好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S03E05
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:15 p.m.
Fine. Aw,geez!
好吧. 啊 耶稣哇
What the hell is the mutt doing now?
这又是什么狗动作
Charlie,just say what you came to say.
查理 想说什么你就说吧
Okay,mom,are you aware that I'm a misogynist?
好吧 你有无意识到我是个厌女者
Really?I raised you Episcopalian.
真的 我把你当圣公会教♥徒♥一样抚养
This isn't funny.
这不好笑
My anger and mistrust towards women starts with you.
我对女人的怨恨和猜疑 都因你而起
Which wasn't a problem until it spilled over into my sex life.
并已经严重影响到我的性生活
So you're blaming mummy
那么 你是在怪妈妈了
because little Charlie can't come out and play?
就因为"小查理"不能起来干活
Okay,first of all,we don't call it "little Charlie."
好吧 首先 那不叫"小查理"
What do we call it,darling?
那我们该叫它什么
We don't call it anything!
它什么也不叫
Well,when you were a baby,we called it Mr.Pinky.
是吗 当你还是小孩子时我们叫它小指头
I may never have sex again.
估计我得跟性生活永別了
Wait a sec.Mr.Pinky was the cat.
噢 等等 小指头先生是只猫
What did we call your penis?
为什么我们用它来称呼你的小♥弟♥弟♥?
It doesn't matter.The point is,
这不重要 重要的是
it isn't working anymore.And somehow it's all
它彻底罢♥工♥了 而且不知怎的
tied up in some sick twisted knot with you.
这事竟和你有纠缠不清的瓜葛.
Mr.Peepee!
小蘑菇
That's it.
就叫这个
Well,you can see why I confused that with Mr.Pinky.
这就是为何 我会搞错成小指头
Mom,I learned about relationships from watching you.
妈妈 我对情感关系的认识来自对你的耳濡目染
And you know what toxic little lessons I learned?
知道我记住了哪些血泪小教训吗
Tell me,sweetheart.
说来听听 宝贝
I learned that men who get emotionally involved get stepped on.
我记住了 用真情的男人 会变奴隸
I learned that men who get married get emasculated.
我记住了 结了婚的男人 等同太监
I learned that the best way to not get your heart broken is
我记住了 不让自己伤心的上策就是
to pretend you don't have one.
假装自己 没心没肺
You learned all that from me? Yes.
这些都是跟我学的 是的
Darling,I've never been more proud of you than I am at this moment.
亲爱的 我从没像现在这样更为你自豪
You're joking,right? Not at all.
开玩笑吧 根本没有
For the first time,I look at you and I see myself.
生平第一次 我看着你 就看到了我自己
Oh,that's just insane.
噢 別瞎说了
Save room for dessert.I bought brownies.
留点肚子给甜点 我买♥♥了巧克力饼
No,thanks.Brownies just remind me of cupcakes.
不了 谢谢 巧克力饼只会让我想起纸杯蛋糕
His,uh,his little girlfriend dumped him. Really?
他的小女友 甩了他 真的
She said she needed her space.
她说 她需要自己的空间
I'm sorry,buddy.
我很遗憾 小子
Want some advice? Yeah.
需要建议吗? 嗯
What do I do,Uncle Charlie?
我该怎么办?查理叔叔
I meant from me.
我是指 问我
Oh.No,thank you.
噢 不了 谢谢
Well?
有吗
Might as well listen to your dad,'cause I got nothing.
最好听你老爸的 因为我这儿没有
Less than him?
听他的?
Fellas,I am the sick puppy of a downward dog.
伙计们 我是个下趴狗生出来的病小狗
The only thing I'm good for is drinking out of a toilet and sniffing my own ass.
我唯一擅长的就是喝马桶里的水 闻自己的屁♥股♥
Which,by the way,I saw our mother do earlier.
顺便说一下 这些动作我早前刚看见老妈做过
Okay,what do you think?
好吧 你想说什么
Marco. Oh,geez!
马可 噢 上帝
Don't do that. Sorry.
別那么做 抱歉
Are you okay? Oh,sure.
你还好吗? 噢 当然
Everything I believed in is wrong.Everything I thought I was,
我相信的任何事情 结果都错了 我认为我是啥样的
I'm not.and Mr.Peepee's on the fritz.
结果都不是同时小蘑菇也罢♥工♥了
Mr.Peepee?
小蘑菇?
Yeah,that's what my mother used to call...
老妈过去用来称呼...
Oh,don't make me explain this,Rose.
噢 別让我解释了 萝丝
Okay.But he's on the fritz,you say? Yes.
好吧 但你说他罢♥工♥了 是的
Well,I'm not surprised.
好吧 我并不惊讶
The depth of your pathology coupled with the intensity of your denial,
你深度病态的强烈自我否定迟早
was bound to manifest itself physically,sooner or later.
会在身体机能上表现出来
In plain,simple English,Rose.
用简单直白的英文 萝丝
When your mind gets crazy,Mr.Peepee gets lazy.
当你心绪 变得混乱 小蘑菇 就会偷懒
Let me put it another way.
我换种说法
When your psyche gets iffy,you can't get a stiffy.
当你变得 心神不定你就无法 勃起阳硬
Stop it.Stop it.Just tell me how I can fix it.
停 別扯了.只需教我如何挽救就行
Well,there's no quick fix when it comes to limp...
当它疲软不闹没有快捷之道
Rose!No more rhymes.
萝丝 不要打油诗了
Are you sure? I got a beauty with "toner."
你肯定 荤段子我很在行的
Okay.Well,traditional therapy can help,
好吧 传统心理治疗可以补救
but you'll have to commit to a long,
但你得花上多年时间进行
arduous process of self-exploration over a period of years.
费力的自我探索治疗
Years?
多年?
I can't go years without...Mr.Peepee.
我不能多年都没有...小蘑菇
Charlie,isn't your long-term mental and emotional
查理 难道你长♥期♥的心智健康都
health more important than a few fleeting orgasms?
不如几次短暂的快♥感♥重要吗
It's not even more important than one.
甚至都不如一次快♥感♥重要
Well,in that case,I suppose we could try a shortcut like hypnotherapy.
好吧 如果那样 我想可以试试捷径 比如催眠
You know how to do that? I studied it.
你会催眠吗? 我学过
But for it to work,you'd have to trust me completely.
但开始之前 你要完全信任我
You know,Rose,as strange as it may seem,
知道吗 萝丝 说起来很奇怪
of all the women I know,you're the only one I trust at all.
在我认识的所有女人中 你是唯一一个我完全信任的
Wow.Personally I find that very flattering,
哇 就我个人而言 这话好讨人喜欢
while professionally,it's deeply disturbing.
同时从专业角度看 这让我烦恼陡增
Oh,well,so just relax,
噢 好吧 那么 放松
sit back,close your eyes,
靠后躺下 闭上眼睛
and listen only to the sound of my voice.
摒弃杂念 只听我的声音
I just want to get my mother out of my head,okay?
我只想把老妈赶出大脑
I don't want to quit drinking or gambling or any of the good stuff.
別弄走喝酒赌博 和其他好东西
Got it.
收到
Okay.So just relax.
来 放松
Oh,my.I see everything's back to normal.
噢 天啊 看来一切都恢复正常了
Better than normal. Did you take one of those pills?
比正常更好 你吃了那些药吗?
No,I don't need any pills,it's all me.
不需要吃药 全靠我自己
And nobody else.
也没有別人
Now,why don't you just relax while I introduce
现在请放松 我来给你介绍
you to the new improved Charlie.
一个全新的增强版查理
Who were you calling?
给谁打电♥话♥
I was just ordering a little chicken.
给一只小鸡下指令
What smells so good?
什么东西闻着这么香
Your kid's in the kitchen baking.
你儿子在厨房♥做蛋糕.
You're kidding.
开玩笑吧
Hey,dad,want a cupcake?
嗨 老爸 想来个纸杯蛋糕吗
Um,sure.
当然
Uncle Charlie?
查理叔叔
Thank you.
谢谢
Have as many as you want.I got another batch in the oven.
喜欢就敞开了吃 烤炉里还有一批
It's,uh,it's very tasty.What,uh,what prompted this?
非常好吃 怎么想起来做蛋糕了
I figured out I don't need a girlfriend.
我想通了 不需要女朋友了
If I want a cupcake,I just make it myself.
如果想吃蛋糕 我就自己做
Taking matters into his own hands.
用自己的手 解决所有"需求"[食与性]
The metaphore is now complete.
那个比喻 终于"两者兼备"了
Anybody want to lick the beater?
谁想去舔"搅拌器"[俚语 沉迷手♥淫♥]
No. No.
不想 不想
What?
咋了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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