好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S03E03

Part 3 Nov. 17, 2020, 12:14 p.m.

Um,actually,all wood that's outside requires upkeep...
其实实际上世界上所有的木头都需要保养
except trees.
除了...树
They seem to have it down.
但是人们似乎想把他们都砍倒
Alan,are you nervous?
艾伦你紧张么
Yeah,a-a little.I mean,uh...
是的有一点额我是说
we've been separated for two years.
我们已经分居两年了
I haven't seen you naked for four...
而且我已经四年没见过你全♥裸♥的样子了
except,you know,that-that one time I walked in on you on the toilet...
除了有一次我我不小心碰到你在上厕所
Mom,you out there?
妈你在里面吗
Oh,my God,what are we going to do?!
天哪我们要怎么办
Take a deep breath.What?
深呼吸...什么?
I'm thirsty.
我好渴
Uh,so have something to drink.
呃那就去喝点东西啊
There's no more Goofy Juice.
我的古菲果汁没有了
So have some water.
那就喝点水呗
Fine.
好吧
Hey,Mom?
妈~~
What?!
什么事
I'm hungry,too.
我还很饿啊
Can you make me a sandwich?
你能给我做个三明治么
No.Have your drink and go to bed.
我没空喝点水赶紧回去睡觉吧
Fine.
好吧
Mom?
妈~~~
How about a cookie?
那做点饼干总可以吧
You already brushed your teeth.
刷牙以后不要再吃东西了
No,I didn't.
但我没刷啊
You said you did.
你和我说你刷过了
I always say that.
我总是那么说的
Well,then brush them and go to bed.
那就去刷牙然后上♥床♥睡觉
Fine.
好吧
Are you okay?
你还好吧
There was a bright light,and I saw my dead grandma.
刚才我眼前出现了一片光亮我居然看到了我死去的奶奶
She seemed happy.
她看起来倒是很高兴
Have a little wine.Thank you.Thank you.
喝点酒吧谢谢
That was close.
刚才好险
Oh,relax,he didn't see you.
没事的他刚才没看到你
And what if he comes back?
那他再回来怎么办
Maybe I should go.
也许我真该走了
Or we could go upstairs and get in bed.
或者我们可以上楼上♥床♥睡觉好了
Bed?Our old bed?
床?我们的旧床么?
My new bed.
我买♥♥的新床
Oh,what was wrong with the old one?
哦我们以前那张床呢
Too many memories.
那张床有太多回忆了
Of what?You pretending to sleep and me watching Letterman?
什么回忆?你假装睡觉让我只能看电视剧?
Alan,do you really want to have this conversation?
艾伦你真的愿意总是这样和我交谈么
No,I don't,but apparently my mouth has a mind of its own.
不我不想但显然我的嘴巴总有自己的想法
Well,let's put your mouth to better use.
那好吧我们来发掘下你嘴巴更好的用处
I can't go back underwater,Judith.
我已经不能再憋气了朱蒂丝.
Hey,Charlie? Yeah?
嘿查理? 什么?
Not that it's any of my business,but I couldn't help noticing
虽然不关我的事但我不能假装没看见
the matched set of rotating floozies on your deck earlier.
早些时候你阳台上转圈的那些花枝招展的妓♥女♥
They were for Alan.I was trying to get his mind off of Judith.
那些是给艾伦準备的我在试着让他忘掉朱蒂丝
With a night of meaningless,impersonal group sex?
通过一次毫无意义的群♥交♥?
What a good brother.
你真是个好哥哥
No,no.A good brother gets him a couple of girls.
不不好哥哥只能给他两个女孩
It takes a great brother to get him two from the same egg.
给他找来一对双胞胎的简直就是个伟大的哥哥
You know...
你知道吗
there is a possibility that we were wrong about this.
在这件事情上我们可能都错了
Maybe Alan and Judith can work things out.
也许艾伦和朱蒂丝能够自己解决好这些问题
Maybe,but if they do,what happens to Jake?
也许吧但如果他们复合的话杰克会怎么样
He grows up in a happy home with a mommy and daddy who love each other.
他将在一个父母彼此相爱的幸福家庭中长大
Yeah,but what about me?
是啊那我会怎么样呢
It's too late for you,Charlie.
对你来说太晚了查理
No,I mean,what happens to me and Jake?
不我是说我和杰克之间会怎么样
I'll never get to see him.
我可能再也见不到他了
You really love the little guy,huh?
看来你确实喜欢这小子对吧
Yeah,I guess I do.
是啊我想我是的
Love hurts,Rose.Yes,it does.
爱真的太伤人了萝丝是啊的确
Especially when you've given your heart to someone who barely knows you exist,
尤其是当你把你的心交给了一个根本意识不到你的存在
who insists on plowing through strange,stupid women
而且总是把精力放在那些奇怪而又愚蠢
who could never love him the way you do,
却又绝对不会像你一样爱他的女人身上的人
leaving you to stand outside,alone in the night,
他晚上把你一个人关在门外
wishing with all your heart that he would come to his senses
而你却还满怀希望着他能够醒悟过来
and realize that his true happiness lies with you and no one else,
意识到除你之外的任何人都不能给他带来真正幸福
but knowing all the while that it'll never happen
但却又明知道这是永远也等不到的
because he's a selfish,immature,heartless jerk!
就因为他是个自私幼稚没心没肺的混♥蛋♥
I mean...
我的意思是...
poor baby.
可怜的孩子
Okay,I'm going to stick my neck out here
OK 我以项上人头发誓
and say that was the best sex we ever had.
这是我们之间最棒的一次了
I agree.
我同意
Not that it wasn't good before...
我可并不是说以前的不好
It wasn't.
以前的确不怎么样
Granted.
就算是吧
Which raises the question...
不过我有个疑问
Why is it so much better now?
为什么现在好多了?
Does it matter?
这很重要吗?
No,not-not really.I mean,just-just curious.
不没没有.我只只是好奇而已
I mean,I,uh...
我是说我呃...
I noticed,uh,some new moves on your part,
我注意到呃你会了一些新的动作
and I can't help wondering where you might have picked them up.
於是不禁想知道你是从哪儿学到的咧
Are you saying you haven't been with other women in the last two years?
你是说在过去的两年里你从来没有跟其他女人来往过么?
Oh,no,no,I-I've been with other women.
噢不不是我我和其他女人交往过
I just didn't learn anything.
我只是没有学到什么新的东西
You,on the other hand,have an entirely new sexual repertoire,
而你换句话说则有过全新的体验
including a-a couple of numbers I repeatedly requested when we were married.
我们结婚后我不断地要求很多次
Alan And by "requested,"I mean "begged."
艾伦 "要求" 我的意思是"恳求"
Please don't go there.
別说了我不想谈这个
Oh.Now,see,that's,that's what I'm used to hearing from you in bed.
哦瞧这就是以前我常常听你在床上说的话
"Don't go there."
"我不想谈这个"
"Ooh,don't touch that."
"哦別碰那儿"
"Leave that alone.It's not a toy."
"別动那个那不是玩具"
So I've changed.I would think that you would be happy.
对我是改变了一些但是我原以为你会喜欢的
Well,I was...very happy,
对没错我是很喜欢
but then I started to think about it,
但之后我就开始考虑了
and there's no reason you couldn't have changed with me.
为什么以前你和我在一起的时候就不会改变呢没道理啊
Oh,please.I gave you every chance.
哦得了吧我给了你很多机会啊
I bought tickets to sex seminars.
我我买♥♥了性♥爱♥座谈会的票
I brought home books and tapes and accessories,
我我买♥♥了很多书磁带各种各样的东西回家
and-and-and what happened?
结结果如何呢?
I sat right here reading and watching by myself
我只能坐在这里自己看
while eating low-fat love jelly straight out of the tube.
边看边用管子吸低脂爱心果冻吃
Okay,I can see this was a bad idea.
噢我发现和你复合真不是个坏主意
The bad idea was sitting in that filthy hot tub without a bathing suit.
不更糟的是坐在那个又热又脏的浴盆里还没有浴衣穿
I can feel mushrooms growing in my crack as we speak.
我们说话时我都能感觉到身体下面有蘑菇在生长
Just go home,Alan.
你还是回家吧艾伦
Hey,we're not married anymore.You can't tell me what to do.
嘿我们早就已经离婚了我凭什么要全听你的
Hey,Mom,does this look infected?
妈妈你看这个坏掉了么?
Okay,bye.
好吧我闪
It's okay.I didn't see anything.
没关系我什么都没看到
What are you watching? Softcore porn.
你在看什么呢? "情♥色♥夹心"
Sound's not on.I don't need to hear 'em.
为什么不开声音? 我不用听
Aren't those the-the twins from the deck?
那不是阳台上的那对双胞胎么
Too late now,Alan.
现在后悔已经晚了艾伦
You could have been delivering that pizza.
你本来可以送那份比萨的
So,how's Judith?
朱蒂丝怎么样
Fine.She got some new patio furniture.
她很好还置备了几件新家俱
That's nice.Teak.
还真会享受柚木家俱
Put in some rose bushes,too.
还放了一些玫瑰花枝在里面
How about that?
还有什么