家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S01E08

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:18 p.m.

Whoever heard of a rich and successful dog?
谁听说过狗能功成名就的
I can think of eight right off the bat.
我立马能给你想出八个
Plus, Hope is gonna want to have friends over one day,
还有喜旺以后肯定是要去交朋友的
and no one will come
可只要咱家顶着这个蓝点
because there's a stigmatism attached to our house.
就没人会搭理她的
What am I supposed to do?
那你让我咋办
Make a time machine, work the kinks out,
搞个时间机器弄懂操作指南
go back in time,
然后回到过去
then remember not to smush parts with your mom?
提醒自己别跟你老妈搞在一起吗
Is that what you want?
你是这意思吗
'Cause then you wouldn't even be born!
这样的话你根本就不会出生了
Just like Back to the Future!
就跟《回到未来》那电影一样
Am I the only one that watches movies in this house?
咱家只有我一个人会看电影吗
Burt, this is serious business.
伯特这事儿很严重
We'll need to hire a lawyer.
咱得雇个律师才行
Then we'll have to get dressed up
那咱就得穿戴整齐
and go to an office park. Come on, man!
走进一栋像模像样的写♥字♥楼♥去拜托
I don't want to open this can of worms now!
我现在没心情搞这些麻烦事
You have to!
由不得你
We gotta make that dot disappear!
咱得把那个破点弄没
There, it's gone.
看吧没了
When you have legal trouble,
当你陷入法律纠纷时
you don't just need a lawyer,
你需要的不仅是一名律师
you need a friend.
更是一个朋友
So call me, Wally Phipps.
给我打电♥话♥吧我是瓦利·菲普斯
I may charge for legal services,
我的法律服务或许要收费
but the hugs are free.
但我的拥抱是免费的
So I need you to sponge this from my record.
我需要你把这个从我档案里抹去
Can you do that?
你能办得到吗
Well, I can get you a court date in a week, but, uh...
我本周内就能帮你安排开庭不过
Oh, Gilligan!
哇靠哥们儿
This is a problem.
有点问题
Your registration is in arrears.
你注册房♥子的时候没有注明这事儿
Oh, hey, I don't know what that cop wrote,
我不知道那警♥察♥怎么写的
but we were doing it normal style.
但我们只用了普通体♥位♥
Yeah, that is not my bag.
没错我可不喜欢太过新奇的
No, I meant you have to go door-to-door
不我的意思是你得去挨家挨户地敲门
in your neighborhood and identify yourself
通知你的邻居说
as a sexual offender living in the neighborhood.
你是个住在他们隔壁的性侵害罪犯
Otherwise, you'll get in even more trouble.
否则你的麻烦会更大的
Hi. Are you looking for someone to care for your lawn?
你好需要找人帮你修剪草坪吗
'Cause I'm not one of those mow-and-blow guys.
我可不是那种敷衍了事的人哦
I will weed, prune, plant.
我会除草修剪种植
I'm dependable, trustworthy.
我是个值得依靠和信赖的人
Uh, here's my card.
给你我的名片
Also, I'm a sex offender.
另外我还有过性侵犯史哦
Good news, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness.
好消息是我不是什么耶♥和♥华♥见证会的人
Bad news, I'm a sex offender.
坏消息是我性侵犯过别人
Hello, I'm your neighbor Burt Chance.
你好我是你的邻居伯特·吉斯
I just wanted to let you know
我就是过来告诉你
there's a sexual predator living in your neighborhood.
你家隔壁住着个性♥爱♥狂魔
It's me.
就是我
About eight years ago, I borrowed your staple gun.
大概八年前我从你家借过钉书机
Also, I'm a sexual predator.
还有我是个性♥爱♥狂魔
Hey, I'm shaving ham here, man!
伙计我正切火腿呢
You're not being funny.
这可不好笑
I'm not trying to be funny.
我没想搞笑
I, uh, finished proofing Hope's preschool application.
我看完了喜旺的托儿所入园申请
You're a pretty big fan of exclamation points, huh?
你很喜欢用感叹号♥啊
Yeah, I thought it made it more exciting.
是啊我觉得这样更能感染人
Is this more exciting?!
这样够感染人吗
Or does it just seem like I'm weird?!
还是会让人觉得我有毛病
Yeah, okay, well, that's why I wrote it in pencil, see?
好吧所以我是用铅笔写的看
We're gonna need to jazz this form up a bit.
咱得给这份申请润润色
You got to sell yourself, like, um,
你得把自己推销出去比如
say you served in Iraq.
说你去伊♥拉♥克♥服过兵役
No, Afghanistan. It's a better war.
不还是阿富汗吧伊♥拉♥克♥战争咱理亏啊
Would you stop it?!
你闹够了没有
Stuff like this is why Barney doesn't let you use the slicer.
就因为你这德性巴尼才不让你碰切片机
I don't want to use the slicer.
谁想用那个破切片机啊
Listen, seriously, you're gonna have
听着说真的你得把这申请
to spice this up a little.
弄得稍微有料一点点
I'm not gonna lie.
我不会撒谎的
I don't want Hope's future based on dishonesty.
我不想把喜旺的未来建立在谎言上
Well, suit yourself, Mr. Honesty.
随你便吧诚实先生
But whatever you do...
但不管你怎么写
take it easy on the exclams!
给我少用感叹号♥
It's my birthday.
这是我生日
Maw Maw, release!
奶奶放手
Why couldn't we leave her home?
你就不能把她扔家么
Because I broke a glass in the kitchen,
因为我在厨房♥打碎了一个玻璃杯
and I wasn't in the mood to clean it up.
又没心情去收拾
Burt and I need to get to the judge's chambers.
我和伯特要先去趟法官办公室
But after, I'd love to tell you
完事了就来教你
how you could use your broken glass
怎么用碎玻璃
to make a lovely mosaic for your patio.
给露台贴上漂亮的马赛克
Come on.
这边
Oh, gotta hang back.
别动
You can't be near those kids, Burt.
你不能靠近孩子们伯特
You're a sex offender.
因为你是个性罪犯
No, I'm not a perv or anything.
我又不是禽流感
I just made love with my teenage wife.
我只是和我未成年的太太亲热了一番
It's cool! I gave him the green light!
没什么的我是自愿的
They've been talking to the judge a long time.
他们已经和法官谈了很久了
Oh, man. I hope Dad didn't get frustrated
天啊我真希望爸爸没有绝望到
and do his crank-up-his-middle-finger thing.
做出竖中指之类的傻事
Yeah, he's definitely in a finger-cranking mood today.
他今天这状态难保不发飙
I got one this morning when I got the last Eggo.
今早我赢了最后块战斗蛋时他就冲我竖了
Good news.
好消息
They overturned my dot.
他们注销了我的记录
Take that, justice system.
接招司法制度
Some old lady took her shirt off.
有个老太婆脱了她衣服
Best field trip ever!
最给力的一次实地考察旅行啊
When I talk to the judge and explain that your Maw Maw
我去找了法官跟他解释说你们曾奶奶
is a teeny bit bonkadoo,
和别人不太一样
he'll get rid of the dot as soon as
法官表示只要她完成12小时社区服务
she does 12 hours of community service.
就会撤销记录
12 hours?
12小时
She's only awake for three hours at a time.
她每天只有3个小时是清醒的
Well, some of those kids were pretty shook up.
可不少孩子被她吓坏了
Yeah. First time you see 'em, it can be pretty rough.
嗯第一次看那玩意确实不太容易接受
I still can't eat dried fruit without heaving a little first.
我现在吃果脯都还会心有余悸
Well, let's see what has a need right now.
来看看现在有什么社区服务可做
Bip, bip, bip, bip... here we go.
跳过跳过跳过找到了
Picking up trash on Highway 80.
去80号♥公路捡垃圾
She's going to have to do that tomorrow,
她明天就得去
because the application's due the day after.
因为申请后天就截止了
She can't even get her own toilet paper in the toilet.
她连掉在厕所的草纸都不捡
How is she going to get strange trash in a strange trash can?
咋可能把陌生的垃圾扔进陌生的桶里
Well, she has to.
可她必须去
A while back,
前阵子
I slipped on a wig and did my wife's community service
我戴了顶假发替我太太做了社区服务
when she got arrested for spousal abuse.
她因为虐待配偶被逮捕了
Point is, that any woman can sign in and do the job.
重点是随便哪个女人都可以签名开工
I hate all of you.
我恨你们
Thank you for having me on the show, Johnny.
多谢你能请我看演出强尼
Hey, thanks for doing this.
谢谢你能那么做
I packed you a lunch of all orange things
我帮你准备了橙色的午餐
so you wouldn't have to worry about staining your jumpsuit.
这样你就不用担心食物沾到连体服上了
It's mostly cheese puffs and jelly beans.
主要是芝士条和QQ糖