好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E22
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:19 p.m.
Two and a Half Men,Season 03,episode 24.
好汉两个半 第03季第24集.
Hey Hey.
嘿 嘿
So,what's going on in school?
学上得咋样了?
Nothing.
没咋样
Nothing?You just sit there all day and stare at the wall?
没咋样?难道你就整天坐在那 盯着墙看?
That's where the clock is.
锺就掛在墙上
I got it.
我去接
Well,I find it hard to believe that you just watch the clock all day.
真不敢相信 你整天就盯着锺看
Have you seen my report card?
你看了我的成绩单吧?
Jake,it's for you.
杰克 找你的
I'm busy It's a girl.
忙着呢 是个小姑娘
I don't care.
懒得搭理
Her name is Wendy Cho.
她叫温迪·曹
Hold on,I'm coming.Don't hang up.
等等 我来了 别掛断
Hey.How's it going?
嘿 你好吗?
Okay,that's something we haven't seen before.
好吧 这可是见所未见的事
Yeah,he only moves that fast when he's got the squirts.
是啊 他只有在尿急的时候才跑这么快
Wendy Cho is the smartest girl.I wonder why she's calling Jake.
温迪·曹是学校最聪明的女孩 搞不懂她为啥给杰克打电♥话♥
Maybe she lost a bet.
也许是她打赌输了
Charlie,that's not nice.
查理 你啥意思啊?
Well,kids are cruel.
孩子们就是这样残酷
Jake is obviously smitten with her.
杰克显然迷恋上她了
I hope he's not setting himself up for disappointment.
我只是希望他不是自做多情
Hey,you know what they say.
嘿 你知道他们怎么说吗
A man's reach must exceed his grasp,or what's a penis for?
男人的猎物一定要超出自己的能力范围 不然长个小♥弟♥弟♥干嘛?
Who says that?
谁说的?
Okay,I might be paraphrasing.
好吧 也许是我个人这么理解的
Okay,call you back.Bye.
好的 再联♥系♥ 拜
Hey,Dad? Yeah,Jake?
嘿 老爸? 啥 杰克?
Wendy Cho is having a party tomorrow night,can I go?
温迪·曹明天晚上开派对 我能去吗?
Tomorrow? A little last minute,isn't it?
明天?现在才通知你啊?
Well,she wasn't gonna invite me.
她本来没打算邀请我的
Danny Palmer told Amy Sherlack I didn't like her.
因为丹尼·帕默告诉艾米·夏拉克 我不喜欢她
But I told Peter Calahan to tell Ellen Meisner that I kind of did.
但我让皮特·卡拉汉告诉 艾伦·迈斯纳 我的确有点不喜欢她
I see.
瞭解了
You do?
真的?
He lost me at Amy Sherlack.
我在艾米·夏拉克那块 就被他搅糊涂了
Are her parents gonna be there? I guess.
她父母会在吗? 我想是的
Let the fathers who have girls worry about that.
让女孩子的父亲们操心这些
Shut up.
闭嘴
All right,I'm gonna wanna meet her parents.
好吧 我会去见见她父母
I don't see any reason why you can't go.
但我没理由不让你去
Cool.
酷
Oh,yeah,I'm gonna need a new shirt,new pants and new shoes.
哦 对了 我需要一件新衬衣 一条新裤子 外加一双新鞋
What's wrong with the clothes you've got?
你那些衣服怎么了?
Are you kidding? Everybody's already seen them.
开玩笑?那些行头大家都见过
Yeah,but not with all the latest food stains.
是的 可是刚滴上的食物污渍还没见过
I hear gravy's the new black.
我听说肉汤渍是最新潮流
Fine,we'll go shopping tomorrow.
好吧 我们明天去买♥♥衣服
How about a new haircut?
换个新发型如何?
What's wrong with my hair?
我头发怎么了?
Let's just say everybody's already seen it.
因为大家都见过了
Okay,a new haircut.
好吧 新发型
So this is your first party with girls,huh?
那么 这是你第一次和女孩们开派对 哈?
Maybe.
也许
Maybe?You're not sure?
也许?你不确定?
You got some cross-dressers in sixth grade?
刚上六年级你就玩过易装派对?
Playing a little pin the tail on the tranny?
在易装派对上玩"钉尾巴"的游戏?[源自犹太小孩的游戏 俚语含"肛♥交♥"的意思]
Shut up.
闭嘴
Why does everyone keep telling me to shut up?
干嘛都让我闭嘴?
Because you' re an insensitive dolt.
因为你是个迟钝的白♥痴♥
That's no reason.
胡扯
This is a very delicate time in a boy's life.
这是男孩子一生中 非常微妙的时刻
I remember how nervous I was about my first boy-girl party.
我还记得我第一次出席 男女生派对时 有多紧张
Oh,right.That was in college,wasn't it?
哦 对 那是上大学时 对不?
Shut up.
闭嘴
What's important now is that we support Jake.
目前最重要的是要支持杰克
Agreed.
同意
I'll kick in the wine coolers and condoms.What are you gonna do?
我准备冷酒器和避孕套 你打算做什么?
You're joking,right?
你开玩笑吧?
Okay,let's say I'm joking.
好吧 算我开玩笑的
I appreciate your interest,but this is a father-son moment.
听着 感谢你的关心 但这是父子时间
I've been looking forward to it...
而且这一次 是我期待已久的时刻
since I saw the shadow of his little dingus in the first sonogram.
自从我在超声波扫瞄中 看到他小♥弟♥弟♥的小影子后
That's very touching.
好感动
And more than a bit creepy.
更毛骨悚然
But still,I can't risk letting you scar the kid forever.
尽管如此 我也不能冒险让你 给孩子造成永久的伤害
What do you mean by that?
你什么意思啊?
Face it,Alan.
面对现实吧 艾伦
What can you bring to the table other
你这辈子除了和女人间可怜的
than a lifetime of abject failure with women?
失败交往外 还有什么能和他谈的?
It's not a lifetime yet.
还没到一辈子呢
I on the other hand,have a wealth of experience to offer.
相反 我却有著丰富的经验能提供
He's 1 2.He doesn't need to know how to choreograph a three-way.
他才12岁 不需要知道怎么搞3P
I'm not talking about that.
我可没说3P
I'm saving that for prom night.
等毕业舞会时 我再谈这个
Oh,good.
哦 你厉害
Let me give you an example.
我给你举个例子
Jake's at the party.
杰克正在参加派对
All the boys are on one side all the girls are on the other.
所有男孩在房♥间的一侧 所有女孩则在另一侧
What's he do?
他该怎么做?
You see?You see?Right there.
你看?你看?我说吧
That "um" is the battle cry of the chronic masturbator.
只有长♥期♥"打飞机"的人 才会"呃"
Define chronic.
啥叫长♥期♥
The solution to the problem,my hairy-palmed friend...
只会自♥慰♥的朋友 解决问题的办法在于
is to walk up to the prettiest girl and ask her to dance.
就是径直走向那个最漂亮的姑娘 邀请她跳舞
Why the prettiest?
为什么挑最漂亮的姑娘?
She's the one all the other guys are afraid of.
因为她是所有男孩都胆怯的一位
She'll be dying for some attention.
她渴望别人的关注
What if Wendy Cho isn't the prettiest girl? It doesn't matter.
如果温迪·曹并不是那位最漂亮的呢? 没关系
When she sees our boy dancing with a hot chick,she'll be all over him.
当他看见杰克和热辣的姑娘跳舞 自然会上来缠住他的
Of course,it's so obvious.
当然 显然如此
Bet you're wishing you could do over sixth grade now,huh?
我打赌你现在一定很想 重回六年级 哈?
I could've danced with Heidi Winkler
我本可以和海蒂·温克勒跳舞的
Yeah,you could've.
是啊 你本可以
Or Pam Talega Yep.
或者潘·泰勒迦 没错
Or Mary Beth Hicks.Shoshana Wasserstein.
或者玛丽·贝丝·希克斯 还有索拉纳·沃瑟斯坦
I don't think so.
我可不这么认为
Hey,can I get leather pants?
嘿 能给我买♥♥条皮裤吗?
No No.
不行 不行
Why not?
为什么?
Because you need something that lets the farts out.
因为你需要条 能将屁释放出来的裤子
So...Wendy Cho,huh?
那么...温迪·曹 哈?
Real subtle,Alan.
真狡猾 艾伦
Charlie,it's a father-son thing.
查理 这是父子间的事
Yeah,so was pre-war lraq.
是啊 战前的伊♥拉♥克♥也是这状况
You wanna tell me about her? Not really.
想和我谈谈她吗? 不太想
Is she in your class?
她是你班上的吗?
Where else would I meet her? At a bar?
我还能在哪认识她?酒吧里?
My turn? No.
到我没? 不
I'm just curious about what kind of person she is.
我只是很好奇她是怎么样的人
What it is about her that you find,I don't know,alluring.
你觉得她怎么样 怎么说 很迷人?
What?
什么?
Your dad wants to know if you think she's hot.
你老爸想知道 你是否觉得她够性感
It's personal.
哦 这是个人隐私
She's hot.
她很性感
Are you nervous about this party?
参加派对紧张吗?
I don't know.Maybe a little.
不知道 也许有点吧
Okay,here's what you do Charlie.
好的 杰克 你该这样做 查理
Hey,hey,you had your shot."Alluring."
嘿 嘿 你已经耍过伎俩了 "迷人的"
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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