了不起的麦瑟尔夫人（2017）

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel S01E08

Part 10 Oct. 5, 2020, 2:24 p.m.

女士们先生们
and all the undecided.
还有性别未定的人
I'm your host for the evening.
今夜我是你们的主人
Now, I have promised the powers that be
我向主办方承诺
that I will perform my little dog and pony show
会为在座各位好人表演
for all you fine people, but,
小狗小马秀但是
before I do, I have a favor to ask.
在开始之前我有件事要请大家帮忙
I have a friend who's been going through some of the same shit
我有个朋友最近经历了一系列倒霉事情
that I've gone through lately,
而我也曾经历过
and I don't want to get on a rant here,
我不想就这么盖棺定论
but Stalin would be very proud.
但斯大林会非常骄傲的
So, indulge me, because
所以请允许我这么说因为
I think she's going to be very big
我认为她会非常出色
and she's a hell of a lot easier on the eyes than I am.
并且比我要养眼的多
Please welcome to the stage, a very classy lady,
有请这位非常高贵美丽的女士
my friend...
我的朋友
I'm actually gonna let her introduce herself to you.
我还是让她自己向你们介绍吧
Okay. Get up here.
好请上台吧
Susie...
苏西
Go show 'em how it's done.
上吧让他们见识见识
All right, yeah!
好好
Thank you. Hi!
谢谢嗨
Thank you.
谢谢你们
Wow, so nice, considering you thought you were here
哇这真贴心考虑到你们以为来这里
to see Lenny Bruce, and instead, you have to listen to me
能看到兰尼布鲁斯然而却不得不花费时间
for a while.
听我唠叨
I promise to insult the Pope and read you my court documents
我保证在夜晚结束之前会辱骂教皇
before the evening is over.
并宣读我的法庭文件
So, let's see, what can I talk about?
好我想想要说什么
Going through a pretty dull time in my life.
我正在度过人生中一段相当无聊的时光
My husband's girlfriend attacked me at work yesterday.
昨天我丈夫的女朋友在我上班时来找我吵架
You know what that's like, ladies?
你们知道那是什么场面吗女士们
Really? No one?
不是吧没人知道
Good, then you'll love this.
太好了你们会喜欢的
So, my husband left me three months ago
三个月前我丈夫因为他的幼齿秘书
for his teenage secretary.
而离开了我
However, the other night he came home...
但是有天晚上他为了几条干净内♥裤♥和
for some clean underwear and a fuck.
跟我上♥床♥又回到了家
Actually, just for the underwear.
实际上只是为了内♥裤♥
I threw in the fuck for free.
我额外奉送一次交♥配♥行为
Anyhow, Lolita found out and, boy, was she steamed.
总之洛丽塔发现啊她可真有热情
She couldn't believe I'd have the nerve
她不敢相信我居然有胆子
to sleep with my husband.
和我丈夫上♥床♥
She thought that was mean.
她认为那样很残忍♥
And vindictive. And she has a point.
也很恶毒她是有论据的
After all, she has a teddy bear he won for her at Coney Island.
毕竟她有一个泰迪熊是他在科尼岛上赢来的
All I've got is a wedding ring
而我就只有一个婚戒
and two kids who called him "Daddy."
和两个叫他“爸爸”的孩子
Who cares if I was there first, this girl
谁在乎先来后到这女孩为了勾引他
put a lot of work into luring him away.
可谓煞费苦心
I mean, she had to...
我是说她必须要
have a vagina.
有个阴♥道♥
Pretty low bar. But pretty high vagina.
智商很低阴♥道♥却蛮高的
She's tall.
她很高
And dumb. I mean, she's pretty,
而且很蠢她的确很漂亮
but I'm pretty sure NASA doesn't have her
但我很确信航♥空♥局是不会把她
on its short list for job openings.
写进招聘名单的
Anyhow, yesterday she drags her giant vagina into my work
总之昨天她拖着她的大阴♥道♥来我上班的地方
and starts yelling at me.
然后开始冲我吼
And after a while, I start yelling back.
然后过了一会儿我开始吼回去
And she's saying, "You stole him,"
然后她说“你偷走了他”
and I'm saying, "I was there first."
然后我说“我是先来的”
And she says, "I was there second,"
然后她说“我是第二个来的”
and I say, "That's a very immature argument,"
然后我说“这真是场幼稚的争吵”
and she says, "Do you want to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
然后她说“你想买♥♥点女童子军曲奇吗”
And I say, "No," and she says, "You're sure?"
然后我说“不”她说“你确定吗”
And I say, "Do you have vanilla creams?"
然后我说“你有香草冰淇淋吗”
And she says, "No," and I said, "You bitch!"
然后她说“不”我说“你个贱♥人♥”
And everyone in the store is staring,
店里其他人都在看着
and I'm starting to wonder, who's right here?
我开始扪心自问谁才是正确的
I mean, was it really fair to lure Joel back
难道用理性的谈话和
with the promise of coherent conversation
无限供应的干净短裤诱惑乔尔回来
and unlimited clean jockey shorts?
就是公平的吗
I just assumed I had that right.
我只是在假装我有这个权利
I really thought you find a guy, you give it up, you get married.
我想你找到了一个人你放弃了自我然后你就结婚了
No, wait. You get married, then you give it up.
不等等你先是结婚了然后你才放弃了自我
Get married, then give it up. I got to write that down.
先是结婚然后放弃我得把它记下来
Anyhow, my point is, with the ring came the sex.
不管怎么说我的观点是结婚才能做♥爱♥
Exclusive sex.
专属性♥爱♥
Right? Something to count on.
对吗一些可以指望的东西
Something you know is yours.
一些你知道属于你的东西
Like a social security number
比如社保号♥码
or a family history of insanity.
或是家族精神病史
But apparently, it's not.
但很显然婚姻并没给我留下什么
He left. She took him.
他离开了她夺走了他
Did I relinquish my rights when he walked out the door?
他走出门时我放弃我的权利了吗
Is that how it works?
事情是应该这样的吗
Now, did it always work that way
还是说事情总是这样
and I just didn't read the fine print?
只是我没弄明白
What are the fucking rules?
那该死的规则到底是什么样的
I mean, not the fucking rules, the "fucking" rules.
我的意思是不是该死的规则而是“该死的”规则
Who gets first "fucking" rights?
谁是最先享受这“操”的权利的
Hey.
嘿
Is it first come, first serve?
难道就应该是先到先得吗
Finders keepers... Hey!
谁捡到就是谁的嘿
Losers eventually go blind? How did you get in
输家最终只会鸡飞蛋打你是怎么
without paying? So, this is you?
不花钱就进来的这都是因为你对吗
What? That!
什么那个
You got her into this, right?
是你让她做这个的对吧
Got her to go up there like that?
让她上去表演
Got her to stand up there and talk about our life.
站在上面谈论我们的生活
Hey, she says what she wants. Talk about me.
她愿意说什么就说什么谈论我
She must just find you amusing.
她肯定是觉得你很有意思
I know I find you completely ridiculous.
我就发现你真是很可笑
You don't give a shit what you're doing.
你根本不在乎你做了什么
I'm not doing anything.
我什么也没做
You're breaking up a family!
你拆散了一个家
That's the mother of my children up there
我孩子的母亲在那里
talking trash about me in front of a bunch of strangers.
对着一群陌生人说我坏话
Well, you got to admit, it's better than her talking trash
呵那你得承认比她在一群熟人
about you in front of a bunch of people you know.
面前说你坏话要好得多吧
Are you happy?
你很高兴吗
Are you happy that you've ruined my life?
你毁了我的生活你很高兴吗
Hey, I didn't fuck my secretary. That was you!
我又没操♥我♥的秘书是你干的
You don't know anything about me.
你根本不了解我
Buddy, I know so much more than you think.
哥们儿我了解你可比你想象的要多
Yeah? Yeah.
是吗是的
You are ripped right out of a bullshit male catalogue.
你根本不像个真正的男人
King of the mansion, spoiled brat.
豪♥宅♥里的国王被宠坏的小孩
Who do you go home to?
你有家人吗
What do you know about having a family?
你怎么知道拥有家庭是什么样的
Nothing! And thank God.
我不知道感谢上帝
'Cause if I had to go home to you, I'd set the house on fire.
因为如果我回家发现是你在等我我宁可烧了房♥子
Fuck you! No, fuck you, Sal Mineo!
操♥你♥大♥爷♥ 不操♥你♥大♥爷♥ 萨尔米涅奥
Get the hell away from me.
从我跟前滚开吧
Midge has a path now, a career.
米琪现在有她自己的路她有事业
And she's gonna be a star and you are just gonna be that guy
她会成为明星而你只会成为那种人
sitting at some loser bar every night
每晚坐在廉价小酒馆
pointing to the television set saying,
指着电视播放画面说
"I used to be married to her, but I fucking blew it!"
“我以前和她结过婚但我全搞砸了”
Wing it.