好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E13
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:16 p.m.
If 12 years of marriage taught me anything,it's that
如果说 12年婚姻让我学到了什么
there is no apologizing without groveling.
那就是 要道歉 先屈服
Mia and I aren't married.
米亚和我没结婚
Are you having sex?
你们有做吗
Continue.
继续说
First of all,the phone's no good.
首先 打电♥话♥是没用的
You must grovel in person.
你必须当面屈服
Humiliation is a visual medium.
羞愧 是一种视觉手段
Okay.
嗯
Next,uh,don't go empty-handed.
接着 別空手去
But,uh,keep in mind that any gifts you do offer
但是切记 你带去的所有礼物
may well end up being thrown at your head.
可能最后都会被 扔回到你头上
Uh,flowers,lingerie,jewelry...all good.
鲜花 内衣 珠宝 这些都没事
Picture frames,waffle irons,steak knives...not so much.
相片框 压饼模 剔骨刀 最好少送
You actually bought your wife a waffle iron?
你真给你老婆 送过压饼的铁模
I was young.
我那时候年轻
She liked waffles.
她喜欢华夫饼
Anyway,the most important thing is sincerity.
总之 最重要的是诚恳
Sincerity?
诚恳
Yes,you absolutely must be able to fake sincerity.
是的 你一定一定要假装诚恳
You know what?I've underestimated you.
知道吗 我以前低估你了
You are far more deceitful and manipulative than I've given you credit for.
你比我信任的你 更加狡猾老辣
Thank you.
谢谢
No,I was faking sincerity.
不 我在假装诚恳
Oh,that's very good.
噢 做的很好
But all kidding aside,I really appreciate your help.
但玩笑归玩笑 我还是很感谢你
You're welcome.
不客气
Ah!Got ya again.
哈 又骗到你了
That's... that was good.
非常不错
Oh,hey,can you do me a favor?
哦 对了 能帮我个忙吗
What's that?
什么
Uh,pull my finger.
扯我的手指
You're bluffing.
你在唬我
Try me.
你试试
Give me another chance.
让我再试一次
I thought I had one.
我觉得我有屁的
Hi. Hi.
好啊 -好
These are for you.
这些是给你的
Aw,you didn't have to do that.
噢 你没必要这样
Really? My brother said I did.
真的 我弟弟说有必要
Well,thank him for me.
好吧 帮我谢谢他
Come on in.
进来吧
I just want you to know how sorry I am.
我只是想表达 我的深深歉意
Actually,I think I owe you an apology.
实际上 我觉得我欠你一个道歉
You do?!
真的
Yeah,these are for you.
是的 这些是给你的
Aw,you didn't have to do that.
哇 你没必要这样的
I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you.Not to say that
我不该冲你发火 就算
your "outlet" idea wasn't incredibly juvenile,selfish,moronic...
你那发洩口的想法惊人的幼稚 自私 愚蠢
Whoa,whoa,whoa. I accept your apology.
喔 我接受你的道歉
The point is,is that I really don't have any right
关键是 我确实没有任何权利
to object to you sleeping with other women.
反对你和其他女人上♥床♥
We don't have a commitment. You're free to do whatever you want.
我们互无承诺 你能做任何想做的事
Thanks. That's great. Very mature.
谢谢 那太好了 非常理智
So everything's okay now?
那现在雨过天晴了
No,you ass!
不 你这个混球
If we're gonna keep seeing each other,I want a commitment.
如果我们继续交往 我要一个承诺
A commitment? Yes,a commitment.
一个承诺 是的 一个承诺
Does that mean we can start having sex?
那么承诺之后 我们就能做了
Is that the only reason you'd be willing to make a commitment?
那是你愿意承诺的唯一理由吗
It's in the top two.
排在理由榜前两名
Well,I think sex should wait until we get our relationship on track.
好吧 等我们关系步入正轨后 才能有性
Okay,okay,let me make sure I understand this.
好吧 我确定一下 是否理解正确
You want me to make a commitment that I will
你要我做个承诺
not have sex with anyone else while,at the same time,
不和其他任何人上♥床♥的同时
I'm not having sex with you? Yes.
我也不和你上♥床♥ 是的
All right,let's come at this from another angle.
好吧 再从另一个角度说
We're gonna be sexually exclusive,but without the sex?
我们性生活彼此专一 我俩却不做
Well,I suppose you could look at it that way.
嗯 我想 你可以那么理解
So bottom line...
所以 底线是
No sex for Charlie...
在可预见的将来 查理没有性生活
...with you or anyone else,for the foreseeable future.
不管是和你 还是和其他任何人
Correct.
正确
Are you insane?!
你有病吧
Charlie,if you care about us,
查理 如果你在乎我们的关系
it should be something that you want to do.
你应该愿意这么做
What about you? What are you giving up?
那你呢 你放弃了什么
I'm giving up the same thing you are.
我放弃的和你放弃的一样
Do you want to sleep with other guys? Of course not.
你想和其他男人上♥床♥吗 当然不
Then you're giving up nothing!
那你什么也没有放弃
Tell you what,
这么和你说吧
I'll give up sex,you give up...
我放弃性 你就放弃...
I don't know...a kidney.
你的肾
Oh,don't be stupid.
噢 別傻了
Okay,okay...dancing.
好吧 放弃舞蹈
Dancing's my life,Charlie.
舞蹈是我的生命 查理
Aha! Now we have a level playing field.
啊哈 现在我们筹码平等了[公平竞争]
You know what,maybe you should just go.
知道吗 也许你该立即走人
You're right...why stay here,
对啊 为什么不走
when I can just as easily not have sex
既然不能和你做
with you in the comfort of my own home.
我呆家里更舒服
Oh,go to hell!
噢 去死吧
See?
看见没
That's why you didn't get a waffle iron.
这就是为何 不送你压饼模的缘故
Hey,how'd it go with Mia?
嗨 和米亚怎样了
Great.
好极了
We broke up.
我们分手了
How's that great?
为什么好极了
Because now I can go back to being who I really am.
因为现在 我能重回老样了
And who's that?
什么样
Someone who doesn't care who he really is.
不用在乎自己是什么样的人
Somebody who just has fun.
只想游戏人生
Oh,I see.
哦 明白了
Someone who spends his life in a drunken haze
成天醉生梦死
having meaningless sex with strangers.
纵慾无度
If you knew who I am,why'd you ask?
你知道我是这样 为什么还要问
Hurry,Charlie. I'm starting to sober up.
快点 查理 我酒劲要过了
Well,we can't have that.
啊 那样可不行
No
不一定
you might find out who she is.
也许那样 会让你发现她是谁
Here you go.
酒来了
Good.
好啊
Boy,
好家伙
I haven't been this drunk since I took my S.A.T.'s.
自从SAT考试之后 我还没这么醉过
Doesn't seem to have held you back much.
你应该没留很多级吧
No,just one year.Sixth grade.
对 就一年.六年级
Charlie,you okay?
你没事吧
Yeah,I just got a lot on my mind.
是的 只是心事太多
Do you wanna look at my boobs?
想看我的胸吗
No,thanks.
不了 谢谢
You sure?It always cheers me up.
你确定?那总能让我振作
Oh,Mia. Hi.
噢 米亚 嗨
Is Charlie here?
查理在吗
Tickle,tickle. Cut it out!
挠痒痒 快停下
That was great. Do it again.
好棒 再来一次
Alan,don't you think it's time you went out
艾伦 你不觉得现在
and kept your girlfriend company?
该是你出去 陪你女友玩了吗
My what?!
我的什么
Thanks for playing along.
多谢合作
Oh,yes,my girlfriend.Yes,uh,excuse me.
噢对 我女友 请见谅
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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