尖叫皇后（2015）

Scream Queens S02E02

Part 1 Sept. 10, 2020, 10:12 a.m.

就是说在你晕倒前
So... a large plant murdered Ms. Hobart,
一株大型植物杀了霍巴特小姐还想杀你
and then attempted to murder you before you passed out.
后来杰克森先生把怪兽吓跑了
You were then awakened moments later by Mr. Jackson here,
叫醒了你
who probably frightened the monster away.
现在霍巴特小姐的身体不见了
And now Ms. Hobart's body is missing.
你是希望我们这样认为吗
Is that what you'd have us believe?
或是有人扮成了一株大型植物
Or it was someone dressed up as a large plant.
嫌疑人口供前后矛盾
Suspect can't stick to a story.
什么嫌疑人
What-- suspect?
我怎么成嫌疑人了
How did I become a suspect?
我当时被锁在浴缸里
I was... I was locked in the bathtub.
我怎么可能在走廊地板上
How could I have smeared a 200-foot trail
留下将近七十米的沼渍
of swamp slime across the hallway,
还把狼女的头砍下来
then decapitate a werewolf?
我为什么要这么做有什么意义
I mean, why would I do that? Why?
嫌疑人对自己的犯罪动机不明
Suspect unclear of her own motives.
冒昧问一下
I'm just curious,
当警探需要高中毕业吗
do you have to have graduated high school to become a detective?
不需要女士
No, ma'am.
我知道自己看见了什么
I know what I saw, okay?!
杀手仍然逍遥法外
There is a killer on the loose!
张伯伦
Chamberlain?
张伯伦你来说
Chamberlain, tell them.
我确实听到了尖叫声
Well, I did hear them screaming,
但是等我赶来的时候
but by the time I got down here,
屋子里只有香奈儿五号♥
it was only Chanel #5 in the room.
然后蒙什博士就进来了
That is, until Dr. Munsch walked in.
我公♥寓♥无线网坏了
Well, the Wi-Fi is down in my apartment.
我当时在办公室打视频电♥话♥
I was on a Skype call in my office.
蒙什教务长
Dean Munsch.
香奈儿五号♥肯定是疯了
Number Five is obviously crazy.
也许就是她杀了凯瑟琳来博人眼球
She probably murdered Catherine herself for the attention,
毕竟她已经几个月没被摸过了
because she hasn't been touched in months.
她自己估计都没怎么摸过
I don't even think she's touched herself.
连手都嫌她恶心
Even her hand thinks she's gross.
她最接近性♥爱♥的体验是被书架压倒
The closest she's gotten to sex is when a bookshelf fell on her.
没错香奈儿五号♥就是嫉妒
Yeah. Number Five is just jealous
因为我和三号♥都分别被
because Number Three and I got asked out
布洛克医生和加斯凯德医生约了可她没有
by Dr. Brock and Dr. Cascade, and she didn't.
所以当我们准备在《骨头镇》里四人约会时
So while we were on our way to our hot double date in Bonetown,
她就决定要捣乱
she decided to sabotage it,
趁无毛的可怜虫不注意把她杀死了
by killing a poor, defenseless, hairless creature.
藏好尸体后逼我们赶回来
Hiding the body and forcing us to hurry back to listen to
听她讲这个史上最不恐怖的故事
the least-terrifying story anyone has ever heard.
好吧
All right.
我觉得应该永远查不清♥真♥♥相♥了
I don't think we're ever gonna really know what happened here.
什么
What?!
抱歉证据不够充分
Sorry, sweetheart. The evidence is just inconclusive.
有其他情况再打给我吧
Call me if anything else comes up.
还有不要再编这种无聊的鬼故事了
In the meantime, no more made-up stories that aren't that scary.
我说的是事实我发誓
I'm telling the truth. I swear.
《尖叫女王》
第二季第二集
康复病原学医护联合医院
泰勒肿瘤什么时候开始出现的
Tyler, can you tell us when the growths first appeared?
-两年前吧 -等等
- About two years ago. - Hold on.
你试过挤掉它们吗
Have you ever tried popping those?
不行我们之前说好了
Nope. We've already talked about this.
我不会坐视你欺负患者的
I'm not gonna sit here while you try to demean another patient.
我没欺负人
I am not demeaning anyone.
我只是很自信
I am being brash and confident,
因为我的想法总能突破常规
because I am the out-of-the-box thinker
上位病人没做摘除额叶脑叶手术
who brilliantly solved our last case
就被我出色地治好了
without resorting to a full-frontal lobotomy.
我要是刻薄
Well... If I was gonna be mean,
就会问他是不是亲过蛤♥蟆♥
I'd ask him if he kissed a toad.
或者问他是不是只蛤♥蟆♥
Or if he was a toad.
他至少有些后代像只蛤♥蟆♥爷爷
He at least had some lineage, like a toad grandparent.
或者问他有没有把身上的毛孔
Or if he rented out his pores on Airbnb
租给几百个育母蜘蛛用来产卵
for hundreds of expectant female spiders to lay their eggs in.
我们明白了
Okay, we get it.
你那不是刻薄
You're not being mean.
我试过但很疼
Yes, um, I have tried it, but it hurts,
而且没用因为这不是青春痘
and it doesn't work because they're not zits.
我被诊断患有一型神经纤维瘤病
I was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis type 1,
医生说这病遗传
which my doctor said it was genetic.
泰勒有个好消息还有个坏消息
Well, Tyler, there's good news and bad news.
好消息是有种机器叫二氧化碳激光器
Good news is that there's a machine called a CO2 laser
可以缩小并最终移除你的肿瘤
that can shrink and eventually remove your tumors.
完全无痛
It's completely painless.
真的吗太好了
Really? That's-that's great.
还没说坏消息呢
Well, you didn't wait for the bad news.
坏消息是机器非常笨重
Yeah, the bad news is they're-they're cumbersome
而且非常贵我们这里没有
and they're super expensive and we don't have one.
我没钱
I don't have any money.
我只靠写《布朗百科》同人小说赚钱
The only money I make is writing Encyclopedia Brown fan fiction.
我以前很爱看《布朗百科》
I used to love Encyclopedia Brown.
我猜也是
Yeah, you would.
看看我
Look at me.
看看我我是个怪物
Look at me. I'm a monster.
我没有别的地方去了
I don't have anywhere else to go.
我的人生一团糟
My life is a complete mess.
我都绝望了
I'm desperate.
拜托你们帮帮我吧
So can you please, please, just help me?
扎丹
Zayday.
你知道城里
You don't happen to know
有新开的几内亚餐厅吗
if there are any new Guinean restaurants in town, do you?
不知道
No.
我都不知道还有这种餐厅
I didn't even know that was a thing.
我只是突然馋了
Yeah. I just have a taste for it.
你忙吧
As you were.
张伯伦对吗
Chamberlain, right?
我能和你聊几句吗
Could I talk to you for a minute?
你改主意了想跟我约会了
Okay, so you changed your mind; you want to go out with me.
什么才不是
What? No.
是关于蒙什
It's Munsch.
她有些事我总是想不通
There's something bugging me about her,
但又没办法和其他人说
and there's nobody else I can talk to about it.
我满腹疑惑
I'm suspicious.
她起初为什么要开这家医院
I mean, why would she want to run a hospital in the first place?
不知道乐于助人
I don't know, to help people?
可她之前是大学教务长
Yeah, but she also was the dean of a university.
为什么要开一家专治没几个人得的
Why would she start a hospital to cure only a handful of people
罕见病医院呢
with really obscure diseases?
她得砸入全部家当才行
I mean, she had to pour every penny she had into this place.
谁会这么干
Who does that?
她很有钱
She is rich.
那她为什么要雇我和香奈儿们
And why would she hire me and the Chanels?
香奈儿们是笨蛋她也讨厌她们
The Chanels are idiots, and she hates them.
非常讨厌她们
Like really hates them, hates them.
我相信你已经有答案了
I believe you got a theory. I do.
那天五号♥说的故事
There's something about the story
有些不对劲
that Number Five was telling the other day.
她说杀死凯瑟琳的沼泽怪物
I mean, she said the swamp monster that killed Catherine
正准备杀她后来却被你吓跑了
was about to kill her, and then you scared it off.
这段期间蒙什教务长
And Dean Munsch was just upstairs
一直都在楼上的办公室吗
in her office the whole time?
下班了还不走
After hours?
你自己说的
You said it yourself.
蒙什教务长在凯瑟琳被杀前很久
Dean Munsch said good night to both you
就对你和香奈儿五号♥说了晚安
and Chanel Number Five long before Catherine was murdered.
-你是说她在搞鬼吗 -一定是