家有喜旺（2010）
Raising Hope
第一季
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家有喜旺（2010）
Raising Hope S01E15
Part 3
Nov. 24, 2020, 1:20 p.m.
Now, picture me telling Burt.
现在想象一下我把这事告诉了伯特
I'd be mortified.
他会杀了我的
Damn, you're good with this blackmail thing.
擦 你绝对是个天生的敲诈犯
I really think we can be friends.
咱俩真是相见恨晚啊
Oh, this is gonna be so sweet!
太开心了
We've hardly been to the Arcade at all since Hope was born.
喜旺出生后我们都没来过游戏机房♥
Surprise... it's vasectomy day. Damn it!
有惊喜哦 今天是结扎日 该死
I knew when you told me to wear
我就知道你让我穿条好点的内♥裤♥
my good underwear to play Asteroids...
玩陨石大战会有诈
something was up!
果不其然
After the local anesthetic has numbed the area,
我已经对你那里进行了局部麻醉
I'll make one or two small incisions
稍后会在你的生殖腺上
from which I will disconnect the gonads.
动两刀以完成结扎
Who are they? The gonads.
是谁啊 生殖腺
Your boys, your plums, you know, family jewels.
你小弟 蛋蛋 就是睾丸啦
No. Who are they?
不 我是问 他们是谁
Those are my students.
这都是我学生
I teach English as a second language
我在社区中心
at the Community Center...
教外国人英语
Guys, come a little bit closer. I want you to get a better look.
伙计们 凑过来些 都看仔细了
Now, this... is a penis. I am out of here.
看好了 这就是阴♥茎♥ 我得走了
Dad, we had a deal.
爸 我们说好的
Yep, yep, it's a deal you're not backing out of.
没错 说好的不许反悔
My pool's not turning green just because
不能因为你们两颗老鼠屎
you're getting a case of cold walnuts.
就毁了我一锅粥
Jimmy, give me my pants. I can't do this.
吉米 把裤子给我 我受不了了
Mr. Chance, would you like a breath mint?
吉斯先生 要不要来颗薄荷糖
Oh, this tastes awful. Oh, that's because it's a sedative.
真难吃 因为那是镇静剂
In about five minutes,
五分钟后
you'll let me do anything I want down there.
你就任我宰割了
And that's how easy it is to get roofied.
放倒一个人 就是那么简单
That should act as a cautionary lesson...
你们该把这看作姑娘们该学的预警课
for the girls, not as an instructional lesson for the guys.
而不是教男生们怎么使坏的课哦
Jimmy...
吉米
you know how your mother and I
你知道我和你妈
always told you that drugs were bad?
总是费尽心思让你远离毒品吧
Yeah. We were wrong.
知道 我们错了
This stuff's amazing.
这东西太他妈销魂了
It's like I'm floating and sinking at the same time.
我感觉自己浮浮沉沉
I'm flinking.
飘飘欲仙
Just do me a favor.
帮个忙
Don't tell Jimmy.
别告诉吉米
Okay.
好的
All righty.
好了
Let's get this started.
咱们开始吧
First thing I need to do
首先要做的是
is a little shaving in the surgical area.
把手术部位毛发剃净
Whoa, no, no, no, no.
不不不不
That's not gonna happen, partner.
这可不行 老兄
Well...if you're uncomfortable with another man doing it,
要是你觉得让男人给你做这些感觉怪怪的
we could ask one of my female students... she's Asian.
我可以找个女学生来 她是亚洲人
No! That would be worse!
那更糟了
Only one woman shaves me down there... that's my wife.
只有一个女人能做这个 就是我太太
Only once.
就剃过一次
I wanted to see what it looked like.
当时我想看看它的庐山真面目来着
I don't recommend it.
我建议还是别剃为好
Tell you what, give me the razor... I'll do it myself.
剃刀给我吧 我自己来
No, no, no, I can't give a razor to a man who's on sedatives.
不行 我不能把剃刀给服过镇静剂的人
How about him? He'll do it.
那他呢 让他来
Whoa, I don't think...
不是吧
Well, let's go home, then.
那咱就回家去
Ooh, that tickles.
好痒啊
Oh, Dad, come on!
老爸 严肃点
Oh, sorry.
不好意思
I forgot that was you down there for a second.
我差点忘了下面那个是你
It isn't so bad.
也没感觉很糟嘛
They should have places that do this in the Mall.
商场里该弄个铺位做这个
They could call it Bush-Whackers.
可以取名叫丛林清道夫
Hey, I know... as soon as you're finished, I'll do you.
这样吧 等你弄完了 换我帮你刮
I'm good.
我不需要
Jimmy, I just realized...
吉米 我忽然想到
in a couple of days, I'm gonna have a prickly pair.
接下来几天 我小弟会很刺人
That's great, Dad. Can't wait.
很好 我都迫不及待了 老爸
Hey, buddy.
哥们
You remember that time you shaved me?
还记得你给我剃毛时的场景吗
Yes! Because I'm still doing it.
能不记得么 我还在剃着呢
Ah, we got so many fun times together.
我们在一起时总是好快乐
Oh, those were good times.
过去的日子太美好了
Hey, buddy, you remember that time you shaved my...
亲爱的 还记得那次你剃
Please just stop talking.
求求你别说了
All right.
好吧
Let's sever some vas deferens.
我们要准备切断输精管了
Hey, Jimmy.
吉米
Yeah?
怎么了
Pull my finger.
拉拉我的手指
I really don't think so.
我不要
Come on, buddy. No!
乖嘛 不要
I don't want to. I had to drag you in from the car,
想都别想 我今天已经把你从车上拽来这里
I had to hold you down on the bed,
把你按到床上
I had to shave you below your waist.
还清理了你脐下三寸
I am not lifting, moving,
我今天再也不要
tugging or pulling anything else of yours today.
拽 拉 摸 碰 你任何一个部位了
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to the bathroom
现在 请原谅 我要去下洗手间
and wash my eyes.
自插双目
We have another problem.
咱们又有麻烦了
Last night, we were having a normal dinner:
昨晚我们照例吃着鱼当晚餐
fish for Friday.
每周五的惯例
For the first time in days,
那一整天
I actually forgot about your situation.
我头一次忘了你那事儿
I could feel calm... but I was too calm.
我觉得自己很平静 可是太平静了
So, anything interesting happen to anyone today?
今天有什么好玩儿的吗
Any gossip?
有八卦么
He said "Gossip"?
他说了"八卦"这词儿
Yes! No.
没错 不是吧
Yes! God!
真的 我擦
I know!
我明白
Soon as I heard that,
我一听到这词儿
the gossip started to fight its way out.
八卦就在我体内挣扎着要破口而出了
I saw some pretty cool out-of-state license plates today.
我今天看到几个其他州的车牌 超酷的
Do tell.
说来听听
Well, I saw this Alaskan one.
我看到一个阿♥拉♥斯加的
I felt like I had an armadillo
我感觉体内就像有个小穿山甲
inside me trying to claw its way out.
想穿透我的身体把八卦泄露出去
I looked away, and I kept telling myself...
我转过脸 提醒自己说
Sex tape. Sex tape.
性♥爱♥录像 性♥爱♥录像
But then Hope threw a curveball,
这时喜旺突然嫣然一笑
and I was back to thinking "Baby."
于是我又开始想 孩子
I just lost it!
我就失神了
Oh, look.
哇哦 瞧啊
Look...
快瞧
she's got something.
她有料
Mama's got a secret.
老妈有秘密哦
No, I don't.
没有没有就没有
Yes, you do.
绝对有
Come on, spill it, spill it.
赶紧的 快说快说
Spill it, spill it, spill it.
快说 快说 快说
Just let it out...
不吐不快啊
I lost our sex tape!
我把咱的性♥爱♥录像弄没了
You told your own secret?? I had to!
你把你自己的秘密说出来了 不然咋办
They knew I had gossip,
他们知道我有八卦了
家有喜旺（2010）
Raising Hope
剧集 | 家有喜旺（2010） | 导航列表