尖叫皇后（2015）

Scream Queens S02E01

Part 6 Sept. 10, 2020, 10:11 a.m.

等等
Wait a second.
或许我们成不了网络新闻主播
Maybe we won't be network news anchors.
但我们为什么不做
But what's stopping us
福克斯新闻台的特别医疗记者呢
from becoming special medical correspondents for Fox News?!
你是什么意思
What are you talking about?
我们可以成为电视里的医生
We'll become TV doctors.
我们会有自己的医生类电视节目
We'll have our own doctor TV shows,
就像《德鲁医生》《菲尔医生》《奥兹医生》
like Dr. Drew or Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz,
或是《医生》
or... the Doctors.
想象一下我能做的精彩电视节目
Just imagine the amazing TV show I could do.
我可以做几期节目比如
I mean, I could have segments like,
《香奈儿·奥伯林医生教你如何吞绦虫》
"How to Swallow a Tapeworm with Dr. Chanel Oberlin."
然后三号♥和我可以有一♥期♥
And then, Number Three and I can do a segment
带着动物园的珍奇动物上节目
where we come on the show with exotic animals from the zoo!
别做梦了五号♥ 没有电视台会要你的
Damn it, Number Five, no network would ever hire you.
你的脸就是业界所称的
Your face is what they in the business call
"频道切换器"
"A channel changer."
-我们要怎么做 -接受蒙什教务长的好意
- So what do we do? - Get back in Dean Munsch's good graces
获得医学学位
and get our medical degrees.
怎么才能做到
How do we do that?
挑灯夜战在扎丹之前想出
By pulling an all-nighter and figuring out a cure
治疗狼女的方法
for that Werewolf Girl before Zayday does.
香奈儿
Chanel.
你来这里做什么快吓屎我了
What are you doing here? Scared the crap out of me.
我刚在和香奈儿们熬夜
Well, I was pulling an all-nighter with the Chanels
想狼女的治疗办法
trying to find a cure for Werewolf Girl,
然后我突然意识到那两个香奈儿都是白♥痴♥
when suddenly I realized that both Chanels are idiots.
-你在这里做什么 -跟你一样
- What are you doing here? - Yeah, the same.
我们不能切除那女孩的额叶
We cannot perform a lobotomy on that girl.
你想出了什么办法
So what have you come up with?
我正试着过一遍事实
Well, I'm just trying to go over the facts.
事实一
Fact number one--
病人全身长满浓密毛发
patient's covered in thick hair from head to toe. Right.
并且多囊卵巢综合症
Also a fact that hirsutism can be caused
也可能导致多毛症
by polycystic ovary syndrome,
但是凯瑟琳并未提到有任何腹痛
but Catherine hasn't complained of any abdominal pain
或者经期不规律
or irregular periods.
她确实有不规律的进食习惯
She does have irregular eating habits.
你看到护士的报告了吗
Have you seen this nurse's report?
太恶心了牛肉肝脏和四季豆
It's gross. Beef, liver and kidney beans?
蟹腿和生蚝酱
Crab legs and oyster sauce?
十二只煎蛋没有蛋黄
12-egg omelet, no yolks,
只有蛋白和吞拿鱼罐头
just whites and canned tuna,
三杯全脂牛奶
three glasses of whole milk?
事实上这饮食还是挺健康的
That's not an unhealthy diet, per se.
我是说这些东西富含维生素D
I mean, all those foods are loaded with vitamin D.
维生素D是好东西
Vitamin D is a very good...
我应该参考那个食谱有助男性功能
I should be on that diet. It's good for dudes.
增加睾丸激素
Boost the testosterone.
那...
Do...?
睾丸激素
Testosterone.
就是它
That's it.
停下停止手术
Stop! Stop the operation!
香奈儿你不能就这样闯进来
Chanel, you can't just barge in here like that.
你们知道
Yeah, you guys do know
这是无菌环境对吧
this is a sterile environment, correct?
睾丸激素
Testosterone.
-什么 -凯瑟琳
- What? - ?Catherine,
你的饮食维生素D含量过高
your diet is extremely high in vitamin D.
提高了你的睾丸激素水平
It's boosting your testosterone.
我们会立刻给你安排豆制品为主的饮食
We're gonna put you on a soy-based diet immediately.
会提高你的雌性激素平衡荷尔蒙水平
It'll spike your estrogen and bring your hormones into balance.
你的胸部可能也会长大
Your boobs will probably get bigger, too.
开始双氢睾酮疗法
Starting a regimen of dihydrotestosterone.
是睾丸激素的副产品
It's a byproduct of testosterone.
也是导致男性脱发的原因
It's what causes hair loss in men.
如果我们能给你导入足够的双氢睾酮
See, if we can introduce enough DHT into your system,
你就会自然脱发跟男性脱发一样
well, you'll lose hair naturally, the way a man would.
大部分男人
Most men, really.
-有意思 -是的这真是...
- Interesting. - Yeah. It really is a...
振奋人心的解决方案对吧
compelling solution, now, isn't it?
我是说你已经准备好
I mean, here you were, ready to,
打开病人的脑袋
uh, jam an ice pick into the patient's brain
瞎搞一气
and sort of randomly root around willy-nilly,
然而我们在最后一刻闯进来
and then we come in at the last minute,
-我们 -解决了问题
- We. - Saving the day,
带着更好的解决方案
coming in with a much better treatment option,
让你原有的方案毫无用处真可惜
rendering your original procedure unnecessary. Bummer.
打住所以我们不动手术了吗
Wait, hold on. So we're just not gonna do the surgery?
没错改变计划
That's right. Change of plans.
我提议先用香奈儿的方法
I say we go with Chanel's idea first.
那么性感医生再问一句
Oh, so, Dr.Hot, just to be clear,
你是说我们的方案比扎丹的更好吗
you're saying that our idea is better than Zayday's idea?
是的
Uh... yeah.
在这件事上是的
In this case, I would.
很好再见扎丹
Awesome. Later, Zayday.
香奈儿们
Chanels! ?
我们的小毛球早上过得怎么样
How's our little Hairy Mary doing this morning?
我的天起作用了我们治好了她
Oh, my God, it worked. We cured her.
你没有跟我说所有毛发都会掉
You didn't tell me I would lose all of my hair!
我浑身上下一点毛发都没有了
I have no hair anywhere!
看起来就像癌症病人
I look like a cancer patient!
不你看着像一个大号♥的婴儿
No. You look like a large baby.
这可不行
This is not okay!
你等会儿
Now, hold on.
为了治疗你
I spent a full hour
我花了一个钟头跟布洛克医生调情
flirting with Dr. Brock to try to find a cure for you.
我们要是现在放弃那才见鬼了
So I'll be damned if we're giving up now.
凯瑟琳我们得再多做一个手术
Catherine, I think we need to consider one more procedure.
形象大改造
A makeover.
天啊
Oh, my God.
这太棒了
This is amazing.
太谢谢你们了
Thank you so much!
你们改变了我的人生
You girls changed my life!
我要拍我的第一张陌陌头像
I'm gonna go take my first Tinder profile picture.
记住光线要暗 45度角侧拍
Side angle, dim light.
我们除净了你的体毛
We got rid of all your hair,
但你还得减掉十五磅
but you're still a good 15 pounds from being
才能勉强加入新泽西六人组
even a New Jersey six.
好吧好吧
Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay.
姑娘们本医院以你们为荣
Ladies, you have made this hospital very proud.
我们真是战无不胜
I mean, we're batting 1000.
虽然样本量非常小
Albeit with a very small sample size.
希望你们都能从中学到
I hope y'all learned a valuable lesson
当一个医生多么有成就感
about how fulfilling being a doctor can be.
我也希望你也能从中明白扎丹
And I hope you learned a valuable lesson, Zayday,
当个医生有多容易
about how easy being a doctor can be.
也许现在我们可以忽略
And maybe now we can put to bed
你那些好好学习天天向上的说教
all of your righteous lecturing about hard work
接受现实那就是有了互联网的力量
and accept the fact that, through the power of the Internet,
人人都能成为医学博士
anyone can be an M.D.
我们走姑娘们
Let's go, ladies.
真不明白为什么大家都说
I don't know why everyone talks about
当医生有多难
how hard it is being a doctor,
我们干得不错
because we're doing an awesome job
而且看起来治愈不治之症是轻而易举的
and it seems like curing incurable diseases is super easy. ?
香奈儿们你们好
Hello, Chanels.
还是一副风尘打扮
Still dressing like sluts, I see.
蒙什教务长你好护士你好
Hello, Dean Munsch. Hello, Nurse.
我老远就闻到一股"贺佛"味
I thought I smelled something "Hoffel."