家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S01E13

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:19 p.m.

That is so cute.
太有爱了
I know, right?
我知道有爱吧
I should have hidden this camera, like, a week ago.
早知道一周前就把相机藏起来了
I would have gotten all this great stuff
那早就能拍到这些好东西了
and my parents wouldn't have electrocuted me so many times.
而且也不会被我爹妈电刑那么多次了
Oh, my God,
天啊
that's disgusting.
太恶心了
What's disgusting?
什么太恶心了
Rewind the tape.
倒回去一点
Wait. Right there.
停就是这儿
There we go.
来吧
Oh, my God.
受不了了
What?
咋了
Your mother dropped Hope's pacifier on the ground
你妈把喜旺的奶嘴掉地上了
and then picked it up and put it back in her mouth.
然后她捡起来又塞回喜旺嘴里了
So? Five-second rule. No germs.
那又怎样五秒定律嘛没有细菌
You do know the five-second rule isn't real?
你知道五秒定律是扯蛋的吧
You don't know the five-second rule isn't real.
你不知道五秒定律是扯蛋的
In one second, that pacifier could have picked up cold germs,
不到一秒那奶嘴就有可能沾上感冒细菌
flu germs, SARS, flesh-eating bacteria.
流感病毒非♥典♥细菌甚至食肉菌
I'm starting to think you got a little bit of a germ thing.
我觉得你是不是有点洁癖啊
No, I don't.
不我没有
Fine. I may have a little thing about germs.
好吧我可能是有点洁癖
Am I proud of it? No.
我骄傲么没有
But do I ignore the facts that germs run the world
可我会否认这世界的本质其实是
and that we're at their mercy?
"菌为刀俎人为鱼肉"吗
No, I do not.
不我绝不否认
I'm really learning a lot about you.
我从你这儿真没少长见识啊
Jimmy, think about it.
吉米仔细想想吧
Whatever we walk through, we bring into our homes.
咱可是"万花丛中过片片带回家"啊
I never thought about that.
这我还真没想过
My dad works in yards
我老爸是剪草坪的
full of fertilizer and dog poop.
那儿可遍布着化肥和狗粪啊
Stop it!
听不下去了
That was on the pacifier.
那些可都沾到奶嘴上了
And my mom, she cleans dirty houses all day.
还有我老妈她一天到晚帮人收拾脏东西
She... she scrubs their toilets.
她...她还刷马桶
Stop it!
够了
So you're spying on us?
你居然监视我们
I don't know what to say.
我词穷了
I mean, thou shalt not spy.
我是说 "禁止监视"
That's like one of the Declarations of the Independence.
这应该算《独♥立♥宣言》里的一条了吧
Burt, next time just stop at
伯特下次你就停在
"I don't know what to say."
"我词穷了"就挺好
You don't need to prove it to everyone.
不用非得证明你有多词穷
I wasn't spying.
我那不是监视
I was trying to capture memories.
我只是想留住点回忆
This, this is a big problem, guys.
结果我发现一个大问题
I mean, we are talking about germs.
我们在说的是细菌
Germs!
细菌啊
Now that Hope's here,
既然咱们要好好养活喜旺
we have to just clean up our act!
咱就得洗心革面重新做人
Oh, God! You are not gonna turn us into
老天爷你不会想让我们也变成
one of those germ-freak families
那种对一点细菌就大惊小怪
that thinks their babies have to live inside a bubble.
恨不能把自家娃生养在真空泡泡里的家庭吧
Covering everything with that gross antibacterial goop,
还要把所有东西都抹上黏糊糊的抗菌液
and washing your hands after going number one?
每次撒完尿还得洗个手
Never swapping gum? It's crazy.
口香糖也不能换着吃你要疯啊
It is! Babies are the ones who sit in their poop all day
没错婴儿才是那种整天与便便为伍
and put anything they can touch into their mouths.
见着什么都要往嘴里塞一下的小东西
They're the disgusting ones.
他们比谁都恶心
All right.
好吧
What's that?
啥鬼东西
It's a black light.
紫外线灯
We use it at work to check for counterfeit bills,
我们平时用它验假♥钞♥
but Sabrina says we can also use it to find germs.
不过塞布丽娜说这玩意儿还能照出细菌
See? Germs.
看到没细菌啊
So it's a little dirty. Big deal.
不就是有点脏嘛有什么啊
Jimmy, if you think I'm gonna clean houses
吉米要是你觉得我不仅得在外面
all day and then come home and...
整天收拾屋子还得回家收拾...
Germs.
细菌啊
Look, you're overreacting.
听着你太大惊小怪了
What the hell is that?
这是啥鬼东西
Germs.
赤果果的细菌啊
Burt, what have you been doing with your fingers?
伯特你都用你的手指干嘛啊
I don't know.
我也不知道
I mean, other than picking my nose a little bit
也就是下班回家的路上
on the way home from work.
抠抠鼻屎什么的
With all of your fingers?!
用十个手指抠鼻屎
I like to mix it up!
我喜欢混合抠法
Different ones get to different places. It's a habit!
不同的手指抠不同的部位这是习惯
I'm not proud of it.
我没觉得骄傲
Well, that is just gross.
这可真够恶心的
And I sincerely hope that the next time you...
我发自肺腑地希望下次你能...
What the hell is that?
这又是啥玩意儿
Germs. Germs you bring home from cleaning toilets.
细菌啊你刷马桶弄的细菌
That is disgusting. Turn that off.
我要吐了把这破玩意儿关了
Turn that thing off!
马上给我关了
Oh, this is even worse.
现在更杯具了
They're still here, but we can't see them.
它们无处不在可我们连看都看不见了
They're hiding.
它们藏起来了
They're hiding in plain sight.
它们光天化日地藏起来了
I never thought I'd say this on my day off:
我从没想过会在休息日讲这句台词
Get me a bucket and a mop.
把水桶和墩布拿来
**Everybody is waiting for everybody to get out*
*人人都想随大流
**And all the pretty people party*
*漂亮人儿去派对
**While the petty people pout... whoa-oa-oa*
*抠门家伙撅起嘴
**Picking it up, but then I put it back down*
*洗刷刷洗刷刷洗刷刷
**Picking it up, but then I put it back down*
*洗刷刷洗刷刷洗刷刷
**Picking it up, but then I put it back down*
*洗刷刷洗刷刷洗刷刷
**Picking it up, but then I put it back down*
*洗刷刷洗刷刷洗刷刷
**Picking it up, but then I put it back down*
*洗刷刷洗刷刷洗刷刷
**Picking it up, but then I put it back down*
*洗刷刷洗刷刷洗刷刷
Oh, what's going on?
这啥情况
Now that you got me all worked up,
既然你让我彻底收拾干净
I'm not gonna trust your rinky-dink grocery store black light
我就不能再用你那小破杂货店的紫外线灯
to see if we got rid of all the germs in here.
来验证这里的除菌效果了
I borrowed this from my friend
我从一个专门清理犯罪现场的姐们那儿
who cleans crime scenes.
借了这玩意儿
Heidi?
是海蒂么
How the hell is Heidi?
海蒂现在过得咋样
She's good.
她挺好的
Apparently, the murder business is recession-proof.
她们谋杀业明显不怕经济衰退
She just bought a PT Cruiser.
她刚买♥♥了一辆克莱斯勒漫游者轿车
Used?
二手的
Nope. Certified Pre-Owned.
不原厂认证的
Yeah? Good for Heidi.
哟呵海蒂不错嘛
All right, hit the lights. Let's see how we did.
好了把灯关上看看咱的劳动成果
We did it.
咱太牛了
It's clean.
清洁溜溜
I don't believe it.
真不敢相信
We actually got this place germ-free.
咱居然把这屋子弄得一菌不染了
I got to admit, it feels pretty good.
我得承认这感觉很不赖
Keep it down!
别吵吵了
I'm gonna take a nap.
我得小憩一会儿
My room smells of farts.
我屋里总有股屁臭味
Burt, get her off the couch!
伯特把她从沙发上拉起来
Oh, come on.
过来
Your room can't be that bad. Come on.
你房♥间也没那么差啦来吧
Oh, good Lord, she's infecting everything.
我勒个去到处都被她污染了