家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S01E13

Part 3 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:19 p.m.

Dad, your hands.
老爸你的爪子
Don't wipe Maw Maw on me.
别摸了奶奶又蹭我身上
Guys, we've got to get her out of here
伙计们在她用细菌把屋子践踏完之前
before she gets germs everywhere.
咱得赶紧把她挪走
Okay. Come on, Maw Maw.
好了过来奶奶
Why don't we go for a walk.
咱去遛个弯儿好不
You can point out all the things God messed up,
你可以讲讲上帝是怎么折腾万物的
you know, like you like to do.
就像你平时喜欢唠叨的那样
What was he thinking of,
他是咋想的啊
making up all those different kinds of trees.
创造出这么多种类的树来干毛啊
I would've stopped at pine.
换我的话造出个松树就可以收手了
Is it bad?
很杯具吗
It's not good!
反正不太好
She just touched a spoon.
她拿了把勺子
No, wait.
不等等
She's putting it back in the drawer.
她又把它放回抽屉了
Oh, great. All the silverware's gonna be all germed up now.
这下好了所有餐具都会被污染了
You can put that on the list.
赶紧记下来吧
It's no use even trying.
记个屁啊记
She's getting herself on everything.
她无所不碰
What are we gonna do now?
现在咋办
You know, Hope's gonna wake up in the morning
喜旺早上就会醒了
and one of us is gonna have to go in there and get her.
咱们中得有一个人冲进去救她出来
We could rock-paper-scissors for it.
那咱还是剪刀石头布吧
But I need to know up front
但得事先说好
if turtles are allowed,
这把能不能出"乌龟"
and if so, where they fall in the food chain.
要是能出那"乌龟"和其他三样啥关系
It doesn't matter who goes in there.
谁进去都无所谓
This problem is not gonna go away.
还是不能解决本质问题
We can't clean fast enough to keep up with her,
咱的清理速度永远赶不上她践踏的铁蹄
and she's not gonna be changing her habits.
而且她也不会洗心革面了
Okay.
好吧
I know this sounds awful to say,
我知道这么说太没人性了
but under the circumstances, uh...
但是现在这种情况下...
I-I mean, I know none of us would ever dream of it
我是说如果不是被逼无奈
if it wasn't the only option,
咱们谁也不会想这么做
but maybe it's time to consider
不过也许现在是时机...
if she might not be better off,
考虑是不是应该
you know...
你们懂的
...in a home.
送她去敬老院
Are you crazy?
疯了吧你
Jimmy, the woman tried to bite off
吉米那婆娘曾想
one of your father's toes while he was sleeping.
趁你爹睡觉的时候咬掉他一根脚趾
You think we haven't tried to put her in a home?
你以为咱俩没考虑过送她去敬老院吗
Seriously?
真的假的
Of course.
当然
What, you think I want to sleep in boots the rest of my life?
咋的你以为我想一辈子都睡靴子里不成
So what happened?
那咋没送她去
Well, it turns out,
这个嘛结果表明
they don't admit people who are already senile.
他们不接受年事过高的老人
We took her on a day where she was particularly lucid,
我们趁她清醒那天火速把她带去的
but still didn't go well.
结果还是悲催了
Well, Barbara June, I see you like to knit.
好的芭芭拉·琼看来你喜欢织东西啊
I love to knit.
我超爱织东西的
It's true.
真的
She knitted me these socks. I did.
俺这袜子就是她织的如假包换
Yeah, she does so much for us.
是啊她为我们做了各种贡献
It's such a shame we'll have to lose her to you.
把她丢给你们我们真是各种脸红
And I see you were in the USO.
简历上说你还在劳军联合组织待过
Yes, I'm still in the USO.
是啊我现在也在劳军联啊
Really?
是吗
You still think you're in the USO?
你觉得你还在劳军联
Once a member, always a member.
一朝成追忆永世不忘记
That man was on fire.
他刚才着火了
Well, w-we have to do something.
那那也得采取点措施啊
I'm not gonna raise my daughter in a house filled with germs.
我可不能让我闺女在个满是细菌的屋里长大
Maybe we should scrub Maw Maw down with something stronger.
不如找点强效的东西把奶奶好好洗洗吧
What does your friend use to clean up a murder scene?
你朋友清理犯罪现场用的啥装备
Well, it's still gonna wear off.
洗了也还会再脏啊
What, are we gonna soak her in it like combs at a barbershop?
总不能一天到晚都把她泡在清洁液里吧
She wouldn't have to soak in it.
不用天天泡着
We could just build a mister with an electric eye,
咱只要弄个电子眼先生
so she triggers it every time she walks through.
要是看到她脏了就会触发警报
We can't be the first people who've had to deal with this.
咱肯定不是第一家遇到这种问题的
I bet we could find one on your Internet.
在网上肯定能淘到
Well, what if we just lock her in her room?
能不能就把她关在房♥间里
I mean, to us, it's just one room,
对咱们来说那只是个房♥间
but to her, every day it's a brand-new place.
可对她来说每天都是个崭新的乐园啊
We can't lock her indoors for the rest of her life.
总不能永远把她锁在房♥间里吧
That's cruel.
太残忍♥了
She loves nature.
她热爱自然
It's the only thing as old as she is.
只有自然才跟她一样沧桑
She does love nature.
没错她爱自然
I think I got it.
我有办法了
And that's when we packed up all of Maw Maw's stuff
于是我们将曾奶奶的东西打包
and moved her to the greenhouse.
把她搬进了花房♥里
So this is what zoos will be like
如果人猿当了老大
when the apes take over.
这就是动物园的真实写照了
Cool.
很酷嘛
Ah, it's been great having her out here.
把她搬出来简直太妙了
Now we can finally see what she's been doing
现在咱们终于能看到
alone in her room all the time.
她独自在房♥里时都会干些啥了
That was not expected.
没看出来啊
Ah, she used to be a cheerleader for the Baltimore Colts.
她以前可是巴尔的摩小马队的啦啦队长
Ah! Damn it!
嗷我擦
Burt!
伯特
What is wrong with you?!
疯了啊你
Hey, what the hell happened?
咋回事
We were trying to move Maw Maw's trunk out to the greenhouse,
我们想把奶奶的大箱子搬去花房♥
and soon as I picked up my end,
结果我刚抬起我这边
your idiot father decides to throw a spider on my face.
你的大傻爹就往我脸上扔了个蜘蛛
It wasn't a spider.
不是普通蜘蛛
It was a daddy longlegs.
是只长脚蜘蛛
And it was already dead.
而且已经死了
Her hands were full,
正好她抬着箱子空不出手
the bug was right there.
正好那虫子就在那挂着
Anyone in their right mind would've done the same thing.
任何有理智的人都会做出同样的事吧
Wouldn't it be easier to move if you emptied it out first?
先清空箱子再搬不是会轻松点吗
We're kind of afraid to find out what's in there.
咱俩有点不敢看里面有些啥东西
They never found the Limburger baby, you know.
林堡家的孩子一直都没找到呢
Okay, hold your breath.
好了屏住呼吸
I'll open it.
我来打开
What is it?
这是啥啊
It's all those stupid movies Paw Paw made.
是爷爷以前录的录像
Check it out, baby.
瞧啊宝贝
Your eighth birthday.
你的八岁生日
There she is, Jimmy; your mom, seven years B.B.
吉米快看你老妈七岁大的小宝贝
Before Burt.
当初还没邂逅伯特
Hey, there's Maw Maw.
是曾奶奶
Hey, Maw Maw, you look great.
曾奶奶你很靓啊
Yeah, you look like the horny neighbor from Mary Tyler Moore.
就像玛丽·泰勒·摩尔演过的那个性感女邻居
Hey, hey, is that that Beverly Johnson girl?
那女孩是贝弗利·约翰逊吗
Used to play baseball with her brother Wally.
以前常跟她哥哥沃利一起玩棒球
He had a two-inch belly button.
那小子的肚脐有两英寸长呢
We used to call him Wiener Belly Button.
我们以前称之为"维也纳香肠肚脐"
No, that's not Beverly.
不那不是贝弗利
That's Janice Bolton.
那是珍妮丝·博尔顿
She was always talking about how she was gonna be
她以前老是自吹自擂地说
way richer than me.
她以后肯定比我富得多
Turns out, she was right about me not having any money.
事实证明她说我会没钱还真说对了