家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S01E15

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:20 p.m.

I don't want everybody at the grocery store
我也不想让杂货店的那些人
gossiping about my business.
八卦我的个人生活
I'd really appreciate it
我也真心地希望
if you just didn't mention my thing to Jimmy either.
你千万不要对吉米提我的这事
Okay?
行吗
I'd like to... I really would.
我也想...我真的很想
But I'm not great at holding on to gossip, so...
但是我非常不善于保守秘密
How hard can it be?
这能有多难
You're an adult; just don't say anything.
大家都是成年人管好嘴巴就行了
But Burt and Jimmy always know
可是每次我知道点猛料
when I've got something really juicy.
吉米和伯特都能一眼看穿
Plus, I got to be honest, after cleaning toilets all day,
还有实话跟你说在刷了一天厕所以后
delivering gossip just makes me feel special.
唯有爆料能让我找回点存在感
You know?
你懂吗
Like those cool scumbags on TMZ.
就像TMZ[美国八卦网站]上的长舌妇一样
But you don't want Jimmy to find out
但你不想让吉米发现
about your pregnancy scare, right?
你的怀孕门对吧
God, no.
当然不想
Well, if you blab my secret, I'll blab yours.
如果你爆我的料小心我以牙还牙
Are you blackmailing me?
你是在威胁我吗
I guess I am, yeah.
算是吧
Damn, I like you.
这性格我喜欢
Is someone sick?
有谁病了吗
No! I told you, no.
没有都跟你说了没有
Then just tell me why the free clinic called,
告诉我免费诊所为什么给你打电♥话♥
and I'll leave you alone.
我就不烦你了
Fine.
好吧
I'm donating a kidney to the mayor.
我要把肾捐给市长
Why would you be giving a kidney to the mayor?
你捐肾给他干啥
You voted for the other guy.
你当初支持的是别人
Can't you put petty politics aside for one day, Jimmy?
你能把你那狭隘的有色眼镜放下一天吗
The man's life is at stake.
那男人的命都快没了
The mayor's a woman.
市长是个女的
Can't you just let me have this?
你不拆穿我会死啊
This is as close as I'll ever get to being mayor!
我感觉自己伟大得就像当上了市长一样
I'm not letting this go!
别以为就这么完了
Hello?
喂
Burt, it's negative.
伯特结果是阴性
I'm not pregnant!
我没怀孕
Mom?
老妈
Why would you be pregnant?
你怀什么孕
No es mommy. Estoy Rosa.
什么老妈我叫罗莎[西班牙语]
It's my phone!
是我的电♥话♥
Don't answer my phone!
不许接我电♥话♥
Do you have any idea how crazy your behavior was?
知道你们有多不靠谱么
You already had one giant mistake,
你们已经犯过一个大错了
me... wasn't that enough to teach you? Huh?
就是生了我...你们还不吸取教训
I mean, it's not like we have enough space or money for another kid.
我们既没钱也没地儿养孩子了
How could you be so unresponsible?
你们咋能这么不负责任呢
We're responsible.
我们很负责的
We're just also passionate and spontaneous.
可我们也有冲动有生理需求啊
Those would be our gladiator names
如果我们参加《美国角斗士》[真人秀节目]
if we were on American Gladiator.
这就是我们的艺名
Which we still might do.
我们还是有可能参加的
Because we're spontaneous.
因为我们活得随性
Okay, first of all, Gladiator sounds awesome.
好吧首先角斗士挺带感
But no babies.
但是不能生孩子
One of you has to get fixed or spayed.
你俩要么结扎要么绝育
No way!
做梦
You cannot decide that, Jimmy.
这事轮不到你拿主意吉米
That is a personal decision.
这是我们俩自己的事
She's right.
她说的对
I think we should take a family vote.
我看咱得来场家庭投票
All those in favor of everyone keeping their original plumbling?
同意保持现状的请举手
Sorry, Jimmy, you're outvoted two to one.
不好意思吉米 2比1 你输了
I vote with Jimmy.
我支持吉米
Hold on. Two to two.
看看 2比2了
Only if she's lucid.
除非她是清醒的
She's only allowed to vote if she's lucid.
她神志清醒才能投票
Maw Maw...
奶奶...
we are currently at war with what country?
咱们现在跟哪个国家打仗呢
Iraq and Afghanistan.
伊♥拉♥克♥和阿富汗
Is she right?
她说得对吗
I think so, but I'm not sure.
好像是吧我也不确定
It's right, you morons.
就是正确答案你们这些白♥痴♥
One more reason why you shouldn't have another baby.
你们不能再要孩子的理由又多了一条
Look, we're five people
听着咱家有五口人
living in a four-person house.
可房♥子只够四个人住
We need another baby
咱家要是再添孩子
like we need a gorilla throwing fireworks.
还不如要只猩猩来表演扔烟花爆竹呢
I change my vote.
我倒戈了
What? Now you're on their side?
啥你站到他们那边儿了
It's not a horrible idea.
这主意也没那么糟
And she's right...
而且她说得对...
another baby would not be good for any of us.
再来个孩子是百害无一利
Yes! That's three votes... now we just have to decide...
很好我们有3票...现在我们决定...
Not it! Tie.
别找我平局
We'll have to do a coin toss. Mom, call it.
咱们扔硬币决定妈你先选
Okay, heads, I win, tails, you lose?
好的头像我赢数字你输
Tails, you lose.
数字你输
Damn it!
瞄了个咪的
I never win coin tosses!
扔硬币我就没赢过
We got a problem.
咱们有麻烦了
What?
咋了
This morning I realized
今天早上我想到
that Jimmy found out about my pregnancy scare,
既然吉米已经戳穿了我的怀孕门
and there was absolutely nothing
我现在就没义务
to keep me from telling him your secret.
帮你保守秘密了呀
How are we supposed to pay for this?
咱们没那么多钱
I found a doctor who agreed to do it for free
我找了个愿意免费给你动手术的医生
if we clean his pool for a year.
代价是帮他刷一年的泳池
I knew I had to get out of there before they saw my face,
我知道我必须得在他们发现之前出门
but my car keys were in the kitchen.
但我的车钥匙在厨房♥
How big's his pool?
他家泳池多大
Medium size.
中不溜儿
So am I.
我的体格也是中不溜儿
Sounds fair.
听着挺公平
Just don't tell me when it is... too stressful.
但是千万别告诉我日期...压力太大
Just pick a date and surprise me.
你就到时候给我惊喜得了
I'm not gonna be able to keep your secret.
我没法儿再帮你保守秘密了
If they had seen my face, it'd already be out.
他们一看见我肯定能发现
Then you need to tell me another secret.
那你再告诉我一条你的秘密吧
Something good and juicy,
一些生猛的料
you know, like a...
你懂的比如...
a summer camp sexual experimentation secret.
性♥爱♥体验夏令营之类的
Did you just tell me another secret?
你是不是又告诉我了一个秘密
No.
不是
All right.
好吧
This truly is my deepest, darkest secret.
这绝对是我最见不得人的秘密了
Okay.
明白
There is a sex tape of me and Burt floating around town,
坊间流传了一盘我和伯特的性♥爱♥录像带
and he doesn't know about it.
他对此一无所知
You guys are a regular Pam and Tommy Lee.
你俩真是现实版的陈老师和娇妹子
Oh, no. Don't get me wrong, Burt's no slouch,
得了吧说实话伯特确实有两下子
but he can't steer a boat.
但还远没到陈老师的级别
Anyway, about five years ago, me and Burt were having a fight,
总之吧五年前我和伯特大吵过一架
so I gave away his bootleg copy of Fast and the Furious,
我就把他那盘《速度与激♥情♥》的盗版碟送掉了
only the tapes got switched,
没想到带子被掉包了
and I gave away our sex tape.
我送出去的是我们的爱情动作片
Okay. Great.
好很好