了不起的麦瑟尔夫人（2017）

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel S01E05

Part 7 Oct. 5, 2020, 2:22 p.m.

All right, all right, we're having fun here.
好吧好吧我们来点儿有趣的吧
So I'm a mother, too, believe it or not,
我也是一个妈妈不管你信还是不信
of three rambunctious kids.
三个捣蛋鬼孩子
Okay, I-I have two kids, not three..
好吧我有两个孩子不是三个
One day, my oldest came home from junior high
一天我最大的孩子从中学回来
and said the craziest thing.
说了件最疯狂的事情
Okay, I'm-I'm 26.
好吧我26岁
I-I didn't give birth at 13.
我可没有13岁就生了孩子
I would have had to have given birth at 13.
我必须得在13岁剩下孩子
Can-can I borrow a pen?
我能借一下你的笔吗
Thank you.
谢谢
When I was a kid, my parents told me I was their favorite,
当我还是孩子时我父母告诉我我是他们的最爱
and that's not just because I'm an only child.
不只是因为我是他们唯一的孩子
I actually have a brother,
事实上我还有个弟弟
so that's another thing that's not quite... accurate.
又是一个不属实的
You-you know,
你知道
my family fights so much at the dinner table,
我们一家经常在饭桌上吵架
I'm thinking of putting up four ropes and selling tickets.
我在考虑搭四条绳子开始卖♥♥票
I don't get that. It's a boxing thing.
我不明白这个这说的是打拳击
A boxing thing.
打拳击
Okay, I get it. Thank you, sir.
好了我明白了谢谢先生
My husband.
我丈夫
Ooh, I get so mad when he comes home late,
哦当他回家晚了我会很生气
I grab the frying pan, hit him over the head,
我抓起平底锅就去砸他脑袋
and doink.
然后duang的一声
Doink?
duang的一声
An-And... and my mother is so nosy,
我妈妈很烦人
I think she could win a gold medal.
我觉得她能赢一个金牌
That's M-E-D-D-L-E, not-not M-E-D-A-L.
是管闲事不是真的奖牌
It's more of a visual spelling joke, I guess. See...
更像是视觉拼写笑话我猜想
Ooh.
哦
All right. Yeah.
好了是的
Wow. How did Bob Hope become Bob Hope?
喔鲍勃霍普是怎么变成鲍勃霍普的
Because he's funny.
因为他很幽默
Thank you, sir.
谢谢先生
Light's on me, not you.
聚光灯在我这里不是你那里
I went to Bryn Mawr.
我毕业于布林莫尔学院
That's literally all it says.
全是字面意思
Next card.
下一张卡
Next comedian.
下一个喜剧演员
Excuse me? Bring back the banjo.
你说什么让班卓琴回来吧
You think you could do better, asshole?
你觉得你比我说的好混♥蛋♥
Probably. Great.
可能吧很好
Then stand up and make 'em laugh.
那就上来哗众取宠吧
Come on. Let's see what you got.
来吧是骡子是马拉出来溜溜
What? You leave your balls at home? Oh!
什么你怂了吗哦
Fine.
好吧
A Spanish magician tells the audience
西班牙的魔法师告诉观众
he'll disappear on the count of three.
他数三声就会消失
He says, "Uno, dos." Poof.
他说一二噗
He disappeared without a tres.
三还没数他就不见了
I quit.
我退出
Why doesn't this stupid place have a backstage?
为什么这个愚蠢的地方没有后台
Are you trying to humiliate me?
你是在羞辱我吗
You're doing a great job all by yourself.
你自己说的就很好
What the fuck? Don't.
这他妈什么鬼不要说
I mean, what the fuck?
我是说这是什么鬼东西
I just want to get the hell out of here.
我只想赶紧离开这个鬼地方
This isn't even your writing.
这根本就不是你的写的
Hi, Midge.
嗨米琪
What are you doing here?
你在这儿干什么
I came to catch your set.
我来看你的表演啊
Nice job.
说的不错
Nice job? Were you listening?
不错你有在听吗
The whole time.
一直都在听
You got some good laughs in the back there.
后面的观众都笑癫了
How far back were you, Cafe Wha?
你坐的是有多靠后墙里吗
Okay, I'm just trying to catch up here.
好吧我只是想弄明白怎么回事
How do you know Herb Smith? She answered my ad
你是怎么认识赫布史密斯的她回应了
in the Hollywood Reporter. Hi, Susie.
我在好莱坞报道上登的广♥告♥ 嗨苏西
You hired the Stage DelI bottom-feeder to write your act?
你雇佣了这种混在熟食店的泥鳅帮你写素材
All based on her notebook.
都是基于她的笔记本
Lot of good stuff in there.
里面还是有很多笑料
Nothing from these cards came from my notebook.
这些卡片跟我的笔记本简直就是风马牛不相及
Yeah, because he sells the same crappy jokes to everyone who hires him.
是啊因为他向所有雇佣他的人推销同样的蹩脚笑话
He's a fuckin' recycler! Didn't say that in the ad.
他就是一个低劣的反刍动物广♥告♥里没这么说
That would have been a dumb thing to put in the ad.
谁会在广♥告♥里犯这种傻
I told you it'd be hit-and-miss!
我告诉你了这就是碰运气
It was all miss, Herb. Nothing hit!
这全是失误赫布没一个说到点上的
Please tell me you did not pay this guy.
请告诉我你还没付他钱
Oh,I paid him. Without consulting me?
哦我付过了都没咨♥询♥我
Hey, Midge, one thought?
嘿米琪灵光闪现
He's got a thought.
他灵光闪现了
The husband joke.
关于丈夫的笑话
When you hit him over the head with the frying pan,
当你用平底锅打他头的时候
it's not "doink."
不是Duang
It's... "Doy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoink!"
是DuangDuangDuangDuang
Herb, the thing I'm gonna hit you over the head with,
赫布我要打你的头
your screams are gonna drown out the doy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoink!
你的尖叫声被DuangDuangDuang声淹没了
We got to talk. Good-bye, Herb.
我们得谈谈再见赫布
Herb Smith.
赫布史密斯
Really? I needed help.
真的吗我需要帮助
So you hire a guy that'll work for salami?
所以你雇了一个意大利香肠店的打工仔
I didn't want to bomb again.
我不想再搞砸了
Mission accomplished. Ha, ha.
任务完成了哈哈
Geez. If I wanted an act like that, I'd have booked your husband.
天啊如果我想要那样表演我还不如直接叫你老公过来
Real nice. I thought we were doing this together.
好极了我以为我们是在同一战线上的
Are we not doing this together? I'm here, aren't I?
我们不是同一战线上吗我不是在这儿嘛是不是
You go behind my back, you hire a guy to help you.
你背着我雇佣别人来帮你
I'm here to help you.
我就在这儿帮你
How? By rushing me onstage when I wasn't even ready?
怎么帮在我毫无准备的情况下把我赶上台吗
What are you talking about? I hardly stepped in the door
你在说什么啊我还没走到门口
and you were pushing me to go on.
你就已经推着我上台了
I wanted you to have a good audience. Great job.
我想让你有很好的观众干的好
So it's my fault. Yes.
所以这是我的错了是的
Hey, fuck you. No, fuck you.
嘿去你的不去你的
What is wrong with you?
你到底怎么回事
I can't do this anymore.
我做不了这个了
Don't. I can't do it.
别这么说我做不了
I-I don't want to do it.
我不想做了
We've talked about bombing.
我们来谈谈演砸的部分
So you get up on stage and bomb. See how you like it.
你上台去感受下演砸了看看你会不会喜欢这种感受
I'd hate it. Well, there you go.
我讨厌嗯那你去吧
But I'm not a comedian. You're the comedian.
但我不是喜剧演员你才是喜剧演员
Not anymore. Bullshit.
不再是了瞎说
Not anymore. Oh,Again?
不再是了噢又这样
Okay, fine. So you're not gonna do this?
好吧所以你不打算做了吗
Nope. You're giving up?
不了你要放弃了吗
Yeah.
是的
Fine.
好吧
Go get your purse.
拿上你的包
Go on home.
回家去
But this is good-bye, Miriam.
但这是再见米琪
Or Sadie, or Cuntsy Lou Who or whatever your name is.
或者莎蒂或者康斯特露不管你叫什么
Because that's all you and I are.
因为这就是你跟我
Professional relationship. Not girlfriends.
职业关系不是闺蜜之类的
I know that. And if there's no profession,
我知道如果没有职业
there's no relationship, capisce?
就没有关系你明白吗
Good-bye.
再见
Don't forget your comedy cards.
别忘了你的喜剧卡片