废柴联盟（2009）

Community S03E05

Part 3 Oct. 20, 2020, 9:40 a.m.

You tried to destroy us...
你试图打败我们...
But you only made us...
但你却让我们...
More awesome!
更加强大
No! I'm a j-jealous
不可以我会妒忌的
Now you are the subject.
现在你是实验品了
What? What? Tell me more.
什么什么说清楚点
We sewed your butt
我们把你的屁♥股♥
To your chest! Ha!
丰到胸上去了哈哈
Noo!
不
Wait.
等等
Ha! You fools!
哈哈你们这些蠢材
By sewing my butt to my chest,
把屁♥股♥缝到我胸前
you've given me boobs I can touch all day.
我不就能随时自摸了吗
With what?
拿什么摸
Noo!
不
No!
不
Noo!
不
Nooo!
不
Nooo!
不
Feet hands.
脚成了手
What did I do to deserve that?
为什么要那样对我
Keep me out of your stupid stories.
故事无聊就别伤及无辜
I didn't say it was you.
我可没说那是你
I said he was a crazy, old, racist doctor.
我说的是一个种族歧视的疯子老教授
Yeah, and I'm your crazy, old, racist friend.
没错朋友里就我三条全符合
I was, anyway. Now I'm not so sure.
从前是现在可能改过自新了
It's just a story, Pierce.
这只是个故事皮尔斯
Yeah? Well so is this.
是吗接下来这个也只是个故事
Come back to bed, magnum.
接着来呀酒鬼
In a moment, girls.
马上美女们
I'm just enjoying an expensive, post-coital brandy.
我正浅酌事后酒高档白兰地
Whats we gots heres?
看来找到好东西了
This is a home invasion, you jive mother.
入室抢劫你这假娘们
Easy, easy, easy.
冷静冷静冷静
Nobody has to get hurt here.
没必要伤人
Yeah, that's right, honky.
是的没必要白鬼子
You take it real easy
你好好冷静一下
and give us all your expensive brandy and hubcaps.
高档白兰地和毂盖统统交出来
okay, but...
好的但是...
Oh, man.
可怜的
You...Are...
给...你...
Still...Relevant!
最后...一下
Oh, my god! Unh!
我的天哪
Okay, I'm ready for my birthday spanking.
好了我准备好玩打屁屁了
Which of you girls knows how to count to 30?
哪个美女能从现在开始数到30
What...In the hell...
这鬼东西...到底...
Was that?
是什么
That wasn't even a ghost story.
那连个鬼故事也算不上
It was like an episode of some show
有点像十♥八♥禁♥
we're all too young to have heard of.
少♥儿♥不♥宜♥剧集节选
Fine! Then I chopped up both your bodies.
别想歪了我只是把你们碎尸而已
So that was us, and you were magnum?
我们是被剁了那你还是酒鬼吗
Still am, Pakistan. Wanna try me?
还是巴基斯坦人想试试吗
Guys, I think these stories are starting to get personal.
伙计们我认为故事有人身攻击了
And so needlessly violent.
过于暴♥力♥
What happened to the days when ghost stories
过去那些正义战胜邪恶的
were about good versus evil?
传统鬼故事多好啊
Once upon a time...
从前
Aw, man. My drugs are wearing off.
伙计我这儿药磕完了
Who's got more?
谁还有吗
Here you go, baby.
给你亲爱的
All right, all right.
太好了太好了
That is my kind of pot bong.
女体盛什么的最带劲了
Yo, Jango, check it out.
来混球来看看
Swarms of locusts
蝗虫之灾
and tornadoes of frogs.
还有青蛙之灾
I don't care. I lived in New York.
纽约客表示无压力
Ugh! It's like New York out there.
哦外面可真像纽约
We interrupt your death metal
抱歉打扰重金属狂欢夜
to bring you some heavy news.
有重要消息播报
All the good christians got raptured up to heaven,
善良的信徒都上了天堂
So if you're hearing this,
如果你能听到
The good news is you're the coolest people in the world.
好消息是你们帅呆酷毙举世无双
Yes!
好耶
The bad news is the world is over.
坏消息是没"世"让你们活了
This is NPR.
夜间新闻报道
Aw, man. End of days?
惨了世界末日吗
Could anything suck harder than this?
惨不忍♥睹
Hel-lo!
你...们好
Devil here.
魔鬼给你们请安
Just popping by with a little damnation orientation.
顺路带来地狱游小贴士
Here's the sched.
现在是无线电播送
00, you'll be buried neck-deep in scorpions.
蝎噬之刑请按00
15, lava enemas, followed by pilates.
熔岩灌肠请按15 接下来是普拉提
Oh. That's good. I like pilates.
还不错我喜欢普拉提[健身操]
Pilates is a demon that eats your genitals.
我所谓的普拉提是恶魔噬蛋之刑
But first,
这些稍后
stabby-stabby.
吓怕怕吧
For whom do ye cry out?
你哭给谁看
All the good people are gone!
好人都修仙走人了
It's our friend we used to pick on for being christian.
那不是我们欺凌的信徒朋友嘛
Oh, she looks great.
哇好纯好美
A righteous wind blows!
正义的风在吹
Off to pilates!
吹到普拉提了
Thank you for saving us, Shirley.
谢谢你救了我们雪瑞
I mean, your name's not Shirley,
我知道你名字不叫雪瑞
This is a story about strangers.
原创故事不宜对号♥入座
Anyhoo, can you take us
不管怎样能带我们去天堂吗
to heaven now, please?
求你了
Ooh, I cannot.
哦我不能
I just came to say good-bye on my way to Abraham's bosom.
我只是顺路道别前往极乐世界
Bye.
再见
I forgive you.
我宽恕你们
Gay marriage!
打倒基婚
And he chainsawed them to bits!
然后他把他们锯成了碎屑
Then he put 'em back together.
又把他们给装回去
And then he chainsawed them again!
再把他们锯成碎屑
Forever.
循环往复永无休止
Where was Jeff in that story?
杰夫打过酱油就没影了吗
And why was my name Jango?
凭什么我要叫混球
Shirley,that wasn't a hard story,
雪瑞那不是个好故事
that was a sermon.
那是在说教
You ruined a Britta party.
你毁了一个"谱雷塌"的聚会
That's like letting poop spoil.
雪上加霜越抹越脏
No! Wait!
不别走啊
No!
先别走
No one can leave until we figure this out.
事情搞清楚之前谁也不许走
Figure what out?
搞清楚什么
Long story short,
长话短说
those psych tests I made you take came back.
上周我让你们做的心理测试出结果了
Turns out one of you is probably a homicidal maniac.
结果表明我们中有位变♥态♥杀人狂
That's stupid.
太离奇了吧
I have a responsibility,
我肩负使命
as a practitioner of the mental arts,
作为一个心理学的先行者
to figure out which one of you is sick,
有义务找出潜伏在我们之中的变♥态♥
and get you the treatment you need.
然后给他对症下药
You're a danger to yourself and others in your current state.
他现在的状态于人于己都很危险
We've known each other for two years.
我们都相处两年了
None of us are murderers.
没看出谁是杀人犯啊
No, but one of you has the potential.
但有位同志杀人思想冒头了