好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E15
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:17 p.m.
That's why you smelled like Lemon Pledge.
难怪你有柠檬"碧丽珠"的气味了
Well,it certainly wasn't to bring out the natural luster of my forehead.
我当然不是用它给额头打蜡上光
So you've been lying to me?
那你一直在骗我
If by lying you mean telling you
如果"骗"是指
I wasn't going to do a bunch of things
先告诉你我不会去做什么事
and then doing them anyway and lying about it,
然后都做了并瞒著你
then yes,I've been lying to you.
是的 我是骗了你
Well,I suppose I can forgive you,
好吧 我可以原谅你
if you promise it'll never happen again.
但你得保证 绝不再发生这种事
Oh,it'll never happen again. You know why?
当然不会再发生 知道为什么吗
Because I am done with this whole charade.
因为我不想再玩这种虚伪的游戏了
I'm tired of you trying to make me over into something I'm not.
我受够了你想要把我改造得 不像原来的自己
I'm a grown man, not a work in progress.
我是成年人 不是半成品
Charlie,people are staring. Let 'em stare!
查理 別人都在看我们 让他们看
You guys know what I mean.
你们都知道我在说什么
Why can't women look at a guy
为什么女人对男人
for who he is instead of who they can turn him into?
不是接受真实的他 而总想如何改变他
Please,you're embarrassing me. Well,good,
请別说了 你让我难堪 好啊
maybe now you know how I feel
也许现在 你知道我的感受了
sitting in a restaurant eating medallions of
坐在一家餐馆里 吃着
bean curd with lawnmower sauce.
一坨凹凸的豆子凝块 拌著杂草醬
Am I right?
我说的对吗
No man should have to eat anything with the word "curd" in it.
男人就不该吃"凝冻"状的食物
Now,you're turning into a real ass here.
现在 你彻底变成一个真混♥蛋♥了
Well,then I'm finally living up to my potential.
好啊 那我终于展示出真才华了
I'm a big ol' bourbon-soaked, cigar-huffing ass,
一个泡在酒里大吐烟圈的超级混♥蛋♥
as God in His infinite wisdom meant me to be.
就像贤明的上帝 希望我的那样
As He meant all men to be.
就像他希望所有男人的那样
You guys are disappointing God.
你们真让上帝失望
Okay,what if a cannibal's on death row?
如果死牢里有个食人族怎么办
I guess for being a cannibal.
设想一下 作为一个吃人的人
And he orders Chinese for his last meal.
如果他最后一餐想吃一个中国人
Does he get to eat a Chinese guy?
他们会给他一个中国人吗
No.
不会
What if they just electrocuted a Chinese guy
如果他们刚电死了一个中国人
and the cannibal was next?
而食人族正好是下一个
No.
不会
He'd already be cooked. Stop it!
但那个中国人已经给电烤熟了 够了
Hey. Oh,hey.
嗨 嗨
Where have you been?
你去哪儿了
I had a date with Mia.
我和米亚去约会了
That was two nights ago.
那是前天晚上
Yeah,well,I stopped off in Vegas on the way home.
是啊 回来时在拉斯维加斯呆了几天
Why?
为什么
Because that's where you go after you destroy a relationship.
因为那是结束感情后该去的地方
Oh,now I understand why Mia's been calling.
喔 现在我明白为何米亚电♥话♥不断了
She sounded pretty upset.
她听着心烦意乱
I didn't tell her anything.
我什么都没告诉她
But you'd tell Rose,wouldn't you?
但你告诉萝丝了 是吧
Hey,you just paid me once.
嗨 你就给了我一次钱
Rose has me on something called a retainer.
萝丝请我当了她的资深顾问
So what happened with Mia?
那么你和米亚怎么了
No big deal.
没什么大不了的
I just got tired of trying to be something I'm not.
我只是厌倦了掩饰自己
A decent,healthy human being? Pretty much.
健康得体的男人 差不多
He's back.
"他"回来了
You're damn right,I'm back.
绝对正确 我回来了
Mia and I are through.
我和米亚结束了
You schmuck.
你这个蠢货
She was the best thing that ever happened to you.
她是你遇到的最好的妹纸
But you said I was whipped.
但你说我是妻管严
I didn't mean dump her. I meant grow a pair.
我没让你甩了她啊 我让你强硬点
What is "whipped."
什么是妻管严
It's when a man lets a woman take over his life and tell him what to do.
是指男人一生 都被女人呼来喝去
Oh,so like you and Mom.
噢 就像你和妈妈
No.
不是的
Oh,hi,Mother.
嗨 妈妈
Uh,no,no,Mia's not here.He,uh, he broke up with her.
不 米亚不在这儿 他们分手了
Yeah,schmuck seems to be the general consensus.
是的 骂他是蠢货 群众都意见一致
What's a schmuck?
什么是蠢货
Any guy who's not whipped.
任何不是妻管严的男人
She wants to talk to you. Well,I don't want to talk to her.
她要和你说话 我不想和她说话
Nice catch,schmuck.
接的好 蠢货
Hey,Mom.
嗨 妈妈
Whoa,whoa,whoa, why am I the bad guy here?
为什么这次我是恶人
Well,did you ever stop to consider that maybe this wasn't my fault?
你就从没想过 错不在我
I got to go,Mom. My meat connection's here.
不多聊了 妈妈 我的肉联厂长来了
I just think if the guy's got a front door,we should use it.
我觉得如果有正门 就应该用它
This is fine.
这没关系
Hi,Charlie. Hello,Rose.
嗨 查理 嗨 萝丝
What's going on?
有事吗
Well,I just wanted to introduce you to Gordon,
嗯 我想给你介绍一下戈顿
my new boyfriend.
我的新男友
Oh,no kidding?
噢 真的?
Hiya,Gordon. Hello.
嗨 戈顿 你好
Gordon and I are in a committed relationship.
戈顿和我忠贞不渝
Right,Gordon?
是吗?戈顿
Um,yeah,I guess.Look,see? There's stairs right over there.Just...
是啊 那边明明有楼梯的 就在...
Anyway,I was thinking that
总之 我在想
perhaps you and Mia would like to
也许哪天你和米亚
join us for dinner one night.
可以与我们一起共进晚餐
You know,double date.
就像 双双赴约
Oh,well,that's nice,Rose,but I broke up with Mia.
那很好 萝丝 但我和米亚已经分手了
Oh,I see.
噢 我明白了
Well,then, good-bye Gordon.
那么好吧 再见 戈顿
I think I made a big mistake.
我觉得 这次我犯了大错
I know the feeling.
我知道那种感受
I once ate an egg salad sandwich
有一回 我吃掉一个
I left in my desk over the weekend.
在课桌里放了一个周末的三明治
Huge mistake.
错大发了
My relationship with Mia was the best thing
我和米亚的感情
that ever happened to me,
是我遇到的最好的事物
and I threw it away.
但我 就这么扔了
That's what I should have done with the sandwich.
就像 我应该扔了那个三明治
I wonder if it's too late to fix things.
我不知道 是否还来得及挽回
Call her and find out.
打电♥话♥问她
Yeah,but if I do, I'll be right back where I started,
是啊 但真打电♥话♥了 我又要重回到
trying to be somebody I'm not.
过去那种违心掩饰的生活
Okay,then find another girlfriend.
那么 再去找个新女友
I don't want another girlfriend. I want Mia.
我不想要新女友 我想要米亚
Then call her.
那就打电♥话♥给她
I can't.
我做不到
I can't live with her,
有她 我活不下去
I can't live without her.
没她 我也活不下去
If your plane crashed in the Andes
若你们飞机失事 坠落在安第斯山
and she died,could you eat her?
她遇难了 你能吃她吗
Mia,it's Charlie.
米亚 我是查理
Look,you win.I'll change. No more meat.I promise.
你赢了 我改 不吃肉了 我保证
Come on,Mia,come out and smell me.
来啊 米亚 你来闻闻
Mia's not here.
米亚不在这儿
Do I have to smell you?
要我来闻吗
Who are you? Ginger.
你是谁 简洁
So,you're Charlie.
那么 你就是查理
Yeah.Where's Mia? Hang on a minute.
是的 米亚在哪儿 稍等
She told me to give you this if you stopped by.
她说如果你来了 就把这个给你
She took a job in New York.
她在纽约找了份工作
Why'd she do that? Just read the note.
她为什么那样 你先看纸条
"I love you too much to try to make you into something you're not,
我太爱你 不想再强迫你改变
and I love me too much to settle for who you are."
我也太爱自己 不愿屈就於那样的你
That's the part that always makes me cry.
这一段总让我感动得流泪
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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