尖叫皇后（2015）

Scream Queens S02E08

Part 2 Sept. 10, 2020, 10:14 a.m.

励志演讲家与畅销书作家
他通过吼我让我停了下来
and he got me to stop by yelling at me.
当面看那家伙的头更大
That man's head is even bigger in person. Yeah.
而且我以为我把头发都拉出来了
And I-I thought that I had just poo-pooed out all of my hair.
根本没想到它们在我肚子里卡住了
I had no idea that it was stuck in there.
-还好现在都解决了 -真好
- I'm just glad that this all worked out. - Sweet.
而且这给了我理由
And I guess it kind of gave me an excuse
来再见你一面凯茜
to come see you again, Cathy.
我很庆幸来见你之前头发已经长出来了
And I'm grateful that my hair grew back before I did.
我确实很喜欢你那一头浓密的头发
Yeah. I really love that big, bushy head of hair.
我以前经常脱♥光♥了衣服
I used to get naked and
把他的头夹在大腿中间照镜子
put him in a headlock between my thighs and then look in the mirror
-假装我是个七十年代的色情明星 -天啊
and try to pretend I was a porn star from the 1970s. - Oh, man...
-等等你还记得 -我当然记得
- Wait, stop it. You remember? - Of course I remember.
-你还有... -我还有那些宝丽来相片
- Do you still have those... - I have the Polaroids.
-天啊 -那会儿可真是好时光
- Oh, my... - Those... those were good times.
-抱歉 -抱歉
- Sorry. - Sorry.
霍尔特医生你觉得我现在恢复得怎么样
Dr. Holt, Uh, if I am well enough, do you think that...
我今晚能请这位漂亮的姑娘吃晚餐吗
I could take this beautiful young woman out for dinner tonight?
也许饭后再上个床
Maybe give her a little bit of... sex after?
好了我要回办公室了
Okay. I think I'm gonna go to my office.
姑娘们你们该巡房♥了
Um, girls, your rounds.
医生...
Doctor...
你们俩之间有化学反应啊
Now, you two have... chemistry, huh?
怎么了你嫉妒吗
What are you, jealous?
当然没有我和香奈儿好着呢
Oh, no. Chanel and I are doing great.
-她是个很好很好的女孩 -这么多"很好"
- She is really, really a terrific girl. - A lot of reallys.
那你们俩要重新开始约会吗
So, are you two gonna start dating again?
考虑到我们的过去
Well, I think considering our past,
以及你现在有主的事实
and the fact that you are really unavailable,
我跟韦斯很有可能
I think there's a very good chance that Wes and I
会交换一下"发团" 你懂我的意思吧
will be exchanging a hair ball or two, if you know what I mean.
-知道 -没错
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
-你有问题吗 -没有
- Do you have a problem with that? - No.
我只是觉得我们都很开心真不错
No, I'm just glad that we're all... so damn happy.
很好我也是
Good. Me, too.
宝贝们我是"仙女"扎丹
Hey, kids, Shay-day Zayday here,
我知道你们要问了 "今天的笑话是什么"
and I know you guys are asking, "what's the gag for the day?"
我来告诉你们笑话就是
Well, I'm here to tell you that the gag is
我们要治好医院里的每个人
we're curing everybody in this hospital.
老爷爷你有什么笑话
Hey, gramps, what's the gag with you?
我没听清你说什么
I'm sorry? T-t-the what?
就是笑话啊笑点啊俏皮话
You know, the gag, the dope, the hibby-jibby.
阿布拉威斯先生看来你患了肺结核
Mr. Abromowitz, it looks like you've been diagnosed with tuberculosis.
1918打来电♥话♥ 要把它的疾病要回去
1918 called, it wants its disease back.
1918年世界大流感
好了扎啤宝贝们
All right, Zay-niacs,
这就是今天的小笑话
That's the gag for the day.
你好可爱就很有趣
小可爱
下次想要什么迪克·沃尔夫还是芝加哥图书馆员
#每日笑话#当日笑话#
我正好在想这个
搞什么
What?
我们需要谈谈
你好啊我有惊喜给你准备好了吗
What's up? I got a surprise for you. You ready?
你之前撩到过妹吗
Have you ever courted a girl before?
当然大把的
Yeah, tons of girls.
有没有成功上♥床♥的
Ever close the deal?
有几次
Few times.
其实只有一次
Actually once.
网恋网络性♥交♥ 你懂的
Online thing. You know, cyber sex, you know.
但是当我们见面的时候
But when we actually met,
我发现原来是我的表哥里昂在耍我
it turned out to be my cousin Leon
他为了两年前感恩节的时候
catfishing me 'cause he was mad
我吃掉了最后一根火鸡腿而报复我
that I took the last turkey leg two years ago at thanksgiving.
但他确实很会撩
But that boy can write some cyber.
他都能写小黄书了
He need to do an erotic novel.
科普一个趣闻
Here's the gag.
妹子不喜欢太主动的人
Girls don't like it when you're eager.
每次我在社交软件发文或者短♥信♥你
Any time I post anything on social media or text you,
我刚打完你就秒回
you respond before I even get a chance to finish typing.
这样很没魅力的
And... it's unattractive.
我挺喜欢你的但当你看上去如饥似渴
Look, I like you, but when you seem desperate,
我就完全没感觉了
it's a turn-off.
该死扎丹
Damn, Zayday.
好吧我记住了
All right. Well, you know what? Noted.
我能和你说件事吗
Can I talk to you about something?
我在想绿魔穿的衣服
I was thinking about the costume that the Green Meanie wears.
是非常精致特别的
It's very specific and elaborate.
你不可能在戏服店里直接买♥♥到
You can't just buy something like that at a costume store,
也就意味着
which means he had...
除非凶手是个资深裁缝还会做面具
Either the killer is an expert tailor and mask maker,
不然他一定是让别人帮他定做的
or he had it made by someone who is.
我觉得是后者
Okay, I was thinking the second option.
我们只需要
Okay, so, then, all we have to do
用我们自己把绿魔引出来
is use ourselves as bait to draw the Green Meanie in,
然后想个办法从他的服装上割下一块布
and then figure out a way to cut a piece of fabric off his costume.
然后带着布去附近所有布料店去问
And bring it around to all the fabric stores in the area,
看店家能否认出来
see if they recognize it.
就像法医节目那样
Like they do in those forensics shows.
这不是法医节目好吧
Okay, this is not a forensics show, all right?
这是一个冒着不必要的风险且极其复杂的计划
That is an unnecessarily dangerous and extremely complicated plan!
我们为什么不去店里直接和店家描述呢
Why don't we just go to the shops and describe it to 'em?
如果店家也参与了就行不通了
Not if they're in on it in some way.
我们需要证据来逼他们招供
We need a piece of evidence to put pressure on them to talk.
如果他们知道我们能将他们和谋杀关联起来
If they know there's a way we can tie 'em to the murders,
他们就会更愿意供出凶手
they'll be more willing to give up the killer.
但愿我们在调查过程中不被灭口吧
Just hope we don't get killed in the process.
但这样可能会减少我给你发消息的次数
Although it may stop me from texting you as much.
一厢情愿
Wishful thinking.
什么
What?!
你居然不喜欢我给你发的消息
I can't believe you don't like my text messages.
我经常会想如果我当初不做外科医生
You know, I often wonder what my life would be like
我的生活将会是怎样
if I didn't become a surgeon.
你在录像吗
Are you recording this?
是啊我有一个很赞的滤镜可以让你
Yeah. I have this amazing filter that makes you look
看上去像条舌头很大的狗继续说话
like a dog with a huge tongue. Keep talking.
我爸想让我当律师
Well, anyway, my dad wanted me to become a lawyer...
天啊太搞笑了
Oh, my god, that's hilarious!
因为他在水门事件审讯期间
Because he represented the Nixon administration
为尼克松政♥府♥辩护
during the Watergate Hearing.
你介不介意
Would you...? Do you mind
-把手♥机♥放下来 -这里可以吗
- putting the phone down, please? - Oh. Like here?
不我是说是的我就是这个意思
No. I meant... Yeah, that's what I meant.
我在听
I'm listening!
你叔叔把沃特福德水晶卖♥♥给了辛西娅·尼克松
Your uncle sold Waterford Crystal to Cynthia Nixon.
辛西娅·尼克松《欲望都市》女主之一
是啊总之是因为我母亲
Yeah. Anyway, it was... It was my mother.
我母亲想让我成为一名医生
My mother was the one who wanted me to become a doctor
因为她很爱看《陆军野战医院》
'cause she really loved "Mash".
等下什么泥就像...
Wait. What? Mash, like...
就像土豆泥吗
Oh, like mash potatoes?
不是电视剧《陆军野战医院》
No. Like, M.A.S.H the TV show.
就是讲朝鲜战争的那部
You know. Took place during the Korean War?
但其实是暗讽越南战争的
But it was really about Vietnam?
电视史上最受欢迎的节目
Only the most popular television show in the history of TV?
我觉得你说的是《淘气小子看世界》
I think you mean "Boy Meets World".
-《淘气小子看世界》 -不是吧
- "Boy Meets World". - Uh, hello?
就是《淘气小子看世界》科里和托潘加啊
Boy Meets World? Cory and Topanga.
最伟大的爱情故事
The greatest love story ever.
你真该看看《淘气小子看世界》
You should really watch "Boy Meets World".
你知道...
You know...
我感觉咱俩有点代沟你呢
I'm starting to feel the age gap a bit. Are you?
对不起我在努力了