废柴联盟（2009）

Community S03E22

Part 3 Oct. 20, 2020, 9:43 a.m.

Does anybody know any funny jokes?
谁能在一边说个笑话什么的
I do.
我来
An Irish and a Jew walk
一个爱尔兰人和一个犹太人
into a Chinese laundry...
走进一家中国洗衣店
with a gay duck.
还带着一只基佬鸭子
All right, okay! Oh, right!
行了行了
So you're telling me they're not good at basketball?
你们是想说他们不会打篮球咯
I have no questions, your honor.
我没有问题了法官大人
Cruel. Cruel, cruel, cruel.
残酷残酷残酷残酷
In the name of the five winds...
以五风之名
East, west, north,
东风西风北风
the one we keep secret, and south,
秘风和南风
I hereby proclaim you--
在此我授你为
This ceremony is a lie.
这仪式就是扯淡
And having a special room for it
为了这种屁事还腾出一间房♥
is a waste of valuable floor space.
简直就是浪费空间
You are no longer a student here.
你已经不是这里的学生了
And we use this room for yoga on weekends.
而且这间房♥周末还用作瑜伽房♥呢
Remove him. I am the truest repairman.
让他走我是最真实的修理工
And this man is a dishonor
而这个人
to making air conditioners work good.
不配修空调
And I have the right to challenge him...
我有权对他提出挑战
In the sun chamber.
我们去烈阳室对决
Holy crap.
我勒个去
Your less than honor, can I call a recess?
法官小哥我请求休庭
Ooh, yay, costume change.
好耶可以换装咯
Court briefly adjourned.
短暂休庭
What are you trying to do, Winger?
你想怎么样翁格
Zealously represent your client?
别跟我说什么认真打官司
Let me make things a little easier for you.
我跟你打开天窗说亮话吧
Figure out a way to throw this case,
想办法撇掉这案子
or figure out where you're gonna work
不然就得想清楚你在毕业后
when you get out of here, because I don't know
去哪里工作怎么说呢
where it's gonna be if it's not for us.
如果我们公♥司♥不要你的话
That's right, Jeff. I went there.
没错杰夫我就要玩得这么大
You drove me there. Miss Daisy's in the house,
你开车送我的戴茜小姐在家
thanks for the ride, sorry about slavery.
多谢你开车载我对于奴隶制我很抱歉
Don't oversell your clout, Alan.
别把自己吹得跟一把手似的艾伦
You're partner because I sold you to Ted.
你能做合伙人是因为我向泰德推荐你
Ted respects me Ted's gone.
泰德很尊重我的意见泰德走了
He got too old, couldn't swim with the sharks, and got eaten.
他太老了游不过鲨鱼被吃了
That makes no sense. He started the firm.
胡说八道公♥司♥是他创立的
You can't lose your own firm.
自己公♥司♥怎么会混不下去
You can if you're dead.
死了就会呀
That shark thing was not a metaphor.
鲨鱼那事不是比喻
I'm the big dog now.
现在我是当家老大了
So you want the last three years
如果你希望在这所不入流学校
in this toilet to have a point?
熬的三年有点意义的话
Then I'm the guy you got to make happy.
那你就得哄我开心
Or, you know, you could finish up your big win here.
或者享受你最后的一次胜利吧
Court is in session.
开庭
Blind justice presiding-- aah! Oh, my god!
蒙眼的正义女神将主持我的妈呀
Ahh! Oh, one more recess.
再次休庭
I hit the corner right on a fresh tattoo.
桌角正好撞到新纹的纹身上
Well boys and girls,
先生们女士们
I hope you brought your popsicles,
希望各位带了冰棍
Because it's about to get scalding hot
因为在烈阳室里
in the sun chamber.
将会炙热似火
You already know the rules...
大家都知道规则
Because there aren't any!
那就是没有规则
Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?
老天丹尼斯磕药磕傻了吧
Take that crap off and sit down.
脱掉这些鬼东西坐下吧
Sorry about that. Of course there are rules.
不好意思当然是有规则的
Two men are sealed in the chamber,
两人进入密封的小房♥间里
each with a broken unit.
房♥间里各有一台坏掉的空调
The heat will increase until one man yields...
房♥间温度会不断上升直到有人认输
Or dies.
或是死亡
Begin!
开始
You're just in time for Jeff's closing statements.
你刚好赶上杰夫的结案陈词
Who cares? Everything is terrible.
谁在乎啊世界是黑暗的
Oh, no. Have you been watching Dance Moms again?
不是吧你又看《妈妈舞者》了[真人秀]
I'm thinking of dyeing my hair.
我想染头发
Evil Abed, what are you doing?
黑化阿布蒂你干什么
I'm going to cut off Jeff Winger's arm.
我去切掉杰夫·翁格的胳膊
I won't let you. That's horrible.
我不允许太恐怖了
Don't you mean dark? Welcome to my world.
你是说恶毒吧欢迎来到我的世界
Jeff! Winger!
杰夫翁格
Jeffrey, this is a-- a terrible situation
杰夫瑞我让你陷入了这样
for me to have put you in.
进退两难的境地
A guy like Alan isn't above making trouble for you
艾伦这家伙原来在公♥司♥
at your old firm. Shirley, I
就给你小鞋穿雪瑞我...
It's not worth your career.
这事不值得你搭上前程
I want you to have what you want.
我希望你能够心想事成
Thank you, Shirley. Settle down.
谢谢雪瑞安静
Okay, Jeffrey, let's have your closing statement.
好了杰夫瑞请做结案陈词
Your honor...
法官大人
I have no closing statement,
我不会做结案陈词
because I'm throwing the case.
因为我拒绝受理此案
No, no, it's okay.
不没事的
It's fine, don't worry.
没事别担心
My client, Shirley Bennett,
我的当事人雪瑞·伯纳德
my friend of three years,
我三年来的好朋友
she told me that it was okay.
她说不受理没关系
She said what I want was more important.
她说我的需求更重要
She's right, right?
她说的对对吗
I mean, guys like me,
像我这样的人
we'll tell you there's no right or wrong.
会告诉你世上没有对错可言
There's no real truth.
没有绝对的真♥相♥
I'll kill you.
我会杀了你
I'll kill you just like I killed him.
我杀了他我也会杀了你
And as long as we all believe that,
只要哄得大家都信了
guys like me can never lose.
像我这样的人就永远也不会输了
Was that out loud?
我大声说出来了吗
Because the truth is...
因为真♥相♥是
I'm lying when I say there is no truth.
我说没有真♥相♥是句谎话
The truth is-- the pathetically, stupidly,
真♥相♥是可悲的愚蠢的
inconveniently obvious truth is...
尴尬的明显真♥相♥是
Helping only ourselves is bad,
只为自己着想是自私的
and helping each other is good.
为他人考虑才是伟大的
Now I just wanted to get out of here,
现在我只想离开这里
pass biology, and be a lawyer again
通过生物课考试再次成为律师
instead of helping Shirley.
而不是在这里帮助雪瑞
That was bad.
这样不对
And my former colleague
而我的前同事
wanted so badly to keep his rich client
非常可怜地想留住阔佬客户
that he just asked me to roll over
不惜以提供我工作为诱
in exchange for my old job.
让我放弃官司
So I guess we all walked in here pretty bad.
所以我想我们都是以自私的心态来到这
But now...
但现在
Shirley's gone good.
雪瑞做出了无私的举动
Shirley's helping me.
雪瑞在帮助我
It's that easy.
其实很简单
You just stop thinking about what's good for you,
只要不再为自己的私利打算
and start thinking about what's good for someone else.
而是设身处地地为他人着想
And you can change the whole game
你可以改变整个游戏
with one move.
只要一个善举就行
Now if you like this idea, you can make it true
如果你认同这个观点你可以通过
by doing something good for everyone here.
帮助身边人使之成为真♥相♥
Throw this case out of court. It's dumb.
别再审了这官司完全没意义
That is all.
陈词完毕