摩登家庭
Modern Family S07E15
Part 1
Nov. 28, 2019, 12:16 p.m.
我超酷的家人
My super-awesome family
提前给我办了一个生日惊喜聚会
was throwing me a surprise early birthday party.
我猜只有我一个人在家
I'm guess I'm the only one at home.
老爸 你怎么能这样
How could you do this?! Dad!
你本该是我的英雄
You were supposed to be my hero!
你真让我失望
You let me down!
或者我今天忘了找电工
Or I forgot to meet the electrician today
修家里的接线盒
to fix our faulty junction box.
各位 我不会找借口
Guys, I'm not gonna make excuses.
我上班真太忙了
I've been really busy at work.
我拉头发刚拉到一半
Well, I was halfway through straightening my hair.
我正在洗
And I was in the middle
攒了三周的衣服
of doing three weeks' worth of laundry.
而我刚才真的写期末论文
And I was actually writing a term paper
灯就灭了 然后 什么
right when the lights went out, and...what?
这不是苏打水啊
This isn't soda.
好了 趁你们还没发表任何意见
Okay, before you guys say anything,
我穿这件衣服是因为我实在没...
I only put this on because I didn't have anything --
看来问题自己解决了
Well, the problem obviously self-corrected,
我早料到了
which I knew it would.
是我修好的
Well, I fixed it.
老妈叫人来修了
Yeah, mom called a guy.
克莱尔 抱歉 我太忙了
Oh, Claire, I'm so sorry. I got busy at work, and --
亲爱的 别在意
Oh, honey, don't even worry about it.
还好冰箱又能工作了
I'm just glad the fridge is up and running.
我把明天的午饭提前备好了
I pre-packed all the lunches for tomorrow.
三明治里的布里奶酪可别化了
I didn't want the Brie on the sandwiches to get runny.
布里奶酪
Brie?
别再剧透了
Don't tell me any more.
要的就是惊喜
I live for the surprise.
老妈 我知道你工作忙 不过
Hey, Mom, I know you're really busy at work, but --
甜心 我绝不会拿这个当借口
Sweetheart, I would never use that as an excuse.
有什么指示
What do you need?
-卖♥♥糕饼用的纸杯蛋糕 -好哇
- The cupcakes for the bake sale. - Okay.
我们刚被困在家里
Oh, and since we got stuck here,
没法出门
I couldn't go out and get
给我室友买♥♥生日礼物
that birthday present for my roommate.
也没法去干洗店拿裙子
Or my dress from the dry cleaners.
遵命 遵命 遵命
Done, done, and done.
-妈妈最棒了 -抱抱
- We have the best mom ever. - Hugs!
好吧
Okay.
等等 大伙儿 老爸在这呢
Wait, wait, guys. Guys, Dad's here.
老爸 拍一张我们抱老妈的照片
Dad, take a photo of us hugging Mom.
以前我把家事搞砸的时候
Until now, when I'd screw up on the home front,
总可以拿工作当借口
I could always blame work,
可现在克莱尔要经营公♥司♥
but with Claire running a company
妈妈这个角色当得前所未有的称职
and being a better mom than ever,
我都能感受到孩子们
I could feel the kids downgrading
对我大失所望了
their whole opinion of me.
从A级老爸变成F级了
I went from an "A" Dad to an "F" Dad.
废·邓菲 菲尔·邓废
Fail Dunphy. Phil Dun-fail.
废利普·很废 邓...
Failip Hum-fail Dun--
我以前说很溜的
No, I had it before.
说"布里"
Say "Brie."
布里
Brie!
我觉得啊
Hey, you know what?
明天我也可以帮帮孩子们
I could do some of that kid stuff tomorrow.
你有开放参观日要忙呢
You've got that open house.
亲爱的 我都跟工作和家庭周♥旋♥22年了
Honey, I've been juggling work and family for 22 years
这点事情算什么
and just juggling for 30.
那条裙子我到时候得穿 所以
Well, I really need that dress for an event, so --
交给我
I got it.
明天的任务 拿裙子
Agenda for tomorrow -- One dress,
做蛋糕 买♥♥礼物 没了
one set of cupcakes, one present, and that's it.
我记住了 别以为我会忘
I got ya! You thought I forgot.
我3点40就去找警报公♥司♥的人来
I will be here to meet the alarm company at precisely 3:40...
今天3点40就该找的
earlier today.
昨晚还没吵够吗
You didn't make enough noise last night?
他哭得我失眠四个小时
With all his crying, I didn't sleep four hours.
我也没合眼
I didn't close my eyes.
感觉像回到我的村子
It was like being back in my village,
警惕土匪来一样
watching for the marauders.
我也不知道哪个更让我惊讶
I don't know what's more shocking --
你原来要站岗放哨还是会用"土匪"这个词了
You standing watch, or knowing the word "Marauders."
别跟我说我小时候
Please tell me I didn't sob all night
因为小毯子不见了哭了一整晚
just 'cause I lost my baby blanket.
嘘 别让他想起来 他现在挺开心的
Shh! Don't remind him. He's happy now.
再说 你小时候连毯子都没有
And besides, you didn't even have a blanket.
咱们以前一贫如洗
We were basically destitute.
怎么 你们家被闪电击中了吗
What, did you get hit by lightning?
还好乔今天约好要跟小朋友出去玩
Thank God that Joe has a playdate.
维吉会来接我们
Vicky's picking us up.
我要让他狠狠玩
I'm gonna make him play so hard
玩到今晚累晕
that he's gonna pass out tonight.
我跟威士忌有个约会
Well, I've got a playdate with Johnnie Walker,
我俩中的一个今晚会不省人事
so one of us is passing out tonight.
好啦 我知道没狗粮了
Yeah, I know we're out of dog food.
我打完高尔夫就去买♥♥
I'll pick some up after golf.
她正好可以借此机会减肥 没事
She could lose a couple of pounds, anyways.
还好你没女儿
Thank God you don't have a daughter.
等那孩子一睡着
The minute that kid falls asleep,
我保证那架飞机一定失联
that plane goes Amelia Earhart.
这布置是不是感觉挺低端的
Doesn't this seem a little chintzy?
是啊 咱们可以走了吗
Yeah, can we go now?
不行 还没跟两位新郎问好呢
No, we haven't said hello to the grooms --
还有策划这场婚礼的才子
Or the talented people who planned this wedding.
胡娇·萨尔兹曼的又一力作 伙计们
Another great Pepper Saltzman production, guys.
得了吧 周五中午的婚礼简直俗到家了
Oh, please. What's tackier than a Friday lunch wedding?
番茄酱是最常见也最廉价的酱
给五号♥桌拿点 番茄酱
Table five needs more...ketchup.
每次摄影师过来
I have to hide my face with a coat
我都得拿外套遮脸
every time the videographer comes around.
想当年
In the old days,
他从不接这么便宜的单
he'd never taken a cheap job like this,
可是同性恋婚礼越来越少了
but the gay-wedding business is drying up.
我们会把便宜婚礼统一办成谢曼·萨尔兹曼婚典
We do the bargain ones as Sherman Saltzman Events,
然而35年前我在卢博克搭上那辆公车后
and I haven't been Sherman
就没用过谢曼这个名字了
since I got on that bus in Lubbock 35 years ago.
都好几个月了才订了另外两场
We've only booked two others in months --
上周亚当和迈克的婚礼
Adam and Michael last weekend
和下周一菲利克斯和乔丹的
and Felix and Jordan next Monday.
周一
Monday.
走开 阴魂不散的
Oh, away, you vulture.
小卡 你会不会觉得有点奇怪
Cam, do you think it's a little weird --
亚当和迈克 菲利克斯和乔丹的婚礼
That we weren't invited to Adam and Michael's
都没请我们 是的 非常怪
or Felix and Jordan's? Yes. Totally weird.
亲爱的 小孩坐这桌
Okay, sweetie, here's the kid's table.
我们该坐哪儿 没有空位了
Where is our table? There are no more tables.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我们要坐那里 65号♥桌
That's us. Number 65.
我们的朋友呢
Where are our friends?
都不在这里
Not here.
我们是被列入基佬黑名单了吗
Are we on some sort of gay blacklist?
-我不要坐那儿 -你坐那儿
- I'm not sitting there. - You're sitting there.
你好
Hello.
你好 亲爱的
Hey, honey.
记得纸杯蛋糕 礼物 还有裙子
Oh, cupcakes, present, dress.
菲尔·邓菲 欢迎参观
我记着呢 我马上去办
I remember. I'm gonna get on that
等我先把这边布置完
just as soon as I'm done with my open house.
先问一下 礼物要到哪里去拿
I just wanted to clarify, where am I getting the present?
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