好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E15
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:17 p.m.
What the hell are you doing?!
你小子在搞什么飞机
Hey,hey,keep it down,keep it down.
嗨 小声点 小声点
Mia thinks I'm taking a power walk.
米亚以为我出去快走了
This is a sad,sad day.
真是悲惨 悲惨的一天
I always figured you'd be the last guy
本以为"妻管严"三个字
in the world to end up whipped.
怎么轮都轮不到你头上
I'm not whipped. I'm...
我不是妻管严 我是
considerate.
考虑周到.
Considerate?
考虑周到
Yeah.See,I love Mia and I want her to be happy.
是啊 我爱米亚 想让她开心
And I happen to know she's not happy when I
但我碰巧知道 她会不开心 如果我
smoke cigars & drink & gamble & stay out all nigh
抽雪茄 喝酒 赌博 彻夜不归
eat meat and sugar and grease and fat and...
吃肉 高糖 高脂 重油
nap and swear and wear shorts and bowling shirts...
嗜睡 粗口 穿短裤和球衫
Oh,Charlie,you ain't just whipped,
查理 你不止是妻管严
you're roped,saddled and gelded.
你还套了嚼铁 架了马鞍 阉了小♥弟♥弟♥
They could use you to give rides at kids' birthday parties.
可以去儿童生日派对 给人当马骑了
I am not whipped.
我不是妻管严
Yeah.
是啊
Here,you might as well take one of
既然你"卵袋"都没了
these sacks since yours is empty.
这儿许多"袋袋"你最好先拿一个
Hang on a second.
等一下
That ain't gonna do it,Alice.
那没多大用的 爱丽丝
What?
什么
You smell like a beer bottle that just fell out of Joe Camel's ass.
你闻着就像"骆驼乔"刚拉出来的啤酒瓶
Well,what am I supposed to do?
那我该怎么办
Hang on,
等等
let's see if I got anything in here that might mask your stench.
看看有啥玩意儿 能盖住你的恶臭
Oven cleaner? No.
烤炉清洁剂 不行
Tidy Bowl? No.
马桶清洁剂 不行
How do you feel about taking a whore's
要不来块臭奶酪
bath with a hunk of bleu cheese?
擦擦腋下和老二
I'm so proud of him.He hasn't had a drop of alcohol in weeks.
真为他骄傲 几礼拜都没沾一滴酒了
Well,that's one way to go.
嗯 是个办法
But I've found that men who drink tend to talk less and sleep more.
但我发现 男人喝了酒会变得少说多睡
Which,frankly,becomes increasingly desirable as the years go by.
老实讲 相处时间越长 你越希望他那样
Oh,this can't be good.
噢 情况不妙
Hello,darling.Wonderful to see you.
亲爱的 见到你真好
Hi,Mom.
嗨 妈妈
Have you been dusting?
你刚打扫卫生了?
No,why?
没有 为什么
You reek of Lemon Pledge.
你一身柠檬"碧丽珠"的气味
You're welcome.
不用谢
I'll be downstairs.
我在楼下
No snacking,Charlie.
不许偷嘴 查理
We're going to the best vegetarian restaurant in town.
一会儿就去镇上最好的素菜馆了
Oh,boy!
喔 好哇
Oh,thank God,meat!
噢 感谢上帝 肉啊
I love you,Rose.
我爱你 萝丝
I love you,too,Charlie.
我也爱你 查理
And may I say,
同时我想说
I would never try to change you the way she has.
我永远不会像她那样改变你
Her name's Mia.
她叫米亚
I know what her name is.
我知道她叫什么
I also know where she lives, her employment history,
我还知道她的住址 她的工作经历
and if you want, I can get you photographs
而且 如果你想要 我还可以给你
of a wet T-shirt contest she entered during spring break,1995,
1995年春假 她在校外"绅士蛙"酒吧
at a college bar called Senor Frogs.
参加凸点湿衫选美的照片
I forgot who I'm dealing with.
都忘了我面前的是谁了
I also know you have to hide from her
我还知道 你被迫躲
just to smoke a cigar and slam back a warm beer.
著她抽雪茄灌热啤
What'd you do,bug my garage?
你都做什么了 在我车♥库♥里装窃听器
Don't be paranoid.
別乱想了
I have a long-standing arrangement with Jake.
我和杰克有个长♥期♥合作协议
Charlie,I'm ready.
查理 我好了
I'm out here!
我在阳台这儿
Go,go,go,go,go.
快走
Okay,I'll go.
好吧 我走
But I want you to remember one thing.
但我要你记住一件事
What? I'm not gonna wait for you forever.
什么 我不会永远等你的
How do I look?
我看起来怎样
How's your couscous?
"库斯库斯"好吃吗?[北非粗粒小麦粉 状如小米]
Yum yum.
好吃
You know,I had quite an interesting chat with your mom today.
知道吗?今天和你妈妈的聊天很有趣
Yeah,I'm sorry about that.
是啊 让你受累了
I know she comes on a little strong,but her heart's in the right place.
她是有点强势 但她也是出于好心
If by the right place you mean in a cooler on its way to a dying man in Tennessee,
如果你说的好心 是指雪中送"冰"
then we agree.
那我同意
You can't possibly mean that.
你不可以那么说
I suppose not.
我想我可以
She's too selfish to donate an organ.
她自私得都不愿捐献器官
Even one she doesn't use.
即使是她用不到的
That's so unfair,Charlie. You mother loves you.
这不公平 查理 你妈妈是爱你的
Really?
真的?
Did she or did she not say I was a bitter disappointment?
她有没有说 我让她失望至极
Well,she did,but... And did she or did she not say
她有说过 但... 那她还说没说
that I'm a lazy-ass schlock jingle writer
我是个懒惰蹩脚的广♥告♥音乐作家
who wasted 13 years of piano lessons that she paid for
把她和一群阳萎富豪结婚所挣的钱
by marrying a series of men with large wallets and small penises?
供我上了13年的钢琴课 都浪费了
Yes,that was mentioned.
是啊 她提到过
But it's only natural for someone
但对一个爱你
who loves you to want to
并希望你有真才华的人来说
see you live up to your potential.
那是很自然的
I mean,do you really want to be known as the guy who writes
我是指 你真想成为一个
songs about adult diapers?
靠写成人尿片广♥告♥曲 而出名的人吗
Hey,it's better than being known as the guy who wears them.
总比我把尿片穿在身上出名好
Charlie,we both know you can do so much more with your life.
我们都知道 你可以让自己过得更好
Maybe,
也许
but you got to admire my restraint.
但你得佩服我 一直隐忍♥不发
Oh,come on,
別瞎说了
look how much you've accomplished just since we've been together.
看看我们同居后 你生活质量提高了多少
You're exercising regularly,
你坚持锻炼
you've cut way down on the drinking and you're eating right.
不再喝酒 正确饮食
Did you ever think you'd be able to change your life the way you have?
你就从没想过 你可以改变现状吗
Never.
从没想过
It just goes to show you can do anything you put your mind to.
现状表明 只要你有心 万事皆可成
I smell meat.
我闻到肉味
Excuse me?
你说什么
Your breath.
你的呼吸
It stinks of meat.
有肉的气味
Well,it-it-it could be my tongue.
这个 可能是我的舌头
My tongue is meat.
舌头就是肉
No,you've been eating meat. I can smell it.
不 你吃过肉了 我能闻到
Maybe it's this breast of tofurkey you smell.
也许是醬拌豆腐的味道
No,I smell beef.
不 我闻到了牛肉味
Where would I get beef? You tell me.
我哪儿来的牛肉 你告诉我
Well,
好吧
maybe it's secondhand beef.
也许是二手牛肉味
What?
什么
You know,like secondhand smoke.
你知道的 就像二手烟味一样
Some thoughtless guy is sitting next to you eating a steak,and...
一些无良的家伙 在你身边吃牛排 就会...
Ah,screw it.
算了 越描越黑
I paid a slightly disturbed woman
我付钱给一个烦人的女人
to toss a bag of bacon cheeseburgers onto
在你换衣服的时候
the deck while you were getting dressed.
扔了一袋培根汉堡到阳台上
Oh,Charlie.
噢 查理
Don't "Oh,Charlie" me.I was starving.
別说"噢查理" 我那会儿饿坏了
And I'll tell you another thing. My power walk
还告诉你件事 我的快走 就是
was two quick beers and a half a Cuban cigar
缩在车♥库♥里 灌两瓶啤酒
while cowering in my own garage.
抽半根雪茄
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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