好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E03
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:14 p.m.
Yeah,neither of you have any respect for you.
是啊 你们两个都看不起你
The point is,she wants to give it another try,and so do I.
重点是 她想要再尝试一次 我也一样
But we can't let Jake know
但是我们不能让杰克知道
because we don't want him to get his hopes up.
因为我们不想给他任何希望
Oh,buddy,why don't you just take an electric sander to your testicles?
兄弟 你干嘛不直接买♥♥个电动打磨机自己爽下就好了
We're both adults,we are aware of the pitfalls,
我们都是成年人 我们互相吸引
and we think it's worth the risk.
而且我们认为值得冒险一试
Okay,fine.
好吧
I wish you both nothing but happiness.Thank you.
我祝你们幸福 谢谢
Hello.Hello.
你们好 你好
What's going on?
发生什么事了
Sit down,Alan.We need to talk.
你坐这儿 我们需要好好谈谈了
Yeah,well,uh...listen,I'd love to,
呃 听着 我非常愿意和你们谈
but I've got to wake up Jake so that we can...
但是我现在要去叫杰克起床了 所以我们..
Let him sleep.
让他再睡会吧
Am I getting whacked?
你们想要打我么?
It was discussed,but I was overruled.
我们曾经讨论过 不过被我否决了
Sit down.
给我坐那儿去
Alan,we're all here because we love you.
艾伦 我们在这儿和你谈是因为我们爱你
And we don't want to see you make a terrible mistake.
而且我们不想看到你犯一个严重的错误
I'm just waiting for my toaster strudel to pop.
我只是在等我的点心烤好
There we go.
搞定
You told on me.
你居然告发了我
Hey,you wouldn't listen to reason,so now,
嘿 你不听我的劝告 所以
you're going to listen to mom.
你就要听妈妈的
Alan,sweetheart,
艾伦 亲爱的
you know I only want the best for you,right?
你知道我总是希望你过的好 对吧
I do.
是真的
I do.
是 真 的
Which is why,when Judith threw you out,
那就是为什么当朱蒂丝把你赶出来的时候
I was right there supporting you.
我始终都在支持你的原因
You had other options?
那是因为你没別的选择
Don't be naive.
別那么幼稚!
I could have sucked up to Judith in order to have more access to my grandson.
我本来可以讨好朱蒂丝来更亲近孙子的
But,no,I burned that bridge.
但是我没有 我放弃了那条路
I said horrible things to her that I can never take back.
我大骂了她一顿 而且再也没有给自己留余地
And,keep in mind,this is a woman who worked the phrase
而且你要记住 妈妈还在她的
"mousy bitch" into her wedding toast.
婚礼上骂过她"无♥耻♥的婊♥子♥"
So,if you two reconcile,I'll have to apologize to her.
所以 如果你们复合的话 我就必须要向她道歉了
So?
那又如何?
I'd rather kill us all.
那样还不如让我和你一起去死
Okay,Moving on.
好吧 我们继续
Rose,do you have something you'd like to say to Alan?
萝丝 你有什么话想对艾伦说的?
Yes,thank you.
是的 谢谢
Alan,when I first met you,I didn't care for you at all.
艾伦 当我第一次见到你的时候 我根本不在乎你
You were a fussy,whiny control freak.
我觉得你是个挑剔 爱发牢骚的控制狂
Yes,and-and now?
好吧 那现在呢
Now it doesn't bother me so much.
我现在已经不在乎了
I think what Rose means is that,
我觉得萝丝的意思是
since the divorce,you've grown,you've been reborn.
你离婚以后变得成熟了 你获得了新生
That's not what I meant.
我不是这个意思
If that was what I meant,that's what I would've said.
如果我要表达这个意思的话我会说出来的
Sorry.
对不起
Yeah,you'll get your turn.
没关系 你做好自己的事就行了
Alan,life is all about moving on.
艾伦 人生是要向前看的
Now,in the animal kingdom,sharks move forward while crabs move sideways.
在自然界中呢 鲨鱼是不断向前的 只有螃蟹才走弯路
So the question you have to ask yourself is,
那么 你要问自己的问题是
are you a shark or a crab?
你要做鲨鱼还是螃蟹呢
Which way do sea monkeys move?
那猴子走的是什么路
Okay,that's Judith.
朱蒂丝要来了
Now,I thank you for your concern,
谢谢你们的关心
but,uh,I would appreciate it
如果你们大家都能保持沉默并且不再管这件事的话
if nobody said anything and everybody just stayed out of it.
那我将会很感激的
Yeah,right.
哼 他太天真了
Hey,Mom.
嘿 妈妈
Hi,honey.Why aren't you dressed?
嗨 亲爱的 你怎么还没有穿好衣服
Alan,I told you I was picking him up early.
艾伦 我告诉过你我今天会早点来了
Why isn't he ready?
他怎么还没準备好
Go get dressed.I'm sorry.
快进去穿衣服 对不起
Yeah,you're always sorry,but I'm always the one who has to play the bad guy.
是啊 你总是说对不起 我就总是要充当坏人的角色
Damn it,Alan...Okay,he's gone.
真该死 他已经回屋了
I was thinking about you last night.
我昨天晚上一直在想你
What?what were you thinking?
真的?你想我什么了
Just what a nice time I had.
在想我们在一起是多么开心
Yes,yes it was.
是啊 的确如此
Alan? Uh,ah?
艾伦 嗯哼?
Turn around.
我是说你身后
Hi,Judith.
你好 朱蒂丝 !
Hello.How are you? Fine.
嘿 你们好吗 我们很好
Bye dad.Bye,everybody.Bye,Jake.
爸爸再见 大家再见 再见 杰克
Goodbye.Goodbye.
拜拜 拜拜
Thanks for staying out of it.
谢谢你们不再管我的事了
You're welcome.
不客气
Hey,Alan,come on out.
艾伦 快出来看看
I got a surprise for you.
有惊喜哦
Can it wait?
能等等么?
Jake forgot his math book.I'm going to run it over to Judith's.
杰克忘记拿他的数学课本了 我要送去朱蒂丝那里
No,no,no,no,no,you can't go to Judith's.
不不不 你不能去朱蒂丝那儿
The surprise is ready now.
惊喜已经为你準备好了
Okay.What is it?
好吧 什么惊喜
Oh,for God's sake.
噢 算了吧
Wait,there's more.
別走 这边还有吶
Twins,Alan!
双胞胎哦~
I got 'em for you,but you can share if you want.
我为你找来的 你愿意的话可以和我分享啊
Charlie,no.
查理 我拒绝
Fine,you can have them both.
好吧 两个都是你的
Bad luck to split sisters anyway.
把姐妹俩分开是不好的
I don't want either of 'em.I'm going over to Judith's.
我一个都不想要 我要去找朱蒂丝了
I don't think you're getting the full picture here.
我想你还没有看到全部的惊喜
Turn around!Show him the full picture!
转一圈 让他看看
That's daily Pilates classes and one meal a month.
这可是超高级的享受哦
I'll see you later.Are you sure?
我要走了 回头见 你确定?
Even put together,these girls aren't as old as your ex-wife.
这两个女孩年龄加起来都比你前妻要年轻
Bye.
拜拜
Oh,for the love of God.
额滴神啊
Stop turning!
別转了
Show's over!
演出结束了
Isn't he adorable?
他是不是很可爱
Yeah.When's he's sleeping,he's like a little angel.
是啊 他睡觉的样子就像个小天使
I was planning to have a glass of wine and
你来之前我正计划
sit in the hot tub before you came over.
到浴缸里泡澡喝红酒呢
Oh,oh,I'm sorry.
哦 对不起
I just wanted to be sure he got the book.I'll get out of your way.
看他拿到书我就可以放心走了 你可以做你自己的事了
Alan,would you like to join me?
艾伦?你愿意和我一起么
Oh,well,uh,I didn't bring a bathing suit.
呃 我忘记带浴衣了
You don't need a bathing suit.
你并不需要穿浴衣啊
Okay.
那好吧.
Have you been keeping up the chlorine treatments?
你还在进行氯护理么?
'Cause,you know,without a bathing suit,
因为 如果不♥穿♥浴衣的话
you're just inviting algae into your privates.
你知道之后会发生什么
I like the,uh...the new patio furniture.
我喜欢露台上那个新家俱
Thanks.
谢谢
What is that,uh,uh,redwood?
那是什么做的?红木么
Teak.Whoa,teak.
柚木 噢 柚木
That must have set me back a few bucks.
那要花掉我不少钱了
The salesman said it would pay for itself in five years.
推销员说5年后它就会升值一倍了
Oh,really? Really?How-how's it going to do that?
真的?它要如何做到呢?
Is it going to get a paper route?
变成造纸生产线?
It's very nice.Thank you.
它太漂亮了 谢谢
Uh,of course,it's,uh,going to require a lot of upkeep.
呃 这个家俱看起来需要好好保养啊
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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