去换睡衣
All right, buddy. Now go put on your pajamas
刷牙了
and brush your teeth.
我一会儿就上去给你盖被子
I'll be up to tuck you in in a minute.
你处理得非常好
You handled that really well,
但你怎么没有告诉大家
but why didn't you tell everybody else
你把包还回去了
you returned the backpack?
因为我没还 我是个小偷和骗子
Because I didn't. I'm a thief and a liar
还是一个糟糕的妈妈
and a terrible mother.
不是这样的
That-That's not true.
你不是糟糕的妈妈
You're not a terrible mother.
我是 我刚当着儿子的面撒了谎
Yes, I am. I just lied to my son's face.
我知道 但那仅仅是因为
Yes, I know, but that's only because
你不想他长大后变成你那样
you don't want him to grow up to be like you.
我是说真的 你觉得我该怎么做
I'm serious. What do you think I should do?
把包还回去
Return the backpack?
等下 你还留着那个包
Wait. You still have it?
杰玛 这样有点变♥态♥了
Gemma, that's sick.
也很性感
And, again, sexy.
我感觉糟透了
I feel terrible.
你觉得我能好受到哪去
Well, how do you think I feel?
我刚破坏了卡尔文和马尔科姆之间的关系
I just drove a wedge between Calvin and Malcolm.
我把他们的父子之情撕了个粉碎
I tore their entire relationship apart.
我觉得你有点想多了 戴夫
I think you're being a little dramatic, Dave.
想多了 我是个家庭破坏者
Dramatic? I'm a home-wrecker.
随你怎么想 我再也不想玩这个白♥痴♥游戏了
Whatever. I never want to play this stupid game again.
这不能怪游戏
Well, it's not the game's fault.
要怪就怪玩家 不关游戏的事
Hate the players, not the game.
你还在这做什么呢
What are you still doing here?
你一晚没睡吗
Have you been up all night?
戴夫把《马铃薯饥荒时期的农民》落在这了
Well, Dave left behind Potato Famine Farmers.
起先我是抱着讽刺的态度玩一玩的
At first I started playing it ironically,
后来我就入了迷
and then I got hooked.
爸 我的家人要饿死了
Daddy, my family is starving!
-卡尔文 -戴夫
- Hey, Calvin. - Hey, Dave.
我只是想来看看你们没事吧
I just wanted to come over and make sure everything was okay.
我对昨晚的事感到特别不好
I feel really bad about last night.
为什么 因为我赢了
Why? Because I won?
要怪就怪游戏 不关玩家的事
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
你把那句话记反了
I think you're saying that wrong.
你好啊 戴夫 准备走了吗 老爸
Hey, what's up, Dave? You ready to go, Pop?
等下 你们没事了吗
Wait. So, you guys are okay?
为什么有事
Yeah, why wouldn't we be?
我们走吧
Come on, let's go.
你能不能在马蒂变成马铃薯脑袋之前
Would you get that game out of here
把那个游戏带走
before Marty turns into a potato head?
马蒂 能问你件事吗
Marty, can I ask you something?
现在不是时候 戴夫
Now is not a good time, Dave.
我的推车卡进沟里去了
My wagon's stucked in a ditch
而我老婆罗蕾莱的羊水刚破了
and my wife Lorelei's water just broke.
你♥爸♥和马尔科姆
Well, it's just that your dad and Malcolm
昨晚大吵了一架
got into a huge fight last night,
现在他们看上去完全没事了
and now they seem completely fine.
他们就那样 闹了别扭
Yeah, that's what they do. Things blow up,
他们会选择无视 假装什么都没发生过
they ignore it and pretend like it never happened.
一直都这样吗
Well, has it always been like that?
不 是马尔科姆没打棒球后开始的
No, it started when Malcolm stopped playing baseball.
我都不知道他还打过棒球
I didn't know he played baseball.
我还不知道狼会把我的孩子吃了呢
Yeah, well, I didn't know wolves could eat my baby.
他为什么不打了
Why'd he stop?
他在青少年球队里受了伤
Uh, he, um, he got injured in the minors.
就失去了去棒球大联盟的机会
It kept him from making it to the big leagues.
天呐 他一定很受打击
Oh, man, he must have been crushed.
是啊 我爸也是
Yeah, so was my dad.
他们都很喜欢棒球
Baseball was their thing.
既然现在他们不能通过棒球联络感情了
You know, maybe since they can't connect over baseball anymore,
我可以让他们在另一种游戏中联络感情
I can get them to connect over a different game.
反正不能是这款游戏
Well, it can't be this one,
因为它毁了我的人生
because it is ruining my life!
太感谢你陪我一起来了
Thank you so much for coming with me.
开玩笑吗
Are you kidding?
白人妹子还回20年前偷的包
White girl returning a bag she stole 20 years ago--
电视都没这个精彩
nothing on TV better than this.
我只是想为葛罗弗树立一个好榜样
I just want to set a good example for Grover, you know?
我不想他觉得我是个伪君子
I don't want him thinking I'm a hypocrite.
所有好父母都是伪君子
All good parents are hypocrites.
我儿子以为我正在教堂呢
My boys think I'm at church right now.
东邻西舍
The Neighborhood
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