好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E19
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:18 p.m.
...but it's been a long time for me and you're starting to turn me on.
可是我禁慾很久了 你让我有点兴奋起来
I'm out of here.
我还是走吧
Hi,Berta Hey,baby.
嗨 波塔 嗨 宝贝
Hi,Charlie Hi.
嗨 查理
Boy,this is weird,huh?
伙计 这真奇怪 是吧?
In so many ways.
奇怪的事很多
But which one caught your attention?
看你说的是什么了?
Well,I've never slept with brothers before.
我以前从未和兄弟俩上过床
I mean at different times.
我是说在不同时间
And one can't help but make comparisons.
而且忍♥不住做了比较
No kidding.
是吗
So how big a difference are we talking about?
那么 有多大差別吗?
It's huge.
巨大差別
Really? Oh,yeah.
真的? 是的
With you,sex is kind of like going on Space Mountain.
和你嗨咻就像是坐太空飞车
It's a good ride,but there's never any real danger.
过程很刺♥激♥ 但是没有什么危险性
With Alan,it's like being in the back seat of
和艾伦嗨咻 像是坐在
a car driven by a really smart kangaroo.
由聪明袋鼠驾驶的车后座
He may go up on the curb a couple times,but he'll get you there.
他可能会时常开出车道 但最终会到达目的地
Okay.
好的
Thanks for clearing that up.
明白了
I'll get it.
我去开门
There's a two hour wait for Space Mountain.
坐太空飞车要等2小时
Hi,Mrs.Harper
嗨 哈珀太太
Oh,dear lord.
噢 老天啊
Hey,Kandi,I got Evil Dead 3 for Xbox.
嗨 康迪 我拿了"尸变重生3"来玩
Sweet.
太棒了
Kandi,maybe you'd like to go put some clothes on.
康迪 也许你该穿上衣服
Why? Yeah,she ain't hurting anybody.
为什么? 是啊 她又没有碍着谁
I just don't think that outfit is appropriate for Jake.
我只是认为这身衣服 对于杰克来说 不太合适
Oh,I agree.
哦 我同意
He would look ridiculous in this.
他要是穿这个肯定很滑稽
Can you get Alan for me?
你能帮我喊一下艾伦吗?
He's not back from work yet
他还没有下班
He's not?Then what are you doing here?
他不在?那你在这里干什么?
I live here now.
我现在住在这里
Didn't Alan tell you?
艾伦没有告诉你吗?
No,he did not.
不 他没说
Charlie,I wanna talk to you Good to know.
查理 我想跟你谈谈 知道了
Charlie,get over here.
查理 过来一下
It was nice seeing you,Mrs.Harper.
见到你很高兴 哈珀太太
What in God's name does she see in him?
看在上帝的份上 她看上他哪儿了?
Well,I don't have all the details,Mrs.Harper.
我不是很清楚 哈珀太太
But apparently when he's not being emasculated...
但是显然 要不是他每日
and demoralized on a daily basis,he's quite the lover.
被阉受挫 他还是个不错的情人
What's that supposed to mean?
那是什么意思?
You know what they say.
你知道那谚语吗
Your average man's like a good field mule.
男人一般像是耕地的驴
If you don't beat him,he'll keep plowing all day long.
如果不打他 他就一整天都在耕地
Nobody says that
不是这么说的吧
You're hard to fool.
你挺难糊弄的
Look,I don't mean to be rude,but I'm tired of talking to you.
恕我失礼 但我懒得跟你说了
Had an interesting chat with your ex-wife today
我今天和你前妻聊了一下
Oh,can't we just have a nice dinner?
我们就不能痛痛快快吃顿饭吗?
I like her
我喜欢她
Why?
什么?
Why?
为什么?
Well,unlike most ex-wives I've known
不像大多数我所瞭解的前妻那样
she's never tried to run me over with her car.
她从决不会开车从我身上碾过去
Okay,new dinner conversation.
好吧 换个晚餐话题
Jake,how was school?
杰克 学校怎么样?
I don't think this conversation'll make you any happier,Dad.
我可不认为这谈话会让你更开心 老爸
What now?
又怎么了?
We had a surprise test today.
今天有个突击测验
And? I was really surprised.
然后呢? 我被突击著了
So,in other words,you weren't prepared.
那么 换句话说 就是你没有准备
You can't prepare for a surprise,Dad.
老爸 你怎么为突击做准备
New conversation?
再换个话题?
Jake,what are we gonna do?
杰克 要怎么办才好?
You've really fallen behind this year.
你今年真的落后不少
I know.
我知道
I think it's a delayed reaction to your divorce.
我认为这是你们离婚的延迟反应
Yeah.It took a while,
奏效了一阵
but my teachers have finally stopped feeling sorry for me.
但老师终于不再对我表示同情了
You know,I'm a child of divorce too,Jake.
知道吗 杰克 我父母也离婚了
Really?
真的?
How old were you when your parents split up?
你父母分手时 你几岁了?
Twentytwo But you're 22 now.
22 但是 你现在就是22岁
Twenty-two and a half.
22岁半
Boy,what I'd give to be 22 again.
天哪 怎样才能再回到22岁呢
New subject?
再换个话题?
No,no,no more conversation.Jake,
不 不 不要再谈什么了
if you're finished,go do your homework.
杰克 你要是吃完了 就去做作业吧
I'm gonna need help.
我需要辅♥导♥
You don't need help,you need to focus
你不需要辅♥导♥ 你需要集中注意力
I'll help you.
杰克 我帮你辅♥导♥
Do you know anything about geometry?
你懂几何吗?
Well,I know it's what you say when you turn into a tree.
我知道 那是你变成树的时候说的
Get it?
对了吧?
Gee,I'm a tree.
嘿 我是一颗树[几何geometry的谐音]
Good one.
厉害
Thanks.
谢谢
Boy,I hope when they get to Oz the wizard has two brains to give out.
伙计 希望你去奥兹国时 巫师能有两个脑子可分给他们
And speaking of out,when's Kandi leaving?
话说回来 康迪什么时候走?
You don't have to worry Because?
你不用担心 为什么?
I have a plan.
我有个计划
Alan,if history has taught us anything...
艾伦 如果历史给过我们什么教训
it's that both those statements cannot be true.
那就是 只要这么说都不管用
It's very simple.
这很简单
You give a man a fish,he eats for a day.
你给一个人一条鱼 他吃一天
You teach him to fish,he eats forever.
你教会他钓鱼 他就能吃一辈子
Okay,okay,in that example is Kandi the man or the fish?
好了 好了 这个例子里 康迪是人还是鱼?
I found her a job.
我给她找个份工作
She'll be able to afford her own place
等过几周 她就有能力负担她的住处
and she won't depend on me anymore.
不用再依靠我了
Where is she working?
她在哪儿上班?
She's gonna be my receptionist
她给我做前台接待
That's your plan?
这就是你的计划?
Why?it's brilliant.
是吗?多么...多么聪明啊
What,what?She's attractive,
怎么了? 她这么吸引人
she's friendly and she's more than capable of answering the phones.
友善 善于接电♥话♥
You hear the expression "don't crap where you eat"?
艾伦 你没听过 "不要在吃饭的地方拉屎"吗?
Well,you,my friend,are dropping plunkies all over the dessert cart.
而你 我的朋友 把餐车上拉的到处都是
Okay,you have a better solution? No,no,no.
好吧 你有更好的解决办法吗? 不 不 不
No,it's your girlfriend,your office,your life.
不 那是你的女友 你的办公室 你的生活
Screw it up however you think best.
怎么毁都行
I'll get it.I'm expecting a call.
我来接 我在等电♥话♥
Hello?
喂?
Kandi,that's the TV remote.
康迪 那是电视遥控
Hello?
喂?
Hello?
喂?
Have you thought of teaching a fish to answer your phones?
你考虑过教鱼接电♥话♥吗?
Hello?
喂?
Staying in tonight? Yep.
今晚不出门? 对
Giving up on the ladies,huh? Yep.
放弃女人了 是吧? 对
Not even gonna try? Nope.
甚至不试试? 不
You know,I got a niece in the joint.
知道吗 我在局子里有个外甥女
She doesn't look like much,but she does get conjugal visits.
长的不算好看 但却有夫妻探视许可
I don't think so.
我可不考虑
Hold on,I might have a copy of her mug shot.
等等 我有一张她的嫌疑犯照片
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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