家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S01E17

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:20 p.m.

Wait. Hang on.
等等等等
Looking for a backup guardian.
寻找候补监护人
Ideally, someone under 50.
年龄最好低于50
We got to think of somebody to take care of Maw Maw, too.
我们还得找人照顾曾奶奶
Well, there's no one on my side of the family,
我家那边没人
except my bitch skank whore cousin Delilah,
除了个万人嫌的贱♥人♥表妹黛丽拉
who I'm not very close to.
我和她不亲近
And if it's a package deal with Maw Maw,
要是把奶奶也打包进来
you can count out everyone on my side of the family.
那就别指望我那边的家人了
No one wants her.
没人会要她
We even tried to donate her body to science,
我们曾试过把她遗体捐给科学事业
and science said no.
结果人家不要
No, we didn't.
胡说我们没试过
I know, but I thought of that joke, like, three months ago
我知道这笑话我想了三个月了
and I was just waiting for a time to get it in.
随时准备实践
That was perfect. It's funny, right?
刚才太完美了很搞笑吧
It's a little less funny knowing you've been sitting on it
害您老憋了这么久才说真不太好
for so long, but, yeah, it's a good one.
不过是挺搞笑的
Oh, don't mind that.
别介意
It just dings after every ten dollars.
这东西每十美元叫一次
Guys, we can do this. Concentrate.
我们可以的专注
Okay, who do we know?
我们还认识谁
Sorry. I get the hiccups when I drink and I'm nervous.
抱歉我一紧张喝水就会打嗝
Look, do this.
听着这样
Put down "Sabrina."
就写塞布丽娜
Sabrina? She's tiny.
塞布丽娜她那么瘦弱
How's she gonna handle the terrible twos
要是等喜旺长大到都能推倒她了
when Hope's big enough to wrestle her to the ground?
叫她怎么应付这一老一少
He's just hoping if he puts her down,
他是指望着写了她名字
she'll like him more.
她就会更喜欢他了
You need to start thinking with your brain instead of your...
你得开始用脑子思考而不是...
Forty dollars!
40块
Okay, okay, who else do we know?
好吧好吧咱还认识谁
Javier, Marcus, Shelley? Who?!
哈维尔马库斯雪莉选谁
Chew it up and spit it into her mouth, baby-bird style.
嚼碎了喂她跟喂鸟一样
That's gross. It's not gross!
真恶心哪儿恶心了
...43, 44, 45 to stay alive.
...43 44 45下才能活下来哦
One, two...
1 2...
I'm off to my Zogland role-player's
我要去玩星战的
intergalactic war reenactment.
角色扮演游戏了
If you ever want me to babysit on a Saturday,
要是你周六让我带孩子
your daughter would make a great Molmee, the Child of Darkness.
你闺女可以去演黑暗之子哦
Damn, Jimmy, she's gonna be hot, just like her mama.
我去吉米她以后肯定跟她老妈一样辣
Let's see, when she's 17,
我想想等她17岁的时候
I will be...
我就该...
I'm going with Sabrina Collins, final answer.
我就选塞布丽娜·柯林斯了最终决定
Sabrina Collins it is.
那就塞布丽娜·柯林斯吧
But we have more paperwork.
但我们还得签点文件
Oh, man. Really?
老兄不是吧
So, if you all die, Hope goes to Sabrina.
那么如果你们都死了喜旺归塞布丽娜
If just Jimmy and Burt die,
如果只有吉米和伯特死了
Hope goes to Virginia, right?
喜旺就跟维吉妮亚对吧
And if just Jimmy and Virginia die,
如果只有吉米和维吉妮亚死了
Hope goes to Burt. Yes.
喜旺就归伯特没错
That's right.
必须的
Virginia! Where's my green sock?!
维吉妮亚我还有只绿袜子呢
Virginia!
维吉妮亚
Jimmy!
吉米
Virginia!
维吉妮亚
Jimmy!
吉米
Virginia...!
维吉妮亚...
You know, you guys are unbelievable.
我说你们也太过分了
After all this time, you don't have faith in me?
都这么长时间了你们对我连点信任都没有
Well, I'm gonna tell you something.
跟你们说
I am a grown man.
我是个成年人
I could take care of Hope,
我能照顾好喜旺
and I can take care of myself.
也能照顾好自己
Dad, wait.
老爸等等
I can't believe Sabrina's ahead of me.
真不敢相信塞布丽娜居然排在我前面
She has skinny little hips.
她屁♥股♥那么小
That's God's way of saying, "Don't have babies."
上帝都不会同意让她养孩子的
Burt, how are you gonna take care of Hope alone?
伯特你自己怎么照顾得了喜旺
You can barely get yourself out the door in the morning.
你要是一个人早上连门都出不了
Hey, I'm awake for an hour
你早上做春梦那会儿
while you're still dreaming of making love to me.
我都起来一个钟头了
And you're still dreaming of making love to some
你呢那会儿还在梦着
half-Sabrina, half-dolphin creature.
跟半塞布丽娜半海豚的东西嘿♥咻♥
Could you stop reading my dream journal?
你敢不敢不看我的好梦笔记啊
My point is lest he who be perfect pass the first stone.
我是想说我才是最能干的人好吧
Every morning it's a whole production just getting you up.
每天早上能叫醒你俩就算是壮举了
You two sleep in like a couple of princess Cinderellas.
你俩睡得比灰姑娘还死
Then I iron your work clothes for the day
然后我得帮你们熨工作服
because you guys are so scared of getting shocked
因为你俩都害怕
when the iron shorts out.
在熨斗短路的时候触电
Then when the iron shorts out,
再然后每当熨斗短路的时候
I climb up to the attic and change the fuse
都是我爬上阁楼换保险丝
because I'm the only one who even knows
因为只有我知道
how to open the fuse box.
怎么能打开保险丝盒
Then it's phase two of Cinderella
再再然后是第二轮的唤醒灰姑娘
and Cinderfella.
和灰小伙行动
I clean all the ants out of the bathroom
是我扫干净洗手间的蚂蚁
so Virginia's not freaked out when she brushes her teeth.
这样才不会吓着刷牙的维吉妮亚
Jimmy's gonna need to use the bathroom.
吉米一会儿要用洗手间
So you gotta be out of here in 15 minutes.
你得在一刻钟之内搞定
It takes as long as it takes.
我想怎么拉就怎么拉
Then it's phase three for Cinderella
接着是第三轮的唤醒灰姑娘
and her knucklehead son Rip van Dingleberry.
和她的昏睡蠢儿子行动
So all that's what happens
我忙活所有这些活的时候
before you bozos even get out of bed.
你俩都还没起床呢
I didn't know you did all that.
我不知道你做了这么多
None of us can even take care of ourselves
咱们仨谁也照顾不好自己
let alone Hope.
更别说照顾喜旺了
We're all idiots.
咱们就是三个傻蛋
Don't overreact, Jimmy.
别这样吉米
I think "idiots" is a little extreme.
我觉得用"傻蛋"还是有点过了
Guys, you left a little something back in the office.
伙计们你们在我办公室落了点东西哦
We're idiots.
我们真是傻蛋
We can't even get out of the house
早上起来没人帮忙
in the morning without help. It's embarrassing.
我们都没法出门太丢人了
And Dad was mad at me that I put you
老爸还在因为我把你对喜旺的监护顺序
higher than him to be Hope's guardian.
排在他之前而耿耿于怀
Maybe I should put you above us all.
也许我该把你排在第一位的
Whoa, back up.
等一下
You put me down as Hope's guardian?
你把我列为喜旺的监护人了
You didn't ask if I wanted that.
你还没问过我的意见呢
No one cares what you want, Sabrina.
没人在乎你的意见塞布丽娜
Just let me know how many people need to die
你就告诉我我得干掉多少人
before I get the baby.
才能得到小宝贝吧
You're not on the list, Frank.
你没在监护人名单里弗兰克
So... how many people have to die before I get on the list?
那我得干掉多少人才能上那名单
You know, a baby's kind of a lot to put on somebody unannounced.
不打招呼就把人家列为监护人很过分啊
Hey, it's not like I'm hoping for this.
我也不想这样啊
It would happen, literally, over my dead body.
理论上来讲这事等我死了才会发生
You know what? I just realized
我说我刚发现
I can't have a baby and a python.
我不能把婴儿和蟒蛇养在一起
You can keep him.
你还是自己养儿子吧
Hope's a girl.
喜旺是个女娃
Says you. Says nature.
你就嘴硬吧这是天生的
Let's just agree to disagree.
咱们求同存异吧
Why did you even pick me?
你干嘛选我啊