尖叫皇后（2015）

Scream Queens S01E01

Part 1 Sept. 10, 2020, 10:48 a.m.

1995年
*We walked arm in arm*
*But I didn't feel his touch*
*A desire I'd first tried to hide,*
*that tingling inside was gone*
你们得来一下
You have to come.
出大事了
Something really bad happened.
你是把大姨妈都抹身上了吗
Did you just get your period all over yourself?
这不是我的血
This isn't my blood.
我的天啊
Holy crap!
谁说你今天晚上可以在这里生孩子的
Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?
姐♥妹♥们♥ 真对不起
Guys, I'm so sorry.
我显然和你们一样对此措手不及
Obviously, I'm as upset as anyone about this.
给我喝点佳得乐我肯定能走得动
I'm sure I can walk if I can just get some Gatorade.
我才不关心你是否走得动
I don't care if you can walk.
我们该怎么把你带去前门
How are we supposed to get you to the front door
而不被别人看见你这产后的满身血渍
without everyone seeing you all gross and postpartum?
没人愿意在派对上看到这个
No one wants to see that at a party.
没错那是当然
Right. Of course. Uh...
真是太难为情了
This is super embarrassing.
我都不知道自己怀孕了
I didn't even know I was pregnant.
我以为不过是"新生必重15磅"而已
I just thought it was the freshman 15.
我以为只是面包吃多了
I thought I was having a bread baby.
你简直是卡帕有史以来最差的预备会员
You are officially the worst Kappa pledge of all time.
好了我们得帮帮她
Okay, we have to get her help.
姐♥妹♥们♥ 外面在唱《瀑布》呢
You guys, they're playing "Waterfalls."
那是宝宝吗好神奇
Is that a baby? Amazing.
这可是我们的歌♥
Look, this is our song.
TLC[乐队]的
TLC!
我才不会为此错过《瀑布》呢
I am not missing "Waterfalls" for this.
《瀑布》是我最爱
"Waterfalls" is my jam.
我们不能扔下她不管
We can't just leave her.
我们唱完这歌♥再回来
We'll be back after this song.
给这崽子灌点儿莫吉托安静下
Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down.
卡帕
Kappa!
姐♥妹♥们♥ 我可真是个称职的保姆
You guys, I'm such a good babysitter.
我给你带了点葡萄酒
I brought you some Bartles and Jaymes.
怎么回事
What the hell?
她怎么了她脸色好难看
What's wrong with her? She looks awful.
她死了
She's dead.
你怎么知道她死了
How do you know she's dead?
因为她瞪着眼睛一动不动
Because her eyes are stuck open.
我碰了碰她的眼睛但毫无反应
I tried to touch one, but she didn't move.
你也太恶心了
Dude, that is so gross.
我没法戴隐形眼镜
I can't even wear contact lenses
就因为我受不了用手摸眼睛
because that freaks me out so much.
她死了
She's dead.
拜托我们该怎么办
Okay? What the hell are we gonna do?
尖叫女王
第一季第一集
早上好妞儿们
Good morning, slits.
早上好香奈儿
Good morning, Chanel.
我叫香奈儿·奥伯林
My name is Chanel Oberlin,
我是KKT姐妹会的女王
and I am the queen of Kappa Kappa Tau.
不行
No.
不行
No.
不行
No.
这几位是我的跟班
These are my minions.
我不知道她们的名字
I don't know their names.
也无需知道她们的名字
I don't want to know their names.
我称她们为...
They're known as...
香奈儿二号♥
Chanel #2.
香奈儿三号♥
Chanel #3.
香奈儿五号♥
Chanel #5.
我当然就是香奈儿一号♥
I'm Chanel #1, obvi.
本来还有香奈儿四号♥的不过她得了脑膜炎
There was a Chanel #4, but she got meningitis.
她说"我病了我得回家"
She was like, "I'm sick. I have to go home."
我就说"不准走留下"
And I was like, "No. Stay."
但她还是回家了然后就死了
But she went home anyway, and then she died.
我又一次判断正确
So another thing I was right about.
姐♥妹♥们♥生物课见
I'll see you ladies in bio.
我10点得灌肠
I have a colonic at 10:00.
很多人都讽刺姐妹会排外
A lot of people talk smack about how sororities
说我们有等级观念
are exclusive and they're a class system.
你猜怎么着
Well, guess what.
人生来就分三六九等
Life is a class system.
而姐妹会就是世上仅存一方圣土
And a sorority is the one place left in the world
让你可以自行挑选身边的人
where you get to pick and choose the people around you.
这位正清除地毯上贪食症患者呕吐物的
That obese specimen of human filth scrubbing bulimia vomit
肥胖症患者是贝恩女士
out of the carpet is Ms. Bean.
我管她叫"白嬷嬷"
I call her White Mammy
因为她其实就是个家奴
because she's essentially a house slave.
看我的
Watch this.
打扰一下白嬷嬷
Excuse me, White Mammy.
不许你这么称呼我
You're not allowed to call me that.
对不起我有个问题只是个假设
Sorry. I have a question. And it's just a hypothetical.
如果我问你
If I asked you
你懂生孩子的事吗
if you knew somethin' 'bout birthin' babies
或者你毛都不懂什么产崽子的事呢
or if you didn't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies...
你会怎么说
What would you say?
我会说不懂
I'd say I don't know.
不懂什么...
Don't know...?
我毛都不懂
I don't know nothin'
什么产崽子的事
'bout birthin' no babies.
真乖谢谢
Amazing. Thank you.
还有很多呕吐物没擦干净哦
Oh, still a lot of puke to scrub.
动作麻利点
Let's make that a priority.
你刚刚那番话说得太逗了
The things you say are hilarious
-非常犀利 -谢谢
- and poignant. - Thank you.
是啊你真是特别擅长
Yeah, you have an amazing skill at telling people
见什么人说什么话
what they need to hear.
我说我有让你这么唯唯诺诺
I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties
动不动拍我马屁吗
and blow a compliment up my butt?
没人喜欢马屁精香奈儿五号♥
Nobody likes a suck-up, Chanel #5.
香奈儿小姐我差点忘了
Oh, Ms. Chanel, I almost forgot.
教务长打来电♥话♥ 说要立刻见您
The Dean of students called, and she needs to see you right away.
我就实话实说了
I'm gonna be honest.
我讨厌姐妹会也讨厌你
I hate sororities, and I hate you.
多年来我已经看了太多
For years, I've seen the damage
你们所谓的姐妹情谊残害了多少女孩
these so-called sisterhoods have had on young girls.
是因为你姓"蒙什"
Do you think you like to munch box
所以才喜欢蒙头舔逼呢
because your last name is Munsch,
还是这只是巧合
or is that just a coincidence?
首先我不是拉拉
First of all, I'm not a lesbian.
其次你这个样子就是问题所在
Second, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
在现实世界里
You see, out in the real world,
人们是不会跟别人这么说话的
people just don't talk that way to other people.
这样很怪
It's not normal.
我不知道你是否清楚
Now, I'm not sure you're aware,
我已经不再是副教务长了
but I'm no longer Associate Dean.
雷诺兹教务长暑期不幸过世之后
After Dean Reynolds' unfortunate passing over the summer,
我奉命担任教务长一职
I was promoted to her position.
-这事恐怕没那么简单吧 -没错
- Well, that sure sounds suspicious. - Yes.
我潜进共事二十年八十岁高龄的同事家中
I snuck into the home of my 80-year-old colleague of 20 years
往她浴缸里放了个收音机
and dropped a transistor radio in her bathtub
就为了能涨5%的工资
so I could get a five percent raise.
把你的墨镜摘了
Take your glasses off.
以希腊字母命名的兄弟会/姐妹会的统称
由于雷诺兹教务长对"希腊生活"疏于监管
Now, Dean Reynolds' oversight of Greek Life
这所学校的姐妹会已经开始出现犯罪的苗头
at this school was so negligent that it bordered on criminal.
而卡帕正是酗酒滥用处方药及种族歧视
And Kappa is the source of rampant reports of alcoholism,
等不良行为的源头
prescription drug abuse, racism,
甚至有虐待动物的指控
as well as allegations of bestiality...
没人逼那头山羊醉成那样