好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E21
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:19 p.m.
You do indeed.
是啊
Don't you care where I was?
你不关心我刚才去哪了吗?
Why would I start now?
我现在为什么要开始关心?
Oh,come on,I really need to get this off my chest.
喔 拜托 我真的想一吐为快
All right,go ahead.
好吧 说吧
I was with another woman
我和另一个女人在一起
Okay,okay,see,that's a good lie.
很好 很好 这个谎话编的不错
No,no.I really was with another woman.
不不 我真的和另一个女人在一起
Seriously?
真的?
You're already doing a hot 22-year-old and you're cheating on her?
你已经干了一个22岁的辣妹 而现在又背着她偷♥情♥?
Yes.
是的
I am so proud of you.
真为你骄傲
What?
什么?
Who's the dog?My brother's the dog.
发♥情♥公狗是谁?就是我兄弟
Come on,dog.Come on,dog.Howl with me.
过来 种狗 快过来 种狗 跟我一起嚎叫
No,stop howling and let me explain.
不 别再叫了 听我解释
There's nothing to explain.
没有什么好解释的
You're sleeping with two women at the same time.
你同时和两个女人上♥床♥
You're a big old dog.
你是一条发♥情♥的老种狗
No,I haven't been sleeping with the other woman.
不 我没有和另一个女人上♥床♥
I've been seeing Jake's teacher.
我见的是杰克的老师
All we do is talk.
我们只是聊天
I don't know how to explain it.We have so much in common.
我不知道如何解释.我们只是有很多共同语言
I mean,she's divorced.She has a kid Jake's age.
我是说 她离婚有一个孩子和杰克差不多大
She reads.She likes the theater.
她爱看书 也喜欢看戏剧
Yeah,yeah.But you're not sleeping with her?
是啊 是啊 但你没和她上♥床♥?
Why would I when I've got Kandi?
我有康迪了 为什么还要和她上♥床♥?
I don't know.
我不知道
Because you can?
因为你可以?
It's not that kind of a relationship.It's intellectual.
我们俩不是那种关系 是精神层面的
So take her to a museum,enjoy the exhibits and do her in the restroom.
那就带她去博物馆看展览 然后在洗手间干♥她♥
You're missing the point
你没听懂我的意思
No,you're missing the point.
不 是你没听懂我的意思
Not getting laid,it's not cheating.
如果你没和她上♥床♥ 那就算不上什么出轨
Then why do I feel so guilty?
那我为什么还有内疚感?
That's easy.Because you're an idiot.
这个问题很好回答 因为你是个白♥痴♥
I guess I always thought that
我想是因为我总以为
one woman was supposed to fulfill all my needs.
一个女人 就可以满足我各方面的需求
Oh,that's an old wives' tale.
喔 那是很久以前的老婆神话了
Started to protect the interests of,you guessed it,old wives.
是为了保护老婆们的权利
So you're saying the whole concept of monogamy is a fraud.
你是说一夫一妻制 根本是骗人的?
The institution of marriage is a sham?
婚姻制度是虚伪的?
No,no,no.
不不不
I'm just saying,bang the teacher.
我只是说上了那个老师
Why does he make everything so complicated?
他为什么总喜欢 把事情搞得那么复杂?
Here we go.
搞掂
"Blunderbuss."
"愚蠢 爱犯错的人"
Very elegant use of my "under."
你很优雅的用了我的"under"
Thank you.
谢谢
Boy.
老天
I have more vowels than a Honolulu phone book.
我手上的元音比檀香山[夏威夷首都]电♥话♥簿上的还多
You're so clever,Alan.
你真聪明 艾伦
Thank you.
谢谢
You am smart too.
你也很聪慧
Hey,Alan,can I talk to you for a sec?
嘿 艾伦 我可以跟你说句话吗?
Sure.
当然
Excuse me.
失陪一下
Hurry back.
快点回来
What's up?
怎么了?
You tell me
应该你来告诉我
Nothing,we're just playing Scrabble.
没什么啊 我们只是在玩拼字游戏
and you know what?
你知道吗?
And you're right.
我想你说的对
There's nothing to feel guilty about
的确没什么好内疚的
Good to know.Because Kandi's here.
很高兴听到你这么说 因为康迪来了
Oh,okay.
喔 这样啊
It's not a problem.
没关系
Here's what we do.
接下来我们该这么办
We? Come on,work with me.
我们? 拜托 帮帮我
You go cover for me with Kandi
你去帮我应付康迪
and I'll get Francine the hell out of here.
我去把弗朗辛弄走
But there was nothing to feel guilty about.
但我还以为你没什么好内疚的
You know that and I know that,now go lie to Kandi about it.
是啊 是啊 你我都心知肚明 现在快去帮我骗骗康迪
Fine,I'll tell her you went to Staples to see Roger.
好的 我去告诉她 你去史泰博看罗杰了
Who?
谁?
Hey,why don't we walk on the beach
嘿 我们为何不去海滩上散散步呢?
What about the game?
那拼字游戏怎么办?
Screw the game,I concede.You win,well-played.
别管游戏了 我让步 你赢了 拼字高手
All right.
好吧
It is a beautiful night.
多美的夜晚啊
Yeah,yeah.Let's go enjoy it on the beach.Chop-chop.
是啊 是啊 让我们到海滩上 去享受这迷人的夜晚吧 赶快行动啦
Kandi? What?
康迪? 什么?
Alan must have slipped out.
艾伦一定是溜出去了
You're lying to me,Charlie
你在骗我 查理
No,I'm not.
不 我没有
Oh,okay.
喔 好吧
Wait,wait.
等等
Don't you wanna know where he is?
你不想知道他去哪了?
Where who is?
谁去哪了?
Alan.
艾伦
Sure,why not.
当然想知道 为什么不呢?
All right.The truth is...
好的
Alan is out trying to find the perfect gift for you.
事实上艾伦是出去帮你买♥♥礼物了
Really? Yes.
真的? 是的
He wants to surprise you with something extremely expensive.
他想送一样特别昂贵的东西 给你个意外惊喜
Can you give me a hint?
你能给我点提示吗?
Well,let's see.
喔 是这样的
It's something that's a girl's best friend...
它是女孩们最好的朋友
and looks good wrapped around their neck.
缠绕在脖子上特别漂亮
I'm getting a monkey?
他要送我一只猴子?
No,no.Sweet Lord.
不 不 老天
A diamond necklace.
是钻石项链
That's nice too.
喔 那也不错
Just remember,you didn't hear it from me.
记住 我什么也没跟你说过
Then who did I hear it from?
那是谁告诉我的?
Nobody.
谁也没有
When he gives it to you,act surprised.
当他送给你的时候 要表现得很惊喜
Don't worry,I'll be really surprised.
别担心 我会装得很惊喜的
Good.Good.Good.
很好 很好 很好
So will he.
他也会的
That's...That's...
这真是...真是...
That's terrific.
真是太棒了
Do you wanna hear it again? No.
你想再听一遍吗? 不用了
We don't want you to strain your voice.
我们不想累到你的喉咙
Do you think I'm gonna do okay at the audition?
你们觉得我选拔的时候会通过吗?
You never know how these things go
呃 你永远不会知道未来的事情
Yeah.
是啊
Just hope I have a decent piano player.
只是希望我能有个像样点的钢琴伴奏
I thought you were working with him.What's the problem?
我还以为你们俩合作的不错 出什么问题了?
Okay,there's a technical term we musicians use.
好吧 我们音乐家通常 用这个专业用语形容他
Jake stinks.
杰克太差了
Well,is there anything we can do?
呃 我们能做些什么吗?
We can hope "stinks" suddenly becomes popular.
我们可以祈祷"太差" 能突然间流行起来
But I wouldn't count on it.
但我觉得没戏
Oh,by the way,you need to buy Kandi a diamond necklace.
喔 顺便说一句 你要给康迪买♥♥一条钻石项链
What?
什么?
You told me to cover.
你叫我帮你打掩护的
I said you were out buying her jewelry.
我说你出去帮她买♥♥珠宝了
That's all you could think of?
你就能想出来这个借口?
Well,I could think of a lot of things but only one made me laugh.
喔 我可以想到很多借口 但只有一个可以让我发笑的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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