好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E03
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:14 p.m.
Two and a Half Men,Season 03,episode 05.
好汉两个半 第03季第05集.
Will you please stop that?!
你丫能停下吗?!
I got a piece of popcorn stuck in my teeth.
有块爆米花塞我牙缝里了
So go brush them.
那你就去刷牙啊
I brushed them this morning.
我早上已经刷过一次了
So go floss them.
那就用牙线啊
Oh,gross!
你真烦人
Wait.I got it.
等等 我把它弄出来了
No,that's chicken.
原来是鸡肉啊
When did we have chicken?
我们上次吃鸡肉是什么时候的事
You didn't really brush this morning,did you?
你今天早晨其实并没有刷牙吧
Between you and me,I lost my toothbrush three days ago.
这事我只跟你说 我的牙刷其实三天前就找不到了
Still good.
吃起来还不错~
Hey,have you met any of the ladies my dad's been dating?
嘿 你见过我爸爸约会的那些对像么
No.You? No.
没有 你呢 我也没
More chicken?
又一块鸡肉?
Fingernail.
手指甲
Yours?
你自己的?
I hope so.
我希望是
So,how come I don't get to meet Dad's dates?
为什么爸爸不带我一起去他的约会呢
I don't know.Maybe 'cause you're disgusting.
知不道 可能因为你太恶心了
No,come on,really.
得了吧 別骗我 到底为什么
I'm not kidding.
我没和你开玩笑
For most women,you're a deal-breaker.
对大多数女人来说 你就是个"约会破坏者"
But you used to say I was a babe magnet.
你以前还说我是个"美女磁石"呢
You used to be little and cute.
那时候你还小啊 长的也可爱
Now you're just old and in the way.
现在已经长大了 而且很碍事
That's very hurtful,Uncle Charlie.
你这样说太伤人了 查理叔叔
All right,the truth is that
好吧 我骗你的 事实上
your dad doesn't want you to get attached to any of these women
你♥爸♥爸怕万一约会失败了
in case the relationship doesn't work out.
你会继续对那些女人产生依恋
Why?
为什么?
Because he loves you very much,and he cares about your feelings.
因为他很关心你 而且在乎你的感受啊
You let me meet your dates.
你从来不介意带我去见你约会对象的啊
And what does that tell you?
那又怎么样
I have no idea.
我也不知道
Hello?
有人在吗
Hey,Dad.
爸 你回来啦
What are you doing up so late?
都这么晚了 你不睡觉在做什么啊
Charlie,what is he doing up?
查理 你怎么可以让他这么晚还待在这儿的
Shh,he's asleep.
嘘 他睡着了
Oh,oh,I'm sorry.
喔 对不起
Charlie!What?!
查理 什么!
Oh,hey,Alan.
哦 嘿 艾伦 你回来啦
What is he doing up so late?
他为什么这么晚还不睡觉
I told him to go to bed.
我告诉他去睡觉了
How many times did I tell you to go to bed?
我告诉你多少次让你去睡觉了
Boy,I lost count.
嘿嘿 我忘记数了
See?
看到了吧
So how was your date?
那么 你的约会怎么样
It was fine.
很好
Did you get any?
你得到什么了?
Did I get any what?
我认为应该得到什么?
Hang on.
等等
What's he supposed to get?
他想得到什么?
I swear,I don't know what he's talking about.
我发誓 我一点都不知道他在说什么
Go to bed!
赶紧给我回去睡觉
What are you teaching him?
你都教了他点什么!
What difference does it make?
我就算教 他又能记住什么
The only thing he retains is little shards of chicken.
他唯一能剩下的就是 牙缝里的鸡肉
Wonderful.
真好
So,did you get any?
那 你得到什么了?
It was a nice evening.We had a lovely dinner.
今晚我们过的很好 还吃了一顿可口的晚餐
You know,for the record,
以我的经验来看
"a lovely dinner"doesn't necessarily preclude
一顿可口的晚餐比那之后
carpet burns and a bite mark on your ass.
要做的事情来讲那只是可有可无的
In this case,it was just dinner and pleasant conversation.
对我这次来说 只有晚餐和愉快的谈话
Well,that's why God gave us Cinemax and an opposable thumb.
上帝创造事物都是相对的嘛
Good evening.
晚安
Oh,hey,Alan.
艾伦 等一下
The kid was asking about these women you've been going out with,
孩子刚才问起一件事
why he never gets to meet any of them.
他想知道你为什么总是不带他去你的约会
Really? Uh,what...what did you tell him?
真的?你怎么和他说的
I said it's probably because he's disgusting.
我和他说 也许是因为他太恶心了
Oh,Charlie...
查理 你怎么能这么说
I also told him that you love him and that
我还告诉他因为你爱他
you don't want him to get attached to somebody and then be
而且不想让他依赖上你约会的人
disappointed if things don't work out.
这样如果约会失败的话他也不会伤心
Good.Thank you.
很好 谢谢你
But how come I don't get to meet them?
但是 为什么你不让我见见她们
'Cause you're disgusting.
因为你太恶心了
That's very hurtful,Alan.
你这么说太伤人了 艾伦
Come on,really.
得了吧 说真的
What's the big secret with these women?
有必要把这些女人弄那么神秘吗
Oh,boy,I-I really don't want to get into it.
事实上我真的不想与她们之中的任何一个扯上关系
They're hideous,right? No.
因为她们长相太丑了么? 不是
Insufferable? No.
因为不可理喻? 不是
Inflatable?
那是太自负了?
Are you insane?
你脑子进水了么?
Ooh,insane.Are they insane?
哈 脑子进水 是因为她们脑子进水了?
Leave me alone.
让我静静好么
Come on,give me a hint.
说嘛 给我点提示总行吧
When you go to pick them up,do you need a border collie to
你再去约会的时候想不想带上
cut them off from the herd?
一只牧羊犬来显的更有魅力些啊
Stop it!
停 別说了
I'm never going to stop,Alan.You know me better than that.
我才不停呢 你瞭解我的
Okay,fine.I'll-I'll tell you.
好吧好吧 我 我告诉你吧
First of all,
首先呢
there's no women.
其实并没有那些女人们
Imaginary.My next guess was gonna be imaginary.
原来是假的 哎 我差一点就要猜到的
Let me finish.
你听我说完
It's just one woman.
是只有一个女人
I've been seeing the same woman for several weeks now.
这几个星期以来我一直见的都是同一个女人
I see.
我知道了
You've been playing it slow.Yes.
你想慢慢来 是的
And by "slow,"I mean "gay."
"慢慢来"的意思是说你有同性恋倾向
I can't talk to you about this.
我不能再和你说这些了
Alan,you hook a fish and play it too long,
艾伦 你有一条鱼上钩了 但是却一直一直在玩弄它
you know what you're gonna finally have when you reel it in?
你知道你最后收杆的时候会得到什么吗?
What?
什么?
A tired fish that thinks you're gay.
一条已经厌倦并且认为你是个同性恋的鱼
Do you drink while you're baby-sitting my son?
你帮我照看孩子的时候是不是喝酒了
Not at first,but he wears me down.
一开始没有 但他实在是太烦人了
So,what's the deal with this broad?
那 你和那个贱♥人♥到底是怎么回事啊
She's not a broad.
她可不是个贱♥人♥
It's Judith.
她是朱蒂丝
Your exwife? Yeah
你的前妻? 没错
Okay.Okay,that's not fair.
这 这不公平
You said "no" to insufferable and insane.
我问你她是不是不可理喻和脑子进水时 你竟然说"不是"
Very funny.Are you serious?
很好笑 你是认真的吗?
And by "serious," I mean dumber than a bag of doorknobs.
"认真"的意思是 你比一袋门把手还要愚蠢
Look,we went out to dinner a couple of weeks ago
听着 我们两个一起出去吃饭已经好几个星期了
to talk about getting Jake into a good middle school,
本来是想在一起讨论如何让杰克进入一所好的中学
before you know it,we were laughing and having a great time.
后来我们发现在一起真的很开心
Well,I can see the humor in trying to get the little bonehead into a good school.
让那个小笨蛋上一个好学校...你们还真是幽默
But that doesn't mean you start dating your ex-wife.
但这也不能成为你跟前妻约会的借口啊
I-I know what you're thinking.
我知道 我知道你在想什么
I'm being naive,and romantic...
我太幼稚 太浪漫了
Not even close!
我才不是这个意思呢
Charlie,you can't overlook the fact that we still have a lot in common.
查理 你不能忽略一个事实 我和她之间还是有很多共同点的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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