家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S01E15

Part 4 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:20 p.m.

and they weren't gonna stop until I told them something.
我不说点什么他们是不会罢休的
And the only other secret
除了你的秘密
I could think of other than yours was mine.
我能想到的就只有我自己的了
What was Burt's reaction?
伯特啥反应
Not what I expected.
跟我想的不一样
Somebody's sitting down to watch Vin Diesel,
有人本来想看范·迪塞尔的
and they're gonna see my wiener!
结果一打开却看到了我的香肠小弟
'Cause it looks a little like Vin Diesel.
长得跟范·迪塞尔还真有点像
So, what happened with my secret?
那我的秘密呢
Nothing. I just bit my tongue for the rest of the night.
安全着呢我后来一直紧紧咬住了牙关
Look, it's still bleeding a little.
瞧见没咬的口子现在还出血呢
But I can't do that every day,
可我不能每天都这么垂死挣扎啊
so, listen, if you're really pregnant,
听着你如果真的怀孕了
we're just gonna have to agree
那咱得说好
to tell people sooner rather than later.
尽快把事情公之于众
Well... I've been putting this off,
我一直在回避拖延
but... I guess it's time.
可我想现在是时候了
Let's go.
走吧
Someone's in here.
里面有人
Sabrina, hurry.
塞布丽娜快点
They were giving out coffee samples in the store,
店里在送咖啡样品呢
and there's a line of cheap, jittery women outside.
有一排小气又不好惹的女人在外面等着呢
I don't have a baby!
我没怀孕
And I don't have a secret!
那我没秘密了
Oh, hey, Tyler.
嗨泰勒
You work here, too, huh? Oh, yeah.
你也在这工作啊是啊
Between the propane and the wind and the solar,
现在有液化气风能太阳能
who knows how long natural gas is gonna be around for.
谁知道天然气还能支持多久啊
But Pac-Man, that's forever.
但游戏可是永垂不朽的
You looking for your pops? Yeah.
来找你爹吗对
Photo booth.
拍大头贴呢
Dad, I know you're in there.
老爸我知道你在里面
Just come on out. No!
出来吧不要
If he's not gonna come out, he's got to take some pictures.
他不出来就得付费拍照
I know you're afraid about going through with this, Dad.
我知道你恐慌老爸
I'm not afraid. After the pill that guy gave me,
我不恐慌那家伙给我吃了那药之后
you could've examined my prostate,
你哪怕检查我前列腺
I wouldn't even have flinched.
我都不会眨一下眼的
You did.
你眨了
See?
瞧见没
Then why did you run?
那你为啥要跑
Because you refused to pull my finger.
因为你不肯拉我的手指
But, Dad, it was a long, hard day.
可是老爸今天实在太多事了
I just wasn't in the mood for goofing around.
我只是没那个心情陪你玩
I'm worried about us growing apart.
我怕你越大咱们就会越疏远
I know you'll always be my son,
我知道你永远都是我儿子
but I don't know you'll always be my buddy.
可我不确定你会不会永远是我哥们儿
What?
啥
Look... I know I'm like Mad magazine...
听着我知道我就好像疯狂杂♥志♥
my audience is a pretty specific age,
我的受众群是个很特殊的年龄群
probably, like, ten to 17.
可能大概 10至17岁吧
You're 22 now... you got a kid of your own.
你现在22了都有了自己的孩子
You might be outgrowing the Burt Show.
伯特秀对你来说可能太幼稚了
Having you was the best thing that ever happened to me.
生下你是我生命中最美好的事
But if you outgrew me, I'd like to have the option
可你要是嫌弃我我就只能
to make another little buddy.
再造一个小哥们儿了
Wait. Having me was the best thing that ever happened to you?
等等生下我是你生命中最美好的事
Greatest day of my life.
那天是我一生中最开心的日子
Well, I always figured that since I was a mistake,
我一直以为你们是失误才怀上我的
you guys would rather I turned out to be a pregnancy scare.
所以你们肯定会把我当作一场灾难
Of course not.
当然不会
I will always be your buddy.
我永远都是你的哥们儿
And I promise
而且我保证
I will never get tired of the Burt Show.
我永远不会厌烦伯特秀的
I'm not a machine, Jimmy.
吉米我又不是机器
I need a little time to...
我需要时间酝酿
Hold it. Wait.
稍等马上
Okay, now!
好了快
When Dad realized that he truly had a buddy for life,
当老爸意识到他真的有个了一生的哥们儿
he happily went through with the vasectomy.
他很高兴地去接受了输精管切除手术
Time to switch. These are still pretty cold.
该换换了这些还没热乎呢
Yeah, but Mom needs the peas for the shepherd's pie.
我知道可老妈需要豌豆来做馅饼
Berries.
浆果
He wasn't the only one who learned
不只他一个人认识到了
that having a buddy you can trust is a cool thing.
有个可以信任的朋友是件美好的事
Now that you know about my summer at sleepaway camp,
现在你知道我在死亡集中营过的暑假了
now you got to tell me something about you.
你得告诉我点你的事
Oh. Remember that time somebody
记得那次不
knocked over the statue at the black church,
有人撞倒了教堂的雕像
everybody thought it was a hate crime?
大家都以为那是起仇恨犯罪
That was the day I taught myself how to drive a stick shift.
其实是我那天在自学开手动车
I learned something, too.
我也学到了一些东西
Even though I was a mistake,
虽然怀上我是个错误
I'm a mistake my parents would gladly make again.
可如果时光倒流我爹妈仍很乐意再犯一次
And that is something you and I definitely have in common.
这点咱俩太相像了
I couldn't have planned how you came to me in a million years.
我永远也不会明白咱俩是怎样的缘分
But I always want you to know,
可我希望你知道
you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
你是我生命中最美好的事物
Which is why I'm going to teach you a Chance family tradition.
所以我要教给你一个吉斯家的传统
Pull my finger.
拉我手指
Come on.
来啊
Pull it!
拉我
Here.
来
Like this.
像这样
Bye, bro. The end.
再见伙计本集完