好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E23
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:19 p.m.
No,I'm just trying to be supportive.
不 我只是想支持你的观点
Charlie,I came here because
查理我来这是因为...
Well,I want your sperm.
我需要你的精♥子♥
All right,where do you want it?
好吧 让我射在哪?
Alan,Alan,wake up.Wake up
艾伦 艾伦 醒醒
What?
干嘛?
Mia wants sperm.
米亚需要精♥子♥
Well,don't look at me.
那你看我♥干♥嘛?
No,no,she wants my sperm.
不 不 她是要我的精♥子♥
She wants me to make a deposit so she can have a baby.
她要我加入精♥子♥库 她想要个孩子
You're kidding
开玩笑吧
Apparently,that's another of its uses.
显然 精♥子♥有这功能
What the hell is that?
她这是怎么了?
I'm not sure.
不知道
Near as I can tell,she's chasing a rabbit.
我觉得她在追赶小兔子
So why did Mia come to you?
那她为什么来找你?
Well,it turns out her biological clock is ticking.
因为岁月不饶人
Most of the guys she meets are ballet dancers,so,slim pickings there.
她认识的大多数男人都是芭蕾舞演员 骨瘦如柴 精气不足
She doesn't wanna wait for Mr.Right to come along.
而且 她又不想等待真命天子的出现
Which pretty much leaves you Yep.
所以 就只剩下你了 对
I'm good genetic material,you know,easy on the eyes.
我的基因不错 很明显吧
And she wants to raise the kid alone which fits nicely into my lifestyle.
而且她自己抚养孩子 这太符合我的生活方式了
Charlie,drinking,gambling and casual sex is not a lifestyle.
查理喝酒 赌博 一♥夜♥情♥ 这可不是什么生活方式
Okay,okay,I didn't come in here to argue with you.
我可不想和你争论这个问题
Look in the hedges,look in the hedges.
篱笆 看那篱笆
What?
什么?
I don't know.
不知道
So,what are you gonna do? You gonna go to a sperm bank?
所以呢?你要加入精♥子♥库?
Well,I tried to talk her into a direct deposit.
我想劝她直接受孕
You know,straight from the tap.
就是...从我的小♥弟♥弟♥直接...
But she really dug in her heels.
不过她坚决不同意
And not in the good way.
有好方法她不用
And you're okay with it?
你不在乎?
Well,why not?
在乎什么?
I've sent billions of soldiers out there.
我都和她做过那么多次了
It's time for one of them to finally take the hill.
是时候 让我的小蝌蚪找到妈妈了
Now what?
这次又怎么了?
I think she caught the rabbit.
我觉得她抓到兔子了
Anyway,I'm thinking this could be my one chance
总而言之 这是我
to guarantee that the Charlie gene lives on.
延续后代的机会
You know,make sure the double helix that is
让我独特的基因
uniquely me keeps on trucking into the future.
这样延续下去
Okay,let's assume that's a good thing.
好吧 就算是个好主意
One more question Yeah?
还有一个问题 什么?
If you have no doubts,why'd you wake me up to tell me?
如果你真的不介意 那你叫醒我♥干♥吗?
Well,you're my brother and I thought
你是我兄弟
you should know you're gonna be an uncle.
而且即将成为孩子的叔叔
You mean,I'm gonna be an uncle to a child I'll never see.
是一个不可能见面的孩子的叔叔吧
Tell you what,when he turns 12,
告诉你吧 他12岁的时候
I'll track him down bring him to live with you and
我就把他接回来 和你住在一起
we'll see if you get your phone messages.
到时候让他帮你记电♥话♥信息
What do you think?
怎么样?
Looks like pretty standard boilerplate.
挺正规的
It says that once your swim team's off the bus,you're no longer the coach.
不过你的小蝌蚪一旦放出去 可就不再受你的管制了
All right.
是啊
Let's see,where do I sign?The old John Hancock
让我看看 该...簽在哪呢?
if you will.You sure you want to?
你确定不后悔?
You're giving up the rights not only to your sperm...
这不仅仅是捐赠精♥子♥
but to any children that might result from them.
那群小东西可能会变成宝宝 哦 是其中某个
I understand Do you?
我知道 是么?
Once you sign,Mia can do whatever she wants with it.Them.
你要是簽了 米亚想拿它干嘛都行 不 是它们
She can use it,resell it,freeze it,put it on eBay.
她可以直接用啊 出♥售♥啊 冷冻啊 甚至发到eBay网上
Hey,I don't care if she uses it to caulk her bathtub.
无所谓 总不至於用它补浴缸吧
Once the boys reach escape velocity,they're on their own.
小蝌蚪一旦解放 他们就自♥由♥了
I see
我知道
It's out of my hands,so to speak.
说实话 我也控制不了
I got it.
明白了
Okay.I'll be back in two shakes.
好了 我去抖两下就来
Three,if it's cold in there.
最多抖三下
Charlie? You okay?
查理?没事吧?
Charlie? What?
查理? 干嘛?
You've been in there a long time.How's it going?
怎么这么久?咋样了?
How do you think it's going?
你说呢?
Well,I don't know if this'll help,
不知道能不能帮上忙
but sometimes when I was married...
我刚结婚那阵 总是假装
I used to pretend I was having sex with a completely different woman.
和很多女人发生过关系
Oh,thanks.
好的 谢谢了
The image of you bumping uglies with your ex-wife
想到你和你前妻上♥床♥的场面
should really move things along.
我一点兴趣都没了
Excuse me,I was just trying to help.
我不过想帮帮你
Yeah,well,I was just trying to have sex with a cup.
可我正在上一个杯子
Don't think of it as a cup.
别把它当成杯子
Think of it as a polyurethane lapdancer.
就当是个艷舞♥女♥郎
Get out I'm going.
滚开 好吧
Hello?
你好?
Charlie,I was just getting packed.
查理 我正在收拾东西
Oh,right,you're heading to San Francisco.
哦 对了 你要去旧金山
That's gotta be a big ballet town.
那不会变成芭蕾舞之都吧
Yeah.
是啊
So did you go to the sperm bank?
你去精♥子♥库了?
And?
然后呢?
Not a lot of laughs in that place.
真是个无趣的地方
I asked the receptionist if she takes work home with her.
我问接待员 她是否会把工作带回家做
Nothing.Not even a smile.
她一点幽默感都没有
Thanks for doing this.
非常感谢
You have no idea what it means to me.
你不知道这对我多重要
Yeah,well,funny thing,turns out it means something to me too.
不过 这对我也很重要
What are you talking about?
你什么意思?
I tried,Mia,I really did.
我尽力了米亚 真的
I tried the magazines,the movies.
杂♥志♥ 毛♥片♥ 我都试过
You can't imagine how bad porn acting is until
一个4分钟的片段我反覆看了3遍以上
you actually watch more than three,four minutes at a time.
才发现这毛♥片♥有多烂
So you're saying you couldn't? You?
你的意思是你不行?你会不行?
Yeah,I know.What are the odds?
是啊 真见鬼
Well,I guess these things happen.
没关系
You'll try again.I'm sure you'll do fine.
下次你一定行
I don't think so.
我可不这么认为
Why not?
为什么?
I have thoughts about
我想了一下
the reason things didn't go down as planned,or actually,up.
为什么实际情况和计划的不同
Okay,I'm listening.
我听着呢
As I was sitting in that little sperm cubicle watching Assmasters 7:
当我躺在精♥子♥中心的小房♥间 看"御臀者7"
The Final Chapter...
最后一章
all I could think about was some kid of mine growing up somewhere...
脑海里总是浮现著 那些在别处长大的我的孩子
and me not having a chance to,you know,be a part of his life.
而我却不在他们身边
I thought you were okay with that
我以为你不在乎呢
I thought I was too.
我也认为我不会在乎
But as it turns out,I'm not.
可是 我在乎
So if this is something you really wanna do
所以如果你坚持这么做
then you're gonna have to find someone else.
那你还是找别人吧
I see.
好吧
And by the way,Assmasters 7 is not the final chapter.
对了"御臀者7" 还不是最后一章
They left a lot of loose ends.
是个开放性的结尾
All right,well,I gotta go.
好吧 我要走了
I appreciate the effort
谢谢你的帮忙
Oh,thanks.
不客气
I think I have a rotator cuff injury.
我把肩膀给扭了
Good seeing you again,Charlie.
很高兴能再见你 查理
Good seeing you too.
我也是
Hey,let me float another idea by you
还有个主意
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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